Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 10, 2026 Edition  (Read 39 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline John Semmens

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 62
  • Gender: Male
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 10, 2026 Edition
« on: Today at 03:10:44 am »
Judge Rules Scholars Entitled to Subsidies

This week, US District Judge Colleen McMahon ruled that federal grants to scholars doing research on Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) cannot be canceled, saying "the academic community is unanimous in its opinion that this topic is of the utmost importance. The Biden Administration agreed with them. That's why an annual subsidy of $100 million was authorized." The Judge explicitly rejected "the Trump Administration's attempt to cancel these subsidies because it disagrees with the previous Administration's opinion is censorship of the scholars' freedom of speech."

Sarah Weicksel, executive director of the American Historical Association said "this ruling in an important achievement in our effort to restore the National Endowment for the Humanities' (NEH) ability to fulfill the vital mission with which Congress charged it: helping to create and sustain a climate encouraging freedom of thought, imagination, and inquiry among our most educated university elites free from interference by those too ignorant to understand their social obligation to ensure academic freedom of research and expression."

Michael McDonald, former acting chairman of the NEH, scoffed "the notion the ruling has anything to do with protecting freedom of speech is false. These scholars are free to write and say whatever they wish on the topic of DEI. They are not entitled to have the American taxpayer compelled to subsidize them. There is no diversity of viewpoint among grant recipients, no equity in enriching advocates for DEI at the expense of those who oppose DEI, and no inclusion for dissenting opinions. This is yet another miscarriage of justice that will have to be overturned by a higher court."

Obama Criticizes Trump's "Lawfare"

Former President Barrack Obama went on "The Late Show" with Stephen Colbert and criticized "President Trump's lawfare-style investigations of those people he thinks wrongly prosecuted him. The White House shouldn't be able to direct the attorney general (AG) to go around prosecuting whoever the president wants. The AG needs to be politically neutral and make his own decisions about who to investigate."

"What about when your AG Eric Holder described himself as 'the president's wing man?'" Colbert asked.

"Well, you see that was Eric's characterization, not mine," Obama replied. "I never told him explicitly to investigate anyone. Occasionally, he would ask my opinion regarding whether he ought or ought not to pursue certain lines of inquiry. But I never ordered him to do anything. My main concern after Trump's surprising upset of former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was Russia's interference in the 2016 election. I wanted the FBI and the Intelligence Community to get to the bottom of that case."

"In my view, the AG is the people's lawyer, not the president's consigliere," Obama continued. "Our democracy is resilient. It can survive bad policies and rigged elections--as we saw with Joe's one term presidency--but we can't overcome the politicization of the criminal justice system. You can't have a situation where whoever is in charge starts using that to go after their political enemies or reward their friends."

"Didn't President Biden go after Trump on several criminal charges?" Colbert said.

"I doubt that Joe was calling the shots during his presidency," Obama suggested. "There were some prosecutions of Trump in various jurisdictions. In some Trump was convicted. None directly involved Joe's participation. And, as we saw in the 2024 election, Trump won despite those convictions."

"Isn't the emergence of rising political stars like AOC and Mamdani an encouraging sign for America?" Colbert asked. "Don't they bring new ideas and excitement?"

"They are speaking of the radical transformation of America that I began with my presidency," Obama nodded. "So, at least Democrats have the right intentions. It's the Republicans that I am worried about. We need a loyal and obedient opposition, not a wrecker like Trump who wants to undo the kind of social democracy that the American people need and deserve. We must achieve this by any means we can."

In related news, Obama blamed Trump "for causing trouble in my marriage. Michelle wants me to retire from politics and spend more time with her. She doesn't share my sense of duty to my country. I tell her America needs me to lead again, but I'm term-limited out of the presidency. I've asked her to run. I'm sure she would win. I promised to do all the work needed to save the country, but she's still not interested. I'm left with trying to influence Democrats with big egos, but minimal competence. It's my own private Hell."

"Unhoused Persons Bill of Rights"

Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-Mich) has introduced an "Unhoused Persons Bill of Rights" legislation that would dramatically expand government spending for homeless people. "Homelessness is at record levels," she said. "We are morally obligated to do something about it."

"Having access to a safe place to live is a human right," Tlaib claimed. "This means that it's the government's responsibility to provide it to the people who need it. Ideally, everyone would be given a real home equivalent to that enjoyed by the average American. However, that would require redirecting the entire annual $1.5 trillion military budget to build and maintain these residences. My bill is a compromise that would only require a $168 billion annual bite out of the military budget. Until we can get to this ideal we need to allow the homeless to stake out vacant spaces like parks, transit facilities, sidewalks, private buildings, restrooms--essentially claim whatever space they want."

