Author Topic: The Jukebox from Hell (Read 77561 times)

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #100 on:** October 27, 2012, 10:01:41 pm »

The annals of music of history are filled with songs made to tick off the record companies, and this next one is no exception.

The story begins in the mid-1980s. Legendary country musician Johnny Cash had not had a hit in several years, and he largely blamed the decline on a lack of promotion from Columbia Records, the company that had held his contract for nearly 30 years. Well, as an act of revenge, Johnny decided to write a tune as cheesy and lousy as he could. (ADDENDUM: Those familiar with the recording industry know that there are few things the industry despises more than novelty songs. They're short-lived and don't get a lot of "recurrent" rotation when it comes to radio airplay. I suspect that's precisely why Cash decided to write a novelty song.)

The result is a satirical story about how, after two years of headaches, a doctor in Nashville declares Cash brain dead and sends him to a mad (but, oddly, highly regarded) scientist in New York City, where his brain is "transplanted" and swapped with a recently killed bank robber known as the Manhattan Flash. Apparently still cognizant of his sense of self, but now infused with the Flash's mind, he starts going on robbing sprees, including at a bank and then at the Grand Ole Opry. When Cash tries to get his old brain back, the now-rich mad scientist reveals that Cash's brain is now in a chicken. If the story seems ridiculous, it's because it is. Yet it proved to be the closest thing Cash would have for a hit for several more years; it peaked at #45 on the chart.

Here's the Man in Black with "Chicken in Black."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_uM87NTFW4

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #101 on:** October 28, 2012, 03:11:05 pm »

One of the bad (or, in a perverse way, great) things about the Internet is that any idiot with a modem can put out garbage and pass it off as music.

Well, recently this video has been making the rounds of the viral circuit. It purports to be from a woman named Gnesa. It is quite possibly THE most tone-deaf recording I have ever heard, and if you've followed this thread for long enough you know I've listened to a lot of crap. The lyrics are awkward. The dancing is even more awkward. Those who have reviewed the song have made references to the earlier entry in the Jukebox from Hell, Rebecca Black's "Friday--" but oh, it's so much worse than "Friday." At least Black was on pitch.

Some day the person behind this may come out and eventually explain that this was all a joke, much like Gloria Balsam or Jonathan and Darlene Edwards from previous entries. That's the only explanation I can give for any person who thought recording and releasing this song was a good idea, and you know she had to receive help for this.

Here's Gnesa with "Wilder."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CF2o5RDkq9A

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #102 on:** October 30, 2012, 06:38:01 pm »

My next entry in the Jukebox from Hell isn't necessarily bad, it's just controversial. Given the large female contingent we have on this board, I figured it was more appropriate for here.

In 1972, at the height of the feminist movement, Jewish country singer Kinky Friedman composed a little ditty sung from the perspective of a male chauvanist. Unlike some of the other songs making fun of feminism (see Shel Silverstein's "Put Another Log on the Fire," which was clearly tongue-in-cheek), it has never been quite clear whether or not Friedman truly felt the way he sung about feminists. One day in Buffalo, New York, things boiled to a head, when a bunch of angry lesbians heard Friedman's band, the Texas Jewboys, performing this song. The women proceeded to attack the band members, forcing Friedman to cut off the set and run. He would not return for nearly 40 years, making his long-awaited return this past summer.

Here's Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys with "Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UO8sD81NVTg

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #103 on:** November 04, 2012, 05:11:32 pm »

Our next entry in the Jukebox from Hell (yeah, I know it's been a while since I put one in here) was the 1982 winner of the Golden Raspberry Award for Worst Original Song.

This creepy, off-key double-entendre-laden song was sung by Kristy McNichol. She's not a singer. She was an actress... until she quit acting due to mental illness. She came out as a lesbian a couple years ago. Nobody cared.

From the movie The Pirate Movie, here's Kristy McNichol with "Pumpin' and Blowin'."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdlKXRReqNA

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #104 on:** November 05, 2012, 02:00:35 pm »

Who wants to hear Sylvester Stallone sing? Any takers?

Well, too bad. From the 1984 movie Rhinestone, here's Sly with another Razzie Worst Song winner, "Drinkenstein."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1WSPAvT7qE

andy58-in-nh · « **Reply #105 on:** November 05, 2012, 02:10:53 pm »

Re: Kristy McNichol/"Pumpin' and Blowin'" -

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #106 on:** November 07, 2012, 05:23:48 pm »

Yeah, I remember seeing that video/hearing that song for the first time and was astounded at how bad it was. McNichol was not a singer and it showed. It's a really underrated lousy song.

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #107 on:** November 07, 2012, 05:31:19 pm »

The next entry finished #3 in Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs and #1 in a VERY crowded, open-ended CNN.com poll of the worst pop songs of all time.

This song is about a woman who is pregnant, and it perhaps has some of the hammiest lyrics ever written in a pop song. Among the examples: "you're having my baby, what a lovely way of saying how much you love me," "the seed inside you, baby, do you feel it growing?," "I'm a woman in love and I love what it's doing to me," and more. There was also a fairly controversial lyric: "you could've swept it from your life but you wouldn't do it." The song was released in 1974, just a year after Roe v. Wade declared abortion a constitutional right in the United States. It was still a very raw issue at the time. Nevertheless, it proved to be Paul Anka's first major hit since his teen idol days in the 1950s.

