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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: November 27, 2022 Edition

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John Semmens:
Mayor Lightfoot Responds to Ridicule

A tweet from Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot lamenting the slaying of five patrons of Club Q in Colorado Springs sparked an outpouring of ridicule from other Twitter users. In her tweet, the Mayor asked "how many people need to be murdered? How many lives torn apart? Until it actually stops?"

Responses to her tweet pointed out that as the mayor of a city that averages more than a dozen murders a week she could be more effective if she put her energy into trying to reduce the carnage in her jurisdiction. Former ESPN sportscaster Jeannine Edwards wanted to know "where is your outrage at the dozens of murders in our city every week? Gangs and criminals are running the place…not you."

Lightfoot countered the ridicule by pointing out that "murder is a normal part of our city's lifestyle. It is not hate-based like the attack on an LGBTQ sanctuary in Colorado was where an individual inspired by right-wing talk radio specifically targeted a protected group. In Chicago most of the murders occur out on the streets. This ensures a more balanced mix of victims."

Conservative radio host Dan O'Donnell suggested that Lightfoot "should be ashamed that the City's streets are human-shooting galleries. Instead, she fails to support a more robust police presence or allow more law-abiding residents to legally arm themselves when they must venture out of their homes."

Unsurprisingly, the only option that Democrats are willing to consider for dealing with violent crime is more gun-control laws. However, both Chicago and Colorado already have strict gun controls. These include making it hard to obtain a carry permit, limiting magazine sizes, and "red flag" laws that permit police to confiscate guns from persons deemed "dangerous" by family members, neighbors, strangers, doctors, or police.

In related news, Attorney General Merrick Garland is said to be considering urging President Biden to issue and executive order confiscating all firearms invented after the Second Amendment was added to the US Constitution. "Clearly, the Second Amendment envisioned the arms to be borne would be smooth bore, muzzle-loading, flintlock muskets and pistols," Garland reasoned. "Modern firearms far exceed the limitations of the constitutionally protected arms. Further, given the 'well-regulated militia' clause every armed person is effectively a member of this militia and can be ordered to lay down their arms by the nation's Commander-in-Chief President Joe Biden."

Bank Accounts of Election Protesters Frozen

In the wake of a close victory for leftist Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva over President Jair Bolsonaro in the recent election, tens of thousands of Bolsonaro supporters have been marching in the streets protesting what they contend was a fraudulent outcome. In a bid to end the protests, Brazilian Supreme Court Judge Alexandre de Moraes ordered the bank accounts of the leaders of these "anti-democratic protesters" frozen.

Lula praised the Court for "helping save our democracy. Ultimately, seizing the assets from those who wrongly possess them is fundamental to our program to fully socialize Brazil. By targeting the enemies of democracy as a first step we can decapitate all unwarranted resistance to this transformation. The World Economic Forum has already determined that private property is a malignant force. Abolishing it and putting all property under the control of government will ensure that the true needs of humanity can be met without the interference of selfishness."

President Biden congratulated Lulu for his win and advised him to "strongly chastise enemies of democracy by any means necessary. Fortunately, we were also able to fend off anti-democratic forces in our recent elections. We have no public protests to speak of. I credit the fact that key leaders of the January 6, 2021 protests are still in jail awaiting trial. Knowing that this dire fate could befall any protesters of the 2022 election outcomes seems to have made America's right-wing extremists more docile."

In related news, it was revealed that FBI Director Chris Wray has purchased Pegasus spyware from Israel. "The thing that is great about this software is that it can be used to infect any phone merely by calling it," Wray said. "The phone's owner doesn't need to answer the call for us to take control of his phone. We can extract messages, calls, photos and emails, secretly activate cameras or microphones, and read the contents of encrypted messaging apps. We can even plant evidence to use in prospective criminal proceedings. Saudia Arabia, Mexico, Hungary and India, have already successfully deployed Pegasus against political dissidents, journalists, and opposition parties. We need to ensure that we are sufficiently prepared to do the same."

Full Steam Ahead for Covid Tyranny

With evidence of the covid vaccines' lack of effectiveness and safety piling up, the Biden Administration is poised to resume its efforts to get more people vaccinated and boosted. White House COVID Czar Ashish Jha used the occasion of Dr. Anthony Fauci's retirement party to proclaim that "we can prevent every covid death in America if everyone gets their jabs."

The latest data show that persons vaccinated for covid are now being infected at three times the rate of those who are not vaccinated. Further, those who are vaccinated now constitute 58% of those dying from the disease. The Pfizer vaccine is credited with reducing hospitalization due to covid by 23 of every 100,000 individuals vaccinated at a cost of 101 serious adverse reactions for every 100,000 persons injected. Overall, nearly 400,000 are estimated to have died from these adverse reactions over the past two years.

