Ridiculous News of the Day

[GtHawk]

Police warn of possibly drunk, 'very pushy' door-to-door meat salesmen

http://www.mlive.com/news/grand-rapids/index.ssf/2017/04/door-to-door_meat_salesmen_in.html#incart_river_home_pop

NORTHERN MICHIGAN - Michigan State Police are warning Northern Michigan residents of "scruffy" men going door-to-door trying to sell meat to residents.

MSP was contacted about two men in a small white pickup truck trying to sell meat out of the back of their pickup.

The men are described as "rough and scruffy." One has a dark complexion, is in his 50s and is heavy set. The other man is a white male with red-blond hair in his 30s with a medium build.

Could it be...........Fred Garvin?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqEHtZHlsf0

[Cyber Liberty]

It bothers me a little that I knew who Fred Garvin was before looking at the YouTube.   

[Cripplecreek]

Could it be...........Fred Garvin?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqEHtZHlsf0

Shake hands with beef.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHjpWo4edfw

[Idaho_Cowboy]

Cremation of 'overly obese' corpse sets funeral home on fire
https://www.yahoo.com/news/cremation-apos-overly-obese-apos-124507710.html

A routine cremation at a Cincinnati funeral home took an unexpected turn when flames from an "overly obese" body spread, starting an unscheduled fire.

The "freak accident" took place at the Hillside Chapel Crematory in Ohio's third-largest city on Wednesday (26 April) night....

[musiclady]

Cremation of 'overly obese' corpse sets funeral home on fire
https://www.yahoo.com/news/cremation-apos-overly-obese-apos-124507710.html

A routine cremation at a Cincinnati funeral home took an unexpected turn when flames from an "overly obese" body spread, starting an unscheduled fire.

The "freak accident" took place at the Hillside Chapel Crematory in Ohio's third-largest city on Wednesday (26 April) night....

Oh, dear........... that's disturbing.

So many things I could say............................. but won't.

[Wingnut]

Cremation of 'overly obese' corpse sets funeral home on fire
https://www.yahoo.com/news/cremation-apos-overly-obese-apos-124507710.html

A routine cremation at a Cincinnati funeral home took an unexpected turn when flames from an "overly obese" body spread, starting an unscheduled fire.

The "freak accident" took place at the Hillside Chapel Crematory in Ohio's third-largest city on Wednesday (26 April) night....

Those "grease fires" can get away from you if you are not careful.

[Cyber Liberty]

Those "grease fires" can get away from you if you are not careful.

You bastid!  Get OUT of my brain... 

(I thought the exact same thing)

[Wingnut]

You bastid!  Get OUT of my brain... 

(I thought the exact same thing)

Once all that fat gets a burnin bout all you can do is stand back ...pop open a nice cold one  andbreak out weenies to roast Cuz that sucker is gonna be intense.

[Bigun]

Once all that fat gets a burnin bout all you can do is stand back ...pop open a nice cold one  andbreak out weenies to roast Cuz that sucker is gonna be intense.

I thought you were supposed to call the fire dept so they could run in there and spray a bunch of water on it!

[bigheadfred]

pie crusts

[Wingnut]

I thought you were supposed to call the fire dept so they could run in there and spray a bunch of water on it!

My bil set his carport on fire one thankgiving when he over filled the deep fat turkey fryer with oil and dropped the bird in it.  Once all that oil hit the flames it was all down hill.....and very entertaining.  He had spread  news paper out under the fryer to keep any grease splatters from staining the cement.  There is a reason they say oil and water don't mix.....once the water from the hose hit that paper and oil it looked like a scene out Tora Tora Tora...large fire barges floating on the water setting fire to everything in its path.   

[Bigun]

My bil set his carport on fire one thankgiving when he over filled the deep fat turkey fryer with oil and dropped the bird in it.  Once all that oil hit the flames it was all down hill.....and very entertaining.  He had spread  news paper out under the fryer to keep any grease splatters from staining the cement.  There is a reason they say oil and water don't mix.....once the water from the hose hit that paper and oil it looked like a scene out Tora Tora Tora...large fire barges floating on the water setting fire to everything in its path.

