Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: August 28, 2022 Edition  (Read 809 times)

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Offline John Semmens

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: August 28, 2022 Edition
« on: August 27, 2022, 06:30:10 am »
Unvaccinated Children Barred from DC Schools

This week, Washington, D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser announced that "no unvaccinated child will be permitted to receive instruction in any school building unless they get vaccinated within the first 20 days of the Fall semester." She also rejected the option of continuing remote lessons, saying "we're not offering remote learning for children. Families will need to comply with what is necessary to come to school. Look, the remote lessons we have been offering have not been satisfactory. Too many parents have quibbled over the content. We need to return to direct in-person instruction free of parental scrutiny and interference."

More than 40% of the DC school's black students are unvaccinated—a fact that the Mayor cited as "further proof that my decision is the correct one. The discontinuation of the remote learning program will force parents to make better choices for their children. They can opt to protect their children from covid by giving them the jab AND continue to get the free education our schools provide. Or they can risk their children's health and mental development. It's that simple."

Bowser brushed off evidence that the covid vaccines are ineffective against the current variants of the virus and especially dangerous for younger people. She insisted that "the 60% of students who have been vaccinated should not have to tolerate sitting next to the 40% who haven't. It is important that everyone be treated equally. Since we can't unvaccinate those who've already gotten the shots the only way to achieve equality is to eliminate the currently unvaccinated minority."

Dubious Gun "Buyback" Programs

Over the last three years Philadelphia's gun buyback program has removed more than 1,000 guns from the hands of private citizens. None of these weapons were linked to the commission of any crime.

Philadelphia Police Capt. Frank Palumbo admitted that "we never expected any returns from criminals. Guns are the tools of their trade. Without them they'd be out of business. It'd be like a buyback of saws. No carpenter could afford to turn in these tools for the measly amount we have to offer. The $50 ShopRite gift card we give is easily dwarfed by the $1,000 in cash that can be had by selling these guns to criminals."

"Though the number of guns we've retired has only made a small dent in the 400 million guns currently in private hands, on the bright side, taking guns away from law-abiding people prevents them from using these weapons to commit crimes," Palumbo pointed out. "In my mind, that's still a big plus for our program."

The buy-back program was started in 1968 by then-Mayor Frank Rizzo who said, "guns don't belong in the home. Ordinary citizens aren't qualified to use them properly. If anyone needs to be shot, the police will do the shooting."

Decades of research has found little evidence that buyback programs have reduced crime. Government officials stage these events for the public relations benefit despite the absence of any impact on violent crime.

Zuckerberg Justifies 2020 Election Censorship

In an interview with Joe Rogan, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg explained why his company participated in the suppression of evidence from Hunter Biden's laptop.

"In the months ahead of the 2020 election the FBI was pushing us pretty hard to help them keep the negative information on the laptop from gaining widespread exposure," Zuckerberg said. "They said it was Russian propaganda. That it was our patriotic duty to assist them in preventing it from influencing voters. They were very persuasive."

"I also remembered that a few years before then Sen. Schumer (D-NY) warned against crossing the intelligence agencies because they have six ways from Sunday to get back at you," the CEO added. "They are heavily armed. They have the resources to manufacture evidence against anyone they dislike. They can kill you and make it look like self-defense or an accident, like they did with Randy Weaver's wife. It seemed prudent that I cooperate."

"Now we know that Hunter's laptop is genuine," Zuckerberg admitted. "Polls showed that if this had been known prior to the election Trump would've won. So, we have to weigh whether using dishonest methods to achieve a good result is something we should regret or be thankful for. I'm glad that someone other than me will have to make that determination."

Biden's Illegal Debt Cancellation

There is no provision in the US Constitution granting the president the power to unilaterally cancel debts owed to the government. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) has explicitly stated that "control over spending is a power the Constitution delegated to Congress." Former Obama administration attorney Charles Rose argues that Biden lacks the authority to unilaterally cancel student debt.

Nevertheless, President Biden asserted that "the Constitution doesn't apply. The pandemic emergency that I recently extended overrides that and gives me the authority to do whatever I deem is necessary for the good of the country." Whether canceling hundreds of billions in student debt is good for the country has been challenged from several angles.

Former Obama adviser and Harvard professor Jason Furman said "pouring roughly half a trillion dollars of gasoline on the inflationary fire that is already burning is reckless. A policy granting debt forgiveness of up to $40,000 to a married couple making $249,000 shifts their burden onto lower-income taxpayers."

Rep. Tim Ryan (D-Ohio) argued "it sends a wrong message to those without a degree working hard to make ends meet. Waiving debt for those already on a trajectory to financial security—on average, over the course of a lifetime, a college graduate will make a million dollars more than someone without a degree. This is unfair."

Nonprofit Taxpayers Protection Alliance President David Williams complained that "Biden's plan will overwhelmingly benefit wealthy Americans and increase the deficit and debt. People who either didn't take out student loans or paid off their loans are frustrated and feel betrayed by the Biden Administration."

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ken) asserted "President Biden's student loan socialism is a slap in the face to every family who sacrificed to save for college, every graduate who paid their debt, and every American who chose a different career path or volunteered to serve in our Armed Forces in order to avoid taking on debt."

CNN Chief Business Correspondent Christine Romans predicted that "the winners will be the colleges that will just keep raising tuition again and again and again as they have after every government action aimed at helping college students pay for school."

Fox News White House correspondent Peter Doocy wanted to know "who is paying for this? How can you spend $300 to $900 billion extra and not increase the deficit?" White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre chided him for "overlooking the Inflation Reduction Act's $80 billion funding for 87,000 more IRS agents. This will boost the number of taxpayer audits by more than 300% and should extract enough additional revenues to pay for the canceled student debt."

On the other hand, Rep. Debbie Dingell (D-MI) defended Biden's action, saying "I'm really tired of all the complaining. We've finally got a President with the guts to do what needs to be done. They're lucky he didn't take everything they have. During a declared emergency the President has broad powers—including confiscating and redistributing the nation's wealth to ensure that our scarce resources are more efficiently used."

Meanwhile, the Federal Student Aid (FSA) website crashed under a flood of new requests for loans from students hoping to get money that won't have to be repaid. Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) called the crash "totally unexpected. Who would've thought that our nation's best and brightest students would choose this moment to add to our national debt in such a callous exploitation of the President's generosity?"

In related news, Democratic Texas gubernatorial candidate Beto O'Rourke promised "I will restore the sacred right of abortion by following the President's example. When I'm elected I will declare an emergency and veto the law that limits abortion to the first 15-weeks of pregnancy. Women must have the right to end the lives of their unwanted children whenever they become too burdensome on their personal autonomy. I will make that happen."

Progress in the Leftist Transformation of America

In Yolo County, California 420 of the 595 (70%) individuals released without bail were rearrested for committing crimes after being given their freedom. One-hundred-and-twenty-three of the rearrests were for murder, attempted murder, kidnapping, robbery, carjacking or domestic violence. Los Angeles County District Attorney George Gascón, a prominent proponent of release without bail, brushed off these results, saying "first, let me point out that 30% were not rearrested. I'd call that a partial success. Second, plenty of violent crimes are committed behind bars. Third, no-bail reform is a work-in-progress. We should not be too hasty to judge it a failure."

Sen. Raphael Warnock (D-GA) has used $61,000 in campaign donations to pay for child support. Warnock spokesperson Meredith Brasher contends that "this expenditure of funds proves the Senator is a devoted father who is proud to continue to co-parent his two children as he works for the people of Georgia." Warnock's ex-wife Oulèye Ndoye disagrees, "Raphael is in willful contempt of the childcare agreement and refuses to reimburse me for childcare expenses." Brasher denied Ndoye's accusation and pointed out that "the Senator's attempt to sneak a special appropriation for the purpose of defraying his childcare obligations into the Inflation Reduction Act was only narrowly thwarted by a disloyal snitch." .

The Department of Homeland Security is spending $500,000 to build a security fence around President Biden's beach house in Delaware. Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas called the fence "necessary to prevent unwanted intruders from trespassing on private property" and insisted that "comparisons with the President's opposition to a border wall partially constructed under the Trump Administration are inapt. The President deserves to have the peace of mind that a barrier provides in excluding persons who might harm him. Trump's border wall impedes harmless migrants who only come seeking a better life. As former Florida Governor Jeb Bush said 'entering our country illegally is an act of love.' It is our obligation to return that love by giving them food, housing, medical care, education and whatever else we can think of to make them feel welcome. Five million immigrants come into the country since January 2021 because they trust President Biden to take care of them."

Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg said "the inclusion of a $7,500 subsidy for purchasing an electric vehicle in the Inflation Reduction Act was very insighful and timely considering that just a week later the Ford Motor Company announced an $8,000 price increase for its 2023 Mustang Mach-E extended range electric vehicle. The subsidy will enable more people to be able to afford these cars." The list price for the Ford vehicle is $70,000.

Fresh off her 66% to 29% thumping by Harriet Hageman, Rep. Liz Cheney (R-Wyo) announced the formation of "a PAC dedicated to stopping any candidates who might try to make America great again. The voters decisively rejected greatness when a record breaking 81 million of them chose Joe Biden to be the next president in the 2020 election. He may be a demented fool, but as the famous journalist H.L. Mencken said 'in a democracy the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard.' My PAC will help ensure that happens."

Democratic senatorial candidate and former Pennsylvania Lt Gov. John Fetterman vowed that if he is elected he will "fight inflation by shutting down oil companies and grocery stores. There's no mystery about how prices go up. Corporate executives order price increases. If we jail the executives and nationalize the businesses price hikes will stop. This will be an important first step toward a truly socialized America where all property will be collectively owned and the government will decide how the fruits of labor are distributed among the population." Fetterman also declined to debate his opponent "because the fact that Oz is an enemy of democracy is not debatable."