Here's Paul Anka and Odia Coates with "(You're) Having My Baby."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZYNA6qUNTE

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #108 on:** November 15, 2012, 10:00:59 pm »

Willie Nelson has done a large number of collaborations. Most of them have turned out great: his collaborations with Waylon Jennings became legendary. His duet with Ray Charles, "Seven Spanish Angels," is a beautiful tune. He's also, more recently, collaborated with Toby Keith.

Others, not so much. Recently he released an album along with Snoop Dogg-- I haven't had a chance to hear any of it. (They do have something in common.) This next entry in the Jukebox from Hell perhaps was his most ill-advised. At the time of this song's release, Julio Iglesias II was this Spaniard singer who, while big in his home country, had minimal exposure to the English language. Why he teamed up with Willie, the world will never know, but the cover of the album pretty clearly shows Nelson forcing an uncomfortable smile. The song itself, which talks about the singer's (it was originally written for one person) numerous ex-lovers and how he was happy they were in his life even though all the parties have moved on to other lovers, spawned a few jokes. One of the most famous was popular among shock jocks: "To all the girls I've loved before, please call Dr. (blank)."

Here's Julio Iglesias and Willie Nelson with "To All the Girls I've Loved Before."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sV5u_B2-6_k

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #109 on:** November 16, 2012, 07:00:24 pm »

Here's another cut from Irwin Chusid's Songs in the Key of Z album.

The author of this next piece identifies himself only as "Luie Luie." He's a multi-instrumentalist, and in a rather impressive feat, he plays numerous lead instruments on this signature track of his. That's about the only good thing I can mention about this piece.

Apparently this is supposed to be a dance piece. Unfortunately, he is hopelessly vague as to how you're supposed to dance to it (he does mention "foot to nose" so I imagine this Luie Luie character is one kinky fellow). What makes this song a real gem, though, is his frequent use of the word "touch." The result is perhaps one of the most awkward explanations you'll ever find to a musical composition. (In a later composition, Luie describes the Egyptian Pharaoh as "a great friend of mine.")

Here's Luie Luie with "El Touchy."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WeUhn7XKLs&feature=related

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #110 on:** November 17, 2012, 10:44:05 am »

In the early 1960s, trumpeter Herb Alpert released the album Whipped Cream and Other Delights. It included some very popular instrumentals, but was best known for its cover, featuring a naked woman strategically covered in what was supposed to be whipped cream.

A few years later, somebody (I've heard it was Cliff Arquette, in his persona as country bumpkin Charley Weaver, but I can't verify that) decided to create a little send-up of it. Thus was born the Frivolous Five. On the cover of their recording, Sour Cream and Other Delights, were five old and slightly overweight ladies, similarly nude and covered in what was supposed to be sour cream.

The next entry begins benignly enough, as a straight cover of Alpert's "Tijuana Taxi." It then devolves into cacophony, missed notes and general mediocrity.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present the Frivolous Five with "Tijuana Taxi."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgxTKN44AII

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #111 on:** November 18, 2012, 07:24:54 am »

The next entry in the Jukebox from Hell may not be safe for all audiences.

Millie Jackson is a notorious R&B singer and comic, with a very vulgar streak. The album on which this cut was featured, Back to the S__t!, is on numerous "worst album cover" lists and includes Jackson sitting on a toilet, taking a dump.

Here's Millie Jackson with "Muffle That Fart."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20JoILLznAU

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #112 on:** November 22, 2012, 08:51:00 pm »

The next entry in the Jukebox from Hell comes from Soviet Russia. I suspect you will either love it or find it totally bizarre.

This song, according to its songwriter, was composed on a bet between a composer and a lyricist. The lyricist wagered to his composer friend that a good song was nothing without lyrics and would be a dud without them. The composer set out to prove him wrong. Enter Edward Hill, who despite his very Anglophone name was indeed very much Russian. Hill was already known for using "vocalise" (melody with nonsense lyrics) on many of his songs. So, in 1976, Hill recorded the song. It has an official name, something along the lines of "I'm So Glad I'm Finally Heading Back Home," and lyrics (the lyricist still wrote words to it), but in the United States is known simply by Hill's "lyric," "Trololo."

It was a hit in Russia during its own time, but somehow exploded in popularity in 2010, when it became a viral Internet hit. Hill spent the last two years of his life relishing his newfound (or perhaps renewed) stardom (much like Betty White here in America, Hill had never really retired and was still actively performing). He died of a stroke earlier this year, aged 77.

Here's Edward Hill with "Trololo."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oavMtUWDBTM

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #113 on:** November 23, 2012, 01:49:54 pm »

The next entry in the Jukebox from Hell comes from another one of the most unusual collaborations in music history: Gregg Allman and Cher.

At the time, Cher had recently broken up with longtime husband and partner Sonny Bono. The two had professionally reconciled for a brief return of their successful variety show. In the meantime, Cher had married Allman. Allman, at the time, was in the middle of a very acrimonious breakup of his own: The Allman Brothers Band was crumbling apart, unable to handle their own success (on top of the death of the other Allman Brother, Duane, in 1971). So, once Sonny & Cher ended its TV run in 1977, Allman and Cher decided to record an album together.

The duet identified themselves as "Allman and Woman," and the album they created was Two the Hard Way, featuring the two heavily airbrushed. It was met with terrible reviews. A tour of Europe was cut short after only twelve shows and mounting expenses; Allman, who had quit drinking before the tour, fell off the wagon. All of these factors led to the two breaking up, never to reunite. Upon being asked of what it was like to be married to Cher, Allman recently set the record straight: "she was married to me."