ROFLMAO!!!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gn895y4wkc


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3F4c5o4J7M

[Cyber Liberty]

My bil set his carport on fire one thankgiving when he over filled the deep fat turkey fryer with oil and dropped the bird in it.  Once all that oil hit the flames it was all down hill.....and very entertaining.  He had spread  news paper out under the fryer to keep any grease splatters from staining the cement.  There is a reason they say oil and water don't mix.....once the water from the hose hit that paper and oil it looked like a scene out Tora Tora Tora...large fire barges floating on the water setting fire to everything in its path.

@Wingnut @Bigun And that, dear friends, is why you never try to put out a grease fire with agua.

I've fried a few turkeys, and I love them.  Mrs. Liberty, not so much so we don't do it very often.

[Bigun]

@Wingnut @Bigun And that, dear friends, is why you never try to put out a grease fire with agua.

I've fried a few turkeys, and I love them.  Mrs. Liberty, not so much so we don't do it very often.

We fry one or two (depending on how many folks are coming) every thanksgiving but we try not to kill anyone or burn the place down in the process!

Once you've experienced a properly fried turkey the baked ones will never work for you again.

[Wingnut]

@Wingnut @Bigun And that, dear friends, is why you never try to put out a grease fire with agua.

True Dat.   Even in the crematorium.  ,)

[Cyber Liberty]

ROFLMAO!!!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gn895y4wkc


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3F4c5o4J7M

I noticed at the end when the guy was doing it "properly" by lowering the turkey slowly it still had the plastic pop-up timer thingy.  Unless you want your turkey to taste like vaporized plastic it's best to pull that out and trash it.

A lot of the danger is because of the gas burner, which I used one time.  It was difficult to control the temperature with that, so I bought a much safer electric model with a thermostat.

[Cyber Liberty]

We fry one or two (depending on how many folks are coming) every thanksgiving but we try not to kill anyone or burn the place down in the process!

Once you've experienced a properly fried turkey the baked ones will never work for you again.

The problem the Mrs. has with it is you don't get drippings for gravy and no stuffing.  I find the meat beyond wonderful.  If I want a fried bird, it has to be in addition to another whole turkey.

[mystery-ak]

Although it says indoor I use it in the garage....I prefer oven baked so I do one turkey in the fryer and one in the oven with stuffing...

http://www.qvc.com/qvc.product.K44633.html?sc=PSCH

[Wingnut]

Although it says indoor I use it in the garage....I prefer oven baked so I do one turkey in the fryer and one in the oven with stuffing...

http://www.qvc.com/qvc.product.K44633.html?sc=PSCH

Nice. But pricey.  One would have to do more than a few birds a year to make it pay off.

[bigheadfred]

Frying a bird outside doesn't fill the house with delicious baking turkey scents.

[Bigun]

I noticed at the end when the guy was doing it "properly" by lowering the turkey slowly it still had the plastic pop-up timer thingy.  Unless you want your turkey to taste like vaporized plastic it's best to pull that out and trash it.

A lot of the danger is because of the gas burner, which I used one time.  It was difficult to control the temperature with that, so I bought a much safer electric model with a thermostat.

We use the same burners we use with the fish fryers with no problems at all!  The key is making sure the bird is THROUGLY thawed out and at room temperature before you slowly lower it into the peanut oil.  And you have to have one of those new fangledy thermometer thingys!

[Sanguine]

This is sort of sad, so I'm not completely convinced it belongs here.

Lightning strike kills 32 cows near Cabool

As he does every morning, Texas County dairy farmer Jared Blackwelder started milking his cows around 4 a.m. Saturday. He finished up just before daylight and headed back to the barn. He was about to lock the gate when lightning struck hard and close.

"It was so bright I couldn't hardly see," he said. "It just brought fire down the fences."

Later in the day when it was time to milk again, Blackwelder returned to the field and found 32 of his certified organic cows dead....

http://www.news-leader.com/story/news/local/ozarks/2017/05/01/lightning-strike-kills-32-cows-near-cabool/101161336/

[Cripplecreek]

This is sort of sad, so I'm not completely convinced it belongs here.

Well those certified organic cows are certified pre cooked steak now.

[EC]

This is sort of sad, so I'm not completely convinced it belongs here.

Ridiculous doesn't always have to be funny. It fits.

[bigheadfred]

If you are a vegetarian this is one big missed steak.

[mountaineer]

I know there's a "choking" joke in here somewhere.

Report: Oregon Man Jailed, Accused Of Sexually Assaulting Chicken
May 3, 2017 7:13 AM

JACKSON COUNTY, Ore. (KDKA) – An Oregon man is facing charges after he allegedly sexually assaulted a chicken.

