Ridiculous News of the Day

[Wingnut]

If I found Maxine floating in my pool, I'd punish my dog.

[Cripplecreek]

Meet the man who lets his girlfriend have sex with other men… so that she doesn’t leave him

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/2864302/meet-the-man-who-lets-his-girlfriend-have-sex-with-other-men-so-that-she-doesnt-leave-him/


WAKING up on a Saturday morning, Beatrice Gibbs takes one look at the naked stranger lying next to her before quickly putting on her clothes and leaving. As the 22-year-old make-up artist walks home, she texts her boyfriend Adam Gillet to tell him she’s on her way back. Beatrice feels no guilt as she walks through their front door – because Adam knows exactly where she has been and what she’s been doing.

The pair, who have been together for two years, have a one-sided open relationship.

Beatrice can sleep with who she wants, when she wants, despite Adam, 27, not having the same privileges.

Neuter it with a hedge trimmer, its the only way to be sure.

[Idaho_Cowboy]

Meet the man who lets his girlfriend have sex with other men… so that she doesn’t leave him

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/2864302/meet-the-man-who-lets-his-girlfriend-have-sex-with-other-men-so-that-she-doesnt-leave-him/


WAKING up on a Saturday morning, Beatrice Gibbs takes one look at the naked stranger lying next to her before quickly putting on her clothes and leaving. As the 22-year-old make-up artist walks home, she texts her boyfriend Adam Gillet to tell him she’s on her way back. Beatrice feels no guilt as she walks through their front door – because Adam knows exactly where she has been and what she’s been doing.

The pair, who have been together for two years, have a one-sided open relationship.

Beatrice can sleep with who she wants, when she wants, despite Adam, 27, not having the same privileges.

Neuter it with a hedge trimmer, its the only way to be sure.

Umm Dude, she's already gone.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hM6Z-eOWXZQ

[Cripplecreek]

Umm Dude, she's already gone.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hM6Z-eOWXZQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqzhW6a1trQ

[Sanguine]

Umm Dude, she's already gone.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hM6Z-eOWXZQ

This one works too:

JOHN HIATT LYRICS
"Gone"

Gone like my last paycheck, gone gone away
Gone like the car I wrecked, gone gone away
Gone like a fifth of gin, gone gone away
Gone like the shape I'm in, gone gone away
My baby's gone away

Gone like a Nixon file, gone gone away
Gone like my landlord’s smile, gone gone away
Gone like the furniture, gone gone away
Gone like the rest of her, gone gone away
My baby's gone away

Gone like the silhouette there by the bed where she undressed
Gone like the candlelight where we made love so sweet and bright
Gone like the one last turn she took before Atlanta burned
Gone like everything I learned, gone gone away

Gone like my last paycheck, gone gone away
Gone like the car I wrecked, gone gone away
Gone like a fifth of gin gone gone away
Gone like the shape I'm in, gone gone away
My baby's gone away

[Idaho_Cowboy]

A Man's Pet Squirrel Stops a Would-Be Burglar in Idaho

A pet squirrel named Joey is being called a hero this week after attacking a would-be burglar who broke into an Idaho home.

It all started Tuesday when Meridian, Idaho resident Adam Pearl stepped into his house and realized something was wrong."I came in the front door and I saw snow prints out in the front driveway going to the back of the house, so I thought something was awry because no one usually goes through the yard," Pearl told KIVI-TV....
https://weather.com/science/nature/news/squirrel-attacks-idaho-burglar

[Cripplecreek]

Arsonist botches effort to blow up home on Valentine's Day, police say

http://www.mlive.com/news/flint/index.ssf/2017/02/gas_line_cut_in_attempt_to_blo.html

GAINES TWP, MI - An inside gas line was cut near a burning candle in an effort to blow up a Gaines Township home on Valentine's Day, police said.

Instead of exploding, however, the suspected arsonist set the candle too close to the line.

"What they wanted to do was fill up the room with gas and blow up the house," said Gaines Township police Chief Mark Schmitzer, adding that firefighters found the broken gas line "spewing out a flame like a blow torch."

Ah stupid people. Who would we laugh at without them.

[EC]

Got a special sort of stupid one for us today ....

Tenant violates terms of lease by dying so his family can’t get his deposit back

A landlord has refused to give a deposit back to a family because the tenant had violated the terms of the lease – by dying.

Dennis Hanel, 55, had stage four kidney failure and died last month of a heart attack, but his £1,122 deposit will not be returned to his family.

His sister was told that his death ‘violated the terms of his lease’ and a representative of the landlord told her: ‘He’s not getting anything back.’

Debra Tolbert told CrossCut she was planning to use the deposit to cover the cost of her brother’s cremation.

An organiser from the local group, Washington CAN, that is helping Debra said: ‘For a landlord to require someone to give notice that they are going to die in order to get a deposit back is outrageous and unethical, not to mention inhumane.

Xochhitl Maykovich continued: ‘I don’t understand how someone like that can sleep at night.’

http://metro.co.uk/2017/02/17/tenant-violates-terms-of-lease-by-dying-so-his-family-cant-get-his-deposit-back-6454086/

[bigheadfred]

Got a special sort of stupid one for us today ....

Tenant violates terms of lease by dying so his family can’t get his deposit back

A landlord has refused to give a deposit back to a family because the tenant had violated the terms of the lease – by dying.

Dennis Hanel, 55, had stage four kidney failure and died last month of a heart attack, but his £1,122 deposit will not be returned to his family.

His sister was told that his death ‘violated the terms of his lease’ and a representative of the landlord told her: ‘He’s not getting anything back.’

Debra Tolbert told CrossCut she was planning to use the deposit to cover the cost of her brother’s cremation.

An organiser from the local group, Washington CAN, that is helping Debra said: ‘For a landlord to require someone to give notice that they are going to die in order to get a deposit back is outrageous and unethical, not to mention inhumane.

Xochhitl Maykovich continued: ‘I don’t understand how someone like that can sleep at night.’

http://metro.co.uk/2017/02/17/tenant-violates-terms-of-lease-by-dying-so-his-family-cant-get-his-deposit-back-6454086/

I guess you can't terminate your lease by paying the ultimate price.

Hey! What kind of name is 'Xochhitl Maykovich'? Siberian?

[EC]

Behind the Name site says Xochhitl is Native American derived from Spanish. 

[bigheadfred]

Behind the Name site says Xochhitl is Native American derived from Spanish. 

Welllll, since Maykovich sounds Russian and Xochhitl sounds Aztec I figured the name originated in Siberia and made it's way to us over some sort of bridge.

[EC]

The Metro has a few good ones today:

Man ‘discovers wife is prostitute after watching brothel raid on TV’

A man apparently discovered his wife was a prostitute after she was arrested on TV during a brothel raid.

Igor Alexeev had no idea his other half was a sex worker until he watched police storm the premises in Ufa, Bashkortostan, in Russia.

After doing some more research on the internet he apparently found his wife Maria was listed for various sexual services, according to Mundo.

He said her listing showed she charged clients 15,000 RUB (£200) per night.

Mr Alexeev is now trying to get a court order to prevent his wife seeing their six-year-old daughter because he thinks she would be emotionally scarred if she found out the truth.

http://metro.co.uk/2017/02/17/man-discovers-wife-is-prostitute-after-watching-brothel-raid-on-tv-6456145/

Just how oblivious is this guy?

[TomSea]

Toy tiger used to nurse orphaned cubs back to health   
Park rangers at a tiger reserve in India came up with a unique way to nurse three orphaned cubs.

The rangers at the Bandhavgarh Tiger Reserve in Madhya Pradesh have fitted a stuffed toy tiger with synthetic nipples and milk bottles for the cubs to feed from, CNN reported.

http://www.ajc.com/news/world/toy-tiger-used-nurse-orphaned-cubs-back-health/qfZzvOpFjcFGfJZ3fZbNbL/

[bigheadfred]

I have a doll sorta like that.

[EC]

A policeman's lot is not a happy one.

Police officer sacked for sending his boss picture of porn star that looked like her

A police officer has been sacked after he sent his female boss a picture of a porn star he thought looked like her.

PC Mark Scruby also showed the image to other colleagues telling them it looked just like Detective Sergeant Isobel Lee.

