Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: September 11, 2022 Edition  (Read 902 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline John Semmens

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 594
  • Gender: Male
SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: September 11, 2022 Edition
« on: September 10, 2022, 06:40:05 am »
End of Oil & Gas Within Reach

This week, Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen predicted that "the Inflation Reduction Act will put us on our way toward a future where we totally depend on the wind, the sun and other clean sources of energy. We will free ourselves from our dependence on fossil fuels."

Department of Energy Secretary Jennifer Granholm echoed Yellen's remarks and cited "the tremendous progress being made in California under Governor Gavin Newsom's leadership. He's got his state on track to outlaw gasoline-powered cars by 2035. He's pushing to wean the state off coal and gas fueled electricity generation and going all wind and solar. I wouldn't be surprised if this visionary man becomes our next president."

Granholm brushed off California's energy difficulties, calling them "growing pains." These pains include electric rates that have risen three times faster than in the rest of the nation and frequent blackouts. In just the last week, California owners of electric vehicles (EVs) were admonished to not recharge them during periods of peak-electricity demand (typically weekdays 5 pm to 9 pm).

"As we have said many times before, transitioning to a greener economy will require sacrifices," Granholm said. "Higher energy prices will encourage more conservation. If it costs more to keep the lights on we can counter this by returning to a more natural lifestyle of rising at sunrise and going to sleep at sundown. In addition, a parked EV is more environmentally friendly than a moving EV."

Meanwhile, the Swiss government has decreed that homeowners who set their thermostats higher than 66° during the winter will be fined up to $3,000 per violation and/or imprisoned for up to three years. Granholm called these penalties "harsh, but potentially effective. My Department will be monitoring events in Switzerland to determine whether any similar steps ought to be taken here."

Further, the Biden Administration has drawn down our strategic petroleum reserves to their lowest level in 40 years—an action that Granholm insisted "is an essential 'bridge-burning' step to help speed our transition to a greener America. The sooner sources of petroleum are eliminated, the sooner people will have to adapt to a new way of life. The longer the 'crutch' of hopping into your gas-guzzling car and tooling off to wherever you want to go, the harder it will be to achieve the green dream."

Dem Wants Credit Card Data to Track Gun Purchases

New York City Mayor Eric Adams called for credit card companies to establish a merchant category code (MCC) for gun and ammunition stores, saying "the creation of a new code would enable financial institutions to help the government detect suspicious activity that may be tied to criminal purposes."

Mastercard spokesman Seth Eisen was unenthusiastic about Adams' proposal, calling it "a troubling invasion of privacy based on specious reasoning. Criminals don't typically use credit cards to buy their guns. It leaves a too obvious paper trail. I can't see this added scrutiny applied to law-abiding citizens as a useful tool in the effort to combat crime."

Adams called Eisen "unqualified to comment on the methods police might choose to use to do their jobs. As we have seen from the President's recent speech, seemingly law-abiding citizens who oppose his policies are potentially violent enemies of our democracy. An ability to crosscheck gun purchases with voter registrations would help us identify, disarm, and arrest these people before they can act on their evil intentions."

In related news, government officials in New York are considering legislation that would require remote speed controllers to be installed in all new cars used in the state. "Speeding ruins lives, so we must take action to prevent it," Mayor Adams said. "Giving the government the capability to remotely reduce the speed at which vehicles are traveling would be an innovative way of overcoming the inherent anarchy of allowing drivers to choose whether to obey the posted speed limits. Instead of having to rely on so-called speed traps to frighten or fine drivers into obeying we could directly control the cars via microwave transmissions."

Living Standards Decline in 90% of Countries

According to the UN Development Program (UNDP), living conditions in 90% of the world's countries deteriorated in 2021. The United States, which was the world's most highly developed country in 1990, is currently ranked 21st.

Professor of Economics at the Graduate Center of the City University of New York and New York Times economics columnist Paul Krugman maintains that "this apparent decline in material well-being is part of the Biden Boom that is sweeping the country into an exciting future. It has been good for American workers, whether they know it or not."

One of the things that American workers can enjoy under the Biden Boom is the opportunity to work second and third jobs in order to meet the rising cost of living—a circumstance that Krugman says "can provide a richer collective experience for the nation. Instead of everybody just working one job from nine to five, many are now working nights and weekends. Meanwhile, others who prefer not to work have been supported by President Biden's various government transfers of funds from those who do. The potential cultural benefits from this growing leisure class are immeasurable."

Krugman's take was seconded by former President Obama who declared that "the country is better off with Joe as president. The path of runaway prosperity that Trump had the country on was unsustainable. It would have taken us in a direction where selfish individualism would have had a free hand. We should all be deeply grateful that this fate has been averted by the calm unity that Joe has brought with his thoughtfully considered policies and actions."

Opposition to Student Debt Cancellation "Churlish"

Democrat candidate for Georgia governor Stacey Abrams told a group of working-class voters at a campaign stop in Valdosta, Georgia that "those who oppose President Biden's decree cancelling a portion of students' college debt are being churlish." For those not used to hearing the word, "churlish" is defined as "being rude in a mean-spirited and surly way."

"The unity that the Democratic Party is trying to bring to this country requires that each person contribute his or her fair share to the collective welfare," Abrams explained. "Those who don't have what it takes to succeed in college have a duty to support those who do. These students are the intelligentsia of the nation. They are the ones with the brainpower to grasp the fundamentals behind a socially just society. Funding their education is essential."

"To the individual who says 'why should I have to pay for someone else to go to college?' I say 'chill,'" said the self-proclaimed "true winner" of the 2018 Georgia governor's race. "Play the role assigned to you by the wiser heads who run the government. We have the knowledge and vision needed to determine what each person should put into the common pot and the most just way of distributing what comes out of that pot. When I am chosen as the state's next governor you will see me implement this plan for Georgia."

Could Covid Jabs Be More Dangerous than Advertised?

Since the so-called covid vaccines became available in late 2020 billions have received them under the promise that if you got the "jab" you wouldn't catch the disease. The latest evidence indicates that those who have been vaccinated are as likely to come down with the ailment as those who haven't been vaccinated. Worse, though, are research findings showing that significant numbers of vaccine recipients have experienced serious health degradation.

An Italian study using dark-field microscopic analysis of blood drawn from persons injected with mRNA vaccines found conclusive evidence that more than 90% of persons whose blood was normal prior to the jab were abnormal afterward. A German study found similar results, prompting the researchers to advise an immediate halt to covid vaccinations.

Undertakers are finding strange blood clots that have not previously seen. Richard Hirschmann, an Alabama embalmer, who has gathered evidence of this phenomenon in over 100 corpses during the past year said, "if these strange clots are the cause of the ailments leading to these people's ultimate death, and it is found out to be vaccine-related, then the death rate for the vaccine would be astronomical."

Dr. Ryan Cole, founder of Cole Diagnostics, attributes these clots to spike proteins the body is forced to make, either by infection from the COVID-19 virus, or getting the mRNA vaccine. South African doctor Resia Pretorius also blames the spike protein, whether from COVID or the vaccine, as a primary cause of clotting and platelet dysfunction.

Biden's coronavirus adviser Ashish Jha pooh-poohed these findings, contending "since the world's foremost expert on the vaccines, Dr. Anthony Fauci, has already declared the vaccines safe, contrary information should be ignored as 'disinformation.' I find it shocking that these research findings were allowed to be published. Dr, Fauci now recommends at least annual re-vaccinations for both covid and the flu. I really believe this is why God gave us two arms — one for the flu shot and the other one for the COVID shot. From my perspective, the big tragedy  is that nearly 30% of Americans have not yet received a covid shot. The President's efforts to ensure that everyone gets these shots fell short due to ignorant disobedience and untimely judicial interference impeding his mandate compelling everyone to be vaccinated to keep their jobs."

Mayor Objects to Bused Migrants

Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot (D) called Texas Gov. Greg Abbott (R) "immoral and unpatriotic for busing away immigrants released into Texas by federal immigration authorities. His behavior defies the values of who we are as Americans. It's inhumane. If the President wanted these immigrants to come to my city he would have had them flown here rather than making them take a two-day bus ride."

Abbott said "we didn't force any of the immigrants to board these buses. When they heard that Chicago was a sanctuary city they were eager to go there. Isn't a sanctuary defined as a place of refuge or safety? With the Biden Administration releasing hundreds of thousands of these illegal border-crossers into Texas this year why should Mayor Lightfoot be so upset that we are sharing a few hundred with her?"

"Gov. Abbott knows damn well that Chicago is not a safe place," Lightfoot replied. "Over the Labor Day weekend alone 55 people were shot. Eleven of them died. He's sending these poor Mexicans into a killing zone. He's aiding and abetting their murder by the criminals who roam our streets."

While Lightfoot has branded Abbott a "racist and xenophobe" for his actions, she herself is quietly busing these illegals to the suburbs. Burr Ridge Mayor Gary Grasso complained that "we weren't asked whether we wanted these people. We got no heads-up from Mayor Lightfoot before she had dozens of them dropped off at a Burr Ridge hotel. We're not a sanctuary city."

White House Defends Use of Marines in Speech

The optics of President Biden's speech attacking MAGA Republicans last week have drawn criticism for inserting Marines into what was obviously a political speech rather than a presidential address to the nation. Even the usually reliable apologist for Democrat excesses CNN thought he had gone too far. Anchor Brianna Keilar observed that "the military is supposed to be apolitical. Positioning Marines in uniform behind President Biden for a political speech flies in the face of that."

Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre defended the imagery as "appropriate for the occasion. Our democracy is under attack from an insidious domestic threat. The inclusion of the marines, like the President's earlier warning that he has F-15s standing by to obliterate these enemies of the people, was meant as a warning. US Marines are the finest trained killers in the world. The President knows that many of his critics consider him a feeble, addled old man. He wanted to show them that as weak as he may be personally, he commands mighty forces."

There are military rules prohibiting active duty members from participating in political campaigns while in uniform because it could give the impression that the military favors one Party over the other. Jean-Pierre insisted that "taking on the evil MAGA Republicans is more a holy crusade than a mere disagreement about political policies. The threat is so dire that the full weight of our military might must be employed to ensure that the President's unifying message is received and obeyed."

Online Smokin Joe

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 56,667
  • I was a "conspiracy theorist". Now I'm just right.
Re: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: September 11, 2022 Edition
« Reply #1 on: September 10, 2022, 12:46:58 pm »
Good stuff, John!
How God must weep at humans' folly! Stand fast! God knows what he is doing!
Seventeen Techniques for Truth Suppression

Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.

C S Lewis

Offline John Semmens

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 594
  • Gender: Male
Re: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: September 11, 2022 Edition
« Reply #2 on: September 10, 2022, 02:45:43 pm »
Thank you.