According to CBS affiliate KVAL, Joshua Woltman, 27, was arrested this week.

Woltman allegedly, “unlawfully and for the purpose of arousing and gratifying the sexual desire of a person [touched or contacted] the sex organs of a chicken.”

He is facing a list of charges including, sexual assault of an animal and public indecency. He is also facing charges for violating the terms of his probation for possession of meth.

[rangerrebew]

If a democrat controlled loony bin like Oregon believes you can change your gender anytime you feel like it, why can't a person change his species when he/she/xer/it wants?  All he has to do in Oregon is claim he was a chicken for a day.

[driftdiver]

[Hondo69]

I needed a good chuckle this morning, thanks.

[Wingnut]

I know there's a "choking" joke in here somewhere.

:nometalk:

[bigheadfred]

:nometalk:

@mountaineer

I ain't skeered Wingy. The age-old question.

Which came first?????

[Wingnut]

@mountaineer

I ain't skeered Wingy. The age-old question.

Which came first?????

:nometalk:  Wingy don't lay that.

[EC]

The Metro comes through once more, after a short dry spell.

Elderly deaf man fined £85 for constantly playing porn too loud

An elderly man who struggles with his hearing has reportedly been fined £85 fine after continuously terrorising his neighbours with loud porn. 

The man, who has only been identified as a man over 75, allegedly made his neighbours’ lives hell by watching porn films with the volume turned all the way up at his home in Hennef, Germany.

His neighbours, a couple in their mid-sixties, said they had been so put off by the sexual noises from next door, they could no longer watch their favourite series in the afternoon.

They had already reached a settlement with the man in November 2015 before a district court in Bonn after the neighbours took the elderly pensioner to court.

More: http://metro.co.uk/2017/05/06/elderly-deaf-man-fined-85-for-constantly-playing-porn-too-loud-6619695/

[mountaineer]

No earphones in Hennef?

Knock yourself out, Franz.

[EC]

Driver who armed himself with a bat in road rage attack instantly regrets it

Getting angry because of someone’s driving is never wise – and it will almost always end in tears.

Which is exactly what happened to this passenger, who objected to the driver behind him sounding his horn.

He got out of the car, armed himself with a baseball bat and stormed over to the car behind to confront the offender, before swinging back the bat and smashing up the right wing.

But the driver in the car behind did not take well to his car being smashed up so got out and reacted with equal violence and ferocity.

With a single punch he knocked out the guy with the baseball bat then took on the baseball bat-wielding man’s passenger who had, perhaps foolishly, got out to (belatedly) defend his friend.

Meanwhile, the people in the car at the back of the line record the whole thing while calling for police and ambulance crews to come and help.

Moral of this story? Life’s too short for road rage.

Video (59 seconds): http://metro.co.uk/2017/05/08/driver-who-armed-himself-with-a-bat-in-road-rage-attack-instantly-regrets-it-6622811/

[Wingnut]

I'm not saying it is fake...but it is fake.

[Cyber Liberty]

I'm not saying it is fake...but it is fake.

I don't know about that, but it seems like another normal day in Tempe.

[bigheadfred]

I don't know about that, but it seems like another normal day in Tempe.

Everyone in Tempe is batty. Nice.

[EC]

Cow sex suspect hunted by police helicopter

Police scrambled a helicopter in a bid to track down a man suspected of committing a sex act on a cow.

The suspect was reportedly seen interfering with the farm animal near Denham Way, in Maple Cross, Hertfordshire, on Saturday morning.

Despite the aerial search, officers were unable to locate him after they were called at 07:18 BST, the St Albans and Harpenden Review reported.

Hertfordshire Police said the cow was unhurt.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-39859134

Slow day for the rozzers, I guess.

[Wingnut]

Mr. Dick Chit Nyi Nyi Chitty, 34, of McLean, VA was arrested and charged with Bank robbery today.

McLean Wells Fargo Bank Robber Charged

https://patch.com/virginia/mclean/wells-fargo-bank-robber-arrested-mclean

[Cyber Liberty]

Mr. Dick Chit Nyi Nyi Chitty, 34, of McLean, VA was arrested and charged with Bank robbery today.

McLean Wells Fargo Bank Robber Charged

https://patch.com/virginia/mclean/wells-fargo-bank-robber-arrested-mclean

You're been up all night binge watching Monty Python's Flying Circus again, haven't you?

