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Author Topic: Humor/Jokes  (Read 131203 times)

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Offline MeganC

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #700 on: August 13, 2025, 12:27:02 pm »
I think I've been hacked by Russia!

Edit: I not hacked. Motherland do no such thing. Have good day.
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Offline MeganC

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #701 on: August 13, 2025, 12:33:19 pm »
A great tragedy befalls Russia
At a state dinner dozens of high ranking officials have died. After eating a mushroom cream soup generals started falling to the floor left and right.

The investigation is quick: the official cause is mushroom poisoning. Members of the press are invited to the scene of the tragedy.

"As you can see by the foaming and throat scratching it is clear that some poisonous mushrooms accidentally made it into the soup" says one official.

One brave reporter points out that two of the generals seem to have gunshot wounds to the head.

"What happened here?" he asked.

"Well these two wouldn't eat their soup"
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Offline Wingnut

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #702 on: August 14, 2025, 03:32:03 pm »
What do you call 50 lesbians and 50 government employees in a room together?  100 people who don't do dick.
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Offline DB

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #703 on: August 14, 2025, 03:33:56 pm »
Quote from: Wingnut on August 14, 2025, 03:32:03 pm
What do you call 50 lesbians and 50 government employees in a room together?  100 people who don't do dick.

In other words, they do squat.
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Those who can be made to believe absurdities can be made to commit atrocities. --Voltaire

Online Smokin Joe

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #704 on: August 14, 2025, 11:22:18 pm »
Quote from: MeganC on August 13, 2025, 12:24:01 pm
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.

The jokes weren’t that good, but I liked the execution.

How about that 'no strings attached' trapeze act?
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Seventeen Techniques for Truth Suppression

Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.

C S Lewis

Offline MeganC

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #705 on: August 15, 2025, 09:47:56 am »
@Smokin Joe

The latest trend in five-star Russian hotels are penthouse suites on the ground floor.  :yowsa:
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Online Smokin Joe

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #706 on: August 15, 2025, 05:55:25 pm »
Quote from: MeganC on August 15, 2025, 09:47:56 am
@Smokin Joe

The latest trend in five-star Russian hotels are penthouse suites on the ground floor.  :yowsa:
:laugh: I can see that happening!
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How God must weep at humans' folly! Stand fast! God knows what he is doing!
Seventeen Techniques for Truth Suppression

Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.

C S Lewis

Offline rustynail

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #707 on: August 29, 2025, 07:28:27 pm »
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Offline MeganC

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #708 on: August 31, 2025, 08:19:21 pm »
In German the word 'lebensraum' means elbow room.

In Polish it means 'company's coming!'

 tipping hat!!
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Offline berdie

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #709 on: September 25, 2025, 07:47:36 pm »
Heard this on the news...

Einstein was brilliant. His brother Frank was a total monster. :rolling:
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Offline MeganC

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #710 on: September 25, 2025, 09:49:25 pm »
Two former Russian generals are in exile working as dishwashers in Paris. They're talking about why they fled Russia.

"I was afraid of falling out a window" said the first one.

"I was afraid of getting shot!" said the other.

The waiter walked in on them.

"I fled Russia too!" said Sergei to the former generals.

"Sergei, you were a private! What were you afraid of?"

"Being promoted to general!"
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Online mountaineer

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #711 on: October 18, 2025, 07:53:23 am »
This would never be permitted on TV today.

https://twitter.com/JebraFaushay/status/1978791530753097898
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Offline libertybele

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #712 on: October 30, 2025, 06:37:17 pm »
What is Neil Diamond's favorite Halloween song?

Forever in Boo Jeans!    :silly:
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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #713 on: October 30, 2025, 06:57:46 pm »
Quote from: libertybele on October 30, 2025, 06:37:17 pm
What is Neil Diamond's favorite Halloween song?

Forever in Boo Jeans!    :silly:

 :chairbang: ****slapping 22222frying pan
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Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #714 on: November 17, 2025, 02:48:54 pm »
What was Helen Keller's favorite color?

Corduroy

What did she name her dog?

ARNCH
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Online DCPatriot

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #715 on: November 17, 2025, 05:07:38 pm »
A pregnant woman bumps her head and falls into a coma.

When she finally wakes up, she is greeted by a nurse.
"Oh Great!  You're finally back!"

The woman says, "Did I give birth"?

Nurse replies, "Oh yes!  You gave birth to twins...a boy and a girl.  Your brother named them!"

"Oh NO!  He's an idiot!!  What did he name them"?

Nurse replied, "He named the girl Denice".

"OH!!  Hmmm...that's not bad at all!!  What did he name the boy?

The nurse replied,  "Denephew"    :bolt:
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Offline MeganC

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #716 on: Today at 01:22:12 pm »
 :silly: :tongue2: :silly:

 :thud:
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Online DCPatriot

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #717 on: Today at 01:33:56 pm »
Man is quietly eating a bowl of cereal at the kitchen table.

His son is finishing his homework...looks up at this dad and asks:

What is God's name?

Father replies "Howard"

His wife speaks up and says...WTF??  "Howard"?  Where do you get "Howard"

Man says,  "Our Father who art in heaven...Howard be thy name!"
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"It aint what you don't know that kills you.  It's what you know that aint so!" ...Theodore Sturgeon

"It was only a sunny smile, and little it cost in the giving, but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living" F. Scott Fitzgerald
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