The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread

[thackney]

Florida man dies in meth-lab explosion after lighting farts on fire

...The woman plans on suing Chipotle, which failed to address their peppers causing a higher rate of methane in human farts. She offered a statement, “I’m not mad about my husband dying, I just got my eyebrows did and now they’re gone.” Chipotle Mexican Grill has yet to respond....

[Cyber Liberty]

LOL, @thackney!  That was really in the (short) article....

[WalkingLiberty]

I didn't know Frank moved to Florida....

that's a lot of nerve

[Wingnut]

Florida man dies in meth-lab explosion after lighting farts on fire

I see the Onion and the Bee have competition!

[sneakypete]

Florida man dies in meth-lab explosion after lighting farts on fire

@Cyber Liberty

The man’s wife was found lying naked on the couple’s front yard, reportedly still laughing.

Ok,THAT'S funny,I don't care who you are!

[Cyber Liberty]

Florida Man Charged With Manslaughter For Shooting Woman During Foreplay With Gun, Police Say

VALRICO (CBSMiami) – A Florida man is facing manslaughter charges after accidentally shooting a woman during a sex act.

According to the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office, Andrew Shinault, 23, and a woman in her 20s, were “engaging in an act of foreplay involving his registered handgun” on Sunday May 26 in the Tampa suburb of Valrico.

https://miami.cbslocal.com/2019/06/04/florida-man-manslaughter-woman-shot-foreplay-gun/

[mountaineer]

Thank goodness the handgun was registered. 

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man arrested after allegedly pouring ketchup on sleeping girlfriend

Officers responded to a home in Pinellas Park early Sunday where they found a woman “covered in ketchup,” a police report said.

Police said the woman “woke up to ketchup being poured on her by the defendant as the defendant was yelling ‘that’s what you get, b----.”

https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-man-arrested-after-pouring-ketchup-on-sleeping-girlfriend-report

[jmyrlefuller]

Blowtorch-wielding Florida Man Tries to Steal ATM, Welds it Shut Instead

Okaloosa County Sheriff's deputies say the men tried to break into a machine on the second floor of the Boardwalk on Okaloosa Island on Friday morning.

Deputies say the man in black tried to use a blowtorch to melt the hinges and locks on the ATM, while the other had a crow bar and served as a lookout.

But when employees arrived the next morning, they found the ATM, still closed, with the hinges welded shut.

https://www.mynews13.com/fl/orlando/news/2019/06/05/blowtorch-wielding-florida-man-tries-to-steal-atm--welds-it-shut-instead

[jmyrlefuller]

Police And Florida Man Exchange Gunfire Over A Parking Space
parking arguments seem to be a universal language. However, most of those arguments don’t tend to escalate to one party pulling out a gun and shooting wildly into the public.

That’s exactly what happened in Florida when a parking dispute led to an elderly man shooting his blindly before being arrested over the weekend.

https://www.ibtimes.com/florida-police-elderly-man-exchange-gunfire-over-parking-space-2797299

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man caught on camera bathing in a Wendy's sink
https://www.pnj.com/story/news/local/2019/05/22/viral-video-florida-wendys-milton-man-bathing-kitchen-sink/3766235002/

Update: the employee has been fired.
https://www.wivb.com/news/wendy-s-employee-fired-for-taking-a-bath-in-the-sink/2057752926

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man spotted in New York naked in a chicken coop

On Wednesday, June 5, 2019 New York State Police arrested 25-year-old John Mehne after police say a bizarre series of events started when Mehne allegedly burglarized a home in Sarasota and stole a car.

Police say he crashed that car somewhere North of Pennsylvania and caught a ride on the back of a pickup truck, but eventually ran away on foot when multiple law enforcement units joined in on the chase.

https://www.mysuncoast.com/2019/06/06/police-sarasota-man-behind-bars-after-being-found-naked-chicken-coop-new-york/

[sneakypete]

Florida man spotted in New York naked in a chicken coop

On Wednesday, June 5, 2019 New York State Police arrested 25-year-old John Mehne after police say a bizarre series of events started when Mehne allegedly burglarized a home in Sarasota and stole a car.

Police say he crashed that car somewhere North of Pennsylvania and caught a ride on the back of a pickup truck, but eventually ran away on foot when multiple law enforcement units joined in on the chase.

https://www.mysuncoast.com/2019/06/06/police-sarasota-man-behind-bars-after-being-found-naked-chicken-coop-new-york/

@jmyrlefuller

The prime question wasn't answered,although it was hinted at in the news report.

Did any chickens lose their virtue,and are they going to sue?

[GtHawk]

@jmyrlefuller

The prime question wasn't answered,although it was hinted at in the news report.

