Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: July 3, 2022 Edition  (Read 777 times)

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Offline John Semmens

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: July 3, 2022 Edition
« on: July 02, 2022, 06:47:22 am »
Gov Rejects Right of Self-Defense

New York Gov. Kathy Hochul (D) is calling for the State Legislature to reenact the strict gun control laws that the US Supreme Court explicitly struck down last week. She rejected contentions that she needed any evidence to support her demands that law-abiding citizens must be prevented from defending themselves with firearms, saying "I'm the Governor. I don't have to prove anything to anybody. The peace on our state's streets has been preserved in a delicate balance of terror between an armed criminal element and the police. The Supreme Court's interjection of a mythical Second Amendment right for individuals to protect themselves disrupts that balance. Such a right is not recognized in our state and will not be enforced by any police force that I command."

"For more than 100 years, every law-abiding New Yorker has known that it is his obligation to yield when confronted by an armed criminal or police officer," the Governor observed. "The seeming injustice of remaining defenseless and at the mercy of an armed assailant has to be balanced against the absence of gun battles that could prove much worse if innocent parties are also armed. I owe it to the people of this state to preserve an environment to which they are accustomed. Those who may be tempted to assert a right of self defense are warned that they do so at their own risk. Any armed interaction that they survive will be followed by a prosecution for violating state laws against possessing weapons on their person."

Meanwhile in California, Attorney General Rob Bonta has devised what he calls a "catch-22 metric for determining who should be allowed to carry a firearm for personal defense. Basically, we feel that any person who expresses a desire to be armed is not someone who can be trusted with such a weapon. Only people who do not express a desire to be armed can be trusted. This greatly simplifies our state's gun policy under the new Supreme Court's decision. Those who request a concealed carry permit will be denied as 'untrustworthy.' Those who don't request a concealed carry permit will be considered 'trustworthy,' but will not be issued a permit they do not request."

Testimony Untainted by Actual Evidence

This week, the House Select Committee investigating January 6, 2021 "heard testimony from Cassidy Hutchinson that was untainted by any actual presence of the witness at the events recounted," asserted CNN commentator John Dean. "She knocked it out of the park. She was describing in detail situations that lead right to a crime—Trump grabbing the steering wheel, that's reckless driving—Trump lunging at the Secret Service agent, that's criminal assault. These are serious crimes."

CNN contributor Carl Bernstein enthused over Hutchinson's artistry saying "she gave the picture of a mad king. That's what the picture she drew was. Also, the whole idea is now absolutely confirmed, proven. He is a criminal and a seditious president of the United States. So are all of his supporters. The only remedy now is to outlaw the entire Republican Party. If that had been done when Nixon was president the atrocities commited by Trump today would have never been possible."

Bob Woodward said on CNN "she reminds me of me! Her vision extended beyond what she physically witnessed to an entirely different plane where true morality filled in the blanks of things she wasn't present to observe. Being rejected for a post-term job at Mar-a-Lago opened her eyes to the true evil of the man. Thank goodness her testimony wasn't allowed to be muddled by ill-intended cross-examination or rigid rules limiting hearsay."

Fox News' Geraldo Rivera called for Hutchinson to receive "a Presidential Medal of Freedom for her bombshell testimony. It was fair, accurate, complete, and balanced."

Dems Call for Biden to Overrule Court

Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass) and Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) have urged President Biden to negate the Supreme Court's decision to overturn the 1973 Roe. v. Wade decision by issuing an executive order establishing abortion centers on federal lands within states whose governments do not allow unconstrained abortion rights.

"Because of the Court's callous decision we are on the brink of a wrongful life catastrophe," Warren warned. "Each week of delay in restoring each woman's constitutional right to abort her unwanted child will result in thousands of unneeded lives being brought into this world. The President has it within his power to avert this tragedy. The same kind of simple stroke of a pen that killed the Keystone Pipeline could be used to prevent the birth of undesired surplus human population."

Vice-President Kamala Harris asked Warren and Ocasio Cortez to be patient. "The President shares your concerns, but a hasty resolution isn't the most politically advantageous course of action. We need voters to believe that they must vote Democrat in the Fall elections to secure their right to freely available abortions in every state of the union. A few more months of suffering is a small price to pay for the chance of securing Democrat majorities in Congress for the next two years."

"Forcing women to carry pregnancies against their will, will kill them," Ocasio Cortez objected. "Neither the President nor the Vice-President shares this risk while they cynically maneuver for presumed political advantage. Failure to do all that is possible as soon as possible will turn voters against our Party. We are better off counting on the gratitude of the women we save from motherhood than relying on their duress to carry the day for Democrats in November."

Meanwhile, thirty-three Democrat Senators signed a letter urging President Biden "to eschew the false democracy of allowing each state to make its own abortion law as the Supreme Court's overthrow of the Roe v. Wade decreed. The decision to allow a mother to terminate an unwanted pregnancy is either always right or always wrong. The notion that such a decision could be right in some states, but wrong in others is illogical. As the sole elected representative of all the people, it is your responsibility to render a binding decision in favor of restoring the Roe v. Wade rule and avert the chaos looming over the nation on this critical moral issue."