DIVORCE AGREEMENT
This is so incredibly well put and i can hardly believe it's by a young person, a student! Whatever he runs for,
I'll vote for him. American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me
realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future
generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it
on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a Model Separation Agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the
difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be
relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides
have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and
the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.
You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. (You are, however, responsible for finding a
bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).
We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies,Wal-Mart and Wall Street.
You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan
hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood ..
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that
threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies for our way of life are
under assault, we'll help provide them security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley
McClain. You can also have the U.N. But we will no longer be paying the bill.
We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon
you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare
is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure
you'll be happy to substitute. Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.
We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so
offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots
and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you Answer which one of
us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely, John J. Wall, Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheehan, Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.
P.S.S. And we won't have to press 1 for English.
