Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 31, 2026 Edition  (Read 47 times)

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Offline John Semmens

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 31, 2026 Edition
« on: Today at 12:14:35 am »
California Dems Take Action to Impede Reporting Crime

This week, the California Assembly passed the "Stop Nick Shirley Act," (Assembly Bill 2624). The legislation was written and sponsored by Assemblywoman Mia Bonta (D-district 18) "to counter the reign of terror being waged by amateur reporter Nick Shirley against organizations receiving public funds to carry out desperately needed services for poorer members of our society. Mr. Shirley and others who would eagerly follow his methods of asking to see actual services being provided to beneficiaries are undermining taxpayers' faith and trust in how the state government is handling this money."

"My bill bans the taking of any photographs or asking questions that make government employees doling out the subsidies or the employees of organizations receiving the subsidies feel threatened or uncomfortable," Bonta explained. "My bill authorizes fines of $4,000 per photograph or question asked. We feel confident that this legislation will fend off low budget operators who are not real members of the recognized media and lack the means to hire the lawyers to try to prove they have a right to freely access information we don't think they're entitled to have."

Shirley defended himself, saying "the fraud I've uncovered so far amounts to billions of dollars being diverted from the claimed worthy beneficiaries into the hands of criminals who are providing no services of any kind to the poor. The taxpayers whose money is being stolen to enrich crooks deserve to be informed. This is why the First Amendment was adopted for our nation's Constitution. Ms. Bonta's bill is clearly unconstitutional."

Bonta rejected Shirley's assertion, pointing out "he is not a lawyer. My husband is California's Attorney General. If my bill was unconstitutional he wouldn't have let me go ahead with the legislation. On top of his intruding into business operations he is unqualified to judge, Mr. Shirley also appears to be practicing law without a license and could face charges over and above the $4,000 per violation detailed in my legislation. Not only could he face possible bankruptcy, but many powerful organizations stand to lose a lot of money if Shirley and his ilk are not deterred from their efforts to impede this cash flow. Folks have been killed for less."

California Acts to Lighten Penalties for Crimes

In 2024, California voters approved Proposition 36 by majorities in every one of the state's 58 counties. This proposition boosted penalties for repeat offenders of smash-and-grab thefts, organized retail crime, and open drug dealing.

Assemblywoman LaShae Sharp-Collins (D-district 79) felt that "making repeated retail thefts a felony is too harsh. Such thefts are an inevitable outcome in a society where poor people lack the money needed to legally acquire the things they need or want. Shoplifting is a relatively peaceful way of overcoming the deprivation of not having a job or the income to afford stuff. Rather than trying to scare these folks straight, we as a society, need to be more forgiving. My bill will allow prosecutors the discretion to divert cases against the perpetrators to less punitive alternatives."

Orange County Sheriff Don Barnes opposed to legislation, saying "AB 2108 would create a diversion program allowing people who commit property crimes, including repeat offenders, to avoid jail time. This directly undermines Proposition 36 and the clear vote by Californians to increase accountability for theft and retail crime."

Assemblymember David Tangipa (R-district 8) called Bonta's bill "a direct slap in the face to the 68% super-majority of Californians who just want safe streets and real accountability. Prop 36 was a needed response to the retail crime wave unleashed by 2014's Prop 47, which gave criminals the impression that thefts of less than $950 wouldn't be prosecuted. Democrats' softness on crime makes our state more attractive to criminals and less livable for law-abiding residents."

"Well, my bill was passed by a 41-22 votes," Sharp-Collins pointed out. "That's a two-thirds super-majority. In a democracy, the latest majority overrules any previous majority. Tougher penalties for retail crime is what voters wanted two years ago. But the assembly members elected since then want softer penalties now. If Republicans and the voters who passed Prop 36 don't like it they'll have to win more seats in the legislature."

Firefighters Complain About Mayor Bass

In Los Angeles, City firefighters are lashing out at Mayor Karen Bass' neglect to sufficiently budget for fire safety. Councilwoman Traci Park, the lone dissenter on the City Council's priorities for spending said "here we are a year and a half after the worst disaster in our city's history, and our fire department investments are being deferred. Our firefighters are being asked to do more with less. Response times have lengthened. Work shifts have become longer and some paychecks have been missed."

The Mayor insisted that "the fact that Park is consistently one vote against the fifteen other Council members shows how out of step she is with the majority. The fire that she is obsessed with was a rare, once in a lifetime event. Homelessness, on the other hand, is a chronic and growing problem. Everyone but Park realizes this and has decided to shift resources away from defending against a repeat of the rare conflagration to deal with a much more certain and larger need."

Spenser Pratt, an independent candidate running against Bass for mayor, pointed out that "it was lack of preparation that led to the massive size of the fire disaster. The Mayor's current preference to divert funds from fire safety measures in order to buy dentures for homeless meth addicts repeats that lack of preparation and sacrifices public safety in order to alleviate the cost of the self-inflicted dental decay caused by smoking meth. Voters will have an opportunity to weigh-in on the Mayor's priorities and performance. If they agree with her they can reelect her. If they don't, they can elect me."