Did any chickens lose their virtue,and are they going to sue?

@sneakypete
The hens were heard to exclaim 'any cockle dooo!"

[Cyber Liberty]

Police: Florida man hid legless fugitive girlfriend in plastic tote

AP
Posted: 6:48 AM, May 11, 2018
Updated: 5:16 AM, May 11, 2018


Photo by: Polk County Sheriff's Office

WINTER HAVEN, Fla. (AP) — A Central Florida man is accused of hiding his legless fugitive girlfriend from police by stuffing her into a plastic storage container.

48-year-old John Robert Carr Jr. of Winter Haven is charged with resisting arrest. News outlets report Carr attempted to hide 39-year-old Krystle Lee Anderson from U.S. marshals and Polk County Sheriff's deputies Tuesday.

https://www.abcactionnews.com/news/state/police-florida-man-hid-legless-fugitive-girlfriend-in-plastic-tote

She's a keeper!

[sneakypete]

@sneakypete
The hens were heard to exclaim 'any cockle dooo!"

@GtHawk

Anybody told Laz? He would hit that.

(old FR joke. If you don't get it,don't worry about it)

[jmyrlefuller]

A legless fugitive, huh? How did she run away? 

[Cyber Liberty]

A legless fugitive, huh? How did she run away? 

Hella tote bag that can hold a 4-foot-tall woman.

[GtHawk]

@GtHawk

Anybody told Laz? He would hit that.

(old FR joke. If you don't get it,don't worry about it)

@sneakypete
Oh I get it, Laz is a legend................in his own mind anyway.

[Sanguine]

This does seem like a Laz story.  Unfortunately...

[Cyber Liberty]

This does seem like a Laz story.  Unfortunately...

He settled down a lot when his cat, Cathy ("CAT-Hates-You") died.  He blames himself, and he's probably right.   

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man disrupts restaurant, tells officers ‘go to Dunkin’ Donuts’
A Florida man was disrupting a Naples restaurant, standing on chairs while sticking out his middle finger and shouting at customers before his arrest, deputies say.

The suspect, John Toddy, 55, faces a Disorderly Intoxication charge.

https://www.winknews.com/2019/06/09/florida-man-disrupts-restaurant-tells-officers-go-to-dunkin-donuts/

[jmyrlefuller]

Nude Florida man accused of flinging his urine at cops
“There’s a man out here butt naked!” exclaimed a woman speaking to a 911 operator after witnessing a man wearing nothing but his birthday suit attempt to enter a convenience store several days ago.

When the 911 technician asked if the man was sporting any weapons, the caller stated, “No, he is like nude. Nude. He’s very nude!”

https://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/ny-nude-florida-man-charged-with-tossing-urine-at-cops-20190609-zykwswy7izckvdyr54bywde3cq-story.html

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man winds up in ICU after eating pufferfish and snorting cocaine
A Florida man was hospitalized after he and his grandmother ate a potentially lethal puffer fish. The unnamed 43-year-old man visited Aventura Hospital and Medical Center in south Florida, suffering from vomiting and stomach pains.

Both of his legs had gone numb, he felt weak, and he was struggling to speak and stay awake. A pain had erupted in his chest which made it feel as though it was tearing, his doctors wrote in BMJ Case Reports.

Hospital staff learned the man had eaten the liver of a puffer fish four hours before arriving at the hospital. Three days prior, he had also consumed canned food and cocaine.

https://www.newsweek.com/florida-man-took-cocaine-ate-puffer-fish-liver-intensive-care-1443312

[jmyrlefuller]

\

Florida man tells police cocaine powder on nose, ‘not his’
A Florida man who was riding in the passenger-side seat in a vehicle that was pulled over early Sunday told the officer that the cocaine powder on his nose didn’t belong to him, according to investigators.

https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-man-tells-deputy-cocaine-powder-on-noise-not-his-police.print

[sneakypete]

Florida man winds up in ICU after eating pufferfish and snorting cocaine
[font=serif
Hospital staff learned the man had eaten the liver of a puffer fish four hours before arriving at the hospital. Three days prior, he had also consumed canned food and cocaine.[/font]

 

@jmyrlefuller

They have canned cocaine in Fla????

Don't they damage their teeth trying to bite into the can?

[mountaineer]

Bush's beans 'n' blow.

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man arrested after hiding meth in container of 'hot, fresh potato wedges,' police say
A Florida man’s order was up after deputies discovered a bag of meth inside a styrofoam container of “hot, fresh potato wedges,” authorities said.

