The Briefing Room

Archives => Alternate Realities => Topic started by: Wingnut on September 03, 2019, 08:39:37 pm

Title: Walmart Discontinues Auto Part Sales To Prevent Car Accidents
Post by: Wingnut on September 03, 2019, 08:39:37 pm
BENTONVILLE, AR—In a bold move intended to curb the thousands of deaths from vehicles each and every day, Walmart has decided to stop selling auto parts, sources confirmed Tuesday.

According to shocking reports, people have purchased car parts at Walmart and then those cars have been involved in accidents, proving a direct correlation between selling auto parts and causing deaths.

"We can no longer be complicit in an industry that kills over 3,000 people a day," said a spokesperson for Walmart. "Every time we sell a muffler, steering wheel cover, or flame decal, we are potentially causing the death of a person, and we cannot support that any longer."

"It's clear that bad drivers and poor road conditions don't cause vehicular deaths---cars do."

Walmart executives said they are beating themselves with a stick to atone for the deaths they've already caused.

"Our consciences will only be clean when we've been mercilessly beaten once for each of the millions of deaths that have been caused by automobiles since Walmart began selling auto parts," said one executive before solemnly beginning to beat himself with a baseball bat.

https://babylonbee.com/news/walmart-discontinues-sale-of-auto-parts-to-prevent-car-accidents/?fbclid=IwAR1dbQUIA0iFvfFY5rT8NFnq4rPQcbT0SlCUcWeOWDE2rFY74z-GPwRbcpc
Title: Re: Walmart Discontinues Auto Part Sales To Prevent Car Accidents
Post by: Cyber Liberty on September 03, 2019, 11:07:43 pm
That didn't take long.  BB is quick!
Title: Re: Walmart Discontinues Auto Part Sales To Prevent Car Accidents
Post by: skeeter on September 03, 2019, 11:12:43 pm
Why stop there. Stop carrying sugary soft drinks too. Diabetes was directly responsible for over 80,000 deaths in the US last year.
Title: Re: Walmart Discontinues Auto Part Sales To Prevent Car Accidents
Post by: EdJames on September 03, 2019, 11:19:12 pm
Quote from: skeeter on September 03, 2019, 11:12:43 pm
Why stop there. Stop carrying sugary soft drinks too. Diabetes was directly responsible for over 80,000 deaths in the US last year.

If they really wanted to “do something” they would empty their shelves of all products containing HFCS.
Title: Re: Walmart Discontinues Auto Part Sales To Prevent Car Accidents
Post by: skeeter on September 03, 2019, 11:22:44 pm
Quote from: EdJames on September 03, 2019, 11:19:12 pm
If they really wanted to “do something” they would empty their shelves of all products containing HFCS.

This is F^&% up. No more Snickers & chicken pot pies for you.

Stop the slaughter.
Title: Re: Walmart Discontinues Auto Part Sales To Prevent Car Accidents
Post by: Quix on September 05, 2019, 07:25:32 pm
Quote from: skeeter on September 03, 2019, 11:22:44 pm
This is F^&% up. No more Snickers & chicken pot pies for you.

Stop the slaughter.

Life shor has become hazardous. LOL.
Title: Re: Walmart Discontinues Auto Part Sales To Prevent Car Accidents
Post by: skeeter on September 05, 2019, 07:29:16 pm
Quote from: Quix on September 05, 2019, 07:25:32 pm
Life shor has become hazardous. LOL.

Good thing we've got leaders like Doug McMillen (net worth 100 million) to guide us through it.
Title: Re: Walmart Discontinues Auto Part Sales To Prevent Car Accidents
Post by: Quix on September 05, 2019, 07:32:34 pm
Quote from: skeeter on September 05, 2019, 07:29:16 pm
Good thing we've got leaders like Doug McMillen (net worth 100 million) to guide us through it.

After TRUMP, I have a hard time thinking of anyone else worthy the name "leader."