Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 25, 2025 Edition  (Read 793 times)

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Offline John Semmens

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 25, 2025 Edition
« on: May 24, 2025, 04:32:33 am »
Canada Mulling Over "Golden Dome" Participation

US President Trump's announcement of a so-called "Golden Dome" defense system modeled after Israel's "Iron Dome" has created both an opportunity and a dilemma for Canadian Prime Minister Markey Carney. "On the one hand, the diagrams of the 'Golden Dome' show it covering all of North America," Carney observed. "This implies that we could be protected for free. On the other hand, an overt alliance with the United States could make Canada a target of a missile attack from one of the United States' many foreign enemies."

"Canada is a weak and inoffensive nation," Carney pointed out. "Switzerland, another weak and inoffensive nation, was able to avert the carnage of World War II by remaining neutral. During the course of that war Switzerland was completely surrounded by Nazi troops, but was never invaded. I imagine that we could adopt a similar strategy with similar success. By making our neutrality clear to Russia, China, Europe, and Iran there would be no reason for them to attack us. We'd be safe without having to invest anything in 'Golden Dome.'"

"Frankly, I'm not surprised," Trump said. "All of our supposed 'allies' have enjoyed a free ride for decades. The recent behavior of some of these countries to undermine freedom of speech and free elections raises serious questions about whether they share the respect for a free society that my Administration is trying to sustain. The obvious conclusion we must draw is that we must protect ourselves and the American people who have chosen freedom by electing Republicans as the majority in Congress and to run the Executive branch."

"Canadian voters gave me a mandate to chart a course independent of the United States," Carney replied. "If Trump wants us to join in his 'Golden Dome' he going to have to sweeten the deal considerably. If we can't return to the special relationship we've enjoyed since we became an independent nation we'll look elsewhere."

Mistreatment of South African Farmers

This week, President Trump lambasted South African President Cyril Ramaphosa over the way his country is treating its farmers. The incident arose after Trump had granted refugee status to 59 white South African farmers who claim they are being discriminated against and threatened with expropriation of their property by the government and murder by anti-white racists.

Ramaphosa tried to explain that "my country has passed a law legalizing the seizure of land for public purposes just like your country allows for land to be taken from owners to fulfill public purposes. How can you be outraged over it?"

Trump pointed out that "in our country we pay just compensation to the owners of the property taken for public use. Your law denies them compensation."

"The decision to deny compensation was arrived at through a democratic process," Ramaphosa insisted. "For generations under the apartheid regime whites were given privileges by the white government. All we are doing now is removing those privileges. Eventually, we hope to see these farms run by Black farmers."

Trump then showed a video of South African politician Julius Malema, leader of the radical Economic Freedom Fighters (EFF) Party, leading a crowd chanting "Kill the Boer!"and "Kill the farmer!"

"Malema is the leader of a minority Party," Ramaphosa said. "He doesn't speak for the government."

African National Congress Spokesperson, Mahlengi Bhengu, tried to clarify the government's position, saying "if international investors want to invest in South Africa, but want secure property rights and no racialist criteria, they can take their money elsewhere."

Groping Incident Called "Overblown"

Thirty years after the fact, Buzz Patterson, a former senior military aide in the Clinton White House, related an incident that occurred when Bill Clinton was president. "I had been traveling with the President on Air Force One (AF-1). After we had landed and the President was safely inside the White House I got a call from the AF-1 pilot saying that that a steward was upset. Apparently, Clinton had cornered a female AF-1 steward in the galley and molested her. She was young, a staff sergeant, and married with children. I knew her, liked her, and she was super sweet. Now, she was in tears. If anybody in the military had done that, it would've been jail, expulsion, or both. It would've been Fort Leavenworth."

A spokesperson for the former president called the incident "overblown. First of all, everyone knows how the President likes the ladies. Why should one interaction among the hundreds be of any concern? At least he wasn't a vegetable like Biden. He didn't use his office to aid his son's influence-peddling scam and didn't have to pardon his entire family."

In related news, Rep. Tim Burchett (R-Tenn) alleges that "that staffers in Joe Biden's administration engaged in a 'cash for clemency' scheme, using an autopen to issue pardons in exchange for financial payoffs. We are going to find staffers that were able to take forms, get them and run them through some sort of bogus legal system, then they auto-penned them. Tennessee had a governor who sold pardons. You can look it up. His name is Ray Blanton. It made national news."

Failure to Warn

This week, Chairman of the Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations Senator Ron Johnson (R-Wisc) held a hearing to reveal the findings of a report titled: Failure to Warn: How Federal Health Agencies Downplayed the Risk of Myocarditis and Other Adverse Events Following COVID-19 Vaccination.

He opened the hearing by asking former director of the National Institutes of Health (NIH) Francis Collins "isn't myocarditis a serious medical condition that can cause death? Once data showed that within the first few months that the COVID vaccine was available adverse events included nearly 3,000 fatalities, nearly half of which occurred within three days of injection, why wasn't this information made public?"

Collins blandly pointed out that "eventually, everyone dies. Whether an individual's death occurs at a young or an old age, the difference in terms of the billions of years that our universe will exist is infinitesimal. In global terms our planet is currently overpopulated. At some point a merciful method of eliminating the excess members of the human race must be achieved. A desperate effort to indiscriminately save lives strikes me as a wrong approach for us to take."