"How can anyone who has a place to live deny allowing the homeless to make the best they can of spaces that are not in continuous use by others?" the Congresswoman asked. "How can anyone who has more money than a homeless person object to sharing that money? Is it not shameful that you have to be asked to share? When you see a poor person and you have cash on you how do you justify withholding it from someone in greater need when Allah has commanded us all to give alms to the poor?"

Tlaib predicted that "the passage of my legislation will end the unhoused crisis by 2029 at the latest."

California Governor Race Heats Up

Former Secretary of Health and Human Services Xavier Becerra (D) touted his experience and support for "single-payer" healthcare, claiming that "having the government in total control over how much healthcare each person gets will ensure equity and efficiency. No one would be denied care just because they can't afford it. No one would be allowed to purchase more care than the government thinks they need no matter how wealthy they are. I favor total equality."

Former Rep. Katie Porter (D) asserted that "the key to keeping California residents safe is our sanctuary policy. The undocumented immigrants who have surged into our state have offset the sore-loser taxpayers who are selfishly moving to states that have lower taxes. These immigrants are paying taxes. They are spending the welfare benefits the state is paying them at local businesses. They are supporting Democratic policies and candidates for public office. They are the backbone of our society."

Riverside County Sheriff Chad Bianco (R) argued that "the notion that our state's sanctuary status is a good thing defies common sense. The illegal immigrants are consuming more taxes than they are paying. They are an added burden, not an asset. They are committing more crimes per capita than citizens are. "

Billionaire Tom Steyer (D) called himself "the most progressive candidate in the race. There isn't any problem we can't solve by raising taxes and increasing regulations. Right now, we are suffering from individualistic anarchy. Folks are free to chose how to earn a living and decide how to spend their money. This is inefficient. As governor I will play a bigger role in coordinating economic activity. I'm the only one smart enough to do it. I made my billions by being smart and I can put this skill to work for everyone in the state."

San Jose Mayor Matt Mahan (D) warned that "Steyer's tax, regulate, and spend program will hurt small businesses and raise the cost of living." Fox News commentator Steve Hilton (R) seconded Mahan's comments and added "we need to cut back the existing regulations that have blocked rebuilding the Los Angeles neighborhoods that were burned down more than a year ago. Steyer's belief that more government will save the day is clearly absurd."

Steyer interjected "let me point out that the key reason Hilton will never be the governor of our state is that he is endorsed by Trump. Californians hate Trump and will never vote for a person Trump considers fit for office." Becerra voiced his agreement, saying "Trump is Hilton's Daddy." Porter added "F*** Trump."

Meanwhile, in the debate among three candidates--incumbent Mayor Karen Bass (D), socialist Councilmember Nithya Raman, and former reality TV star and Palisades Fire victim Spencer Pratt (R) running for Mayor of Los Angeles--a post-debate poll found that 89% of those who saw it thought that Pratt won the debate.

One person responded "I went into the debate thinking that Pratt wouldn't be a serious candidate, but his grief over the fire that destroyed his elderly parents' home and his home that his opponents were making fun of is actually real. It was clear that Bass and Raman are the ones who are not serious about improving the quality of life for citizens of LA. Pratt won my vote."

Another poll respondent said "Spencer Pratt, with the little experience he has, surprisingly outperformed Bass and Raman, which really says a lot about their inability to lead. He is new to politics, they have been years and years in politics and in charge. Yet, their past actions and the policies they propose show they are inept."

High-Speed Rail Fiasco to Be Kept Secret

This week, the California Assembly passed legislation that would allow the state to keep future high-speed rail bad news from the general public. Assemblymember Lori Wilson (D, dist 11) justified the bill, saying "previous disclosures of the overdue and over-budget project have only served to lower support for the project. The disclosures make the project's directors look inept or corrupt. The expenditure of so much money with so little progress to show for it raises suspicion that, like the state's medicaid expenditures, most of the money was stolen."

"Unsurprisingly, Republicans have been using the publicly available data to hammer Democrats," Wilson complained. "We don't expect them to stop hammering us, but we shouldn't be handing them the data that vindicates their criticism. The new law will give us the ability to restrict data to a 'need to know' audience. Since the Republicans' interest is in winning over voters' support--something that we feel is unnecessary to successfully complete the project--they don't need to know about the project's shortcomings."

Senator Tony Strickland (R, dist 36) pointed out that "in 2008, the project was originally expected to cost $33 billion to connect San Francisco to Los Angeles/Anaheim and be completed by 2020. So far, not a single mile of track has been laid. Now the expected cost is estimated to be $231 billion and begin to carry passengers sometime in the 2030s. It will never earn its cost of operation. Taxpayers will have to cover billions of dollars of losses every year it operates. It is not an asset. It has been and will continue to be a dead-weight burden dragging down the state's economy. We should cut our losses and give our taxpayers a break."