Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: June 22, 2025 Edition  (Read 118 times)

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Offline John Semmens

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: June 22, 2025 Edition
« on: June 21, 2025, 09:49:17 pm »
Who's the "Most Oppressed" Democrat

Seeing that Democrats are out-of-sync with what most voters want for the country, some of them are turning toward a strategy aimed at maximizing the number of sympathy votes they can get by instigating confrontations that result in them clashing with law-enforcement.

Sen. Alex Padilla (Calif) made his pitch for "most oppressed" by describing how he was treated at the press conference of Secretary of Homeland Security Kristi Noem in Los Angeles. "I had serious questions that I wanted answered," Padilla said. "Why was Los Angeles singled out for ICE raids? Why did Trump illegally seize control over the California National Guard troops and deploy them to protect ICE agents when Governor Newsom had explicitly denied that this was necessary? I was concerned that she might not be able to hear me from the back of the room. So I aggressively pushed my way toward the podium, but before I could get there I was tackled by her security detail and pushed to the floor. I was handcuffed and taken out of the room."

Brad Lander, New York City Controller and current candidate for Mayor, called Padilla's case "pretty lame. I was actually arrested while trying to prevent ICE from illegally taking immigrant New Yorkers into custody at the federal courthouse building. I reminded the ICE goons that New York is a sanctuary city and they had no legal authority to harass these people. I locked arms with one of the immigrants and refused to let go. But I was torn apart from him and taken to jail."

Rep. Lamonica McIver (NJ) pointed out that "I've been indicted and face a trial for assaulting a federal officer. I face up to eight years in prison if a jury finds me guilty. All I tried to do was inspect the ICE detention center in Newark. Lander got a 'get out of jail free' card from Gov. Hochul and didn't even have to spend a single night behind bars."

Asked to assess the merits of the three contestants, Rep. Eric Swalwell (Calif) said "the fact that we have gotten to the point where duly elected government officials are being harassed for standing up against the Trump Administration's Gestapo tactics is tragic. I actually saw Sen. Padilla weep as he told his story in Congress. While Gov. Hochul did come to Brad's rescue, it is terrifying that she had to intervene to prevent a grave miscarriage of justice. However, I'd have to say that the most frightening case is that of Rep. McIver. In my view, members of Congress have a duty to inspect government facilities. That she may now be sent to prison for doing her duty is the gravest threat to our democracy since the January 6 insurrection. I sure hope that one of the blank pardons that President Biden signed can be found and filled-in on her behalf."

"More importantly, though, we Democrats have got to fight back against the Trump tyranny," Swalwell added. "California, New York, and New Jersey are all blue states. Their governors need to do more to protect our immigrants from being kidnapped by ICE. Instead of lamenting Trump's activation of the National Guard they've got to preempt him by calling on the Guard to block ICE access to these immigrants. They should be calling on the Democrat judges to issue warrants so the local police can take ICE thugs into custody for violating their states' sanctuary laws. Once these thugs are behind bars we can take our time prosecuting them like we did with the January 6 insurrectionists. Then, before we know it, Trump's term will be over, all his campaign promises would be broken, and voters will punish the Republicans by electing a Democrat president."

In related news, Rep. Maxwell Frost (D-Fla) offered "a simple and instant solution for ending the problem of illegal immigration. We are already an immigrant-filled community. To my Republican colleagues that say, 'I don't want any undocumented people in this country,' I say 'I agree with you.' So, let's document every single one of them with a speedy path to citizenship. That's how we fix this problem."

Fake Ads to Win Young Male Votes for Dems

The Progress Action Fund, a political action organization founded by Joe Jacobson, is creating a series of fictional ads focusing on the issues it believes will win back the young male voters who helped elect Trump in 2024. These ads feature a white-haired Republican Congressman who supports policies against casual sex, abortion, and illegal aliens.

The latest ad features a young couple--a blonde man and a brunette woman--after a day out together. The man says "I had a really good time today." The woman replies "I did to." Masked ICE agents appear and drag the woman away. At this point a white-haired man appears and says "I'm your Republican congressman. Now that we're in charge, we're rounding up illegals." The young man objects "she was born here, she's a citizen." The congressman replies "I don't care. She looks like one of them. But don't worry, when she's in prison in El Salvador, she'll have lots of company."

Jacobson brushed aside the fact that none of the ICE arrests have been anything like what is depicted in the ad, saying "I can certainly imagine such a scene occurring and I think it would be very upsetting for the young man who sees his opportunity for casual sex or romance rudely interrupted in such a way. Trump may have won these voters over with his promise of better job opportunities, but I'm betting that the prospect of having sex with a cute senorita not be interrupted will be the more powerful argument for voting Democrat."

National Republican Congressional Committee Press Secretary Mike Marinella called the ad "creepy. The better job opportunities are real. Wage gains for working people are already reaching levels not previously seen for 60 years. The notion that ICE would be stalking young people out on a date is fake. ICE is rounding up folks who have broken our laws. This is what Republicans promised to do. It's what the voters elected us to do."

