Author Topic: Today's Toons 3/2/26 (Read 592 times)

pookie18 · « **on:** **Today** at 06:46:58 am »

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In Case You Missed It Dept.:

Trump's would be assassin today is Austin Tucker Martin. He fits the pattern. Like John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, & Hillary Rodham Clinton, they all go by 3 names.

Black History Month was celebrated in the East Room of the White House hosted by President Trump. He gave a moving eulogy for Jesse Jackson, who died Monday. And not to be outdone, Joe Biden posted a three-word tribute of his own to Jackson that read, Farewell Mr. October!

Kevin Spacey told the Hollywood Reporter he's open to playing Jeffrey Epstein in any movie a studio might make about the late pedophile. Playing Epstein would give Spacey a good legal defense against the three latest sex misconduct lawsuits filed against him in civil courts. Actors rely on research.

Stephen Colbert ripped CBS when they wouldn't allow an interview with a Texas Democratic Senate candidate to air because equal time wasn't offered. Colbert's leaving just in time. If the FCC's equal time doctrine applies to Colbert's opening monologue, every other Hitler has to be Barack Obama.

Washington, DC, faces a sanitation catastrophe this week after a sewage pipe burst and spilled 240 million gallons of raw sewage into the Potomac River. It's only eight miles from the U.S. Capitol building. The U.S. Capitol gift shop is now selling a new women's fragrance to tourists called Chanel #2.

The Washington Post praised the Black History Month celebration in the White House hosted by President Trump. The say it effectively showed Trump's support for blacks and black support for Trump. It prompted the Women of the View to introduce a new Winter Olympic sport on the air, Hurling.

Congress adjourned after shutting down the government. It's crazy how nobody in Congress can balance a budget but they all became multi-millionaires on $175,000 a year. You take office hoping the voters like you for your ideas, and in 10 years you hope the SEC doesn't like you for insider trading.

Gavin Newsom took his book tour to Atlanta where he told a crowd he's just a medium IQ guy like you with a 960 SAT, who can't read due to dyslexia. Newsom was furious at the reaction, calling him a moron, insisting that he is NOT a Moron, adding that in fact he's never even been to Utah.

New York City was paralyzed by two feet of snow that buried the city on Sunday, springing Zohran Mamdani into action. The South Asian Socialist mayor closed down all schools, offered $30-an-hour city jobs shoveling snow, and grounded all flights that were scheduled to fly into buildings.

President Trump in his State of the Union detailed his foreign policy challenges as well as his successes. He's on a hot streak lately. Trump just overthrew Venezuela without losing a single life, he killed Mexico's Cartel leader and Canada is now our largest state and it only cost us a couple of teeth.

Democrats went on the Sunday talk shows to gripe about FBI Director Kash Patel being in the USA Men's Hockey locker room after the win. That's odd. If Patel had been wearing a bikini with a penis pouch and a wig Democrats would have demanded his right to be in the men's locker room.

President Trump phoned the USA Men's Hockey team in the locker room and invited them to the State of the Union. Trump met goalie Connor Hellebuyck who in the finale blocked 41 of 42 shots. At the rate people are trying to kill Trump, he should hire Hellebuyck as his shot-blocking coach.

Austin Tucker Martin Monday was killed trying to breach Mar-a-Lago with a shotgun and a gallon-can of gas. Everything is political. Trump reminded voters that his would-be assassin paid $2 less for that gallon of gas than he would've paid 13 months ago if he'd been Biden's would-be assassin.

The U.S. government remained locked in government shutdown over the issue of reforming ICE and ending mass deportations. It's a local issue to everyone. Polls shows people in Los Angeles are against the mass deportation of illegal aliens until you tell us it could take 20 minutes off our commute.

NYC Mayor Mamdani ran into media scrutiny with his reaction to the blizzard Monday. Not only did he demand a photo ID to get a city job shoveling snow, he only offered $19 an hour, $11 an hour less that his own $30 poverty level. I'm surprised Chuck Schumer didn't refer to it as Jim Snow 2.0.

California Governor Gavin Newsom was ripped by black leaders for trying to relate to black voters in Atlanta by saying he's not that smart and can't read a speech. He adjusted quickly. The next day Gavin said the same thing but with his hair in cornrows and eating from a box of Popeye's Chicken.

Kamala Harris posted a new clip circulating on social media Tuesday in which she hinted that she's planning to run for President of the United States again in 2028. Why not? The polls show that Kamala has a 100% name recognition with the voters, and if she can overcome that, she could win.

Congress will take up the Sunshine Protection Act that if passed makes Daylight Savings Time permanent. We have to set the clocks forward an hour again on March 8th. However, Democrats say you don't really lose an hour of sleep, Bernie Sanders takes the hour and gives it to someone more deserving.

I'll just say this. If my name happens to pop up in the Epstein file I just hope everybody understands what a common name Argus James Hamilton the Third is.

In today's episode of Get Trump, Bill Clinton clears Donald in Epstein testimony.

Israel is firing missiles over Iraq into Iran and Iran is firing missiles over Iraq into Israel. The good news is, for the first time in history, Iraq is celebrating Passover.

A Democratic federal judge just ruled that the Ayatollah must return from the dead.

Hillary testified to the House Oversight Committee that she never met Bill Clinton.

-- Argus Hamilton