James Simpson, 48, was arrested Saturday afternoon after police conducted a traffic stop, the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office said.

https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-man-meth-hot-fresh-potato-wedges

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man, naked, performs ‘strange dance’ at McDonald’s before ‘trying to have relations with a railing’
"I was dispatched to McDonald's in reference to a white male wearing white shorts taking their clothes off and doing a strange dance," said Morgan's arrest report, written by Officer D. Grossklass.

"The caller stated that they believed the male to be possibly on drugs. The male was doing this near the front door of the McDonald's.

"While I was on my way to McDonald's it [was] also stated that the male pulled his pants down, but put them back on. Lastly, the caller stated that it looked as though the male was trying to have relations with a railing."

https://www.newsweek.com/florida-man-naked-strange-dance-mcdonalds-sex-railing-1443522

[Sanguine]

No way drugs were involved:

[thackney]

https://www.newsweek.com/florida-man-naked-strange-dance-mcdonalds-sex-railing-1443522

A couple of buried jems in that article:

...Earlier in June, Florida man Peter Wagman, 37, from Pinellas Park, was charged with domestic battery for pouring tomato sauce all over his sleeping girlfriend following an argument about infidelity.

Wagman, who pleaded not guilty, was allegedly heard at around 4:45 a.m. yelling "that's what you get, b****h" as he covered her in the red condiment. The couple reportedly had a history of police callouts for domestic incidents.

Last Tuesday, Escambia County deputies arrested Keriah Renea Giomi, 25, of Cantonment after she allegedly tried to stab a man in the stomach with a hunting knife while she was naked and yelling "Jehovah" at him. Giomi faces felony charges of aggravated battery.

[mountaineer]

The railing was heard sadly singing, "Will you still love me tomorrow? "

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man brought an assistant to his crime spree, deputies say. She was 4 years old.
Around 8 a.m. Thursday, deputies responded to the 100 block of Charles Street to a witness reporting a suspicious person carrying around large bags on a neighbor’s property along the river, according to a sheriff’s office Facebook post.

The witness mentioned the suspect walking with a little girl who was carrying a bag, too.

https://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article231560903.html

[verga]

Florida man brought an assistant to his crime spree, deputies say. She was 4 years old.
Around 8 a.m. Thursday, deputies responded to the 100 block of Charles Street to a witness reporting a suspicious person carrying around large bags on a neighbor’s property along the river, according to a sheriff’s office Facebook post.

The witness mentioned the suspect walking with a little girl who was carrying a bag, too.

https://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article231560903.html

Sounds like the Damon Runyon story Butch Minds the Baby.

[Smokin Joe]

Nude Florida man accused of flinging his urine at cops
“There’s a man out here butt naked!” exclaimed a woman speaking to a 911 operator after witnessing a man wearing nothing but his birthday suit attempt to enter a convenience store several days ago.

When the 911 technician asked if the man was sporting any weapons, the caller stated, “No, he is like nude. Nude. He’s very nude!”

https://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/ny-nude-florida-man-charged-with-tossing-urine-at-cops-20190609-zykwswy7izckvdyr54bywde3cq-story.html

No shirt, no shoes, no service...

[sneakypete]

No shirt, no shoes, no service...

@Smokin Joe

"flung his urine at the cops....."

Sounds to me like this goober WANTED to be beaten for free.

Ok,who here would blame the cops for beating the snot out of him while arresting him?

Don't get me wrong. I am NOT  a fan of police brutality,and almost always question violent arrests,but there are limits to everything.

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man asked cops for help starting motorcycle he’d stolen
Raymond Millwater is just 30 years old but he's been jailed nearly two dozen times.

His latest trip to the slammer came after someone reported seeing a possibly intoxicated man pushing a motorcycle down a road in Clearwater.

Police responded and said they found Millwater standing unsteady near the bike. He told them he borrowed it from a man named Chad, but he couldn’t get it to turn on.

Not deterred, Millwater asked officers if he could borrow a screwdriver to get the motor running.

https://www.wkyt.com/content/news/Florida-man-asked-cops-for-help-starting-motorcycle-hed-stolen-police-say-511329372.html

[Right_in_Virginia]

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man confesses to string of pool float thefts, says he uses them for impure intents
According to officials, in the past seven months, the city of Palm Bay has been plagued with burglaries in which the suspect cuts the screen and enters a victim's back pool area, stealing only pool floats.

There have been 13 reports made at this time. The victims stated that they had been robbed several times by Monnin but only reported the burglary after the second or third time it happened. Officials say there were apporximatly 75 floats inside (Monnin's domicile), including ones that the victims described.

Monnin told authorities that he "sexually gratifies himself" with the pool floats instead of raping women.

https://www.clickorlando.com/news/florida-man-steals-pool-floats-for-sex-instead-of-raping-women-police-say'

(The mugshot on this one is pretty impressive, too.)