As for the music itself, Allman's rock-tinged country-western stylings were dominant, and there are few things more awkward than an Indian (Cher) singing cowboy songs, especially with a schmaltzy voice like hers. The music never really meshed.

Here's "Allman and Woman" with one of the non-country-western songs on the album, "Move Me."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Umwxsln-Br8&feature=related

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #114 on:** November 23, 2012, 11:07:20 pm »

I've kind of been slacking lately on these, mainly because I've been having a little trouble thinking of songs to put here. But I've had quite a few come to me the past couple of days, so I'm going to double-up on today's.

Jerry Samuels was a young, fairly successful songwriter in the 1960s. His biggest hit was "The Shelter of Your Arms," which Sammy Davis Jr. took to #3 in 1964. Why he decided to take the next step in his career isn't entirely known, though-- it appears to have been a simple gag and experiment. Two years after his major hit, he assumed the pseudonym of "Napoleon XIV" (a play on two notorious French monarchs) and recorded "They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa!" It was a surprise hit-- and a major one. It shot to #3 on the Billboard Hot 100. However, it was just as quick to fall out of the charts: both of New York City's two major top 40 stations, WABC and WMCA, banned it from their rotations out of fear that it would be considered misogynistic.

The song I'm featuring in tonight's entry is the B-side to that hit. It's simply the same song-- played backward. To top it off, the label is simply the mirror-image of the A-side. Rock music critic Dave Marsh said of the backwards version that it was the "most obnoxious song ever to appear in a jukebox", saying the recording once "cleared out a diner of forty patrons in three minutes flat."

Here's Napoleon XIV with "!AAAH-AH ،YAWA ƎM ƎʞAT OT ÐИIMOƆ ƎЯ'YƎHT".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L47GQG12WHg

Stay tuned for tomorrow's entry when I feature another, but much more widely praised, backward tune...

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #115 on:** November 24, 2012, 09:37:17 am »

This morning, as I promised, I present a famous backward music piece.

In the 1970s, the practice of "backmasking" became widely known. Generally it was used to thinly veil dirty words for radio airplay (thus the s-word would become "tish" and dropping the f-bomb would instead come off as "cuff"). However, there was a great deal of rumor mongering that record producers were using more subtle variations of backmasking to hide satanic messages into the records, and that these were supposedly a form of subliminal messaging-- the Satanic message would somehow get implanted in an impressionable mind without actually hearing it at a conscious level.

You can find plenty of examples of supposed Satanic backmasking on YouTube. Even Jimmy Swaggart, a notorious rock music critic, has music that sounds suspiciously like "Hail Satan" when played backward. Yet none is more famous than our next piece. Allegedly this Satanic anthem includes lyrics such as "here's to my sweet Satan / the one whose little path will make us sad whose power is Satan / he will give those with him 666 / there was a little toolshed where he made us suffer, sad Satan." The supposed lyrics were supposed to make sense out of some quite esoteric poetry... but it doesn't appear to have worked.

Anyway, here's the backward version of... Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNE75XznfIE

240B · « **Reply #116 on:** November 24, 2012, 07:58:00 pm »

My goodness. I can't remember when I have enjoyed a thread more than this one. Thank you all so much for this. I have spent hours reading every post and reviewing the links. Hilarious. Laughed and laughed. Just wanted you to know that your work is being read and appreciated. You could start your own website with this stuff, no kidding.

Of all of them, although it was a close choice, because I have had some involvment with orchestral music this one had me falling out of my chair laughing. Cheers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=6piDRKOwh88

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #117 on:** November 25, 2012, 09:37:20 pm »

240B, thanks a lot. (Thanks especially to Chieftain, whose idea it was to start this whole thread in the first place. It was all a ploy to come up with a ploy to annoy the overbearing neighbors.) What can I say? I have a twisted, strange taste in music, and it has been put to good use coming up with all the songs to put here. Pretty soon I'll be switching things over to Christmas music.

If you, er, "like" that song, check out some of the Portsmouth Sinfonia's other works on YouTube. (You may also find them under the title "John Williams shreds," which combines video of famed composer John Williams with Portsmouth Sinfonia recordings.) Their earlier career is full of quite amusing pieces of work like that. Their later stuff, however, just gets kind of blah (they started getting into pop music, for one, and they eventually started getting better at their instruments).

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #118 on:** November 25, 2012, 09:52:37 pm »

Time for another segue!

The next entry in the Jukebox from Hell comes from a half-bit novelty group called Little Roger and the Goosebumps. This is their signature song; it's a cross between the theme song to Gilligan's Island and the aforementioned "Stairway to Heaven..." because everybody wondered what it would be like to cross the two.

Well, as it turns out, what the band had originally intended as a throwaway song for the end of a concert got the group in quite a bit of legal trouble: attorneys for Led Zeppelin demanded all of the band's self-released copies of the single be destroyed. (Robert Plant, Zeppelin's lead singer, would later admit that he considered the song his favorite cover of Stairway.) It became a valuable collector's item for much of the following decades. Among the band's other credits include an unusual cover of "Fool on the Hill" as performed by Elmer Fudd.

As far as the song itself... first off, I must say the combination of the two songs is, in concept, brilliantly amusing. But then you get the tail end... and bam, you get hit with the cringe-inducingly bad falsetto.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Little Roger and the Goosebumps with "Gilligan's Island (Stairway)."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTCYLbFxTpI

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #119 on:** November 26, 2012, 07:51:58 pm »

This next entry can only be described in one word: disturbing.