The officer of 14 years insisted it was a ‘joke’ but his boss said it left her feeling ‘humiliated and dirty’, at a misconduct hearing yesterday.

‘To try and keep face in front of the rest of my team for the rest of the day was really hard,’ she said.

He ‘repeatedly’ shared the explicit image with colleagues in a canteen and a report writing room, before he sent it to [DS] Lee over Whatsapp on February 5 last year.

Lee called him into her office at Crawley police station in West Sussex and told him: ‘You were inappropriate, unprofessional and out of order.’

The constable was hauled before a police misconduct hearing last May and was dismissed from the force after his actions were found to be a major breach of standards.

But he was later reinstated as an officer after he lodged an appeal against the ruling.

On Thursday, the case was brought back to a misconduct hearing where DS Lee said the incident left her feeling ’embarrassed and disgusted, humiliated and dirty.’

http://metro.co.uk/2017/02/17/police-officer-sacked-for-sending-his-boss-picture-of-porn-star-that-looked-like-her-6454083/

[Cyber Liberty]

It's hard to take a side on this one.  A Police Supervisor should be a little tougher than this, but on the other hand he was showing it around to his peers (presumably also working for the Supervisor), making her the butt of the jokes which had the effect of undermining her authority.  Are there pictures of the porn star in the story so we can judge?   

[musiclady]

A policeman's lot is not a happy one.

Police officer sacked for sending his boss picture of porn star that looked like her

A police officer has been sacked after he sent his female boss a picture of a porn star he thought looked like her.

PC Mark Scruby also showed the image to other colleagues telling them it looked just like Detective Sergeant Isobel Lee.

The officer of 14 years insisted it was a ‘joke’ but his boss said it left her feeling ‘humiliated and dirty’, at a misconduct hearing yesterday.

‘To try and keep face in front of the rest of my team for the rest of the day was really hard,’ she said.

He ‘repeatedly’ shared the explicit image with colleagues in a canteen and a report writing room, before he sent it to [DS] Lee over Whatsapp on February 5 last year.

Lee called him into her office at Crawley police station in West Sussex and told him: ‘You were inappropriate, unprofessional and out of order.’

The constable was hauled before a police misconduct hearing last May and was dismissed from the force after his actions were found to be a major breach of standards.

But he was later reinstated as an officer after he lodged an appeal against the ruling.

On Thursday, the case was brought back to a misconduct hearing where DS Lee said the incident left her feeling ’embarrassed and disgusted, humiliated and dirty.’

http://metro.co.uk/2017/02/17/police-officer-sacked-for-sending-his-boss-picture-of-porn-star-that-looked-like-her-6454083/

When a fellow's not engaged in his employment
or maturing his felonious little plans,
his capacity for innocent enjoyment
is just as great as any honest man's.........

[EC]

 

[EC]

Ex-police officer attempted to create ZOMBIE SLAVES by killing four homeless people during occult rituals in Russian woodlands

    Former policeman allegedly performed occult sacrifices in Verkhnyaya Pyshma
    Arsen Bairambekov had worked as an police officer in Dagestan before killings
    Investigators allege that he tried to bring four vagrants back to life as 'zombies' 

By Naomi Leach For Mailonline

Published: 10:07, 20 February 2017 | Updated: 10:47, 20 February 2017

A former police officer has been accused of killing four homeless people and attempting to resurrect them as ‘zombies’ during occult rituals in a Russian forest.

Arsen Bairambekov allegedly lured the vagrants with free alcohol to a makeshift altar and bonfire in woodlands in Verkhnyaya Pyshma at night-time.

He sacrificed his victims then attempted to turn them into ‘zombies’ a Russian court heard.

After the sacrificial killings Mr Bairambekov buried the four bodies and is said to have returned ‘some time later’ in a bid to unleash his occult powers through further rituals.

Investigators told The Times: ‘He tried to bring the dead back to life then turn them into zombies. However, all his attempts were futile.’

Originally a police officer based in Dagestan in southern Russia, Mr Bairambekov moved to Verkhnyaya Pyshma, 900 miles east of Moscow, where the killings took place in 2014.