Nithya Raman, a City council member who generally agrees with the Mayor's priorities to spend more on the homeless, was irate to see a mini-homeless camp set up in the street in front of her home on Memorial Day as a protest against her campaign. "I'm trying to offer voters a democratic-socialist option in the race for mayor. Yes, we need to spend more to support the homeless, but we also need to invest more in bike lanes. If we want to get more people out of their polluting cars and into the healthier habit of biking to their destinations we have to convert more roadways into bicycle lanes. No other candidate is pushing as hard as I am on this issue. Voters who want to save the environment and improve their health should vote for me."

Trump's Anti-Weaponization Fund Assailed

President Trump's attempt to donate the $1.8 billion settlement he reached with the Internal Revenue Service for publicly releasing his personal income tax data to an "Anti-Weaponization Fund" that would make compensation payments to individuals wrongly targeted by the government has run into some opposition.

Virginia US District Judge Leonie Brinkema has issued an order saying "the administration cannot take any action pursuant to the creation or operation of the Anti-Weaponization Fund, which includes the transferring of money to the Fund; the consideration of any claims submitted to the Fund; and the disbursing of any funds from the Fund."

California Governor Gavin Newsom (D) announced that "I will impose a 100% tax on any California resident who is awarded compensation by this so-called 'Anti-Weaponization Fund.' The anticipated beneficiaries of this fund are almost exclusively January 6 insurrectionists. The special Congressional January 6 Committee has already determined that all of these people were duly and legally prosecuted for their actions in their attempt to overthrow the US government. Not a one of them deserves a single penny of compensation."

Trump is reportedly having second thoughts about how to achieve the objective of compensating persons who were wrongly or excessively penalized for what he considers "was mostly a peaceful protest. None of the protesters brought arms with them, which would normally be essential to a real insurrection attempt. Persons whose only offense was entering the Capitol--some where Capitol Police opened the doors and invited them in--were coerced into entering plea agreements by being told they would go to prison for 20 years for trying to overthrow the government."

"Maybe I shouldn't trust the government to handle the settlement money," Trump added. "I won't always be the president. Democrats may gain power and pervert the intentions of the Fund. If the Fund were to be set up as a private organization it could hear the cases of those victimized by the weaponization of prosecutions by the Biden Administration and decide whether or how much compensation was justified in each case."

California's Return-to-Office Mandate Challenged

In an effort to regain control over the people who work for the state government, Gov. Gavin Newsom (D) has ordered them to report to work at the offices the government has provided for them four days per week. "It has been four years since the pandemic ended," Newsom argued. "The original reason for allowing them to work from home--help prevent the spread of covid--is no longer valid. I've been more than patient. We need these workers to be on the job and under direct supervision to make sure they're really working."

The union of California Attorneys, Administrative Law Judges and Hearing Officers in State Employment (CASE) countered by contending "forcing us back to the office without first doing an environmental impact study would violate the California Environmental Quality Act (CEQA)." Matthew Gauger, CASE's vice president, pointed out that "the return to the office order the Governor is trying to impose on employees would put an additional 90,000 cars a day into the already heavy traffic. In one month alone, working from home saved 50 million commute miles and avoided over 18,000 metric tons of carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions."

A long-time employee speaking anonymously pointed out "all the work is being done by AI now anyway. We can access AI from home just as easily as from the office. Forcing each of us to sacrifice an hour a day or more commuting to the office is pure waste. Time is our most limited resource. We should be free to make the best use of it. Letting us choose whether to work from home or come to the office costs the Governor nothing. In fact, the state could save billions by divesting itself of all the unneeded office space it now owns."

Texas Dem Says State Laws Suppress His Voters

The Texas Democrat nominee for the US Senate James Talarico complains that "state laws limiting voting to citizens who must have valid IDs severely deters the voters I want to represent. I believe that every human has an inalienable right to choose those who will rule over him or her. This includes the huddled masses that have trekked thousands of miles to enter our country. Some states recognize this right. California, for example expressly prohibits voter IDs because individuals who have made this trek are not citizens and don't have the kind of valid IDs Texas is requiring."

Talarico criticized US District Judge Carl Nichols' recent ruling rejecting Democrats' claim that Trump's executive order requesting states to take steps to ensure that only properly registered citizens be allowed to vote, saying "the US Constitution grants the power to states to determine how to conduct elections. It doesn't restrict voting to citizens. Neither does the Constitution prohibit candidates from offering individuals financial or other benefits in exchange for their votes. Clearly, the kind of restrictions Republicans want will drive down voter participation. This is the opposite of democracy."

In related news, Talarico expressed his "appreciation for Sen. Cory Booker (D-NJ) recognizing me as the kind of new leader the Democratic Party and America needs when he was interviewed by Jake Tapper of CNN. He sees that I am not afraid to speak the truth that God is nonbinary. The church that I attend--St. Andrew's Presbyterian Church in Austin--believes that children need to be informed about gay sex and transgender options so they can decide for themselves whether these are the paths they want their lives to take. As the next US Senator from Texas I will work assiduously with my fellow Democrats to make these paths as easy as possible by defending the rights of gays and trans people to be treated the way they want to be treated by the rest of society, to identify appropriate penalties to enforce this right and to federally fund any needed surgeries along the way."