Jha brushed off evidence of the ineffectiveness and danger of the covid vaccines, saying "these independent studies contradict the official proclamations of the CDC and FDA. It is shameful that in this time of national crisis that there are still medical professionals around the globe who refuse to conform to the unified front that is battling this dread disease. And now with Twitter breaking ranks under the heretical Elon Musk's direction, the fragmentation of faith in government authorities threatens to become even worse."

Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ken) called Jha's position "untenable and anti-science. Considering that the designated authorities have flubbed or doctored the vaccine trials, covered up evidence of harms following the injections of the poorly tested mRNA vaccines, suppressed opposing viewpoints, and slandered those who have criticized what have turned out to be the mistaken advice and pronouncements of Dr. Fauci, it is clear that we need a change in policy, not more of the same."

Disappointed that the Supreme Court blocked his illegal mandate forcing private employers to require their workers to take the jabs if they wanted to keep their jobs, Biden reiterated his intention to continue to compel all medical personnel, members of the armed forces, and government employees "to take as many shots as our experts decide they must. We are also looking at making vaccination a requirement for all persons currently covered by Medicaid and Medicare. Those who refuse may be denied treatment until they acquiesce to whatever medical recommendations the CDC issues."

Hunter Biden Laptop Verified

After more than two years of insisting that a laptop computer abandoned by President Biden's son Hunter at a computer repair shop was a fake, on November 21, CBS News finally admitted that it had "independently verified its authenticity. From some perspectives I guess we look pretty inept to have taken so long to arrive at the truth. However, on the bright side, our erroneous rejection of its authenticity served the very useful purpose of helping to influence voters to oust Donald Trump from the presidency in the 2020 election."

"Based on the stuff that's on the laptop, it looks like the Biden's are crooks," the CBS Newscaster said. "Were large sums of money passed on to the Bidens by foreign governments? Yes. Was this illegal influence peddling? Yes. Is this criminal activity sufficient reason to cast away all the good things accomplished by replacing Trump with Biden as the nation's chief executive? No."

"Would Trump have been able to sustain the level of inflation that is helping reduce the real cost of the national debt? No. Would Trump have allowed the desperately needed immigrants to take on the jobs that Americans don't want? No. Would Trump have had the guts to persuade and compel three quarters of the American people to get vaccinated for covid? No. Would Trump have been willing to risk nuclear war in order to rescue Ukraine from a Russian invasion? No."

"So, we're not apologizing for misleading our viewers for more than two years. As we see it, all's well that ends well."

In related news, indications that a lot of the money the US has been sending to Ukraine for its defense seems to have simply disappeared has led House Republicans to demand an audit of the aid sent to Ukraine. Rep. Matt Rosendale (R-MT) pointed out that "Congress sent almost 66 billion in taxpayer dollars to Ukraine over the past year, and President Biden is urging the House to rush another 37.7 billion through a lame-duck session." Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) complained "my constituents want to know why we should pay billions to defend Ukraine's border while our border is being invaded every single day." Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre condemned these objections as "insubordination. The President is our Commander-in-Chief. It is everyone's duty to follow his lead. To do otherwise is treason."

Students Advised to Be Patient

This week the Department of Education sent out letters to the 16 million students who expected the government to cancel at least $10,000 of the debt they each accrued to attend expensive colleges. In the letter, Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona expressed sympathy for their plight and blamed "enemies of our democracy for thwarting the President's efforts to reduce your suffering."

"As we saw this year, the Supreme Court--the most undemocratic institution within our government--cruelly block the President's executive order granting you partial relief," Cardona wrote. "They said he lacked authority to unilaterally do this since the Constitution gave Congress the power of the purse. Then in the recent election Democrats lost the majority in the House. This makes it unlikely that any action to cancel any of your debt can be taken in the near future."

He went on to recommend "that you be patient. In 2024 you will have another chance to vote for Democrats. If Democrats win the presidency and control over both Houses of Congress our promise to you can be fulfilled in 2025. While you are waiting for this to happen you are urged to keep up the pressure by playing to the sympathies of a generous American population and pleading with them to also vote for Democrats. Remember, your generation was the decisive factor in preventing the predicted Republican 'red wave' on November 8th."