Well, to put it simply, this song is sung from a man who likes to do rather unsavory things with... baseball cards?!‽

Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, I present as the next entry in the Jukebox from Hell...from The Rhino Brothers Present the World's Worst Worst Records, Vol. 2, Rockin' Richie Ray with "Baseball Card Lover."

http://blogfiles.wfmu.org/DP/2007/11/325_2-11_Rockin_Richie_Ray_-_Baseball_Card_Lover.mp3

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #120 on:** November 28, 2012, 07:18:35 pm »

Think of the phrase "classic beauty" and Edith Massey almost certainly doesn't come to mind. Massey was very obese, had very bad teeth and ratty hair, which of course made her a perfect fit for eccentric filmmaker John Waters's regular cast of actors, The Dreamlanders. Waters discovered Massey, who was mainly a working-class drifter throughout most of her adult life and had never acted before, while she was a barmaid in a Baltimore hotel (at the time, she was in her mid-50s). Massey appeared in major roles in five of Waters's movies.

In the late 1970s, at the height of her fame, she put together a punk-rock band known as Edie and the Eggs. The drummer was Gina Schock, who later went on to join The Go-Gos. They performed a handful of gigs and recorded one single, which is featured today in the Jukebox from Hell.

Massey died in 1984, shortly before filming of what was to be her first non-John Waters acting role (a part in Paul Bartel's Lust in the Dust, which featured several other Dreamlanders), due to complications from diabetes.

Ladies and gentlemen of the Briefing Room, here are Edith Massey and the Eggs with their cover of The Four Seasons' "Big Girls Don't Cry."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhIYMma-UpA

Scottftlc · « **Reply #121 on:** November 28, 2012, 07:30:25 pm »

Edith is just fortunate that she came and went before Obamacare.

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #122 on:** November 29, 2012, 07:13:00 pm »

Our next performer is actually a very well-regarded musician. Ray Stevens has built a strong résumé over his five decades in the music business: as a comedy/novelty artist, he's responsible for such hits as "The Streak" (#1 in 1974) and other madcap tunes. He also has a serious side, having won praise for his pop-country crooner stylings, including a Grammy for his take on the jazz standard "Misty" (see The Juke Box for that tune).

However, this entry almost defies explanation. In this piece, Stevens takes Glenn Miller's swing classic, "In the Mood," and arranges it to the tune of... clucking chickens. You read that right. Clucking. Chickens. As bizarre as this piece is, it nonetheless was a hit, reaching the bottom of the top-40 in February 1977.

Stevens, now in his 70s, is still alive and recording new material, currently focusing on political satire from the Republican perspective. He has pretty much put his entire archive on YouTube if you're, er, in the mood to listen to it.

Ladies and gentlemen, here is Ray Stevens, performing as the Henhouse Five Plus Too, with "In the Mood."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sSeic3or-Y

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #123 on:** November 30, 2012, 07:00:07 am »

This will be the last entry in the regular Jukebox from Hell. Beginning tomorrow, I'm going to all-Christmas tunes for the month of December. I'll explain what that means a little bit later.

We turn our attention this morning to Sammy Davis, Jr.-- legendary singer, actor, and Rat Packer. Well, one time in the 1970s or so, the Alka-Seltzer company decided to put together an ad campaign capitalizing on Davis's legendary partying. So they decided to revive their famous jingle, rewritten with some new lyrics by Tom Dawes (who, as frontman for The Cyrkle, had a couple of hits in the 1960s, including the chart-topper "Red Rubber Ball"). As part of the campaign, they filmed several commercials with Davis pitching the medicine (basically aspirin and baking soda) as the ultimate hangover cure. Not only that, they released two full-length versions of the extended jingle on Davis's album, The Sound of Sammy. One was done in Davis's usual big-band style and the other was marketed as a "rock" version (it's more like a disco version).

What makes this song great is two things: 1) Alka-Seltzer was originally advertised by Speedy, a childlike character, making this decidedly adult turn all the more ironic. 2) The song's double-entendre, "plop plop fizz fizz," adds a nice layer of sophomoric humor on top of it.

If you find yourself humming and tapping your foot along with this piece, you might feel a little corrupted once you come to your senses and realize... you're listening to an advertisement.

Here's Sammy Davis, Jr. with "Plop Plop Fizz Fizz (Big Band version)."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWqlws-vqjM

240B · « **Reply #124 on:** November 30, 2012, 07:34:01 am »

The previous entry reminded me of this commercial released in 1972 for Alka-Seltzer about the same time. In the vein of "Please don't squeeze the Charmin" and "Where's the beef!?", this commercial was wildly popular and became a part of American vernacular. So much so that an enterprising artist named Ruby Davis decided to take advantage of the popularity of the commercial to promote her career by releasing a song of the same name. The song is a real dullard. Very simple tune and the lyrics are unimaginative. The whole song exists because of the commercial and really nothing more than that.

Today she would be sued mercilessly but in those days society was more humane and relaxed. I do not know for sure, but I doubt she paid Bayer a penny in royalties or penalties. Anyway, first the commercial, and then in honor of the thread and subject, the song. Cheers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ut1jukxCwPs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBKa2pHREVA

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #125 on:** November 30, 2012, 12:25:34 pm »

Haha... nice find. Now that you mention those ad campaigns, I feel compelled to share another one before I go all-Christmas.

