Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: September 29, 2024 Edition  (Read 519 times)

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Offline John Semmens

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: September 29, 2024 Edition
« on: September 28, 2024, 10:25:16 am »
425,000 Criminals Entered US Under Biden

Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) data show that 425,000 persons with criminal records were among the estimated 11.6 million persons illegally admitted into the US and released to roam the nation since Joe Biden became president: 13,099 were convicted of homicide, 15,811 for sexual assault, over 2,500 for kidnapping, over 10,000 for robbery, and over 62,000 for assault.

Vice-President Kamala Harris pointed out that "based on these numbers, less than 4% of those we brought into the country had criminal records. American citizens with criminal records make up about 3% of our adult population. The murders we admitted represented only a tenth of a percent of the 11.6 million total. So, there is no significant proof that we made our society more dangerous or worse off in our efforts to welcome these newcomers to the United States. There is substantial proof that our country is culturally enriched by immigration."

Former President Trump said "there is no excuse for allowing any criminals to enter our country illegally, much less allowing them to go free inside our country. Those entering the US legally are scrutinized. Those with criminal records can and should be rejected. We don't need to import more criminals. If the Biden/Harris team hadn't been so eager to keep our borders open American citizens--men, women, and children--who have been murdered by illegal immigrants would still be alive. To argue that these victims are only a small percentage of our population does not justify the open borders policy. Kamala is protected around the clock by armed bodyguards. The victims of the murders Kamala imported had no such protection. Her calculated indifference toward the harm she's done make her unfit for the office she is asking the voters to give her."

In related news, Tyrone Muhammad, a former gangbanger who served a 20 year prison sentence for murder and now runs a street patrol and violence prevention program, condemned the open borders policy of the Biden/Harris regime, saying "when the black gangs here get fed up with the illegalities and criminal activities of these migrants, the city of Chicago is going to go up in flames and there will be nothing the National Guard or the government can do about it when the bloodshed hits the streets."

Harris Assails Trump's Tax Cuts

During an interview with MSNBC's Stephanie Ruhle, Democrat nominee for president Vice-President Kamala Harris tried to refute Ruhle's fact-check that the tax cuts passed during Trump's term as president weren't only for the rich by explaining the math. "Okay, say there's an across-the-board 10% cut," Harris began. "The rich person making $200,000 a year saves $20,000, but the middle class person making $30,000 saves only $3,000. Worse, the person on welfare who doesn't earn any income gets no savings. I say, once someone earns more than a middle class income that person already has more than they need. They should be paying higher taxes so the government has more money to give to those who have no income."

Harris asked voters "to not get bogged down by the math of fiscal policy. Just look at how I was raised compared to Trump. He is the son of a billionaire. I was born in Oakland, the daughter of two Berkeley grad students. My father became a professor who taught at Northwestern, Wisconsin, Yale and Stanford. My mother was a cancer researcher. Like many middle class families, my folks split up when I was a child. My sister and I were shuttled back-and-forth between our two parents. There were the typical trips to visit extended family in India and Jamaica. When I was 13 my mother bought our first house, which I'm pleased to say is now worth over $900,000. I think when voters look at my life they'll see how similar it has been to theirs and realize I can be trusted to look out for their interests once I am elected the most powerful person in the world."

What goes unmentioned in Kamala's account is that her mother was the daughter of an Indian diplomat and her father an heir to a family of former slave holders. She attended pricey private schools and lived in pricey neighborhoods. In 2021, she sold her San Francisco condo for $860,000. She also sold the condo in Washington, DC that she purchased in 2017 when she was elected senator from California for $1.85 million and moved into the US Naval Observatory--the free housing provided to the nation's vice-president. She and her husband also co-own a $5 million a mansion in Brentwood, California.

Zelensky Campaigns for Harris/Walz

This week, as the election campaign enters its last five weeks, Ukraine President Vladimir Zelensky jetted into Pennsylvania aboard a US Air Force C-17 to help the Harris/Walz ticket win votes. "I am told that winning this state is a must for the Democrats," Zelensky said. "I am told that I will be visiting a munitions factory where I will autograph some bombs and try to firm up the pro-war vote. Trump is promising to end my country's war with Russia by 'making a deal.' The great American General MacArthur said 'there's no substitute for victory.' I hope to refresh the American voters' memory of this noble sentiment so we can assure that the money and weapons flow can continue until victory is attained."

James Comer (R-Ky), Chair of the House Oversight Committee, challenged "the propriety of flying Zelensky at taxpayer expense to campaign for the Democrats. I also question the wisdom of continuing to escalate this war. Just this week Putin has said he reserves the right to use nuclear weapons if Ukraine launches long-range missiles into Russia. Yet, long-range missiles are what Zelensky is demanding. I don't think continuing this war is something that the American people want. It is too dangerous."

"Whether this war should be continued to a victorious conclusion is something that voters will decide," Vice-President Harris asserted. "Since President Zelensky is the person most knowledgeable about this war I think it is important that voters have the opportunity to hear from him before they cast their ballots. Squabbling over the use of an Air Force plane to provide him with convenient and secure transportation is petty. We've already invested $56 billion 'at taxpayer expense' to support this war. Holistically, spending a few more dollars on his transportation is insignificant. Besides, being hospitable is one of the building blocks for harmonious foreign relations."

