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Author Topic: Humor/Jokes  (Read 67438 times)

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Offline libertybele

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #600 on: June 11, 2024, 11:53:58 am »
Quote from: DCPatriot on May 16, 2024, 03:11:51 pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFv1_INQkKs

Archie's Math Lesson

Ah, back when sitcoms were golden. I miss All in the Family, The Jeffersons, Taxi, Cheers, Roseanne, Everybody Loves Raymond, and Sanford & Sons. 
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Offline libertybele

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #601 on: June 23, 2024, 05:37:15 pm »
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Offline rustynail

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #602 on: June 24, 2024, 06:30:53 pm »
'I went to my local all you can eat buffet...

and there was this girl only choosing vegetables?


I thought, I’ve never seen herbivore.'
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Offline Smokin Joe

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #603 on: June 24, 2024, 06:59:02 pm »
Quote from: rustynail on June 24, 2024, 06:30:53 pm
'I went to my local all you can eat buffet...

and there was this girl only choosing vegetables?


I thought, I’ve never seen herbivore.'

 :thud:
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How God must weep at humans' folly! Stand fast! God knows what he is doing!
Seventeen Techniques for Truth Suppression

Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.

C S Lewis

Offline Hoodat

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #604 on: June 24, 2024, 09:41:28 pm »
Quote from: rustynail on June 24, 2024, 06:30:53 pm
'I went to my local all you can eat buffet...

and there was this girl only choosing vegetables?

I thought, I’ve never seen herbivore.'

@Mod1

If there was ever a reason for someone to spend a week in timeout, this is it.
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If a political party does not have its foundation in the determination to advance a cause that is right and that is moral, then it is not a political party; it is merely a conspiracy to seize power.     -Dwight Eisenhower-

"The [U.S.] Constitution is a limitation on the government, not on private individuals ... it does not prescribe the conduct of private individuals, only the conduct of the government ... it is not a charter for government power, but a charter of the citizen's protection against the government."     -Ayn Rand-

Offline Wingnut

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #605 on: June 24, 2024, 10:05:45 pm »
Quote from: Hoodat on June 24, 2024, 09:41:28 pm
@Mod1

If there was ever a reason for someone to spend a week in timeout, this is it.

I second that. 
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Offline Cyber Liberty

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #606 on: June 25, 2024, 12:46:24 pm »
Naw, puns are permitted on this particular thread, and you know the pun rule:  They must be Groaners....

Carry on!
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Online bigheadfred

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #607 on: August 14, 2024, 04:15:36 pm »
My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table.

I had to get a running start but I made it.
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She asked me name my foe then. I said the need within some men to fight and kill their brothers without thought of Love or God. Ken Hensley

Offline berdie

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #608 on: August 14, 2024, 04:23:33 pm »
Quote from: bigheadfred on August 14, 2024, 04:15:36 pm
My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table.

I had to get a running start but I made it.



 :rolling: :rolling:
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Offline Smokin Joe

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #609 on: August 14, 2024, 04:37:08 pm »
Quote from: bigheadfred on August 14, 2024, 04:15:36 pm
My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table.

I had to get a running start but I made it.
D@mn! You're in better shape than I am! (or you have one of those Japanese style tables). :silly:
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How God must weep at humans' folly! Stand fast! God knows what he is doing!
Seventeen Techniques for Truth Suppression

Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.

C S Lewis

Offline Kamaji

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #610 on: August 14, 2024, 07:28:56 pm »
Quote from: bigheadfred on August 14, 2024, 04:15:36 pm
My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table.

I had to get a running start but I made it.

:bigsilly:
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Online Bigun

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #611 on: August 14, 2024, 07:32:03 pm »
Quote from: bigheadfred on August 14, 2024, 04:15:36 pm
My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table.

I had to get a running start but I made it.

:laugh: I'm pretty darn sure that's NOT what she meant!  :whistle: But quite a feat anyway!
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Online bigheadfred

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #612 on: August 16, 2024, 11:44:08 am »
One minute you're young, and the next you're turning down the radio in the car so you can see better.
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She asked me name my foe then. I said the need within some men to fight and kill their brothers without thought of Love or God. Ken Hensley

Online bigheadfred

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #613 on: August 16, 2024, 04:13:14 pm »
My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.

