@sneakypete
Experience. Others that I am close to, that I saw destroyed with my own eyes.
@roamer_1 No,what you saw was addiction,and POSSIBLY saw lives destroyed due to them being arrested for being addicts and going to prison for possession of drugs. MDA literally saved my mind and my life. I was uber aggressive,and didn't care if I lived or died. This may have been a fine attitude to have while I was a career NCO in the army,but not so fine for life in the civilian world. Worse,due to my time in the military,I thought that was normal. Pretty much everybody I knew was like that.
Let's just say I had some adjustment problems transitioning from the military to civilian life. One night I was tripping on MDA in a local bar,and just happened to witness some aggressive drunk trying to cause trouble with another drunk,and was thinking how sad that was when it came to me like a flash of light that I might as well have been looking into a mirror. That was the night I started to recover my balance and stopped living every day stressed out.
Don't get me wrong. If someone catches me wrong and gets pushy for no good reason that I can see,I can push back with enthusiasm,and once the blood is up,it's "game ON!",but that hasn't happened in years. If push starts to come to shove now,I take a moment and try to give a warning. If that doesn't work,well,I warned you so it's not my fault from that point forward.
Used to be I would start stuff just because I was bored. In my defense,I never tried to start anything with anyone smaller than me,or sober. I always looked for a big,drunk redneck.
I have insights now into my own personality that I didn't have before,and have developed my own methods of keeping control. Off the top of my head,I honestly can't remember the last time I got up in anybody's face and went "full berserker". Granted,some part of that is probably related to me living in a rural area where most of the locals know me,including the wannabe bullies,and I know most of them,so conflicts are less likely to happen,but most of it is due to me having a MUCH better understanding of my own mind and personality,and genuinely having zero desire to hurt anyone. Including myself. I lost my "survivor guilt".
I am NOT saying I am in perfect control,though. Had a idiot come into my gun shop one day several years after I quit drinking and drugging that was huge,and seemed to have an attitude. I asked him if I could help him and he said "No,I'm just looking around." I had a little tom cat that was laying up on the counter taking a nap that had came to the door crying one night in a thunderstorm and begging to be let in when he was a kitten,and he was my shop cat. He slept where he wanted and did what he wanted. VERY tame and affectionate,and lots of people that came in liked to pet him. This idiot spots the cat and informs me "I hate cats,and I'm going to kill that cat before I leave." That was when I put my hand on my 45acp Combat Commander on the shelf under my counter,smiled at him,and told him "If you feel like you just can't live with yourself if you don't kill that cat before you leave,go ahead and try it,and see how that works out for you." I was going to put a couple of 200 grain hollowpoints in his head to make him change his mind,but for some reason he seemed to get nervous and just left without saying anything else. At no time did he see the gun,or did I even tell him I had a gun in my hand.
And "Yes,I DO know killing him would have been wrong.",but I didn't really give a damn. My feelings were and still are that "If you buy the ticket,it's nobody's fault but your own if you take the ride." That kitten wasn't bothering anyone or anything,and neither was I. We were both also where we were supposed to be,in our own spaces. He came in looking for trouble,so I was willing to give it to him. If I had to have to kill him to save the kitten,I would have felt fully justified to do it then,and I still think the same today. If that makes me a bad person,so be it. I can live with that. He brought it to me,I didn't bring it to him. There was a time in my life when I wouldn't have just let him walk out the door,though. I would have pushed it to the point he either attacked me or pissed his pants before I let him walk out the door,and I was REAL fond of making people that started trouble with me give me all the money in their wallets for causing me grief. MY theory was/is that if you make a bully realize what a big bitch he really is,he will generally leave people alone after that. Now,of course,I realize that COULD have been seen as a robbery by intimidation,but that never occurred to me back then. I saw it as justice. It seemed only fair that someone would have to pay a fine for ruining my day. Luckily for both of us,the "new and improved me" was mellow enough by that time I let him go without any further words.
BTW,it wasn't long after that revelation in that bar that night that I quit doing drugs,and even quit drinking. I just didn't have any real desire to do either anymore. I keep beer in my refrigerator in case company comes by that wants a beer,but that's it. I think the last time I drank one myself was maybe 10 years ago. I just have no interest in getting drunk,and if I don't want to get drunk,why bother drinking?