[Wingnut]

You're been up all night binge watching Monty Python's Flying Circus again, haven't you?

Sometime...you just can't make this Chit up my fellow Knight.

[corbe]

2 Women Arrested After One Calls 911 On Herself For Drunk Driving

Police: A woman who called 911 on herself said her friend would not "comply" with her.

  By Bryan Kirk (Patch Staff) -      May 10, 2017 12:19 pm ET     



Marissa Ann Sluss (left) is charged with driving while intoxicated. Hannah Marie Webb (right) is charged with public intoxication. (Image: Friendswood Police)

FRIENDSWOOD, TX — Two Webster women are facing charges after one of the women called police to report she was too drunk to drive.

According to police, 25-year old Marissa Ann Sluss called 911 and and told police she was unsafe to drive her car because she was intoxicated, and that her friend, 20-year old Hannah Marie Webb, was also too drunk to drive.

<..snip..>

https://patch.com/virginia/ashburn/s/g49r4/2-women-arrested-after-one-calls-911-on-herself-for-drunk-driving

[Wingnut]

"she wasn't complying"?    She should have been pliable  with all the alcohol in her!

[Cripplecreek]

Man with vehicle fetish sentenced to treatment and probation

SAGINAW, MI -- The 26-year-old man with a self-professed fetish for rough-running cars will avoid prison time and instead receive mental health and sex offender treatment, along with five years probation.

Jordan Haskins was sentenced Monday, May 8, on eight felonies in two separate auto incidents -- one late last year and one early in 2017.

Haskins is a habitual offender with a criminal history of multiple incidents involving a fetish he refers to as "cranking." The act entails removing a vehicle's spark plug wires to make the vehicle run roughly to help reach sexual self-gratification.

http://www.mlive.com/news/saginaw/index.ssf/2017/05/man_with_cranking_fetish_gets.html#incart_most-read_news_article

There is some kind of joke here about cold cranking amps but damned if I'm going to try and find it.

BTW the guy is a former GOP candidate for the michigan house.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrUt7B1P6XU

[Cripplecreek]

When a man loves a Chevy,
Can't keep his mind on nothin' else,
He'd change the world for the good thing he's found.
If she is bad, he can't see it,
She can do no wrong,

[TomSea]

Man seeking free pizza rescued from snowy Arizona mountain
http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/man-seeking-free-pizza-rescued-from-snowy-arizona-mountain/ar-BBB2gNR

[Cripplecreek]

Pastor Tries To Walk On Water Like Jesus; Gets Eaten Alive By Crocodiles Instead

A pastor who tried to walk on water like Jesus died recently after being eaten by crocodiles.
Featured Image VIA

Jonathan Mthethwa from the Saint of the Last Days Church, attempted to prove to his congregation that he could reenact the famous Biblical moment. Unfortunately, he decided to try his luck in a river known simply as Crocodile River. What did he think was going to happen?

According to local newspaper The Herald Zimbabwe, Mthethwa walked into the water where he was fully submerged. He then attempted to ascend above the water to start walking, but his attempt was cut short when three crocodiles appeared out of nowhere to start munching on him.

http://www.sickchirpse.com/pastor-walk-on-water-jesus-eaten-crocodiles-instead/

[mountaineer]

He then attempted to ascend above the water to start walking, but his attempt was cut short when three crocodiles appeared out of nowhere to start munching on him.

For my next trick, I'll be swallowed like Jonah by a great fish. Er, crocodile.

[Smokin Joe]

Pastor Tries To Walk On Water Like Jesus; Gets Eaten Alive By Crocodiles Instead

A pastor who tried to walk on water like Jesus died recently after being eaten by crocodiles.
Featured Image VIA

Jonathan Mthethwa from the Saint of the Last Days Church, attempted to prove to his congregation that he could reenact the famous Biblical moment. Unfortunately, he decided to try his luck in a river known simply as Crocodile River. What did he think was going to happen?

According to local newspaper The Herald Zimbabwe, Mthethwa walked into the water where he was fully submerged. He then attempted to ascend above the water to start walking, but his attempt was cut short when three crocodiles appeared out of nowhere to start munching on him.

http://www.sickchirpse.com/pastor-walk-on-water-jesus-eaten-crocodiles-instead/

If your knees are wet, you're doing it wrong...