Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: June 26, 2022 Edition  (Read 968 times)

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Online John Semmens

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: June 26, 2022 Edition
« on: June 25, 2022, 08:12:11 am »
Abject Failure at Uvalde Massacre

Col. Steve McCraw, director of the Texas Department of Public Safety, called the police response to the gunman who killed 19 children and two teachers at the Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas "an abject failure. All the excuses they gave for never attempting to save the victims were false. The claim that they couldn't get into the room because they needed a key was false. The door was never locked. Even if it had been the police on the scene had a 'hooligan' crowbar that could have been used to force a locked door open. The claim that it was too risky to go up against a gunman armed with an AR15 rifle when all they had were pistols was false. Several officers had AR15 rifles. The claim that they needed to wait for ballistic shields was false. All of the officers had body armor and one was photographed wielding a ballistic shield."

"Ultimately the shooter was brought down by a Border Patrol officer who defied Uvalde School District Police Chief Pete Arredondo's order to wait for a SWAT team to arrive," McCraw said. "This was after several earlier attempts by parents and an off-duty city policeman to try to rescue the victims were thwarted by police on the scene—some were tased and others tackled. All were threatened they could be charged with obstructing a police operation. The behavior of the police on the scene not only gave the shooter the opportunity to kill more people. It also allowed some who had been wounded earlier to bleed to death. This incident clearly undermines the contention that police can be trusted to protect people from criminals."

Arredondo called McCraw's criticism "unfair. He completely ignores the fact that my handling of the situation resulted in no officers being shot or killed. None of them were terrorized by the fear of being killed. This was because I kept them out of harm's way. Considering how well-armed the shooter was this was no meager achievement. Not every interaction between criminals and police has had as happy an outcome."

The Uvalde City Council says it will consider imposing a paid leave of absence on Arredondo. Uvalde Mayor Don McGlaughlin assured voters that "in this town abject failure must carry an appropriate consequence for the person most responsible."

Court Voids NY Law on Guns

In a long overdue ruling, the US Supreme Court voided New York's severe restrictions on the right of law-abiding citizens' to use firearms to defend themselves. In New York, no one is allowed to carry a gun outside his or her residence unless they could prove to the police's satisfaction that they need it.

Gov. Kathy Hochul (D) called the Court's ruling "outrageous. Who do they think they are telling us what laws we can't have? They are inviting mayhem. If crooks and their victims are both armed what would otherwise be peaceful robberies and rapes can turn into shootouts. Only by reassuring criminals that their intended victims are unarmed can we lower the body count."

Hochul went on to contend that "robbery and rape are lesser crimes than shooting someone in an attempt to avert them. The notion that a law-abiding citizen has a greater need for his money and other valuables than someone else is not conclusively proved. Likewise, the discomforts of rape are more survivable than getting shot at close range."

The Governor said she may call a special session "aimed at neutralizing the Court's ruling. One idea that comes to mind is that if we can't prevent victims from carrying guns we can make using those guns in so-called self-defense illegal. So, while New Yorkers may have a theoretical Second Amendment right to carry firearms they should still answer for the consequences of using deadly force against another person. I'm thinking that brandishing the weapon should be considered felonious menacing, firing it should be attempted murder, and if the perp dies—actual murder."

Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito rebutted similarly inane objections from the three dissenting Justices, saying "citing recent mass shootings as a rationale for not undoing the New York law makes no sense. The severely restrictive law did not stop the mass shooting in a Buffalo supermarket. A person willing to violate laws against murder is not going to be stopped by a law making it illegal to carry a weapon outside his residence. On the other hand, if some of the targets of the madman were carrying the lives of some innocent victims might have been saved."

President Biden called the Court's decision "illogical and unconstitutional. Requiring citizens to show proper cause for why they need to carry a gun is well within the jurisdictions of the states. Who knows better than the police whether a particular person has a legitimate need for self-protection? To say that government can't place limits on the freedoms outlined in the Bill of Rights is crazy. If I had allowed such thinking to sway me we'd have never been able to put clamps on the freedom to speak or publish misinformation during the pandemic. Fortunately, Congress agrees with me. The new gun control legislation they've passed will allow police to seize the guns of anyone who they or someone else has accused of being dangerous or unstable. If a person wants to get his guns back he must prove to a court that he is neither dangerous nor unstable. This will effectively reestablish the kind of control over guns that New York previously exercised."

Putin Not to Blame for US Inflation

In a Senate Banking Committee hearing this week, Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell testified that "Putin's invasion of Ukraine was not a significant factor in the inflation we're now experiencing. Inflation rose from 1.4% in January 2021 to 7% by December of 2021. The invasion of Ukraine didn't start until February 24, 2022. So, it is clear that the biggest source of our current woes has been the excessive government spending unleashed by President Biden and Congress."

Powell also warned of a "probable recession and stagflation." Stagflation is a phenomenon that features simultaneous high prices and economic recession. The last occurrence of this in the US was during the Carter Administration. Many attribute Carter's loss to Ronald Reagan in the 1980 election to stagflation.

Biden called Powell's remarks "unpatriotic. In time of war it is essential that every American rally behind their Commander-in-Chief. That Powell hasn't done this shows a serious lack of character. If I had known this about him I wouldn't have reappointed him as Chairman of the Federal Reserve."

Chairmen of the Federal Reserve serve terms of four years and report directly to Congress. The President cannot simply fire them. Upon being reminded of this, Biden expressed a hope that "some loyal American would take Powell out behind the Federal Reserve building and beat the hell out of him. If the beating is thorough Powell may resign and I can appoint a more obedient successor."

Biden is similarly outraged by gas stations that are charging high prices for gasoline. He dismissed contentions that the high prices are needed to recoup the high cost of obtaining new supplies, saying "these are not normal times. This is a time of war. I'm doing my part. I want the congress, states, the industry to do their part as well." He steadfastly rebuffed suggestions that he reverse his executive orders that reduced the supply of gasoline, calling it "short-sighted. In a few years, gasoline will be illegal in this country. That was my 2020 campaign promise. It's what the voters elected me to do."

House Republican Calls Jan 6 Hearings "Persuasive"

Rep. Don Bacon (R-Neb) says the evidence provided by the Select Committee to Investigate the January 6th Attack on the Capitol has persuaded him that Trump is guilty of all charges. He professed himself "unbothered by the normal due process procedures that were bypassed by the Committee. Granted, in previous investigative committees both Parties were allocated their usual number of seats. In this case, the charges were so serious that special procedures were required.."

The special procedures included acceding to Speaker Nancy Pelosi's insistence that only those who already agreed that Trump is guilty would be allowed seats on the Committee. Only two Republicans met this criteron-- Rep. Liz Chenney (Wyo) and Rep. Adam Kinzinger (Ill).

"While this revised procedures might seem unfair, it does prevent Trump's supporters in Congress from confusing TV viewers with nonconforming opinions about what happened on that fateful day," Bacon pointed out. "There might be unnecessary cross-examinations of the witnesses or the introduction of evidence in defense of the accused if disloyal Republicans were permitted to divert the hearing in an undesirable direction. The efficiency of the Committee would be diminished and the accused's constitutional right to a speedy trial imperiled like it has been for the hundreds of those being held in jail--some for over a year--for their presence on the Capitol grounds on January 6th."

Rep Seeks Restraining Order

Timothy Hysom, the chief of staff to Massachusetts Democrat Rep. Jake Auchincloss was caught on police surveillance video defacing posters outside the office of Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga). The U.S. attorney's office in Washington declined a Capitol Police request to issue an arrest warrant and charge Hysom for the crime, calling it "a gray area. Maybe if the perp had been an ordinary person it would be different, but an aide to a member of Congress shares a bit of the sovereign immunity granted to members of the government." Greene is has decided to seek a retraining order against Hysom.

Matt Corridoni, a spokesman for Auchincloss, says a restraining order "would be unnecessary and ineffective. First, a restraining order would only prevent Hysom from coming into contact with Greene. As long as he confines himself to defacing her posters he is free to continue. Second, Hysom is only exercising his free speech right to counter her offensive campaign message. Arresting him for expressing his opinions regarding Rep. Greene would violate his First Amendment rights." The "offensive" message on Greene's posters is her assertion that "their are only two genders—male and female."