Let's go back to 1984. The Burger Wars were as hot as ever, and a relatively obscure hamburger joint known as Wendy's was looking to make its mark. So, they decided to poke some fun at their bigger competitors and their big-bun hamburgers. They hired three old ladies who posed as restaurant customers impressed by the "big fluffy bun" of their predecessors... until they lift it up to reveal a tiny beef patty, prompting one of the ladies, Clara Peller, to exclaim the now-famous line... "Where's the beef?"

Her exclamation became a national catchphrase, later working its way into the Presidential debates and making Peller a superstar. She starred in several more commercials for the chain, finally (in what turned out to be at least a short-term disaster for the chain) being fired in 1985. Still, during that time, she recorded this gem: an unauthorized ad (it doesn't mention Wendy's by name) capitalizing on the slogan (and making the target more specifically McDonald's) Wendy's almost sued the DJ responsible for it, but let it pass.

Peller died in 1987. After her firing, sales took a nosedive, prompting a wide reorganization within the company. Today, Wendy's is the #2 fast-food chain in America (albeit a very distant second behind dominant market leader McDonald's), having more sales than Burger King despite far fewer locations.

Here's Clara Peller with Coyote McCloud, performing "Where's the beef?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egGS8jONZ6Y

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #126 on:** December 01, 2012, 07:24:45 am »

Yes indeed, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the Jukebox from Hell to go all-Christmas! Over the next 25 days or so I'll be featuring some of the worst, the oddest, the strangest Christmas tunes ever recorded. (As always, other members are free to contribute their suggestions.)

Our first entry today dates to 1959. The year prior, Ross Bagdasarian (David Seville) had made a couple of major splashes on the charts with "Witch Doctor" and "The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)," both of which utilized a variable-speed tape recorder that could speed up the singer's voice. Inevitably, there were knockoffs to come, including the jazz-based "Nutty Squirrels..." and then there was this.

Not much is known about the next group. They were produced by Russ Regan, an up-and-coming record producer. Their voices clearly weren't sped up to the double-speed that the Chipmunks were. Slowing the record down to about 75% speed, it sounds like at least one of them is a woman, and Regan's production style was akin to the strategies used by Mitch Miller-- big, choral renditions with concert hall-like echo and reverb. The record purports to be from three of Santa Claus's reindeer: group leader Dancer, dimwitted Prancer and a third one jokingly known as "Nervous" because of his stutter. This record, released on Capitol Records, is full of bad jokes (and overreactions of hysterical laughter) and a narrative that is difficult to follow. It nonetheless was a minor hit for Capitol, peaking at #34 on the Billboard Hot 100 in the days leading up to Christmas 1959.

Ladies and gentlemen, kicking off our Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style... "Dancer, Prancer and Nervous: The Happy Reindeer."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRKH0ii1AX4

240B · « **Reply #127 on:** December 01, 2012, 08:52:44 am »

This is going to surprise so many of you in the Briefing Room. This is the original theme song from Gilligan's Island, and I'll bet no one on this forum can sing along with it. It was composed by John Williams (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Williams) who is one of the most renown composers of music in America, although you would not know it from this song. This song was used for the pilot only and never actually aired. The pilot and show, using this song, was rejected twice, until producer Sherwood Schwartz correctly decided that the show needed a new theme song. He hired the composer George Wyle to write a new theme song and the rest, as they say, is history.

Several changes were made to the storyline most notably the tour was 6 hours in the pilot and it was cut to 3 hours. The passengers in the pilot are the millionaires, two secretaries, and a high school teacher. The millionaires are mentioned and all the others are considered "the other tourists" in the pilot. In the new version of the song during the first season or so the song goes through "the moooovie star" (Ginger) and "the rest". As the popularity of Mary Ann and the Professor increased, they were eventually included in the song and in the opening credits from Season 2 on, and the theme song evolved into how we all know it today.

For the esteemed people of GOPBR I present the original theme song for Gilligan's Island never before heard in this forum. So, "just sit right back and you'll hear a song, a song you don't recognize..." and it certainly warrants an honored place in the much vaunted Jukebox from Hell. Enjoy.

Gilligan's Island Original Theme Song (Pilot only) 1964

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qx7A4sxJi7c

Gilligans Island Theme Song Season 1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfR7qxtgCgY

Gilligans Island Theme Song Season 2 (the one we all know and frequently sing when drinking)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3HFXSgWps8

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #128 on:** December 02, 2012, 05:24:21 pm »

Day two of the Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style is a take on a familiar contemporary tune.

The original version of this song was originally done by Wham!, the duo of Andrew Ridgeley and George Michael. Much of their music was pretty overtly gay-- not just gay (I mean, the Village People did gay music, but they were more of the "butch" kind), but effeminately gay. That's what, I suspect, gave the original version of their Christmas tune "Last Christmas" a certain kind of charm, and that's why people seem to enjoy it this time of year. The original peaked at #2 on the UK's coveted Christmas charts, finishing behind Band Aid's anthem "Do They Know It's Christmas," which also featured Michael. (The duo didn't initially profit at all from Last Christmas, having agreed to donate their royalties to the Band Aid charities to settle a lawsuit levied by the authors of the 1970s song "Can't Smile Without You;" those authors alleged the duo had "nicked" the melody of the earlier tune. The song later became one of the most popular Christmas tunes in the UK and the US over the course of the next few decades.)

