Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: July 20, 2025 Edition  (Read 51 times)

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Offline John Semmens

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: July 20, 2025 Edition
« on: Today at 03:42:32 am »
Mamdani Lays Out Agenda for NYC

With polls showing him favored to win the election in November, New York City socialist Democrat mayoral nominee Zohran Mamdani vowed to "revolutionize the way this city will be governed. Half-measures will be swept aside and replaced with true equality for all."

"For generations rent-control has produced huge housing inequities," he pointed out. "Those lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time were awarded windfall benefits. Those less fortunate have had to pay outrageous sums for inadequate living space. I will tear down this rotten system by abolishing private ownership of property. Right now the majority of New Yorkers don't own the space they live in. After I'm mayor no one will be permitted to own living space. The government will take ownership, abolish rent, and allocate living space based on need. I will personally approve the appropriate living space for every resident."

"A similar approach will be employed when it comes to ensuring that everyone is adequately fed," the candidate bragged. "The great disparities between the diets of the rich and the poor are ethically indefensible. I will establish publicly owned and operated food distribution centers. Prices will be set at each customer's ability to pay. No one will go hungry just because they are poor."

"I will endeavor to reduce wealth disparities by seizing the means of production," Mamdani promised. "Virtually every billionaire gained his vast wealth by running a business that created a demand for new and previously unneeded products or services. This fluke of luck led to the accumulation of undeserved wealth. By having the government confiscate these businesses the wealth can be more fairly redistributed among the rest of humanity."

Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) praised Mamdani's food distribution plan, saying "socialism is the only method capable of achieving true equity. This type of plan fed generations of Russians during the Soviet years. Capitalists mocked that system for its long lines of customers waiting hours to make their purchases. They try to conceal the fact that long lines are a sign of great values. We see similar lines outside movie theaters when great movies are being shown inside. Such lines also have the virtue of teaching folks patience--something which is in short supply in our money-grubbing private sector economy."

House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) admitted that "Mamdani's success shows his ideas are popular with voters. Taking from the 'haves' to give to the 'have-nots' has been a theme of our Party since at least the days of FDR. I am a little concerned about his unwillingness to condemn the implicit antisemitism of the intifada. I'd like to hear him discuss issues of public safety, specifically as they relate to the Jewish community."

"The whole point of democracy is majority rule," Mamdani replied. "The whole point of socialism is total equality. Jews must accept the government that the majority votes for. To the extent that Jews have been a part of the pathology of capitalism, of ruthlessly amassing wealth that exceeds their fair share, they must accept the measures that are required to spread the wealth more evenly among all."

In related news, former Nazi collaborator George Soros donated an estimated $37 million to Mamdani's campaign for mayor. Rival candidate for mayor Eric Adams pointed out that "in an interview on CBS' Sixty Minutes, Soros described his work helping the Nazis confiscate property from Jews as 'the happiest days of my life.' Of course, he was a very young man in those days--full of life and vigor. But he was an old man with the full knowledge that the Jews he helped dispossess were subsequently murdered in concentration camps when he went on Sixty Minutes. I can't imagine a decent person could call those the best years of his life, nor that his backing of Mamdani bodes well for Jewish residents of New York."

Top Biden Staffers Take 5th

Last week, former President Biden's physician Dr. Kevin O'Connor refused to answer questions regarding his patient's fitness to carry out the duties required of the presidency. Earlier this week, Anthony Bernal, senior advisor to First Lady Jill Biden, refused to answer questions on the same subject. On Friday, Annie Tomasini, deputy chief of staff to Biden, refused to answer questions on the same subject. All three of them invoked their 5th Amendment right against self incrimination.

House Oversight Committee Chairman James Comer said the "pattern of key Biden confidants seeking to shield themselves from criminal liability increases our suspicion that these unelected bureaucrats exploited President Biden's dementia to carry out policies that he neither approved nor understood."

Tomasini's lawyer Jonathan Su asserted that "since there is an ongoing federal criminal investigation into this matter that could result in criminal prosecution by the Department of Justice against my client and others for usurping presidential powers I had to advise my client to invoke her Fifth Amendment rights. Besides, the former President has already publicly stated that he was fully capable and did order all of the actions taken in his names by his aides and advisors."

On Friday, Biden himself issued a public statement on the matter saying "my aides all assure me that I did instruct them to do all the things they say I told them to do. Since I can't really remember one way or the other I see no alternative but to take their word for it. If it's good enough for--the Commander-in-Chief of America it ought to be good enough for the ordinary folks I rule."

Ashley Williams, Biden's deputy director of Oval Office operations, backed up the former president's take on the situation, saying "like the President, I don't recall much of what happened during my years in the White House. If my coworkers say that the President made all those awful decisions to open our country's borders, pardon all those criminals, and waste trillions of dollars I'll just have to take their word for it."

Dems Complain About "Alligator Alcatraz"

A group of four Florida Democrats--Reps. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, Maxwell Alejandro Frost, Darren Soto, and Jared Moskowitz--visited the new "Alligator Alcatraz" immigration detention center in the Everglades and judged the accommodations "disturbing and disgusting."

Wasserman-Schultz observed "the place is like a prison. Freedom of movement is restricted. Detainees are served grilled cheese sandwiches while employees are served roasted chicken meals. The are no fences or walls to prevent detainees from wandering into the alligator and snake infested swamp that surrounds the place. It's as if they're daring the inmates to try to escape."

