Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: February 26, 2023 Edition  (Read 808 times)

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Offline John Semmens

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: February 26, 2023 Edition
« on: February 25, 2023, 07:56:52 am »
DeSantis Gets Fake Apology

During an interview with Vice-President Kamala Harris, MSNBC anchor Andrea Mitchell inaccurately described Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis' objection to Critical Race Theory (CRT) as "opposition to teaching about slavery and the aftermath of slavery to Florida school children."

After a flurry of complaints to MSNBC, Mitchell admitted that her blatant lie "was imprecise. However, the kind of emphasis on objective facts that the Governor wants to cram down the throats of the state's school children overlooks the value of the subjective feelings that many have about how blacks have been treated in this country."

Florida Education Commissioner Manny Díaz Jr. defended the Governor's position on the issue, saying "subjective feelings are not the proper foundation for public education. Verified facts and the actions of people in the history of slavery, the struggle for emancipation, the Civil War, Reconstruction, Jim Crow laws, and the civil rights movement need to be presented in a balanced way by the teachers. Students are encouraged to seek out different opinions to help them understand and formulate their own ideas on how these historical events affect them and the country."

Harris maintained that "objectivity is a myth perpetrated by white supremacists. The reality is that the true history of this country has been one where the government has been of the racists, by the racists, and for the racists. A recent Rasmussen poll showed that an astounding 72% of those surveyed said it's okay to be white. I think this proves that white racists have a malevolent impact on the thought processes of most Americans. Covering up this fact is censorship of the worst sort."

FBI "Wellness Room" Defended

Former FBI agent Steve Friend's disclosure that the FBI field office in New Jersey has a "Wellness Room" that has massage recliners, lounge furniture, and a yoga space for employees has raised some questions regarding whether this is an appropriate use of taxpayer dollars.

FBI whistle blower Kyle Seraphin, who spent six years working on counter-terrorism and counterintelligence, was suspended indefinitely without pay after he complained of allegedly questionable activity within the bureau, called the wellness room "emblematic of the worst and weakest parts of the Woke corporate culture. When the work you do is honorable and rewarding, you don't need a Wellness Room set aside to gather your thoughts or the affirmation messages resembling Al Franken's Stuart Smalley character from the Saturday Night Live show."

FBI Director Christopher Wray said "in the old days when the Agency's job was simply tracking down and arresting bad guys we had a lot of public support. Today, a lot of people question our widespread violation of privacy, our entrapment schemes, and the intimidation that has become necessary to defend democracy from right wing domestic terrorists. The lack of affirmation from the general public creates the need for a substitute way to detox from the daily stress of our jobs. After all, if such perks can divert agents from becoming mass murderers I think it's money well-spent."

Secure Border Explained

In an interview with Chris Wallace on CNN, Department of Homeland Security (DHS) Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas explained that "when I say the border is secure this doesn't mean that people aren't able to cross the border illegally. It means that we are able to prevent Republicans from blocking the entry of foreigners that the Administration believes will help make the country stronger."

"Surveys have shown that people are coming here because the President has invited them to come," the Secretary pointed out. "Their gratitude for being admitted and gaining their fair share of the benefits and amenities the US has to offer helps bolster the number of defenders of democracy that can be counted on to beat back the evil schemes of the MAGA extremists that want to destroy everything Democrats have done to redistribute wealth from those who don't deserve it to those who do."

Mayorkas went on to blame Republicans for the human trafficking, drug smuggling, and murders committed by the cartels, "their loud announcements that the border is open have abetted the atrocities these criminals have perpetrated. If they had kept quiet about it, the cartels might not have realized that they could easily ply their nefarious trade. The rapes, fentanyl poisonings, and related crimes would've been rarer than they are. So, yes, the culpability is mostly theirs alone."

Project Veritas Board Ousts O'Keefe

This week, the Board of Directors for Project Veritas voted to oust the organization's founder James O'Keefe. Board Member Matthew Tyrmand explained that "the IRS informed us that James' exposes have demonstrated an unacceptable bias against organizations, corporations, and individuals promoting leftist political causes. This has caused the IRS to threatened to revoke our tax-exempt status. Losing this styatus would mean that our donors could no longer deduct what they give us from their taxes. The bottom line is that without this tax-exemption donations would slow to a trickle."

Tyrmand expressed optimism that "with James gone we can implement a more acceptable focus of exposing right wing misdeeds for the next 13 years to balance the years James has been exposing left wing misdeeds. This will atone for our past transgressions and allow the IRS to forebear canceling our tax-exemption. Donors will be reassured that they can still give us money without negatively impacting their own tax liability."

O'Keefe challenged the notion that donations won't be reduced by the Board's actions. "Donors don't give money just to get a tax break," he pointed out. "They give us money to carry out a specific mission to investigate corruption, malfeasance, abuse of power and the like. The left has plenty of billionaires ready to fork over many millions of dollars to leftists whose aim is to destroy our freedoms. The left has government organizations like the IRS to target those of us who resist the tyranny that leftism wants to implement. Easing off our mission will also eliminate the purpose for which funds were donated to Project Veritas."