The former officer is also facing charges for two contact killings carried out on businessmen in 2002 and 2010 and for the illegal circulation of firearms.

According to the Investigative Committee of Russia, Mr Bairambekov underwent three psychiatric evaluations and was deemed fit to stand trial.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4241628/Ex-police-officer-attempted-create-ZOMBIE-SLAVES.html

If it's MailOnline BS, it's creative MailOnline BS. I prefer to think it's too ridiculous to be anything but the truth.

[TomSea]

Tennessee:
If one reads up on this, the police officer has only been disciplined with a suspension, a few weeks.

Mind you, if talking this way to someone is not bad enough, he also gave her some sort of video of himself as well.

Cop's indecent requests caught on secret recordings
Phil Williams
SOUTH CARTHAGE, Tenn. - Secret recordings obtained by Nashville-based WTVF show a Middle Tennessee police officer making all sorts of indecent requests to a woman he was supposed to be protecting.

Those recordings landed South Carthage officer Frank Geisenhoffer in trouble back in December.

For the victim, they raise questions about why he's still on the job.

"How can you defend speaking to a woman like that?" WTVF asked the veteran officer.

"Ok, sir," he replied. "I don't have any statements."

The recordings, made by convenience store clerk Elizabeth Restrepo, are crude.

"I don't do big girls," Geisenhoffer says at one point. "Don't have to -- not with this d...k."

At another point, he tells Restrepo, "You do look good, baby. F...ing hot!" Later, he comments on the appearance of her nipples.

More: http://www.abc15.com/news/national/cops-indecent-requests-caught-on-secret-recordings

[EC]

The punishment certainly fits the ridiculous category.

[bigheadfred]

The punishment certainly fits the ridiculous category.

I don't know. Suspension for two shifts. What were they suspending him by?

[TomSea]

The thing about the Tennessee case above, is it does seem possible, one could be led on. It sounds like the cop and no one else did wrong but it might be more complex.

[EC]

Headline (from the Post, which re-ran the article) and link (to the original article) only for this. I don't want to spoil the pleasure.

‘Vagina lipstick glue’ is even more terrible than it sounds

[Cyber Liberty]

Toxic Shock, anybody?

[TomSea]

Could go in the national news forum, will spare folks that. victim-less crime? 2 consenting whatever.

Mississippi:

DOG SEX RAP Woman, 43, arrested for having sex with a DOG after vile bestiality video was posted online
Footage showing the alleged disturbing sex session led cops to raid the home of Amy Graves
https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/2924410/woman-sex-with-dog-video-posted-online-arrested/

[TomSea]

SHARK ATTACK Shark attack bodyboarder dies on paradise island Reunion after being mauled in front of shocked holidaymakers
The bodyboarder was attacked by a shark while in a dangerous water area today off Saint-Andre
By ELLIE CAMBRIDGE
21st February 2017, 3:11 pm   
A BODYBOARDER bled to death on a beach in front of shocked honeymooners after being attacked by a SHARK.

The 26-year-old, now named as Alexandre Naussance, went into waters officially closed to swimmers – but the warning signs had been vandalised.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/2919174/shark-attack-reunion-bodyboarder-dead-beach/

[Wingnut]

Must have been a Naussance Shark.

[Idaho_Cowboy]

Giraffe stream flagged on YouTube for 'nudity & sexual content', park says

"For the millions of you that have been tuning in to take witness to this educational experience, a live giraffe birth, there are a handful of extremists and animal rights activists that may not agree with us, and that's okay, but have unfortunately reported our YouTube cam as sexually explicit or nude content, which has made for its removal," park officials said on Facebook Live....
http://www.fox5ny.com/news/237622553-story

 :huh?:

[Cyber Liberty]

Giraffe stream flagged on YouTube for 'nudity & sexual content', park says

"For the millions of you that have been tuning in to take witness to this educational experience, a live giraffe birth, there are a handful of extremists and animal rights activists that may not agree with us, and that's okay, but have unfortunately reported our YouTube cam as sexually explicit or nude content, which has made for its removal," park officials said on Facebook Live....
http://www.fox5ny.com/news/237622553-story

 :huh?:

Animal rights activists.  They griped the live-cam for something bogus they knew they could get it pulled down for.  The Lavender Mafia that runs Bookface does that too.