"Last Christmas" has been covered by numerous artists, men and women (mostly women, I think) over the years, none of which have been able to capture the magic of the original in all its 1980s synth-ballad glory. This entry is perhaps one of the worst covers I've heard of the song. They rearrange it to early-2000s pop rock, strip out all but one line of the second verse and all of the first, and use a voice that is so obviously disinterested that it sounds like they're mailing it in.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present... "Last Christmas" as performed by Jimmy Eat World.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvjiZPx8yA4

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #129 on:** December 03, 2012, 10:44:16 am »

Day three of the Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style. The next entry isn't even a Christmas tune at all-- it just got confused with one.

This song was recorded in the 1980s by PowerSource for their album Shelter from the Storm. It deals with child abuse and, might I say, in a ridiculously saccharine manner. Most of the song is sung by then-6-year-old Sharon Batts, sung from the perspective of a girl who hears a story about an abused child... and of course, it later comes out that she herself is abused by her mother. The song then ends with this screaming guy. The song was a surprise hit in 1987, after attorney Joel Steinberg beat and killed his adopted daughter Lisa while high on drugs, creating a media circus.

Fast forward to 2001. Right after 9/11 came this idea that radio stations should start playing Christmas music 24/7 beginning in mid-November. This song somehow ended up on a lot of the playlists, despite zero connection to Christmas, other than the mention of Jesus. It got rather annoying, and within about five years, most of the stations had removed it from the playlist.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present... "Dear Mr. Jesus" by PowerSource, featuring Sharon Batts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quG-Q7iKfn0

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #130 on:** December 04, 2012, 09:06:21 pm »

Day 4 of the Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style features a take on a Christmas classic the likes of which you've probably never heard before. The artist is not particularly well known, but he's a hard bluesy rocker from England who recorded this song in 1977.

Here's "Wounded" John Scott Cree with his take on "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5HGNkq56iU

240B · « **Reply #131 on:** December 05, 2012, 07:55:19 am »

In the spirit of Bad Christmas songs this one has to be included. This is a song titled "The worst Christmas song ever" and it really is. But, it is not comically bad, or cute bad, or lyrically bad, it is just BAD-BAD. In fact it is unlistenable. If you make it past the first 30 seconds, I would be impressed. And, since the song has no bridge or change-up at all, the first 30 seconds is basically the whole song anyway.

The video is what has become so common these days. It is a skinny white guy, and even worse than that he's British, "rapping" and taking on a sort of Black thug persona. The song itself is about drug abuse, drinking, arguements, family disfunction, and eventually leading to adoption or the child being taken away by child services. Nice theme right? I can only guess what kind of a childhood this person had, but the effect of it is obvious.

It is performed by guy named Lee Isserow who also goes by the moniker DrCaptain. I don't know a lot about the guy and when I researched him a little, I quickly discovered that I do not want to know very much about this guy. From what little I discovered he seems to be a somewhat demented 'freelance artist' and is obsessed with vulgarity, sexual themes, and violence. This is not someone I would wish to talk about. The song itself is not vulgar but it is still not safe for work solely because of how awful it is.

Anyway, just for the sake of thoroughness of subject matter, I present DrCaptain. In the spirit of bad music, and since this one was actually written and produced in Hell, it certainly deserves a mention in the increasingly famous GOPBR Jukebox from Hell. Enjoy?

The worst Christmas song EVER

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XERztVh-6y4

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #132 on:** December 06, 2012, 05:36:53 pm »

Day 6 of the Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style.

Several of the songs I'm going to be featuring over the next few weeks may not seem, at first glance, to be Christmas songs. Well, to be blunt, they're not, but over in the UK and in the Republic of Ireland, they have a very prominent contest to see what song can end up on the top of the charts right before Christmas-- the "Christmas number one." Although there are quite a few #1s and #2s from those charts to have become Christmas classics, most of them aren't really Christmas tunes, just pop songs (or, in many cases, novelty songs) that are propped up for the contest. Lately, it's been largely dominated by reality shows, including the British version of The X Factor, whose winner has finished at or near the top every year since 2005.

The first of the Christmas number-one contenders I'm going to feature is from 1993. Around that time, a British presenter named Noel Edmonds decided to create this fictional character, allegedly from a (nonexistent) children's show, that did nothing but run around and bump into things while repeating the word "blobby" over and over again. It quickly became one of Britain's most hated characters. Still, they recorded a theme song for the fictional show, which was released as a single-- and, amazingly, hit #1 on the Christmas charts, beating out "Babe," the entry from Britain's hottest boy band, Take That.

Ladies and gentlemen... "Mr. Blobby."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h37KQu64RY4

andy58-in-nh · « **Reply #133 on:** December 06, 2012, 06:45:35 pm »

Quote from: 240B on December 05, 2012, 07:55:19 am

The worst Christmas song EVER

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XERztVh-6y4

The worst part?

There are people in what today passes for the "Entertainment industry" cough!choke!retch! who thought this was a good idea.

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #134 on:** December 07, 2012, 06:51:38 am »

Day 7 of the Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style features another unusual contender for the UK's Christmas number-one. (WARNING: This may be inappropriate for some audiences.)

