The Briefing Room
Exclusive Content => Editorials => Topic started by: Wingnut on November 24, 2016, 11:00:37 am
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The following is a true story. It happened some years ago in a far away kitchen. The names have not been changed to protect the guilty. No live animals or humans suffered permanent damage as a result of this incident.
A Wingnuts Very Special Thanksgiving.
As this is Thanksgiving I was just up early
at 5AM this morning to put my special rub on our bird. I always let it soak in before cooking the the turkey on the Weber. It is a very fine rub. A bird worthy rub. One with special mixture of oils and spices that just "goldens up" the bird when slow cooked. Yumm Yumm. It's to die for.....
Well after I had that sucker all greased up and was about to transfer it to an oven pan, I lost my grip on the 14 pounder and that damn turkey shot out of my hands like a rocket. It bounced 3 or 4 upon a hard landing an it was not scrubbing speed off as it was slip sliding away across the kitchen floor!
Now normally this would be not be a problem. Just pick
the bird up and hose it off. I mean hell, any germs will be
cooked off on the grill and any extra grit can pass for extra seasoning spice.
But Noooo not today. Beau, our Golden Retriever, (who all this time had been watching me prep the turkey like a vulture waiting for his next victim) saw the turkey shoot out of my hands and he takes off after it!
For a short while the wayward bird was out running Beau, but finally the friction of the ceramic tile floor slowed it down enough for the dog to pounce. Now mind you, all this time I'm yelling like a mad man
at the frick'n turkey, and at the dog...to both STOP!
Now somehow, and I still can't grasp the physics
of this, but the turkey took a hard left turn on
the floor and headed for the door to escape out the garage. Maybe Beau slapshot it with a reaching paw, or maybe it bounced off a chair leg like a bumper pool ball. I don't know. But anyway, just then poor Beau got caught up in the oil slick the turkey was leaving behind and he skated out of control and slammed smack dab into the wall...hard! BAMMM
I'm close on Beau and the birds trail, as all of this is unfolding. Then I too get caught up in the oil,.... Bamm! Down I go.... on my butt slip sliding away on the oil slick. So there we are... like Larry, Mo and Curly all up against the wall in a sorry heap of dog fur, turkey and a Wingnut.
The turkey was a little worse for wear. It is slightly deformed with a left wing dangling down and a leg is missing. But now it back in the fridge...resting.
I think I'll take bath now and soak my sore butt.
As for Beau...he's outside barking at skwerls and eating a raw turkey leg. Beau loves skwerls almost as much as turkey.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
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This story reminded me of the late Jean Shepard and made me laugh, Poor Beau!
Have a very happy turkey day, Wingnut and family.
Thank you for sharing.
:silly:
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Well I'm going to Livonia.
That's all I got.
(http://i.imgur.com/InGNZIt.jpg)
Best served with dingelberry sauce.
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Happy Turkey Day Wingnut. Thanks for a great story which reminds me of my own true story that involved a ham...as a youngster (many many moons ago) I was watching my Dad and grandma prepare a ham. The ham on the way to the oven somehow and I could never quite figure out how, wound up slipping out of hands flying up towards the ceiling and falling to the floor. My Dad quickly swooped up the ham and decided to cook it on the grill. I came out with questions of course. Both of them realized that they had been discovered and begged for my silence and proceeded to tell me that if anyone asks, they decided to smoke the ham and any grit could pass for extra seasoning! :silly:
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Happy Thanksgiving Wingnut. Great story which reminds me of my own true story that involved a ham...as a youngster (many many moons ago) I was watching my Dad and grandma prepare a ham. The ham on the way to the oven somehow and I could never quite figure out how, wound up slipping out of hands flying up towards the ceiling and falling to the floor. My Dad quickly swooped up the ham and decided to cook it on the grill. I came out with questions of course. Both of them realized that they had been discovered and begged for my silence and proceeded to tell me that if anyone asks, they decided to smoke the ham and any grit could pass for extra seasoning!
No one was anythe wiser! lol :silly:
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No one was anythe wiser! lol :silly:
No one was any the wiser, but I had to sit in silence while crunching through the 'extra seasoning'!
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Just an excuse for @Wingnut to talk about rubbing his meat :thud:
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Good one! Thanks for sharing @Wingnut!
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Some very funny stories.
I’ve not had any turkey disasters (yet) but I do recall, not long after I got married when I made a chicken casserole. As I was taking it out of the oven, the baking dish slipped out of my hands and it went everywhere including on the open oven door and inside the still hot oven. What a mess to clean up.
