Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: December 15, 2024 Edition  (Read 815 times)

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Offline John Semmens

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: December 15, 2024 Edition
« on: December 13, 2024, 07:26:44 am »
Almost Everybody Wants Pardons

Seeing the great deal Hunter Biden got, former President Bill Clinton went on ABC's "The View" to express his "willingness to ask President Biden to pardon his wife. Hillary didn't do anything wrong, but getting a comprehensive and unconditional and pardon covering her from October 11, 1975 to the present would be very comforting. Considering she's devoted her entire life to public service of one sort or another she deserves it."

Former Rep. Liz Cheney (R-Wy) also would like a pardon. "Trump says all the members of the House Select Committee to Investigate the January 6th Attack on the United States Capitol should be in jail for destroying exculpatory evidence," an alarmed Cheney complained. "First, I didn't do anything I wasn't told to do by Committee Chairman Rep. Bennie Thompson (D-Miss). Second, in 2016 former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton destroyed evidence that had been subpoenaed, but she was absolved by FBI Director James Comey. Third, since President Biden has pardoned over 1,000 people in the last few days surely he could pardon me."

When asked about Cheney's remarks by CNN's Jim Acosta, Thompson asserted "I was just forwarding the orders I was given by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif). The media consensus was that our committee did a wonderful job. In my opinion we don't need pardons, but I'm willing to accept one if President Biden decides I should get one. To be on the safe side I think the President should issue a comprehensive and unconditional pardon for every member of Congress for the entire period each of us has been in office just in case Trump tries to question anything any of us has done."

Sen. Richard Blumenthal (D-Conn) came out against the idea of preemptive pardons, saying "it's going to be perceived as an implicit acknowledgment of guilt. This will turn voters against everyone who accepts such a pardon. We'd all be seen as corrupt in some way. I say, let them take us to court and try to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that we committed some crime." Reminded that he has been proved beyond a reasonable doubt to have lied about serving in Vietnam, Blumenthal pointed out that "simply lying about military service or anything else in order to win elections is not illegal."

Former Rep. and newly elected Sen. Adam Schiff (D-Calif) says "preemptive pardons are unnecessary. Trump using the DOJ to investigate and prosecute his political opponents is an impeachable offense. This is not what voters who elected him want. If he tries to do this moderate Republicans will join with Democrats to impeach, convict, remove, and bar him from ever holding a federal office again. Even if such an effort fails it would derail all the changes Trump promised voters he would make and mark him as untrustworthy."

FBI Director to Step Down Jan 20, 2025

Citing his clash of values with incoming President Trump, FBI Director Christopher Wray announced he will vacate his position effective January 20 of next year. "I will dedicate the remaining 40 days and nights of my tenure to bolstering the agency for its coming four years of resistance against the changes that Trump intends to inflict on it," Wray said. "The loyal men, women, and trans agents who have worked so diligently to suppress our domestic enemies will be ensconced in civil service jobs that will give them effective lifetime jobs where they can continue the work of silencing misinformation, discouraging unwarranted criticism of reproductive rights, and thwarting the evil agenda of the MAGA movement."

Wray went on to boast that "it's not only the FBI that will become intractable for Trump and the man he's chosen to replace me. President Biden is working to similarly embed loyalists in every federal department and agency. Every initiative that Trump attempts to implement will be blocked or sabotaged by the entrenched bureaucrats the outgoing administration is installing. The frustration that Trump will experience at every turn will be glorious to watch."

Trump called Wray's resignation "a great day for America. Kash Patel, the man I have nominated to replace Wray, is the most qualified nominee to lead the FBI in the Agency's history, and is committed to helping ensure that law, order, and justice will be brought back to our country again. Patel's plan is to eliminate FBI jobs focused on bullying social media into censoring dissent, arresting people for praying for the lives of babies targeted for abortion, or intimidating parents who object to the woke nonsense being foisted on their children in public schools. Patel will assign agents to track down and arrest America's most wanted criminals. Those unwilling to accept these assignments will be terminated."

In related FBI news, Agent Nicholas Anthony Williams has been convicted for stealing cash, valuables, and other property during home invasion raids. Williams also fraudulently used his FBI-issued credit card for non-work related personal expenditures. One of his victims was Alexander Fan. Fan was charged with non-violent trespassing misdemeanors at the US Capitol on January 6, 2021. When his home home was raided by the FBI in June 2023 Williams stole $1500 of cash and silver bars. Williams claimed he was "going the extra mile by personally defunding the MAGA enemies of our democracy. I hope to get one of those pardons I hear President Biden is giving to folks like me."

Do Voters Support Deportation of Illegals?

Rep. Robert Garcia (D-Calif) went on MSNBC's "Morning Joe" to claim that "Trump's immigration policies are out of step with what most Americans want. His ideas are unconstitutional, un-American, and shameful. I entered this country illegally many years ago. Does this mean I should be deported after all I've done for America? The people elected me to Congress. They wouldn't stand for me being deported."

