« Reply #9445 on: November 17, 2023, 01:05:50 pm »
45 Things Trump Is Promising For His Second TermPOLITICS·
Nov 14, 2023 · BabylonBee.com https://babylonbee.com/news/45-things-trump-has-promised-in-his-second-term It's November! That means it's almost December, which means it's almost 2024, which means it'll eventually be election time. It'll be here before you know it, and former President Donald Trump has rolled out his ambitious agenda once he is inevitably re-elected.Through top-secret sources, The Babylon Bee has obtained this list of 45 things Donald Trump is promising for his second term:1 Make America great again again2 Trade all Hollywood celebs for hostages in Gaza3 Put the dollar sign back in Kesha's name4 Remove the extra-innings ghost runner and pitch clock from baseball and exile Rob Manfred to Canada 5 Make the southern border an epic American Ninja Warrior course so only the best ninja warriors get into the country 6 Require all Marvel superheroes to be male 7 Make McDonald's go back to the old yellow and red color scheme8 Launch a federal investigation into why Chrome uses so much RAM9 Ban iPad tipping10 Immediately declare war on California11 Revoke the license of anyone driving more than 5 MPH under the speed limit12 Require Starbucks baristas to wear badges stating they are either biologically male or biologically female13 Federal mandate that everyone play by the actual Monopoly rules with none of this woke "get money on Free Parking" garbage14 Only allow real boobs on the White House lawn15 Legalize shooting people if they take off their shoes on an airplane16 Remove the changing table from the presidential bathroom17 Re-designate June as "Heterosexual Pride Month"18 Paint epic flames on the sides of the presidential limo19 Ban talking on speakerphone in public20 Re-name Washington football team "Redskins" per request of an overwhelming percentage of Native Americans21 Ban the sale of firearm magazines that hold fewer than 30 rounds22 Grant Texas sovereignty23 Double the amount of Robert E. Lee statues nationwide24 Purchase Canada and make Trudeau pay for it25 Make talk-to-text in public punishable by hanging26 Require real estate agents to use the term "master bedroom" again27 Require watching all seasons of The Apprentice on the U.S. citizenship exam28 7-Eleven will only be allowed to serve Big Gulps, nothing smaller29 Ban Taylor Swift from attending football games30 Appoint Buffalo Hat Guy head of Capitol security31 Take over Japan to secure sushi supply32 Make everyone involved in his prosecution wear giant banana costumes for the rest of their lives33 Declare Kid Rock's birthday a national holiday34 Designate Harvard University as a terrorist organization35 Secure the permanent return of the McRib36 Free the space aliens being held captive in Pentagon basement37 End the bloody civil war between North Dakota and South Dakota38 Sign Shohei Ohtani to a $600-million, 10-year contract with the Republican congressional softball team39 Cancel Amazon's Rings of Power40 Renew Amazon's Rings of Power just so he can cancel it a second time41 Fix Taco Bell's lettuce-to-cheese ratio42 Provide every household with a free gas stove43 Replace all water fountains with Diet Coke44 Require Henry Cavill's mustache to be re-applied via CGI in every frame of Justice League45 Break out of federal prisonTalk about an impressive agenda! Now, if Trump makes it back into the White House in a year, you'll know what to expect.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2023, 01:09:04 pm by Slide Rule »
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White, American, MAGA, 3% Neanderthal, and 97% Extreme Right Wing Conservative.
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