[Cripplecreek]

Spectacular General Lee stunt jump wows Autorama crowd

http://www.mlive.com/news/index.ssf/2017/02/spectacular_general_lee_stunt.html

I'm a little surprised they got away with this primarily because of the flag on top of the car.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPtcfv4dA7o

[Cyber Liberty]

Spectacular General Lee stunt jump wows Autorama crowd

http://www.mlive.com/news/index.ssf/2017/02/spectacular_general_lee_stunt.html

I'm a little surprised they got away with this primarily because of the flag on top of the car.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPtcfv4dA7o

I thought the guy who owns that car said he was going to paint over the flag on the top?

[verga]

I thought the guy who owns that car said he was going to paint over the flag on the top?

@Cyber Liberty I am glad he did not.

[Cyber Liberty]

@Cyber Liberty I am glad he did not.

I think there are many copies of the General Lee, so who knows?  The ones used in the TV series are probably showpieces, not for driving stunts.  The car in CC's video looked like it was damaged from the jump.

[Wingnut]

The car in CC's video looked like it was damaged from the jump.

A little Zaino and that will buff right out!

[Cripplecreek]

I think there are many copies of the General Lee, so who knows?  The ones used in the TV series are probably showpieces, not for driving stunts.  The car in CC's video looked like it was damaged from the jump.

It was wrecked. That whole car is probably one of many made in a shop to be wrecked. There is nothing original there.

Slow mo. She's done.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-DYBfKYk6E

[TomSea]

These are snuggies, I had to look it up to make sure:

Snuggie-clad goats found wandering Idaho neighborhood
By Daniel Uria   |   Feb. 24, 2017 at 2:34 PM
http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2017/02/24/Snuggie-clad-goats-found-wandering-Idaho-neighborhood/4951487963332/?utm_source=sec&utm_campaign=sl&utm_medium=2

Picture at link of the goats even. But it is a tweet, so one can go see for themselves.

[EC]

Angry anglers lead to attacks, feces-smearing at Florida pier

   

One Florida fishing pier is cracking down on vengeful fishermen who have gone as far as defecating on the pier’s in order to mark their space.

According to Florida Today, the good fishing at the Sebastian Inlet pier has led to increasing disputes among anglers, including aggressive tactics like throwing fishing weights and gear at each other and boaters, and the boaters sometimes retaliating in kind.

The problem doesn’t quiet at night, leading officials to consider closing the pier at night because injuries, including two victims being taken to the hospital.

"We've had reports of people defecating and spreading it on the rail to mark their territory so nobody will fish next to them," administrator for the Sebastian Inlet District Martin Smithson told Florida Today. "There have been several citations for public urination."

The inlet district passed a resolution this month asking for help from law enforecement. District officials hope the pier will be patrolled 24/7 by Florida wildlife officers, but the question of funding and how a patrol would work remain.

More: http://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/crime--law/angry-anglers-lead-attacks-feces-smearing-florida-pier/sD7L4p6et6DltBf2LEivLN/

[Cyber Liberty]

Angry anglers lead to attacks, feces-smearing at Florida pier

   

One Florida fishing pier is cracking down on vengeful fishermen who have gone as far as defecating on the pier’s in order to mark their space.

According to Florida Today, the good fishing at the Sebastian Inlet pier has led to increasing disputes among anglers, including aggressive tactics like throwing fishing weights and gear at each other and boaters, and the boaters sometimes retaliating in kind.

The problem doesn’t quiet at night, leading officials to consider closing the pier at night because injuries, including two victims being taken to the hospital.

"We've had reports of people defecating and spreading it on the rail to mark their territory so nobody will fish next to them," administrator for the Sebastian Inlet District Martin Smithson told Florida Today. "There have been several citations for public urination."

The inlet district passed a resolution this month asking for help from law enforecement. District officials hope the pier will be patrolled 24/7 by Florida wildlife officers, but the question of funding and how a patrol would work remain.