Isaac Hayes is fairly well known in the United States, especially for his hit song "Theme from Shaft." However, in England, he was virtually unknown until the 1990s, when he took up the role of Chef on the American series South Park. Now, the British, in addition to their own shows, seem to have a real liking for American television, and South Park is no exception. Well, one day, the producers of the show decided to release a single with Hayes, in character as Chef, intoning a double-entendre-laden recipe for a certain, um, dessert. It was a dud here in America (with our relatively puritan ways and general distaste for novelty songs) but a runaway hit in England, where it peaked at #1 on the charts; on the Christmas chart it finished at #2 behind the Spice Girls (who were on a three-year streak winning the Christmas #1). It was Hayes's only hit in the UK.

Here's Isaac Hayes with "Chocolate Salty Balls."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tM9rnqdAx00

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #135 on:** December 09, 2012, 07:42:47 am »

To Ireland we go for day 8 of the Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style.

This song finished #2 on the Irish Christmas charts due to the record companies being conveniently one day late in delivering the song to stores. It was banned from TV for dropping the f-bomb 17 times.

Here arr The Rubberbandits with "Horse Outside."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ljPFZrRD3J8

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #136 on:** December 09, 2012, 02:45:19 pm »

For day 9, here's Fred Hodson with a fittingly strange cover of Captain Beefheart's "There Ain't No Santa Claus on the Evening Stage."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=M46zl0bXNKI

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #137 on:** December 10, 2012, 11:32:06 am »

Day 10 returns us to Ireland, where the next entry in the Jukebox from Hell hit #1 in 1990. Here are Zig & Zag with "The Christmas No. 1."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=jGaoUuYN8mY

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #138 on:** December 11, 2012, 04:50:12 pm »

Day 11 of the Jukebox from Hell Christmas Style returns us stateside. To poke fun at commercialism in the holidays, in and of itself,is nothing groundbreaking. For a Jew to do it-- and open himself up to the stereotypes associated with Jews and money-- is very bold.

Tom Lehrer does just that in today's entry, "A Christmas Carol."

http://youtube.com/watch?v=DtZR3lJobjw

240B · « **Reply #139 on:** December 12, 2012, 01:15:45 am »

מעוז צור
Nothing to say here really. I'm going to Israel to fight in the coming war. I cannot imagine a better way to die. Leheetraote, ve Kol Tov le culam.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ko0883QUUHw

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #140 on:** December 13, 2012, 10:57:07 am »

I missed Day 12, but here's Day 13.

So apparently there used to be this boxer named Barry McGuigan who always used to thank his trainer, a "Mr. Eastwood" (not Clint). Well, Dermot Morgan, an Irish comedian, decided to poke some fun at him. The song mainly served as a vehicle for Morgan's various impersonations, including Ronald Reagan, Bob Geldof and Pope John Paul II.

Yeah, it doesn't have very many laughs, but it nonetheless hit Christmas #1 in Ireland in 1985.

Here's Dermot Morgan with "Thank You Very Much, Mr. Eastwood."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHxrDcAjf60

(PS: If you're wondering why the stories are shorter lately, I've loaned my main computer out to someone else and have been posting mainly on a touch-screen tablet, which isn't nearly as easy to type on as the keyboard. This entry is an exception.)

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #141 on:** December 14, 2012, 08:55:50 am »

What do you get when Lady Gaga does a Christmas carol? The travesty that marks Day 14 of the Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style.

Here's Lady Gaga with Space Cowboy (not Steve Miller, BTW) and their 2008 collaboration, "Christmas Tree."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PolcJd2eh-w

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #142 on:** December 15, 2012, 07:42:43 pm »

Day 15 of the Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style presents the Christmas number-two in the UK in 1997. (The race was so close that many sources had erroneously listed the song as number-one; the real winner was yet another Spice Girls tune, "Too Much.")

This is one of several Christmas contenders that were derived from, or were direct theme songs to, television shows. This one's an international hit: Teletubbies, best known for having its lead actor (Tinky Winky) supposedly outed in a Jerry Falwell publication and the subsequent outrage from the LGBT community.

Here's the theme from Teletubbies, "Teletubbies say Eh-oh!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wyW7uaXV8E

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #143 on:** December 16, 2012, 05:55:48 pm »

Day 16 brings Barbra Streisand and her inexplicably manic rendition of "Jingle Bells?"

(Fixed the link so it plays the right song this time.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2lRSk0MWAY

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #144 on:** December 17, 2012, 06:22:45 pm »

In the late 1980s began an album series known as A Very Special Christmas, which really began the big trend toward celebrities making covers of songs that should have never-- EVER-- been seriously considered, much less publicly released. Nevertheless, they produced a few gems. Run-DMC, one of the few hip-hop groups I can actually stand, had a pretty unique take with "Christmas in Hollis."

Day 17's entry in the Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style isn't one of those gems. Well, basically, the Queen of Pop decided to take Eartha Kitt's 1953 classic rich-girl anthem, "Santa Baby..." and record it in baby talk. (Get it? It's called "Santa Baby," and she's singing it like a baby... oh, never mind...)

Anyway, here's Madonna with "Santa Baby."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ycWObpi73Y

240B · « **Reply #145 on:** December 19, 2012, 11:41:44 am »

My humble contribution to the world famous Jukebox from Hell may be somewhat contorversial. My submission is iconic, innocent, and woven into the very fabric of American culture. It is a piece released in 1965 by The Vince Guaraldi Trio as cover music for a Charlie Brown Christmas television show.

The Vince Guaraldi Trio are, Jerry Granelli – drums, Vince Guaraldi – piano, Hammond organ, arrangement, and Fred Marshall – double bass. The childrens chior are members of the choir of St. Paul's Episcopal Church in San Rafael California.