[sneakypete]

Florida man asked cops for help starting motorcycle he’d stolen
Raymond Millwater is just 30 years old but he's been jailed nearly two dozen times.

 

@jmyrlefuller

My prediction is he is going to see many more jails and prisons from the inside before it all ends.

Depending on whose motorcycle it was he stole,that is. There ARE some people that take that sort of thing seriously,and they tend to have good friends who are already in prison,and who will be waiting to greet him with open arms. Bad things will then happen to him.

[Smokin Joe]

Florida man confesses to string of pool float thefts, says he uses them for impure intents
According to officials, in the past seven months, the city of Palm Bay has been plagued with burglaries in which the suspect cuts the screen and enters a victim's back pool area, stealing only pool floats.

There have been 13 reports made at this time. The victims stated that they had been robbed several times by Monnin but only reported the burglary after the second or third time it happened. Officials say there were apporximatly 75 floats inside (Monnin's domicile), including ones that the victims described.

Monnin told authorities that he "sexually gratifies himself" with the pool floats instead of raping women.

https://www.clickorlando.com/news/florida-man-steals-pool-floats-for-sex-instead-of-raping-women-police-say'

(The mugshot on this one is pretty impressive, too.)

Tell him just keep it. There is not enough chlorine in the pool....

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man attempts to break into Buddhist temple, flees half-naked when confronted by monks
A Hernando man is behind bars after Kenneth City Police officials say he attempted to break into a Buddha Temple.

The Kenneth City Police Department says Jack Williams, 26, was seen at around 5:15 a.m. on June 19 on the roof of the Kenneth City Buddha Temple striking a glass bedroom window.

Williams was charged with Loitering and Prowling.

https://www.wfla.com/news/pinellas-county/florida-man-flees-buddha-temple-half-naked/2089013839

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man throws feces at judge, says ‘It’s protein. It’s good for you.’ and eats some to demonstrate
... and the best part of the story is: he was acquitted.

https://www.wfla.com/news/pinellas-county/florida-man-flees-buddha-temple-half-naked/2089013839

[Lando Lincoln]

Florida woman who hid stolen Rolexes in vagina beats charge. What happens to the watches?

June 19, 2019
Prosecutors were forced to drop criminal charges against a South Florida woman accused of stealing five Rolex watches — four of which were found inside her vagina during a jail strip search.

Delajurea Brookens, 29, beat the grand-theft charge earlier this month when the victim, an Orlando businessman named Ramon Diaz, stopped cooperating with prosecutors.

Prosecutors were forced to drop criminal charges against a South Florida woman accused of stealing five Rolex watches — four of which were found inside her vagina during a jail strip search.

Delajurea Brookens, 29, beat the grand-theft charge earlier this month when the victim, an Orlando businessman named Ramon Diaz, stopped cooperating with prosecutors.

https://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/crime/article231737783.html

[verga]

Florida woman who hid stolen Rolexes in vagina beats charge. What happens to the watches?

Just the kind of girl you want to take home to mom.

[sneakypete]

Florida woman who hid stolen Rolexes in vagina beats charge. What happens to the watches?

June 19, 2019
Prosecutors were forced to drop criminal charges against a South Florida woman accused of stealing five Rolex watches — four of which were found inside her vagina during a jail strip search.

Delajurea Brookens, 29, beat the grand-theft charge earlier this month when the victim, an Orlando businessman named Ramon Diaz, stopped cooperating with prosecutors.

Prosecutors were forced to drop criminal charges against a South Florida woman accused of stealing five Rolex watches — four of which were found inside her vagina during a jail strip search.

Delajurea Brookens, 29, beat the grand-theft charge earlier this month when the victim, an Orlando businessman named Ramon Diaz, stopped cooperating with prosecutors.

https://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/crime/article231737783.html

Sounds like she stole them from a guy that had stolen them first.

Which means she is probably going to be found in a ditch with a bullet in her head soon,and the watches will go unclaimed. Or at least unclaimed until the cops can figure out a way to get them through a "closed" confiscated seized property sale."

[mountaineer]

Florida Man has his own Twitter account: https://twitter.com/FloridaMan__

Today's offering:

Florida Man   @FloridaMan__

Florida Man tries to Barbecue Child Molesters http://gestyy.com/w2oJV6
5:19 PM - 28 Jun 2019

The story is from May, here's a better link.

[Cyber Liberty]

Florida Man has his own Twitter account: https://twitter.com/FloridaMan__

Today's offering: The story is from May, here's a better link.

You may have hit the Mother-lode with that Twitter link....

[Cyber Liberty]

[Mod1]

I'm going to sticky this, since it's a "running" thread.
It should be easier to find now.