Welfare Waste in Massachusetts

The State of Massachusetts' "emergency shelter" program spends around $180,000 per family per year on shelter, food, education, legal aid, and case management. The median household income per family per year in the state is around $100,000.

Asked why the cost of sustaining families on welfare is so much higher than what working families have to live on Gov. Maura Healey (D) explained "working families have to make their own decisions on where to live and what to eat. They don't need government workers to make these decisions for them. So they don't have case managers. The majority of the families in the emergency shelter program are undocumented immigrants who need both case managers and legal aid because ICE wants to deport them for entering the country illegally."

"I need to also point out that working families aren't living in hotels like our emergency shelter clients are," Healey said. "As we all know, it costs more per day to live in a hotel than an apartment or a house. All the meals have to be professionally prepared. All the rooms come with expensive amenities like satellite TV, daily maid service, and mini-bars. Most working families perform tasks like cooking and cleaning themselves and do not have to pay professionals to do these chores for them."

"I know taxpayers gripe about having to pay for the upkeep of persons who qualify for our emergency shelter program, but they lack the expertise to understand what it takes to provide for families who are unable or unwilling to pay for themselves," the Governor asserted. "I mean, it's not as if working families have had no say in the matter. There are periodic elections where they have the opportunity to elect the type of government they want. Right now, I am the governor they elected and Democrats are in the majority in the legislature they elected. They are getting what they voted for."

In related news, Gov. Kathy Hochul (D-NY) announced that she wants $50 million in next year's budget to pay lawyers' fees to defend illegal immigrants from being deported. "These folks have come a long way and endured many hardships and perils to live in our great state," she said. "That's more of a commitment than merely being born here. We owe them the best defense that money can buy in their battle against the racists who want to send them back where they came from."

Law Against Mutilating Minors Upheld

This week the US Supreme Court ruled 6-3 that a Tennessee law prohibiting surgical mutilation and chemical castration of minors is not unconstitutional. The ruling parallels the Court's 2022 decision recognizing that states have the authority to determine for themselves whether abortion is or isn't permissible within their jurisdiction.

Justice Sonia Sotomayor dissented, saying that "the majority's view that questions about such medical treatments should be resolved by the people, their elected representatives and the democratic process tramples the individual's right to choose his or her own sex and goes against the consensus of the experts who have testified against the Tennessee law."

Justice Clarence Thomas concurred in the decision, saying "the contention that anyone can change their sex via the methods proposed by the medical experts is false. In no way is the claimed sexual dysphoria 'cured' by the drugs or surgery offered. The idea that a minor is qualified to make a truly informed decision on such a life-changing decision is debatable. In many states minors are prohibited from purchasing alcohol or cigarettes or getting tattoos. If states can prohibit these less permanent and less severe body alterations they can surely protect minors from being induced to mutilate their bodies sterilize themselves."

"The plea to allow 'experts' to override the will of the people as represented by the legislature they elected is not supported by the constitutional framework of our government," Thomas added. "Not all 'experts' agree that the medical interventions advocated are helpful. There is considerable evidence that they are not. Finally, the most ardent advocates of sexual transition are not totally disinterested parties. Many expect financial remuneration for the surgeries and follow-up treatments that the so-called transsexuals will need throughout their lifetimes."

Reconciliation Bill Cuts Planned Parenthood Subsidy

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) sharply criticized Republicans for removing federal subsidies for Planned Parenthood from the reconciliation bill, saying "they want to rip away health care from millions more Americans. Without these subsidies up to 200 Planned Parenthood centers could close. More than 90% of these closures would be in states where abortion is legal for the voters of the state."

Sen. Patty Murray (D-Wash) said "there is not a day that ends in 'y' where Republicans are not trying to ban abortion here in Congress. We are talking about women left with no options for the care that they need. For some patients, it will seem basically impossible to get the care they need, regardless of how badly they need it."

Sen. Steve Daines (R-Mont) countered by pointing out "the Supreme Court determined that abortion is a state issue. As we have seen, some states support abortion and some don't. Those that don't shouldn't be required to fund abortions performed in states that do. When the federal government subsidizes Planned Parenthood abortion centers in states where abortion is legal it forces taxpayers who oppose abortion to pay for taking the lives of unborn children. If Senators like Schumer and Murray are so stoutly in favor of this barbaric procedure they should fund it themselves."

"No, no, no," Schumer replied. "Abortion is a human right. If a woman needs an abortion it is her right to have one. If she can't afford it, it is the government's obligation to pay for it."

Murray said "Daines' suggestion that only those who favor abortion should have to pay for it is cruel and selfish. Health is a universal benefit that should be funded by everyone. Previous administrations and congresses recognized this obligation. The current Republican stance is shameful."

"What is really shameful is that there are people willing to deny the right to life of innocent babies," Daines said. "Decent people would defend this right and support ways of assisting mothers-to-be so they could give their babies the gift of life that all of us involved in this debate were given by our mothers."