Senator Richard Blumenthal (D-Conn) spoke in favor of withholding a warning, arguing that "the COVID vaccines saved millions of lives. The loss of thousands of lives due to myocarditis is tiny in comparison. A warning of its dangers to a subset of younger males could have frightened the folks who really needed the vaccines and caused even more fatalities. As a young male I risked my life in combat in Vietnam. Why shouldn't the young males of the pandemic era be required to risk their lives in the battle against a deadly disease?"

Cardiologist Dr. Peter McCullough contested the assertion that the COVID vaccines saved lives, saying "since it has been shown that this so-called vaccine does not prevent a person from contracting the disease or transmitting it to others there is no proof that it saved lives. By mid 2021 over half of the US was 'fully vaccinated,' but deaths attributed to COVID increased. Natural immunity and the mutation of the virus to milder forms of the disease are the main reasons why the pandemic subsided."

"Well, during the pandemic Dr. Fauci was recognized as the foremost expert on COVID," Blumenthal reminded everyone. "He practically invented the disease with his earlier covert support for gain-of-function research. It was only natural that we should've trusted him when he insisted that a vaccine was the only way out of the pandemic. Lord knows what a disaster might have occurred if folks had been allowed to take unproven drugs like ivermectin or hydroxychloroquine. We are fortunate that President Biden had the foresight to mandate the vaccines for all federal employees, the armed service, all medical professions, and all workers in firms with more than 100 employees."

In related news, now that the Food and Drug Administration is under new management it has ordered Pfizer and Moderna to strengthen their warning labels and admit that their shots can cause long-lasting heart damage, particularly in adolescent boys and young men. Health and Human Services Secretary Robert Kennedy, Jr. said "while we can't undo the harm that was done during the Biden years we can try to deter uninformed use of these dangerous drugs in the future by putting a warning label on the product. The false claim of 'safe and effective' must never again be permitted to lure the gullible into an unhealthy choice."

Congresswoman Rejects Plea Deal

Rep. LaMonica McIver (D-NJ) announced that she has rebuffed an offer of a "plea deal" from Interim US Attorney for New Jersey Alina Habba. "It says right in the Constitution that members of Congress are immune from arrest," she boasted. "It also says members of Congress shall not be questioned in any other place. Court is where Ms. Habba wants me to go to answer her questions. Well, I'm not going and she can't make me."

Habba said "for one thing, we have video of Rep. McIver body-slamming an ICE agent. For another, I think she is misinterpreting what the Constitution says. There is a clause in the Constitution that grants members of Congress immunity from arrest except for 'Treason, Felony and Breach of the Peace.' Physically assaulting a law-enforcement office is both a felony and a breach of the peace. As for the Constitution's protection for members of Congress 'not being questioned in any other place' that applies to speeches or statements made in Congress. It's a special form of freedom speech. It most definitely does not mean she is free to assault someone."

McIver insisted that "being a member of Congress entitles me to investigate federal facilities in-person. That is what I was attempting to do when I was rudely interrupted by Trumps ICE goons. I met force with counter force. I am no more guilty than the folks who rioted against the police murder of George Floyd. My people have been enslaved and mistreated for 400 years. That's far worse than the little scuffle Ms. Habba wants to put me in prison for."

In related news, in a speech to University of Minnesota law school graduates, former Democrat nominee for Vice-President Tim Walz called ICE agents "Trumps modern day Gestapo. The roam the streets harassing and arresting immigrants who haven't got the required 'papers' needed to stay in this country. They've got tattoos and criminal records, but President Biden brought them to America for a reason. Now Trump just sent a whole bunch of these folks to a prison in El Salvador even though multiple district court judges told him not to. You are graduating into a genuine emergency. I hope you will fight to save our democracy from this madman."

Timing of Cancer Announcement "Extraordinary"

CNN analyst Brian Stelter questioned the timing the announcement that former President Biden has cancer, calling it "extraordinary. Cancer isn't a disease you get suddenly. It develops over an extended period of time over many years. Since presidents have physical exams every year his doctor had to have known for some time that he had the disease. Why was his terminal case of the disease only made public at this time?"

Stelter proceeded to answer his own question by observing that "the story that was pushed off the front page by the cancer announcement was the release of the video of the interview Robert Hur had with President Biden in 2023 regarding the President's mishandling of classified documents. Shortly after that interview Hur declined to prosecute the President because 'jurors would perceive the President as an old man with a bad memory and acquit him of all charges.'"

"Well, from what I've seen of this video, President Biden looked and sounded totally unfit for the presidency," Stelter said. "I have to think that the story currently being sold by the Democrats that Biden's mental incapacity was only apparent during his June 2024 debate with Trump is false. He wasn't 'sharp as a tack.' He wasn't 'running circles around' his staff. He wasn't, as MSNBC's Morning Joe Scarborough claimed in March 2024, 'the best Biden ever.' He was, as my colleague Jake Tapper says in his best-selling book Original Sin: President Biden's Decline, Its Cover-Up, and His Disastrous Choice to Run Again, unfit for the job of president."

Senate Minority Leader Charles Schumer (D-NY) characterized the issue as "irrelevant. Whether Joe Biden was or wasn't mentally capable of the job doesn't matter. He no longer has the job. Who knew when he was incapacitated is old news. Democrats need to focus on how to keep Trump from carrying out his plan to remake America in his image. Digging up dirt about Biden is an unnecessary distraction from this primary mission."

CNN commentator Van Jones disagreed with Schumer, saying "Tapper's book makes it very, very clear. There are people who knew and said nothing. That is a crime against this republic. I think the Democrats are going to pay for a long time for being a part of what is now being revealed to be a massive cover-up."