More: http://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/crime--law/angry-anglers-lead-attacks-feces-smearing-florida-pier/sD7L4p6et6DltBf2LEivLN/

That's pretty shitty....

[bigheadfred]

[Cyber Liberty]

There's a Cop Shop in New England somewhere that has one of the most followed Bookface pages in the country.  Some funny guy writes up some of their happenings.

[GtHawk]

I have a doll sorta like that.

I was thinking that this story wasn't ridiculous.................and then I saw your comment
@bigheadfred

[GtHawk]

Ex-police officer attempted to create ZOMBIE SLAVES by killing four homeless people during occult rituals in Russian woodlands

    Former policeman allegedly performed occult sacrifices in Verkhnyaya Pyshma
    Arsen Bairambekov had worked as an police officer in Dagestan before killings
    Investigators allege that he tried to bring four vagrants back to life as 'zombies' 

By Naomi Leach For Mailonline

Published: 10:07, 20 February 2017 | Updated: 10:47, 20 February 2017

A former police officer has been accused of killing four homeless people and attempting to resurrect them as ‘zombies’ during occult rituals in a Russian forest.

Arsen Bairambekov allegedly lured the vagrants with free alcohol to a makeshift altar and bonfire in woodlands in Verkhnyaya Pyshma at night-time.

He sacrificed his victims then attempted to turn them into ‘zombies’ a Russian court heard.

After the sacrificial killings Mr Bairambekov buried the four bodies and is said to have returned ‘some time later’ in a bid to unleash his occult powers through further rituals.

Investigators told The Times: ‘He tried to bring the dead back to life then turn them into zombies. However, all his attempts were futile.’

Originally a police officer based in Dagestan in southern Russia, Mr Bairambekov moved to Verkhnyaya Pyshma, 900 miles east of Moscow, where the killings took place in 2014.

The former officer is also facing charges for two contact killings carried out on businessmen in 2002 and 2010 and for the illegal circulation of firearms.

According to the Investigative Committee of Russia, Mr Bairambekov underwent three psychiatric evaluations and was deemed fit to stand trial.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4241628/Ex-police-officer-attempted-create-ZOMBIE-SLAVES.html

If it's MailOnline BS, it's creative MailOnline BS. I prefer to think it's too ridiculous to be anything but the truth.

I'm glad it didn't work, we already have too many democrats in the world.

[Cyber Liberty]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4a6YdNmK77k

[Bigun]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4a6YdNmK77k

   Exactly!

[Smokin Joe]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4a6YdNmK77k

That's a classic!

[Gefn]

Can I add one?.

It was 72 degrees here on Saturday. Today it's in the 30s and will be there all week.

Wacky weather.

It's not as good as you alls posts but...it's weird.

[GtHawk]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4a6YdNmK77k

I love The Ghost Breakers, one of Hope's best.

[Cyber Liberty]

Check out this dipstick...Having a choice of 34 genders isn't enough.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4274396/Man-spends-50-000-transform-genderless-ALIEN.html

[EC]

A Tolkien Truther From Colorado Says He's the Real King of England


We may never get to see the uproarious hijinks of 1991’s comedy classic, King Ralph, but, thankfully, reality is often stranger than fiction. Take, for example, a Colorado man who believes that the works of J.R.R. Tolkien are “more than fiction” and has formally laid his claim to the title of King of England.

As spotted by David Mapstone, a journalist at Britain’s Sky News, Allan V. Evans of Wheat Ridge, Colorado, took out a lengthy ad in The Times of London on Wednesday claiming that due to his unbroken lineage—trailing back to the fictional Kingdom of Gondor, he says—makes him the rightful King of England. In the ad, Evans traces his ancestry through real historical kings such as Cunedda Wledig, founder of Wales, before finally arriving at where he appears to think history intersects with the stories of Tolkien, Wales being just a new name for what was once called Gondor.

Evans goes on to state that in 30 days from the post of the notice, he will be claiming his rightful lands, titles, assets, and all the rest, but will also wait until the natural death of Queen Elizabeth II.

The ad ends with a rousing call to his cause and countrymen, before the revealing final line, making any previous fictional reference explicit.

http://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/king-england-newspaper-ad-times

So, who were saying weed is harmless again?