Author Topic: The Babylon Bee Writers Are Going On Strike - Here Are Our Demands  (Read 288 times)

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Offline mystery-ak

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The Babylon Bee Writers Are Going On Strike - Here Are Our Demands
« on: September 30, 2023, 06:39:18 pm »
The Babylon Bee Writers Are Going On Strike - Here Are Our Demands
The Babylon Bee · Sep 29, 2023 ·

After years of suffering under unfair labor practices, the Bee writers are going on strike. Support us by reading this article and then by joining us on the picket line. We will not get back to work until every single one of these demands is met. They are very reasonable!


    CEO Seth Dillon agrees to begin paying us

    More gruel at lunchtime

    Bowing to the golden Trump statue when the music plays is no longer mandatory

    Seth agrees to stop whipping us and yelling, "Be funnier!"

    Iron Maiden pinball machine in the breakroom

    Cut Editor-in-Chief Kyle Mann's daily readings of Lord of the Rings to weekly

    The company will no longer hire male writers based on hotness

    Must offer actual benefits instead of just the promise of an annual high-five

    Kyle agrees to stop walking by our desks saying "Working hard or hardly working?"

    Stop referring to female writers as "work hags" or "headline wenches"

    Weekend visits with family

    One can of Yuban coffee

    The company cannot force us to write more than 25 AOC jokes a day

    We will no longer be required to refer to the CEO as "Seth Dillon, may he live forever"

    Kyle must learn all our names

    Writers will now have the right to make fun of Elon Musk

    4-hour games of Catan on Wednesdays are now optional

    Increase the party planning committee budget to $50

    Y2K-compliant computers

    A window

    Replace us with AI. Please. And as soon as possible

    No more listicles

We reserve the right to say we were just joking and go back to work if the company tries to fire us. That's one of the best things about working for the Bee, you can laugh off anything as a joke. But seriously, we have families.

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