Frost brought a binder filled with names and photos of detainees who have lost contact with their families. "They aren't permitted to have cell phones and the public phones at the facility are severely limited," he complained.

Soto said "what they're doing here is eliminating thousands and thousands of workers. It will cripple our economy. Thousands of lawns won't get mowed. Thousands of floors won't get scrubbed. Thousands of beds won't be made."

Moskowitz, described the center as "effing ridiculous. It only has the capacity to hold 1,000 inmates. There are 20 million so-called illegal aliens in the United States. It would take 20,000 detention facilities to hold all of them."

Gov. Ron DeSantis (R) pointed out that "all of these inmates have broken the law by illegally entering the United States. They are only in this facility until they can be deported. Each inmate can immediately opt out by taking the all-expense-paid flight back to his home country that is offered to all inmates as soon as they arrive."

Native-Born Employment Surges

Statistically, all of the jobs gained since Trump took office have gone to native-born Americans. In Biden's last year in office half of the jobs gained went to immigrants. Secretary of Labor Lori Chavez-DeRemer explained "President Trump promised to focus on improving the opportunities and wages of Americans when he campaigned for the presidency. We are now delivering on that promise. Two million more Americans have jobs that they didn't have while Biden was president."

House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) was less enthusiastic about this outcome, pointing out that "President Biden's policies produced a more balanced result. I addition to aiding both natives and immigrants to get jobs there was also a 50/50 balance between public and private sector jobs. In contrast, all of Trump's job gains were in the private sector. As we are seeing, Trump is relentlessly firing thousands of public sector employees. Public service careers are disappearing at an alarming rate."

Secretary Chavez-DeRemer pointed out that "private sector jobs produce wealth. Public sector jobs consume wealth. With the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) helping to identify redundancies and unnecessary functions in the public sector we are able to generate more opportunities for augmenting the wealth creation function of private industry. Right now there are an estimated six million Americans who are willing to work but have been priced out of employment by the wage-lowering presence of illegal immigrants in the workforce. The efforts being made to deport illegal immigrants will improve the employment prospects of these Americans."

In an effort to thwart this outcome, Rep. Maria Salazar (R-Fl) and Veronica Escobar (D-Tx) have introduced "The Dignity Act." Salazar explained "this legislation acknowledges that most undocumented individuals are not seeking citizenship, but rather the dignity of living and working legally, contributing to society, paying taxes, being safe from deportation, and traveling to see family during the holidays. Add in the fact that there are some jobs that Americans aren't willing to do it seems that allowing more immigrants in is a win-win situation."

Chavez-DeRemer challenged the "aren't willing to do" premise by citing the construction industry as an example, saying "right now it is estimated that about 20% of the construction jobs are held by illegal immigrants and 80% by Americans. That means that Americans are willing to do this kind of work. The main thing stopping them getting construction jobs is the undercutting of wages by illegal immigrant workers. This is not a 'win-win' situation and we are fixing it."

"Well, a lot of American voters are not going to like paying the higher prices needed to pay other Americans to do the work that illegal immigrants are doing for less," Salazar predicted.

In related news, Argentina went from bankruptcy to a booming economy in the course of a single year after its libertarian President Javier Gerardo Milei drastically slashed government spending. Adopting a chainsaw as a symbol of his administration he eliminated half of the government's ministries, fired 10% of the federal workforce, reduced regulations and taxes. "We loosened the fetters that were impeding our people's opportunities to create wealth," Milei boasted. "We proved that freedom works better than socialism."

Dems Question Cancellation of Colbert's Late Show

Sen. Adam Schiff (D-Calif) and Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass) both called the sudden cancellation of Stephen Colbert's Late Show "suspicious."

Schiff said "I was on the show when Stephen told the everyone that his contract wasn't going to be renewed. The outburst of dismay and caterwauling from the studio audience was heartbreaking. That this brilliant voice will be removed from the battle for our democracy is tragic."

Warren pointed out that "CBS canceled Colbert's show just THREE DAYS after Colbert called out CBS parent company Paramount for its $16M settlement with Trump – a deal that looks like bribery. America deserves to know if his show was canceled for political reasons. Watch and share his message."

Paramount called the decision "an economic necessity. Not enough people watch it to make the show profitable. It is costing us $100 million a year to produce the show, but earnings from advertisers have dropped to only $40 million per year. We can't afford to continue eating the losses."

Warren said "Paramount putting profit ahead of public service is a shameful triumph of greed over public. The recent stoppage of public funding for PBS and NPR is a similar tragic trend sparked by selfish individualism. Voters will punish Republicans for these atrocities in the 2026 mid-term elections. Then we Democrats will have the majorities we need to fully fund PBS, NPR and, yes, Stephen Colbert."

Schiff Commits Mortgage Fraud

The Federal Housing Finance Agency (FHFA) has referred Sen. Schiff to the Department of Justice (DOJ) for mortgage fraud. It seems that for the past decade the Senator has claimed two different properties as his primary residence in order to get the lower mortgage rates allowed by the FHFA for a person's primary residence.

Schiff admitted that "for a number of years I inadvertently claimed both my Maryland house and my California condo as my primary residence because I thought as a member of Congress I was entitled to claim two primary residences--one in the state I represent and one near the Capitol where I work."

Schiff contrasted his situation with that of New York State Attorney General Letitia James who claimed properties in both New York and Maryland as her primary residence, saying "she doesn't work in the capital like I do. She works and lives in New York. Hers is blatant and calculated fraud rather than the inadvertent fraud I committed."