So I took the battery out of the smoke detector.
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She asked me name my foe then. I said the need within some men to fight and kill their brothers without thought of Love or God. Ken Hensley

Offline Hoodat

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #614 on: August 16, 2024, 04:16:32 pm »
Quote from: bigheadfred on August 16, 2024, 04:13:14 pm
My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.

So I took the battery out of the smoke detector.

Nice.
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If a political party does not have its foundation in the determination to advance a cause that is right and that is moral, then it is not a political party; it is merely a conspiracy to seize power.     -Dwight Eisenhower-

"The [U.S.] Constitution is a limitation on the government, not on private individuals ... it does not prescribe the conduct of private individuals, only the conduct of the government ... it is not a charter for government power, but a charter of the citizen's protection against the government."     -Ayn Rand-

Offline MeganC

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #615 on: August 16, 2024, 05:06:31 pm »
Quote from: sneakypete on May 29, 2021, 11:20:58 am
@mystery-ak

Myst,there should be a dedicated board/thread/whatever you call it for NOTHING but jokes and other humorous things.

I am NOT including humorous political slurs in this definition. Leave them for the political boards.

A thread where people can check in each day and maybe get a smile from it,if not a belly laugh. Who doesn't enjoy a good belly laugh to start off their day?

Anyhow,I am now watching DCI Banks on Brit Box,and one cop tells this joke to his female patrol partner.

"How can you identify a feminist?"

Answer,"She looks like ET".

RIP good sir.  :patriot:
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Offline rustynail

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #616 on: August 19, 2024, 02:14:33 pm »
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Offline MeganC

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #617 on: August 19, 2024, 03:43:26 pm »
There once was a dentist Malone
Who was with a girl patient alone
In his depravity
He filled the wrong cavity
And, oh, how his practice has grown!
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Online bigheadfred

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #618 on: August 25, 2024, 01:30:09 pm »
A Pun enters a room and kills 10 people...

Pun intended
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She asked me name my foe then. I said the need within some men to fight and kill their brothers without thought of Love or God. Ken Hensley

Offline Smokin Joe

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #619 on: August 25, 2024, 01:37:38 pm »
Quote from: bigheadfred on August 25, 2024, 01:30:09 pm
A Pun enters a room and kills 10 people...

Pun intended
22222frying pan
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How God must weep at humans' folly! Stand fast! God knows what he is doing!
Seventeen Techniques for Truth Suppression

Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.

C S Lewis

Offline Sighlass

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #620 on: August 25, 2024, 02:13:04 pm »
Two drunks were standing on top of a tall building.

Drunk 1: "Joo know these building are sho tall, when you jump, the wind current pick you back up?"
Drunk 2: "No way"
Drunk 1: {Jumps, and sure enough, 3/4 of the way down, slows, and returns back to the top]
Drunk 2: "Wow, I think I'll do that"
Drunk 2: {splat all over the sidewalk}

Two little old ladies watching the whole thing: "Gee, that Superman sure is a mean drunk".

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Why can't you tell puns to kleptomaniacs?

Because they take everything, literally.
« Last Edit: August 25, 2024, 02:15:30 pm by Sighlass »
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Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #621 on: September 18, 2024, 02:08:38 pm »
I just bought a new HP Laptop to replace my Lenovo, purchased in November, 2022.


That makes the Lenovo fourteen in computer years.

Humor aside, I emailed the Justice Department and the European Commission this morning and requested that both of them file antitrust lawsuits against Microsoft for monopolies in Word/Office which they now charge monthly or annual fees to use, and they have a virtual monopoly on new PCs.

______________________________________________
« Last Edit: September 18, 2024, 02:21:28 pm by ChemEngrMBA »
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Offline libertybele

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #622 on: September 20, 2024, 06:55:25 pm »


 :laughingdog: ****drummer
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Offline Cyber Liberty

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #623 on: September 20, 2024, 07:14:25 pm »
 :facepalm2:
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For unvaccinated, we are looking at a winter of severe illness and death — if you’re unvaccinated — for themselves, their families, and the hospitals they’ll soon overwhelm. Sloe Joe Biteme 12/16
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Offline libertybele

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #624 on: September 20, 2024, 07:17:44 pm »
Quote from: Cyber Liberty on September 20, 2024, 07:14:25 pm
:facepalm2:

.... and now I'm rolling; that made it even funnier!    :silly: :rolling:
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