Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: August 24, 2025 Edition  (Read 141 times)

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Offline John Semmens

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: August 24, 2025 Edition
« on: August 23, 2025, 02:05:35 pm »
Plunge in DC Crime Outrages Dems

After arguing that Washington DC crime rates were not excessive, Democrats were outraged that the increase in federal law-enforcement efforts in the city has significantly reduced crime. "Since national guard troops and federal law-enforcement officers began patrolling the streets crime has sharply declined," President Trump declared. "This last week was the first week without a homicide in as long as anyone can remember. Carjackings decreased by 83%, robberies by 46%, and overall violent crime is down 22%. I'm thinking that a similar approach for other high-crime cities would be effective."

DC Attorney General Brian Schwalb claimed "the deployment of more law-enforcement personnel undermines public safety. I think the sensible thing is to hand over your wallet or car whenever you're asked. The small percentage of our residents who rely on carjackings and muggings to put food on the table will be put in more dire straights by the increased risk of being arrested by one of Trump's goons. Peaceful redistribution of wealth will be discouraged. I foresee criminals becoming more desperate and vicious as a result."

Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass condemned the surge, saying "it's essentially going after young black and brown youth. Blacks make up only 13% of the nation's population, yet, they compromise 50% of those in prison. We need to imprison more white people so we can have a more racially balanced prison population."

A recent Washington Post-Schar School poll found that 80% of DC residents oppose Trump's law-enforcement surge. Resident, Mara Lasko, called the presence of National Guard troops "crazy. Look, 95% of the voters in this city voted for Kamala. They don't want Trump in this city riding roughshod over the local government we elected. He's only making us angry."

How angry can the residents of DC be when only hundreds of local residents marched in protest of the federal intervention? Mason Weber told NPR he joined the march "because the deployment of troops is a serious ethical and legal breach. There's been no check and balance of the systems of power. Mayor Bowser is the one we elected to govern DC, not Donald Trump."

Politico editor Michael Schaffer said "I am disappointed that there aren't more folks protesting Trump's attempt to takeover the city. In 2020 there were hundreds of thousands marching after George Floyd was murdered by the Minneapolis Police. Why aren't there hundreds of thousands marching now?"

Trump speculated that "maybe potential marchers are afraid of becoming victims of crime. My efforts to make the city safer will make it less dangerous for all residents to be out on the streets--even those who want to protest my policies to discourage criminals from harming them. When Biden was president he sent the FBI to intimidate those critical of his policies. I'm making it safer for all--friend and foe alike--to express their opinions and concerns. It's all part of fulfilling my promise to make America great again."

Illegal Immigrant Kills Three

In April, illegal Harjinder Singh made an illegal u-turn on a Florida turnpike and caused a crash that killed three occupants of a minivan in the lane to the left of his semi-truck. Hoping to bolster his chances of running for president in 2028, Gov. Gavin Newsom (D-Calif) pointed out that "Trump was president when Singh illegally entered the US. His failure to secure the border enabled this tragedy to occur."

What Newsom failed to mention was that it was California that illegally granted Singh a commercial driver's license. When Singh was tested for English language proficiency by the Federal Motor Carrier Safety Administration after the April 12 crash he was only able to answer two of 12 questions correctly and could only identify one out of four traffic signs shown to him.

Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy called the crash "a preventable tragedy directly caused by reckless decisions and compounded by despicable failures. Non-enforcement and radical immigration policies have turned the trucking industry into a lawless frontier, resulting in unqualified foreign drivers improperly acquiring licenses to operate 40-ton vehicles."

Newsom's press office responded, admitting that "issuing a license to Singh was a mistake, but we couldn't have made this mistake if Trump hadn't granted him a work permit. Besides, research consistently shows that issuing driver's licenses for undocumented people improves public safety."

Department of Homeland Security Assistant Secretary for Public Affairs Tricia McLaughlin pointed out that "Singh's federal work permit application was rejected on September 14, 2020 during the first Trump term. It was granted during the Biden Administration on June 9, 2021. Also, California law requires that a person must be lawfully in the US in order to be issued a Commercial Drivers License. Declaring the state to be a sanctuary for illegal immigrants doesn't cancel this statutory requirement."

This Week's Outrageous Rulings by Judges

US District Judge Sparkle Sooknanan blocked the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) from investigating Media Matters for America's targeting of conservative media outlets and personalities in an attempt to put them out of business on the grounds that "exposing Media Matters' tactics to public scrutiny would undermine their effectiveness. Efforts to get advertisers to stop placing ads on conservative media outlets is a very potent strategy for countering the propaganda of these outlets. The right to use this strategy is protected by the First Amendment."

US District Judge Kathleen Williams ordered "Alligator Alcatraz" to be torn down on the grounds that "this facility poses an existential threat to the Everglades' environment. This swamp provides an ecosystem that is crucial to the alligators and pythons residing there. Protecting this natural habit takes precedence over the plan to use it for the frivolous and expensive purpose of housing the persons that the Trump Administration is persecuting for illegally entering the US. A return to the previous policy of paroling these immigrants within the country would be both less expensive and more environmentally friendly."

In Cincinnati, Judge Alan Triggs lowered the bond for two members of the crowd that severely beat two persons after a jazz concert from $200,000 to $25,000. DeKyra Vernon is accused of punching the female victim from behind rendering her unconscious. Aisha Devaughn is accused of stomping on the male victim's head while he was lying unconscious on the ground. Defense council argued that "the supposed crimes were not that serious. It's not like this incident threatened the stability of our government like the January 6, 2021 insurrection at the US Capitol where the lives of important members of Congress were endangered. In this case, two ordinary jazz fans were severely injured, but are expected to survive." The judge agreed and lowered the required bond. Vernon and Devaughn are now out of jail.

In San Francisco, US District Judge William Orrick ruled that the Trump Administration cannot withhold federal aid to sanctuary cities just because their mayors refuse to cooperate with the enforcement of the nation's immigration laws. "While Article VI of the original US Constitution asserts that federal laws are the supreme Law of the Land and take precedence over any conflicting state laws or constitutions, the Tenth Amendment prohibits the federal government from forcing states to enforce federal law." US Attorney General Pam Bondi pointed out that "the Constitution grants Congress the power to regulate the admission and exclusion of aliens. Congress has made the laws that immigrants violate when they enter this country without permission. Cities that harbor these lawbreakers are defying the authority explicitly delegated to the federal government in the Constitution. I think we're going to need the Supreme Court to overrule Judge Orrick on this issue."

ODNI Budget Cut by 50%

This week, Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard announced a dramatic reduction in expenditures for the agency she's head of. She characterized the cuts as "the start of a new era focused on serving our country, fulfilling our core national security mission with excellence, always grounded in the US Constitution, and ensuring the safety, security, and freedom of the American people."

Senior ODNI officials who assisted in the months-long mission review stressed that the review was "incredibly thoughtful and thorough. It specifically took into account the feedback from staff who Director Gabbard encouraged to come to her with ideas on how to improve ODNI. Personnel is expected to be reduced by 30% to 40% and total expenses by $700 million per year."

Gabbard also cut the security clearances of 37 current and former intel officers who abused public trust by politicizing and manipulating information — including several who were involved in President Barack Obama's effort to undermine Trump's candidacy in 2016 and sabotage his presidency after he won the election.

Sen. Adam Schiff (D-Calif) called the cuts "a major setback for democracy. President Obama was trying to prevent Trump from turning America into Putin's puppet. The intel community played a crucial role in that effort. It's a tragedy that these patriots will now be neutered by Gabbard's actions. I weep for my country."