Today's Toons 10/3/11

[pookie18]

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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter P:
 

 
 
 
In Case You Missed It Dept.:
 

During a fundraiser in Washington state, President Obama said the GOP vision of government would "fundamentally cripple America." Oh yes. Cruelly crushed under the twin burdens of low taxes and a booming economy.  
 
 
 
Authorities in Brazil are fielding hundreds of complaints from beachgoers attacked by pirahna. It's an awful thing. Cruel little predators attacking from all sides. Like a Republican being interviewed on MSNBC.  
 

In Florida, hundreds of people are selling their pre-paid burial plots to get quick cash. Expect Obama to start bragging about "an upturn in the real estate market."  
 
 
 
A city in southwest Iran has been ranked as the "world’s most polluted city" by the World Health Organization. Wonder if that changes depending on where Ahmadinejad is that day?  
 
 
 
North Carolina Governor Bev Perdue joked that we should suspend Congressional elections for two years so that Congress can focus on economic recovery and not the next election. Yeah, then they can pass nothing but smart bills like the Senate.  
 

NPR's Michael Kazin complained about country music, saying "you don't hear a left point of view there." Well, I'm not hearing much country music on NPR, so I guess fair's fair.  
 
 
 
President Obama said that America "is a great, great country that had gotten a little soft." Well, congratulations, Mr. President, you've definitely made things a lot harder.  
 
 
 
  -- Fred Thompson
 

The Office of Personnel Management said Thursday the U.S. government paid out six hundred million dollars to dead federal retirees in the last five years. The recipients are very worried. Zombies are turning up everywhere seeking an offer of compromise with the IRS.   
 

President Obama made a gaffe in a speech praising government spending Thursday in Ohio. He said the U.S. had built the Intercontinental Railroad. The schools in Indonesia teach that the Titanic sank after it tried to beat the train through an intersection and lost.  
 
 
 
Missourian Tom Carnahan will host a fundraising dinner for President Obama after his energy company got a hundred million dollars in tax credits to develop wind power. It's Plan B. The government is throwing money into the wind after the sun turned out to be corrupt.  
 

President Obama committed a gaffe, telling a black crowd that a billionaire shouldn't pay a lower tax rate than a Jew, before correcting himself and saying janitor. It's a pattern. Last week at a banquet he called for a Palestinian state run by Hamas, and what he meant to say was, pass the salt.  
 

Hallmark Cards offered a new line of recession-themed cards Monday which console people who've lost his(sic) jobs. The response was huge. So many of these cards were mailed to the Congress and the White House that it could save the Postal Service from bankruptcy.  
 

The Supreme Court agreed Monday to rule whether ObamaCare is constitutional. If you want free health care in America just go to the airport. It's there you can get free X-rays and a free breast exam, and if you mention al-Qaeda, you also get a free colonoscopy.  
 

Charlie Sheen settled his termination lawsuit with Warner Brothers for eight figures Tuesday. He's on a roll. Yesterday he tilted his sunglasses up on his head and declared himself to be a solar panel company and Washington sent him five hundred million dollars.  
 

King Abdullah overturned the ten-lash sentence a Saudi woman received for driving an automobile in Riyadh Thursday. Things are gradually getting better for women there. They now allow women to vote but not until the registrar sees their driver's license.  
 
 
 
GOP candidate Herman Cain doubled his poll numbers Tuesday thanks to the strong debate performances by the black conservative. Reaction was swift. Democrats say that if Republicans like Herman Cain over Barack Obama it just shows that they hate foreigners.  
 

-- Argus Hamilton
 

President Obama was in San Diego and traffic was a huge mess. There was even a three-hour backup tunneling in from Mexico.  
 

Obama says he will be reforming No Child Left Behind. That’s not to be confused with Michelle Obama’s childhood obesity campaign, “No Child Left With a Big Behind.”  
 

President Obama claims his new jobs bill will be better than his old jobs bill, which only created one job that went to a guy named Bill.  
 

Obama says his new jobs bill will be more successful than his last jobs bill. Let’s not set that bar too high. 
 

-- Leno
 

Someone smashed the windows in President Obama's L.A. campaign office. And today, Joe Biden said it was likely the work of vandals, and definitely not someone who forgot their key and had to go to the bathroom.  
 

Joe Biden was a guest on “The View” today. It was a little weird, When Whoopi said it was time for “Hot Topics,” Biden was like, “The sun! Coffee! Toasters! Did I win?”  
 
 
 
-- Jimmy Fallon
 

Obama was heckled by someone who said, “Don’t forget about medical marijuana.” The Secret Service has narrowed the suspects down to everyone in L.A.  
 
 
 
-- Conan
 

If you donate $5 to President Obama’s re-election fund, you have a chance to have dinner with him. The first lady will even come around and personally knock the dessert right out of your hand.  
 
It’s all part of the president’s plan to get the country gambling again.  
 
Now, they’ve dropped the price from $5 to $3. It’s the first presidential groupon. 
 

-- Jimmy Kimmel
 

Andy Rooney is stepping down from “60 Minutes.” CBS announced that they’ll be replacing him with Ashton Kutcher.  
 

Police in Los Angeles are looking for vandals who broke into the Obama campaign office. They said it was probably done by someone who was angry at the president. Well, that narrows it down.  
 

-- Craig Ferguson
 

--------------------------------------------
 

My daughter just walked into the living room and said, "Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV,  stereo,  iPhone,  iPod, and my laptop.  Please take all of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car. Take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don’t forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother. 
 

"Well, she didn't put it quite like that. she actually said... 
 

"Dad I have decided to work for Obama's re-election campaign." 
 
 
 

[Oceander]

yeah pookie!

[massadvj]

Thanks, Pookie!  Have a nice day. 

[pookie18]

yeah pookie!

Mornin', Oceander!

[pookie18]

Thanks, Pookie!  Have a nice day. 

You're welcome, massadvj!

[illeagle]

Good morning Pookie and Thanks so much!

[pookie18]

Good morning Pookie and Thanks so much!

G'day & my pleasure, Illeagle!

[ricebug]

G'day, Pookie!!

[pookie18]

G'day, Pookie!!

G'day, Ricebug!