A sign that Rep. Garcia is the one out of step with most Americans emerged when a recent Siena College Research Institute poll of registered New York voters found that 54% say state officials should support Trump's plan to deport persons who have entered this country illegally. Only 35% say these officials should oppose deporting them. Respondents included 49% Democrats, 22% Republicans, and 29% independents.

New York City Deputy Mayor for Health and Human Services Anne Williams-Isom says "I am deploying city attorneys to do everything they can to obstruct Trump's deportation plans. The fear that I've been seeing amongst our new arrivals has been really disturbing and heartbreaking. We want to let people know that we will continue to protect them. Our job is to serve New Yorkers and that's the ones which are here and the ones that are coming here."

State senators have drafted a bill that would create more impediments to keep federal ICE officers from finding the criminal aliens they want to deport. Julia Salazar (D-Brooklyn) said "our bill prohibits all state and municipal employees from disclosing anyone's citizenship or immigration status to federal officers seeking to find and remove illegal immigrants."

New york councilwoman vickie paladino complained that "this bill is strictly about protecting dangerous criminals and ensuring they get to stay in our city and enjoy the comforts of our lax justice system. It's an absolute outrage. Why are they doing the exact opposite of what their constituents voted for?"

Salazar explained "the same voters who support Trump's deportation policy also elected all the Democrats--including Gov. Hochul--who support our bill. If they truly wanted what Trump wants to do they should've voted for him and all the other Republicans who support him. Since they didn't, it doesn't matter what they tell pollsters they want now. They voted for Democrats. We will make whatever laws we think best."

ActBlue Breaks the Law

This week the Democrat funding organization ActBlue admitted it broke the federal campaign financing law's prohibition of using foreign funds to help elect Democrats. President and CEO Regina Wallace-Jones said "we recognize that technically foreigners are not supposed to donate money in US elections. However, we don't acknowledge the legitimacy of this law. Since the US is the most powerful country in the world persons living in other countries have a stake in the outcome of our elections. Why shouldn't they be able to help elect people that would represent their interests? Anyway, we stopped accepting foreign money after September 9."

She went on to say that "what's already been done can't be undone. The foreign funds were co-mingled with legal donations from US citizens. There's no way of telling which candidates owe their victories to illegally donated money. And it would be unfair to blame them since they had no way of knowing whether they were or weren't beneficiaries of illegally donated money. If voters don't like it they can vote against Democrats in the 2026 mid-term elections."

Former Rep. George Santos (R-NY) sharply criticized ActBlue's actions, saying "it's corrupt. Democrats who received illegal donations shouldn't be seated in the 119th Congress. Sad to say, since the beneficiaries are all Democrats, Attorney General Merrick Garland and the Department of Justice did nothing and don't plan to do anything to punish these crimes."

House Speaker Mike Johnson condemned the illegal contributions and vowed to investigate further. "House Oversight Committee Chairman James Comer will be looking into 400 Treasury Department money laundering reports connected to ActBlue and into the alleged obstruction of justice by the Securities Exchange Commission, IRS, FBI, and Department of Justice covering up the criminal activity of the Biden family."

Trump Wants Vaccines to Be Probed

During an interview with NBC's Kristen Welker President-Elect Donald Trump said "my nominee for Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert Kennedy Jr. will investigate whether the surge in autism is linked to the surge in vaccinations we're giving to infants. Twenty-five years ago one in 100,000 children was diagnosed as autistic. Now it's almost one in 100. These days we're giving more vaccinations to even younger infants than ever before. Often they're getting multiple shots at a time. Maybe it's too much for them to take without suffering some damage."

"Some of what I've been hearing about how Pfizer botched the trials of its covid vaccine and tried to cover up the extraordinarily high adverse effects is very troubling," Trump added. "Granted, we were dealing with a novel disease. We had to move fast, but President Biden should never have falsely claimed that the vaccines would prevent folks from getting or transmitting the covid germs. And he most definitely should not have tried to coerce people into getting the shot by threatening their jobs. I believe we should give people the option to try an experimental shot. Let them choose whether to take an unproven therapy. Forcing them to submit is the kind of tyranny we see in dictatorships. We need a thorough evaluation of what was done during the pandemic so the mistakes made aren't repeated in the future."

In related news, Billionaire Bill Gates' admitted that he "used Indians as unwitting guinea pigs to test the efficacy of novel vaccines for novel diseases. That country is way over populated as it is and could benefit from a high casualty rate." He disputed comparisons of his experiments to those of the infamous Nazi Dr. Josef Mengele, saying "my intent is the future benefit of all mankind. Mengele murdered people for evil reasons."

Meanwhile, socialized medicine in the United Kingdom doesn't have enough ambulances to handle the number of patients needing transport to a hospital emergency room and is now required to ask patients if they can make it to a hospital on their own. Secretary of State for Health and Social Care Wes Streeting acknowledged that "the NHS can be inconvenient at times, but that disadvantage is offset by its being free to the patient if he or she can somehow make it alive to a medical facility."