"Only" 70 of 223 Polling Places Were Chaotic

The attempt by Bill Gates (R), Chairman of the Board of Supervisors for Maricopa County in Arizona, to minimize the election day fiasco at 70 of the county's 223 polling locations failed to defuse suspicion that it was a calculated effort to swing the election in favor of Democrats. His claim that the heavily Republican 59 locations out of the 70 that were affected was "coincidental" seems implausible. Combined with the fact that 75% of Republican voters were predicted to vote at the polls on election day the inability to count a lasrge portion of their ballots lends more credibility to the contention that suppression of Republican votes was intentional.

Marshall Yates, Executive Director of the Election Integrity Network, reports that "our survey of poll watchers around the country found that most expressed confidence in how the election had been run where they were observers with one notable exception. That exception was Maricopa County. An overwhelming majority (84%) of the poll watchers there expressed 'zero confidence' in the election. One of them said 'the non-functioning machines and incoherent excuses actually looked like willful incompetence.'"

Gates asserted that "our system allows voters to vote at any of the polling locations in the county. If the printers and tabulators weren't working at a voter's first attempt they could just go elsewhere." Many of those whose votes could not be tabulated at their first stop did go elsewhere only to be told that the county's e-Pollbook system had marked them as having already voted. Others were told they could place their ballots in "Door 3" for later counting at a "poll watchers not admitted" location guarded by the Sheriff's deputies.

Assistant Attorney General Jennifer Wright of the Elections Integrity Unit reported that "our office has received hundreds of complaints about the administration of the 2022 General Election in Maricopa County. These complaints go beyond pure speculation. They include first-hand witness accounts that raise concerns regarding Maricopa's lawful compliance with Arizona election law. Maricopa County has admitted that in some voting locations 'Door 3' non-tabulated ballots were commingled with tabulated ballots. Statements made by Maricopa Board of Supervisors Chairman Bill Gates and County Recorder Stephen Richer, along with other official communications from the county appear to confirm potential election law violations." Wright gave the County until 9 A.M., Monday, Nov 8th to answer these complaints.

Gates' response was to schedule the certification of the election results for 8 A.M. on Nov. 28, saying "it's not our fault that Republicans ran into so much trouble casting their ballots. Waiting until the last minute to vote was a bad strategy and they got burned for it. Democrats avoided this problem by voting before election day. Why should their candidates be punished just because their Party followed a superior strategy? We need to wrap up this election as expeditiously as possible. That means ignoring these unproven complaints and certifying the results by no later than Monday."

China the Model for Others to Emulate

Klaus Schwab, founder of the World Economic Forum (WEF) and advocate for the "Great Reset" transformation of the entire world into a collectivist anthill society, is recommending China as the model for other countries to emulate.

"They have a great idea for the perfect society and the ruthless courage required to impose it on their own citizens," Schwab said. "Just take a look at what they have done in just the last few years. They have invented a new disease that has the potential to significantly reduce the planet's overpopulation problem. At the same time they have taken the extreme measure of putting whole cities on house arrest in an effort to help their people to be among the survivors."

"Meanwhile in the United States, a hasty 'Operation Warp Speed' effort to develop an innovative mRNA vaccine against this disease has has spawned a new 'Sudden Adult Death Syndrome' (SADS) that promises to decimate those injected with it," Schwab added. "The addled President Biden has accelerated the demise of his nation by coercing the population to accept inoculation as the price of keeping their jobs."

"China's social credit system enforced by universal surveillance has pioneered the kind of soft tyranny that even Stalin would have had to admire," Schwab boasted. "Instead of having to physically torture and murder political opponents, psychological stress and social pressure have empowered family, friends, and neighbors to keep each other in line. And through strategic bribery they have used the selfish greed of the west to help them infiltrate every layer of their foreign adversaries' defenses. Every security barrier has been hacked. Chinese spies have infiltrated key decision points. Chinese drones have penetrated every restricted area."

"With such a record of success I can't understand why any nation would not wish to be more like the most successful nation in the world," Schwab concluded. "Surely it would be better for every nation to become China than to futilely try to resist absorption by China."

mystery-ak:
WOW..I don't know where the truth or satire begins or ends...amazing!

John Semmens:
mystery-ak,

Semi-satire guidelines:

All the events are essentially true.

I take liberties with the quotes in order to expose the motives, rationalizations, and excuses used by the left. Normally, they try to "gaslight" the rest of us. I provide their unspoken reasons so readers can get as clearer picture of what is actually happening.

John

Kamaji:

--- Quote from: John Semmens on November 26, 2022, 11:35:59 pm ---mystery-ak,

Semi-satire guidelines:

All the events are essentially true.

I take liberties with the quotes in order to expose the motives, rationalizations, and excuses used by the left. Normally, they try to "gaslight" the rest of us. I provide their unspoken reasons so readers can get as clearer picture of what is actually happening.

John

--- End quote ---

:thumbsup:

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