OK. Here are my 2 cents. Take it or leave it as you see fit.
First of all, and you are probably not going to like to hear this as I think you are a very kind and good hearted person, but are perhaps also a bit gullible, but FWIW not all people you know on the “net”, no matter how long you have known them on the “net”, are necessarily telling you the truth.
See:
Munchausen by Internet
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Munchausen_by_InternetA few things that raises some alarms are:
“Raped from Toddlerhood” – While it is quite possible that she was sexually abused by her step-father from the time she was a toddler, a “toddler” – a 1 to 2-year-old, while she would have suffered emotional damage, it is also likely that wouldn’t have any direct memory of such at that age. Was her step-father ever charged or arrested for his crimes? Who told her she was raped as a toddler? Is this one of those “recovered memory” deals?
“He's tried to kill her about 7+ times” – he must not have been trying too hard. I’m sorry and not to make light of the subject of domestic abuse that is all too real, but how does someone survive 7+ murder attempts? That IMO just doesn’t quite pass the smell test.
“Policeman says: "OK. We know your situation. That's it. He's going to jail."” – No police officer is going to arrest someone under the circumstances as you described even if there were past arrests for her husband for domestic violence. A police officer who just happened to drive by a woman walking alone in the dark and sees her “damaged face” and she only has to give the officer her name and right away he
“knows her situation” and goes and arrests her husband? No way that happened as described.
“Police say they will have him on a 30 day restraining order to not be near her”. - That’s not how restraining orders work. The police, live alone one police officer, is not able to file a restraining order in and of themselves and that quickly - that requires a court order and she would have to file for one. However, “if” a current criminal case is pending, the district attorney may request or the judge may order a protection order for the victim of the crime from the defendant or perpetrator of the crime. But again, if she told the officer that she was “OK” and denied that her husband had beaten her, they would have no grounds to arrest him unless there were other witnesses, witnesses who observed what happened and who had contacted the police and were willing to testify.
Things got greatly more complicated . . . and insane . . . so much so . . . others were not the only ones wondering where truth and fiction started and stopped.
I've never caught her in a lie to me though I know she's lied to police about hubby's battering.
And, I have talked to pastors and police at other times enough to know that the abuse has been painfully real and physically damaging to a horrible degree.
Anyway--hubby in jail suffered a burst aneurysm on/in his heart IIRC and supposedly has a few more that will need later treatment.
So, OF COURSE . . . she rushed to his side--200 miles or so away at Hosp he was lifeflighted to . . . with plans to move her stuff back to his home yada yada yada.
IMO she’s a drama queen and sounds like a sociopath and IMO she is playing you and others for attention and sympathy. Don’t’ fall for it and I would sincerely advise you to cut off all contact with her. And FWIW I know the type.
I have a close family member who over the years has claimed to have been abused and raped numerous times, once as a teenager by a mystery man who was supposedly stalking her but was never found (the numerous inconsistencies in her story led the police and me and my husband to believe she was lying) and then by 3 of her 4 ex-husbands and allegedly forced into prostitution by another ex which I learned later was a complete lie. And she’s also been “diagnosed” with a fatal and inoperable brain tumor that miraculously disappeared and has also has allegedly been suffering from an extremely rare form of leukemia for the last 15+ years and she keeps going in and out of “remission”. Funny thing is that when her sister or brother or I am experiencing good things in our lives, suddenly she gets “sick” again.
One time she told me that she had just gotten out of the hospital for yet another bone marrow transplant, I think her supposed 4th (and curiously she never told anyone in her family or even her then husband at the time, that she was in the hospital, only after the “fact”, she even said it was done out-patient and some friend who no one had ever heard of before drove her to the hospital) and then one day she told me that her doctor told her she needed to relax and unwind after her exhausting chemo and bone marrow transplant (and FWIW, for someone supposedly so sick, she never lost any hair and actually gained weight) so with her doctor’s supposed advice and consent, she was going that weekend to a big outdoor music festival and was asking me to babysit her youngest kid. Having known two people with actual leukemia and them having undergone bone marrow transplants, the very last thing any doctor would advise a leukemia patient who had just under gone a bone marrow transplant is going into a big crowd.
She also told me that her medical records had been hacked and because she had been undergoing experimental fetal stem cell treatment, she was being harassed and had received death threats by some pro-lifers who were responsible for the hack. The interesting thing was that her “story” was nearly verbatim of a recent storyline on the TV show Law & Order SVU.
Oh and she was also supposedly diagnosed with a seizure disorder but her seizures only seemed to happen, much like her falling out of remission, when she wasn’t the center of attention.
She also claimed when her youngest son was a baby, the he also had seizures. 9-11 was often called, numerous trips to the ER, many tests including several EKG’s and CAT scans were done on him and nothing was ever found to be wrong with him, not to mention that she was the only one who ever witnessed any of her son’s seizures. I was at the hospital one time when her son had been admitted for a “severe seizure”. The neurologists came in while I was there but his mother had left to get something to eat and he asked me if I or anyone else in the family had ever witnessed any of her son’s seizures first hand and then asked me other questions about her and finally asked if I was familiar with Munchausen By Proxy.
Funny, once her son got older, once he was able to talk, his “seizures” suddenly stopped.
IMO your “friend” may be in need of prayers but more importantly she is also in need of psychiatric help. And you continuing to allow you to manipulate your emotions, no matter how well intentioned it may be, is only allowing her to continue with her manipulation of you and what I think is her mental illness.
And FWIW my family finally cut off contact with my sociopathic relative after catching her in so many lies and manipulations and manufactured dramas and we are much happier and saner ourselves for doing so.