DHS Warns of Violent Pro-Abortion Protests

The Department of Homeland Security warned churches and pro-life pregnancy centers to brace for violence in the wake of the US Supreme Court's invalidation of its infamous 1973 Roe v. Wade ruling that legalized abortion everywhere in America. "This will be nothing like the prayer sessions outside of Planned Parenthood centers," Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas said. "They were easy to disperse. The prayer carried no weapons, issued no threats, and in most cases meekly obeyed orders to leave."

Jane's Revenge, a violent pro-abortion domestic terrorist group has vowed "a night of rage." They have already firebombed more than a dozen pro-life pregnancy centers. Mayorkas explained that "the Jane's Revenge group is too dangerous for us to try to provide police protection to these centers. The risk of injury to the officers is too great. In our assessment, police officers are of more value to society than pro-life fanatics. We recommend that churches and pro-life centers be shutdown until the danger has passed. This won't prevent their facilities from being burned down, but it will save lives."

A spokesperson for Jane's Revenge emphasized that "the danger will not pass until every pro-life pregnancy center is permanently closed. The barbaric alternative to a safe and clean abortion these centers offer can no longer be tolerated in a civilized society."

New York Governor Kathy Hochul (D) called "Jane's Revenge's turn to violence understandable. This is the United States of America, where freedom and liberty are supposed to mean something. If a woman can't legally throw her unwanted baby's carcass into the trash rides roughshod over freedom and liberty. The neanderthals who say, women are not entitled to do this deserve rough treatment from those they want to disenfranchise."

Ukraine Bans Opposition Party

In a move bound to undermine Ukraine's claim that it is fighting for freedom, Minister of Justice Denys Leontiyovych Maliuska has banned the Opposition Platform — For Life Party, seized its assets, money and property. The Party's leader Viktor Medvedchuk has been under house arrest since May. Ukrainians who engage in dissent are also being rounded up and arrested by armed men from the Ukraine Security Service. Last month President Zelensky signed legislation that authorized courts to order the seizure of assets belonging to any person that challenged the government's policy on the Russian invasion. There is no right to contest or appeal a court decision to confiscate the property of those voicing anti-war opinions.

Zelensky called these "temporary repressive actions essential to our efforts to preserve democracy in our country" and likened them to "the United States' incarceration without trial of Japanese-American citizens during World War II. Desperate times require desperate actions. At least our desperate actions were in response to vocalized anti-war opinions. The order from President Roosevelt was based solely on racial bigotry."

Covid "Conspiracy Theory" Confirmed

During the pandemic those who raised questions regarding the possible harm that might result from widespread use of an inadequately tested vaccines were derided as kooks by Dr. Anthony Fauci, their wariness as disinformation, and the very suggestion that the FDA would authorize a dangerous vaccine as a "conspiracy theory."

Now, a study published in the peer-reviewed New England Journal of Medicine found that "those who have been fully vaccinated with two shots from Moderna or Pfizer are more likely to contract Covid-19 than those who have not been vaccinated at all. Booster shots offer protection approximately equal to natural immunity, but the benefits wane after 2-5 months. Whereas, natural immunity resulting from prior infection with covid lasts for at least 300-days, which is the length of the study; it likely lasts much longer."

President Biden's initial claim that "if you get vaccinated you won't get covid." has been supplanted by the much weaker claim that "getting vaccinated may moderate the symptoms." Ironically, the moderation of symptoms coincides with the mutation of the virus into a much more moderate disease. Despite the current ineffectiveness of the vaccines and a disturbing correlation between vaccination and serious heart disease in younger vaccine recipients, the Biden Administration is weighing mandating another round of compulsory injections should the number of reported cases of covid take an upturn.

In related news, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau says "people who refuse to get vaccinated will have to accept the consequences of their choice. Their freedom to travel and lead a normal life will be severely limited. Those who won't voluntarily submit may have to be locked inside their homes. China did this and is acknowledged by all reputable experts to have had the most success in stopping the spread of covid. Meanwhile, we will be continuously increasing the number of injections required to be allowed the minimal freedoms possible during the continuing health crisis."
« Last Edit: June 25, 2022, 01:18:20 pm by mystery-ak »