In related news, General Alexander Sollfrank, head of NATO's logistics command, confirmed that "NATO is on the brink of implementing operation 'Steadfast Defender 2024.' This includes approval for long-range missile strikes deep into Russian territory, the mobilization of 90,000 troops from 30 nations, and the mass evacuation strategies needed to cope with a possible nuclear war with Russia."

Exploding Pagers Called "a War Crime"

Volker Türk, the UN high commissioner for human rights, called Israel's use of exploding cell phones and pagers to attack Hezbollah terrorists "a war crime. This unprecedented method of warfare violates both the expectation of privacy and safety one expects from modern electronic devices. Thousands of jihadis ultimately were injured, castrated, maimed, or killed in coordinated explosions. It also unreasonably endangered nearby civilians who were innocent of any aggression against Israel."

Turk went on to deny that Israel's attack was justified by Hezbollah's repeated launches of missiles into the homes and businesses of Israelis, saying "Israel is unlawfully occupying lands that were justly conquered for Islam more than 1,000 years ago. Their military forces are too powerful to defeat. The only feasible method for dislodging them is for our martyrs to target their women and children for rape and murder. The October 7 attack demonstrated the viability of this strategy. Muslims outnumber Jews by more than 100 to one. If each martyr can kill just one Jew the problem can be resolved."

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu denounced the United Nations, calling it "a swamp of antisemitic bile. Members of the United Nations Relief and Works Agency (UNRWA) participated in the atrocities committed against unarmed Israeli civilians on October 7, 2023. Mothers were raped in front of their children. Children were tortured and decapitated in front of their parents. These were not the kinds of collateral damage that can result from legitimate engagements between opposing armies. These were deliberately selected soft targets chosen by the cowards who seek to exterminate my people."

In response to Israel's use of exploding pagers against Hezbollah, Reps. Pramila Jayapal (D-Wa), André Carson (D-In), and Jan Schakowsky (D-Ill) have introduced the United Nations Relief and Works Agency Funding Emergency Restoration Act of 2024. "While the actions of a few UNRWA employees who joined in perpetrating the rapes and murders of October 7, 2023 were regrettable, we believe that UNRWA funding needs to be restored," Schakowsky said. "True, UNRWA regularly calls for the murder of Jews, and creates teaching materials that glorify terrorism, encourage martyrdom, demonize Israelis, and incite antisemitism. However, the portion of the humanitarian aid UNRWA provides to Palestine that is not stolen by Hamas trickles down to the masses and saves lives."

58% of Dems Base Vote Solely on Abortion

In answer to the YouGov poll question "Would you vote for or against a candidate just on the basis of their position on the abortion issue?" Fifty-eight percent of Democrat respondents said "yes."

Democrat presidential nominee Vice-President Kamala Harris "this majority support for protecting the sacred right to an abortion is why it is essential that Democrats win this election. There is no bigger constraint on a woman's freedom than being stuck bearing, birthing, and rearing an unwanted child. Some even call it an '18 year prison sentence,' but in many ways it is far worse."

"Legally, a parent is only required to support a child until they reach adulthood on their 18th birthday," Harris observed. "However, the emotional trauma can last a lifetime. All the opportunities you miss because you have to care for a child can take the fun out of living. No other issue of this campaign is more important. Consider the issue of immigration. You may not want more immigrants, but you don't have to have any of them come live with you. You don't have to feed them, change their diapers, go to parent-teacher conferences, or do any of the other soul-sucking tasks asked of a parent."

"Now, some of us are smart enough to avoid getting pregnant, but we can't disregard our responsibility toward those who aren't," she continued. "That's why I'm determined to provide the 'escape pod' of tax-funded abortion for everyone who wants one. No one should have to travel to another state to get one. No doctor should be permitted to refuse to perform the procedure. No one should be permitted to refuse to pay their fair share of the cost for obtaining one. We can't let the minority who are opposed to abortion make the rules. On this issue the majority must rule. That's why every sane woman will vote for me."

In related health news, Harris dispelled rumors that she will require covid vaccination in order to vote, saying "I don't currently have the authority to impose such a requirement. What I do have the authority to require is that everyone working on my campaign must be fully up-to-date on their covid vaccinations. As for adding such a rule for being able to vote in the future, we'll have to wait and see how the election turns out. I do think the idea has merit. We should ensure that voting doesn't endanger anyone's health. Screening out those who are not vaccinated could be a feasible way of achieving such a goal."

Judge Orders Investigation of Fluoride's Impact on IQ

This past August, the National Toxicology Program, of the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), issued a report indicating that there seems to be a connection between higher levels of fluoride exposure and lower IQ in kids. Based on this, US District San Francisco Judge Edward Chen ordered the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) "to take steps to lower the potential risk."

EPA spokesperson Jeff Landis asserted that "adding fluoride to the nation's drinking water was one of the greatest public health achievements of the last century. We doubt whether the few IQ points lost could outweigh all the cavities that have been averted. A person can get along very well being just a bit dumber, but rotten teeth are not as painless of a problem. I believe that the average person would feel appreciative that their government has saved them from the agony and expense of major tooth problems by mandating the fluoride."

Landis brushed aside contentions that the wide availability of fluoride-laced toothpaste makes the mandate unnecessary, saying "depending on voluntary action to prevent tooth decay is unreliable. Kids don't always brush regularly. They may also swallow the toothpaste. Ensuring that everyone has the precisely calculated necessary dosage of fluoride seems the wiser course. The fanatics who don't want fluoride in their water can purchase filtration systems to get it out. Meanwhile, the masses of ordinary people are protected."