Before this controversy became public, Project Veritas had 1.4 million followers on Twitter to O'Keefe's 1.1 million. As of today, Project Veritas has 1,169,325 followers to O'Keefe's 1,378,928. Meanwhile, the Board is desperately asking donors to have faith that they know what they are doing and keep writing their checks to the O'Keefe-less Project Veritas.

Dems Fear Release of Jan 6 Video

Republican House Speaker Kevin McCarthy's decision to release 41,000 hours of video from the Jan 6, 2021 riot at the US Capitol has struck fear into some leading Democrats.

Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) called it "a grave mistake. There were very good reasons why former Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) declined to make these videos available for public viewing. I can't tell you why she refused to air them, but trust me, she had good reasons. The American people have to have faith that their government is looking out for their best interests. Widespread viewing of these videos could destroy that faith."

House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-CA) complained that "the narrative that the January 6 special committee worked so long and hard to construct would be undermined by an indiscriminate viewing of the raw and unedited footage. The crucial few minutes the committee selected to demonstrate that right-wing traitors were intending to overthrow our government would be drowned out by the tens of thousands of boring hours showing people peacefully meandering in the building and give an erroneous impression of what happened."

Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Calif) denounced the release of the videos, saying "I was on the special committee. We viewed the videos so the American people wouldn't have to. We sifted out the irrelevant, confusing, and contradictory content. Allowing the public to see what we sifted out would only serve to allow anti-regime propagandists like Tucker Carlson focus on extraneous evidence and lessen the chance that the insurrectionists would be properly punished for their crimes."

Carlson countered by suggesting that "Schiff's stance contradicts the very idea of a fair trial. In essence, he's saying that only the evidence that a prosecutor chooses to present should be allowed. Any exculpatory evidence must be withheld from the jury. We will go through the 41,000 hours to determine what we think ought to be seen. Ultimately, all of these 41,000 hours should be posted for examination by anyone one who wishes to see for themselves and make their own judgments about the event."

Pelosi warned that "letting anyone outside of government see these sensitive videos is inherently dangerous and could lead to an even worse disturbance than occurred on January 6th. If voters hadn't foolishly given Republicans a majority in the House last November I would have been able to prevent the catastrophe that McCarthy is foisting on this country."

Trump Does Good Deed

After weeks of inaction from the Biden Administration following the train derailment in East Palestine, Ohio, a visit by former President Trump sparked gratitude from the town's residents. He arranged for trucks to bring thousands of bottles of water to the contaminated area. He bought food for local firemen who have been working to mitigate the spillage of toxic chemicals from the ruptured container cars of the train.

Joy Behar of ABC's The View TV show denounced Trump and the citizens of East Palestine "for politicizing the behavior of Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg, who unlike Trump, was so traumatized by the derailment that he fell into a state of severe depression that kept him from getting aid to the affected area. Besides, 70% of the voters there went for Trump in 2020. They should have known this wouldn't have earned them the help they needed from the guy who defeated Trump in that election."

She also belittled Trumps acts of generosity, complaining that "the free bottles of water he gave out were his own brand. He only bought food for a few hundred people. What about the thousands of other local residents and the millions of people downstream and downwind from the toxic emissions? Who's gonna feed them? And the free hats he handed out were all MAGA hats. Talk about selfish. The gall of the man is intolerable."

Stirred from his indifference by the wave of good PR garnered by Trump for his visit, Buttigieg finally came to East Palestine. He justified his late arrival, saying "there are hundreds of derailments in this country every year. I can't go to all of them. It's not like this disaster is the only one I've snubbed this year. If you recall, I also ignored the Christmas airline crisis and the Fall national railroad strike."

Buttigieg went on to rebuff some unflattering comparisons with Trump's prior visit. "I didn't bring any water because Gov. DeWine says the local tap water is pure. I won't be buying anyone Big Macs like Trump did because they're unhealthy. And I won't be answering any more questions because I'm only here for a photo op."

Illinois School Performance Dismal

Data from the Illinois State Board of Education documents a dysfunctional public school system. There are 53 schools where not a single student is able to do math at the level expected for his or her grade. There are 622 schools where only one tenth of the students can read at grade level. There are 930 schools where only a tenth of the students can do math at grade level.

Many of these schools' performances are rated "commendable" by the State Board of Education. Ninety-seven percent of the state's public school teachers are rated as "excellent" or "proficient." However, fewer than 30% of the state's students can read at grade level.

It would appear that the school system needs a shake-up if we want results to improve. Yet, Gov J.B. Pritzker (D) selected Tony Sanders, Superintendent of U-46 in Elgin--a school district where only 20% of the total students and only 10% of minority students can read at grade level. Sanders has been in this district since 2007 and was named its superintendent in 2014. In the eight years he has been in charge the districts schools have continued to fail to impart important skills needed for success in life.

Asked why he chose Sanders, Pritzker blandly asserted, "he knows the system. He understands that even excellent teachers cannot teach life skills to the students of today. Rather lose great teachers by pressuring them to get better results and risk losing the political support they give to the Democratic Party, I think the smarter strategy is continue to use the schools as a giant detention program so their parents can work and pay taxes. The students that avoid being murdered by their peers don't need skills in order to go on the welfare our Party will provide for them after they're released from the schools' custody after they turn 18."