From that day forward whenever I made any type of baked casserole, my husband would ask if it was going to be à la king or à la oven door. 22222frying pan :silly:
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VthTZwBNRoA (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VthTZwBNRoA)
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That is hilarious @Wingnut.
My story is about my Grandfather and his stepdaughter (second marriage). My grandfather thought his stepdaughter was not too bright and he chose Thanksgiving to prove his point. She was to prepare a turkey for the first time and he was oh so helpful with tips. He told her to be sure and baste the turkey once every hour to prevent shrinkage. He went on and on about it so that she was very nervous. Well...she was cooking the turkey for hours at a low heat and basting it once an hour. Then she fell asleep (as he knew she would). When she woke up he said, "How is the turkey coming along?" She ran into the kitchen, opened the oven to find a tiny cornish game hen my grandfather switched out for the turkey. She TOTALLY PANICKED thinking she had shrunk the turkey.
Also a true story.
Another true story that has to do with cooking (swear to God it's true)! Years ago, I worked for a large general contractor and us 'girls' were gathered around on a Monday morning to share our stories about the past weekend. The 'Executive Secretary' who was newly divorced and dating shared her story about her date night ... long story short ... she made a lasagna for her date and commented how embarrassed she was because she didn't realize she had to cook the lasagne noodles before putting them in the casserole! Duh... and then it dawned on me how she got the executive secretary 'position'!
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Pot luck Thanksgiving today at 13:00. Expecting 20 to 30 people, maybe more. It should be a blast.
Wishing everyone my best to you and all your family on this beautiful and fun day.
(https://c.tadst.com/gfx/750w/thanksgiv-day.jpg?1)
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That is hilarious @Wingnut.
My story is about my Grandfather and his stepdaughter (second marriage). My grandfather thought his stepdaughter was not too bright and he chose Thanksgiving to prove his point. She was to prepare a turkey for the first time and he was oh so helpful with tips. He told her to be sure and baste the turkey once every hour to prevent shrinkage. He went on and on about it so that she was very nervous. Well...she was cooking the turkey for hours at a low heat and basting it once an hour. Then she fell asleep (as he knew she would). When she woke up he said, "How is the turkey coming along?" She ran into the kitchen, opened the oven to find a tiny cornish game hen my grandfather switched out for the turkey. She TOTALLY PANICKED thinking she had shrunk the turkey.
Also a true story.
That's funny! LOL
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Just an excuse for @Wingnut to talk about rubbing his meat :thud:
That's just a fowl comment to make @goodwithagun !!
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That is hilarious @Wingnut.
My story is about my Grandfather and his stepdaughter (second marriage). My grandfather thought his stepdaughter was not too bright and he chose Thanksgiving to prove his point. She was to prepare a turkey for the first time and he was oh so helpful with tips. He told her to be sure and baste the turkey once every hour to prevent shrinkage. He went on and on about it so that she was very nervous. Well...she was cooking the turkey for hours at a low heat and basting it once an hour. Then she fell asleep (as he knew she would). When she woke up he said, "How is the turkey coming along?" She ran into the kitchen, opened the oven to find a tiny cornish game hen my grandfather switched out for the turkey. She TOTALLY PANICKED thinking she had shrunk the turkey.
Also a true story.
Posted this on another thread, but since it fits your story so perfectly, I'll post it again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=zNkK3AJQtUw
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VthTZwBNRoA (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VthTZwBNRoA)
Love that movie! TBS turned that thing into a holiday classic!
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Next Thanksgiving remember to kill the bird BEFORE applying rub.
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I was just up early at 5AM this morning to put my special rub on our bird.
Really dude? You open with that? This is a family forum. Highly inappropriate to be discussing personal matters like that.
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I was just up early at 5AM this morning to put my special rub on our bird.
Really dude? You open with that? This is a family forum. Highly inappropriate to be discussing personal matters like that.
My wife wasn't happy either. 8888crybaby
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Well, we've almost made it through another year in this forum. I am very thankful for the defeat of Hillary Clinton and feel a glimmer of hope this Thanksgiving.
MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL THIS THANKSGIVING. HAVE A VERY HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!!
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I'm so full of Turkey and stuffing with everything you can think of on the side. Followed by pecan pie, pumpkin pie, and mince pie, and coffee.
I am officially declaring here and now that I will never eat anything ever again for the rest of my life.
I need a wee little nap now. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.
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Well I'm going to Livonia.