Lee Mendelson, the producer of the special, was riding in a car when he heard "Cast Your Fate to the Wind by Vince Guaraldi Trio - 1963". Mendelson decided it was the sound he was looking for so he contacted Guaraldi and hired him to do the music for the upcoming Charlie Brown special, and that was it.

Guaraldi was an Italian jazz musician from a musical family and had been involved in music his entire life well before Charlie Brown. Here is what Mendelson heard that caused him to hire the Guaraldi Trio and you can clearly hear the classic tones of Charlie Brown in it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADPgTmca6Zs

Anyway, back to the Jukebox from Hell my submission is "Christmas time is here" by the Guaraldi Trio and the choir of St. Paul's Episcopal Church in San Rafael California. Of course like everyone I grew up with Charlie Brown and enjoyed it as a child. However, if I were in Gitmo and they played this over and over, I would give up every secret I know and could think of to make up. LOL

So, here we go! In honor of Christmas I present "Christmas time is here". Enjoy! lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPG3zSgm_Qo

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #146 on:** December 19, 2012, 12:14:58 pm »

Day 19 of the Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style presents another A Very Special Christmas carol.

First, a flashback to the 1950s, the golden age of novelty songs. The original version of this song, "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus," was performed by 13-year-old Jimmy Boyd. Boyd was one of the youngest people to ever hit #1 on the Billboard charts. It also received some harsh words from the Roman Catholic Church over the whole thing.

Well, the song doesn't really work for anyone over the age of 15 or so. But that didn't stop John Cougar-- or is it John Mellencamp? Who knows anymore-- from doing the song in his usual style. There's something creepy about a grown man in his 30s rockin' out about seeing his mother kissing Santa Claus.

Here's John Cougar Mellencamp-- or whatever-- with his version of "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsat4e8jgHA

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #147 on:** December 20, 2012, 06:16:32 pm »

Day 20 of the Christmas Jukebox from Hell takes us back to England, with the Christmas number-one for 1971.

Here's the legendary Benny Hill with "Ernie, the Fastest Milkman in the West."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxY3GijCjnY

240B · « **Reply #148 on:** December 22, 2012, 09:28:03 am »

This next song is from Jocelyn Eve Stoker a.k.a. Joss Stone. She is, of course, famous for her style of 'blues' music and has made quite a fortune for herself in the U.K. at a very young age. She has sold over 10 million albums worldwide. She has had speaking and acting parts in a few movies and was Anne of Cleves in the Showtime soap opera "The Tudors".

In 2008, for whatever reason, she decided to do this "The anti-Christmas Carol". It is pretty much what we have come to expect in this genre of song with drinking and stress and disfunction throughout.

This is a really good example of a terrible song being beautifully sung. The lyrics are included because the way she sings it, it is difficult to understand in some places. The song ends at dead-end, as if it just stops. "I tell you, Jesus, just this once, as a baby anyway". What in the world could that ever mean?

Anyway, without further ado, for the esteemed patrons of GOPBR, I proudly present on the Universally Hailed and Lauded 'Jukebox from Hell', "The anti-Christmas Carol" by Joss Stone. Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41bbtdqtRhs

Hmm, yeah
Ooh, yah

It's that time of year
When I set gettin' sick
Of all the cheer

Every song you hear
Was a hit or a miss
From last century

Is it just me?
'Cos it never much seems like the movie
(Like the movie)

So thank God
(Thank God)
Christmas comes once a year
(Only comes once a year)

Just once a year
(Just once a year)

Only bells I hear
Is last call, one and all

Cryin' in their beer
'Cos it's gon' take all year
For the debts to be met
So raise a glass for Christmas cheer

It never snows, only rain
I don't know why we're still dreamin'
Of a white... Christmas

Thank God it only comes once a year
(Only comes once a year)
(Only comes once a year)

Thank God it only comes once
(Only comes once a year)

Mama's in the kitchen
She's stressin', oh no
The oven didn't work, hey
Nothing's cookin', oh no

Brother, sister are fightin'
She's cryin'
Boxer knocks the tree down

It makes me wanna shout
Hallelujah, thank God
That Christmas only comes once a year
Only comes once a year
Thank You, Jesus, for being born only once
I couldn't deal with it

So Christmas only comes once a year
Thank God, Hallelujah
(Hallelujah)
For Christmas only lastin' 24 hours of my life
(Hallelujah)
I tell you, Jesus, just this once
As a baby anyway

jmyrlefuller · « **Reply #149 on:** December 22, 2012, 11:39:30 am »

Day 22 of the Jukebox from Hell, Christmas Style is a fairly well-known novelty tune.

The artist in today's entry was born Harry Skarbo in Tacoma, Washington. (He was later adopted and took the legal name Harry Stewart.) He emerged as a radio host in the late 1920s, where he took on the odd persona of Swedish Hindu swami Yogi Yorgesson. Eventually this became too gimmicky to maintain, so Yogi became the stereotypical "yooper"-- an American of Scandinavian descent.

Under that persona, he recorded several songs, including today's entry; in the song, he goes out for a few too many drinks on Christmas Eve, making the subsequent family dinner a night to forget. The best line of the song: "Peace on Earth, everybody, and good will toward men... and yust at that moment, someone slugs Uncle Ben." Harry died in 1956.

Here's Harry Stewart, also known as Yogi Yorgesson, with "I Yust Go Nuts at Christmas."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4uW2PT-190