That's all I got.
(http://i.imgur.com/InGNZIt.jpg)
Best served with dingelberry sauce.
For some reason this pic made me laugh until I cried.
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Another true story that has to do with cooking (swear to God it's true)! Years ago, I worked for a large general contractor and us 'girls' were gathered around on a Monday morning to share our stories about the past weekend. The 'Executive Secretary' who was newly divorced and dating shared her story about her date night ... long story short ... she made a lasagna for her date and commented how embarrassed she was because she didn't realize she had to cook the lasagne noodles before putting them in the casserole! Duh... and then it dawned on me how she got the executive secretary 'position'!
I was raised a vegetarian. Newly wed, in laws coming, I made my first turkey. After it was carved my MIL explained about the little bag of innards stuck in the turkey. I had no clue there was a paper bag with more parts concealed in that bird.
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@Wingnut
:thumbsup:
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I woke up this morning feeling Great. I guess all that good food I ate yesterday got into my system and sort of super-charged me. I'll need it for the shopping I have to do today. It does feel like a holiday weekend.
I didn't feel it before, but after yesterday I feel the holiday season is here.
Hope you are all well and happy as I am. Good luck and good fortune to all with your shopping or with whatever you decide to do with this wonderful day.
Too early?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=We3TYh56ryQ&list=PL28DAFE84A0CDCD8F
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No not too early to celebrate the Season of Christ's birth. My favorite Christmas carol and the song that played at our wedding as I walked down the aisle many, many years ago; "Oh Come All Ye Faithful".
www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPPRtLZ-amc
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I was raised a vegetarian. Newly wed, in laws coming, I made my first turkey. After it was carved my MIL explained about the little bag of innards stuck in the turkey. I had no clue there was a paper bag with more parts concealed in that bird.
I think almost everyone has a story like that. We've done it twice (so far)!
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I think almost everyone has a story like that. We've done it twice (so far)!
Not me. I look for that little bag. I really enjoy liver and gizzards. Plus you can giblet gravy with what is in the wrap.
I was one of the weirdos who would order a quart of fried chicken livers at KFC back in the day. Now, I make it myself.
Love beef liver steaks with onions. One of my favorite meals and I'm told it's very good for you as well. I just made myself hungry. Will have to pick up some liver the next time I go shopping.
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God bless you @Wingnut. I had just opened this thread when they took my Mom off to ICU and did not get to read it.
My Dad went into ICU right after Christmas and we lost him a little over a month later, now my Mom. EXCEPT... she is going home tomorrow! Hooray!!
Thank you and the others for the laugh. Now to celebrate my Mom's return home, I have one; although not nearly as funny.
Years ago when my now 37 year old son was almost 2 years old, my Mom wanted to do his "First Thanksgiving." My mom has always been big on "Firsts" and has always had to be the one in control of them. Bless her heart.
She cooked for two days. Nobody was allowed to help. Started the turkey early Thanksgiving morning. For some unknown reason to this day, it would not get done. Finally at 10:30 that night, she gave up and pulled it out, said "Let's eat.", and we all dutifully sat down very hungry as we were not allowed to nibble anything all day so as not to ruin our Thanksgiving dinner.
She carved the bird as none of the rest of us dared volunteer. Gave my son the first bite as it was his special day. He dove into it with gusto as the boy loved turkey legs. He immediately spat it out. Proclaimed it "Dirty!", then furiously wiped his tongue with his hand until she finally took pity on him and gave him his sippy cup that he used to swish and spit out into his plate.
She has not cooked at Thanksgiving dinner since.
@Unlimited
So glad you like the story. This Thanksgiving we were in Tampa with my M.I.L. I ordered a fully cooked meal from Publix this time. Heat and serve. No "Dirty" Parts! 888high58888 After we left last Sunday she went into the hospital. I'm sure it wasn't the Turkey. Sorry for your loss.
I have a Beau Christmas story in the works. I'll post it on the 24th!.
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I think almost everyone has a story like that. We've done it twice (so far)!
I've been fooled by them being in the neck cavity before, and not finding them.
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I was raised a vegetarian. Newly wed, in laws coming, I made my first turkey. After it was carved my MIL explained about the little bag of innards stuck in the turkey. I had no clue there was a paper bag with more parts concealed in that bird.
Catching up on some reading. Thanks for the stories everybody. I'm always amazed at the extra parts that end up in my whole chickens. I once had one that must have had 3 heads and 2 livers, must have been a scary looking bird before they butchered it. :smokin: