Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 29, 2022 Edition  (Read 822 times)

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Offline John Semmens

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 29, 2022 Edition
« on: May 28, 2022, 02:03:22 am »
Police Delay at Uvalde School Massacre Defended

As more facts about the law-enforcement response at the Robb Elementary School massacre become available, confidence in relying on police to save lives is being eroded. It seems that the pattern in police responses to school shootings that is frequently exhibited is reluctance to risk getting shot.

A Texas Department of Public Safety spokesman argued that "harsh as it may seem to the parents of children being killed by gunmen invading their schools, a rational risk/reward assessment must take precedence over an emotional expectation from untrained civilians. Despite more than a dozen desperate 911 calls coming from students trapped inside with the shooter, we can't abide senselessly exposing officers to deadly risk when life-saving ballistic shields are just minutes away. A decision to wait for these shields both protects our investment in the officers' training and justifies the expenditures incurred. Sadly, in this instance the minutes turned into more than an hour. Counterbalancing this is the fact that no officers were injured by the gunman in the incident."

"We should also keep in mind the fact that the officers on the scene were not entirely idle while waiting for the ballistic shields," the spokesman pointed out. "They were able to tase, tackle, cuff, and detain several parents in the crowd who were so frantic due to our inaction that they desperately tried to rescue their children themselves. Later we learned that a few off-duty officers took it upon themselves to rescue their own children. They will likely face disciplinary action for obstructing a police operation."

Dems Block School Safety Bills

This week's massacre of 19 students and two teachers at the Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas reignited the debate between Republicans and Democrats on how best to prevent future mass murders. Democrats want to outlaw guns. Republicans want to harden the target zones and make it easier for private citizens to carry firearms.

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) blamed "Democrat opposition to two 2013 bills. One would have appropriated $300 million in federal grants to harden schools to make them safer, to make them more protected. The other directed the Department of Justice to prosecute and put in jail felons and fugitives who try to illegally buy firearms. Instead, Democrats insist on disarming law-abiding gun owners."

Senate Majority Leader Charles Schumer (D-NY) characterized "the Republican focus on countervailing force a flawed concept. As we saw in Uvalde, dozens of heavily armed police stood by for over an hour while a gunman methodically assassinated his victims. Belief in the so-called good guys with guns option is disproved by the repeated incompetence and cowardice of our police. Suffocating an unarmed and cuffed George Floyd is a risk they're ready to take, but rescuing children from an armed assailant is too much to ask. The only sensible option is for all private ownership of guns to be prohibited."

Cruz said "Schumer's universal disarmament proposal is a dangerous fantasy. Criminals aren't going to obey gun laws. The Uvalde shooter violated the school's 'no gun zone' status under current law. Obviously, we can't depend on law-enforcement personnel to be the only source of protection. Private citizens must not be stripped of their right to bear arms for self-defense. If enough citizens are armed criminals cannot count on easy targets. Some will be deterred. Others will be shot down once their hostile intentions are exhibited like the man in West Virginia firing an AR-15 rifle at a graduation party was shot down by a woman carrying a concealed pistol."

"One isolated incident of a private citizen using deadly force to save lives is not a sound foundation for crafting a sane nationwide policy on guns," Schumer contended. "What Sen. Cruz forgets is that a widely armed population poses a deadly threat to those of us who must govern this country. Outlawing private ownership of guns combined with personal bodyguards for important government officials is the optimal feasible approach to protect lives that are essential to a functioning democracy."

In related news, Rep. Veronica Escobar (D-TX) used the Uvalde killings to argue for more gun regulation, asking "why can't we strictly regulate who is allowed to own a gun? We already regulate cars, alcohol, and cigarettes. Why not guns?" Escobar was unfazed by data showing that these other more heavily regulated items are still responsible for more fatalities each year than guns are.

Biden Threatens Federal Lunch Money for Schools

The Biden Administration has ramped up its drive to transform public schools into LGBTQ recruitment centers by threatening to withhold federal lunch assistance funds from schools that refuse to require that boys be allowed into girls' lavatories and locker rooms. Ironically, the Administration is citing Title IX—a section of federal law that is meant to ensure fair treatment for girls in school programs.

Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona asserted that "for too long our society has been locked onto the archaic idea that DNA determines the sex of individuals. Modern science recognizes that sexual identity is a matter of choice. Just because a person was declared 'male' at the time of birth shouldn't be used to deny an individual's right to choose 'female' or one of the multiplicities of other genders currently known to exist. Protecting this right by any means necessary is our policy. Withholding food aid is a means we can deploy by executive action. Those who choose to resist complying can feed themselves from their own resources."

Senator Criticizes Out-of-State Donations to Rival

Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska) warned state voters to "not let lower-48 donors determine who is sent to Washington to represent us. These donors don't know our state like I do. Don't let their donations to my opponent allow her to unseat me."

Murkowski's characterization of the race doesn't match up well with the data. According to public campaign finance documents, 85% of Murkowski's funds come from out-of-state donors. Further, 89% of her $5 million campaign chest comes from large donors.

Her opponent Kelly Tshibaka's campaign chest of $2.5 million has garnered 50% from out-of-state donors. Of the total $2.5 million, 30% is from small donors. She is also the candidate endorsed by the state's Republican Party.

While the figures would appear to indicate that Murkowski is the favored choice of out-of-state donors, the Senator contends that "my opponent's endorsement by Donald Trump is emblematic of her out-of-state orientation. That endorsement is worth more than the $5 million I've gotten from out-of-state donors. In contrast, I have been elected by the voters of Alaska three times over the past 20 years. I think this is pretty solid proof that I am the true choice of Alaskans when it comes to representing the people's interests. I have also been endorsed by Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ken)."

Harsh Treatment of Jan 6 Detainees Justified

Despite the Constitution's affirmation of a right to a speedy trial, persons suspected of crimes committed during the January 6, 2021 riot at the Capitol building continue to languish in jail. Part of this pre-trial and conviction punishment includes isolation from outside visitors. Living conditions are degraded by unsanitary conditions.

Brandon Fellows has been in the DC jail for almost a year. His alleged crime was smoking marijuana in the Capitol on Jan 6. A video of him in prison was smuggled out. In it he conducts a tour of his cell revealing frayed electric wires, mold, and an overflowing toilet. Neither he nor other Jan 6 inmates are allowed access to the cafeteria, gym, classrooms, outdoor areas, barber shop or religious services.

Attorney General Merrick Garland called the imprisonment of these individuals "warranted given the circumstances. The fact that Fellows may not be implicated in any insurrectionist activity doesn't change the fact that he was in the building at the same time as others who may ultimately be charged with treason were. He could be a witness against them. The hardships he faces may help persuade him to testify against those who are guilty of insurrection. The complaint that the Jan 6 prisoners are being treated worse than the accused rapists and murderers in the jail is undeserved. None of these rapists and murderers pose as much danger to democracy as the Jan 6 traitors."

Candidate Has Solution for Housing Crisis

Congressional candidate Rebecca Parson (D-Wash) is campaigning on a promise to legalize breaking into unoccupied homes as a means to address the homeless problem. She urges her supporters to "not wait until the legislation I vow to champion—the Housing for All Bill—is enacted, but to help accelerate the process by breaking into and occupying vacant properties now."

"There is no good reason for allowing owners who have other places to live to hoard unneeded residential space," Parson said. "As I see it, a person without a home has more right to occupy these houses than the so-called owner. It's a matter of human rights taking precedence over property rights. Right now, state law in Washington allows trespassers into unoccupied buildings to cite the vacancy as a defense against being punished for breaking and entering. This is a good first step toward the more equitable distribution of wealth I will work toward once I'm elected to Congress."

Another plank in her platform is to establish a nationwide $30 minimum wage law. "Members of Congress have a salary of $174,000 per year plus expenses," she pointed out. "This is more than three times the annual income of $60,000 a $30 per hour minimum wage would accrue. We have a moral obligation to see that the folks frying burgers, mopping floors, and delivering flyers get a better rate of pay than they're currently getting in the crazy-quilt pattern of varying state minimum wage laws."

Dem Proposes Mandatory Vasectomies

Now that the state of Oklahoma has passed a ban on abortions, State Rep. Mickey Dollens (D-Oklahoma City) is demanding that vasectomies be made mandatory for every boy once he hits puberty.

"As I see it, if an impregnated woman is barred from terminating her unwanted baby, the only foolproof way of solving the unwanted pregnancy problem is to neutralize sperm production at the source," Dollens said. "This would prevent the tragedy of unwanted children being raised by angry and resentful mothers."

Dollens admitted that "my proposal doesn't completely solve the problem. Older males who have long passed puberty would still be capable of impregnating women. They ought to be neutralized as well, but since they are eligible to vote it would probably be impossible to stop them. I'm hoping that the same toleration these older males have for aborting babies would spill over into tolerating the sterilization of their younger competitors for the attentions of fertile females. Eventually, as the older males die off the problem of humans polluting and wrecking the planet will wither away."

Pfizer Touts Ingestible Microchips

Pfizer CEO Albert Bourla wowed elites attending the World Economic Forum in Davos with a proposal to ensure future compliance with government mandated health protocols.

"One of the problems with the covid mandates was the difficulty of enforcing them," Bourla observed. "People were told they should get vaccinated. They were even threatened with loss of employment if they didn't. Most yielded to these threats, but a minority did not. Our company has developed the technology for an ingestible microchip that can confirm whether a person has or hasn't obeyed. Government authorities could track these people using signals emitted from the ingested microchip to track down individuals who have escaped mandated medication and forcibly inoculate them."

Dr. Anthony Fauci called the Pfizer innovation "an important breakthrough for ensuring that people comply with the directives being given by public health authorities. As the recent experience with covid has shown, there are disobedient elements in the population that will go to great lengths to evade compliance with what we have determined is best for their health. Pfizer's invention will go a long way toward eliminating noncompliance. I think it is a Nobel Prize worthy contribution to humanity."

"Denial of Communion Should Be Illegal"

Expert on religion and the Constitution Whoopi Goldberg declared that "forbidding abortion-supporting Catholics from receiving communion should be illegal." Her remarks were inspired by Archbishop Salvatore Cordelione's admonition that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi "is not fit to participate in the sacrament of communion. Abortion takes an innocent human life. Anyone who promotes the practice is committing a deadly sin."

Pelosi herself defied her Archbishop by sneakily receiving communion at a Washington, DC Catholic church, saying "as long as the Church allows the execution of murderers to receive communion it has no moral authority to bar me from receiving it." She rebutted arguments that the death penalty for those who kill others is a just punishment by contending that "in God's eyes, all are innocent and entitled to forgiveness for their sins. That includes me."

Cordelione acknowledged that the Church opposes the death penalty, but insisted that "in no way does this entitle a self-proclaimed Catholic to actively abet the murder of unborn children. The taking of a life is evil. It cannot be used to justify propagating public policies that have killed millions under the false assertion that it is protecting women's health."

Offline mystery-ak

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Re: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 29, 2022 Edition
« Reply #1 on: May 30, 2022, 01:34:43 pm »
Another great one John...
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“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
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Offline Cyber Liberty

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Re: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 29, 2022 Edition
« Reply #2 on: May 30, 2022, 01:45:49 pm »
:thumbsup:
For unvaccinated, we are looking at a winter of severe illness and death — if you’re unvaccinated — for themselves, their families, and the hospitals they’ll soon overwhelm. Sloe Joe Biteme 12/16
I will NOT comply.
 
Castillo del Cyber Autonomous Zone ~~~~~>                          :dontfeed:

Offline John Semmens

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Re: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: May 29, 2022 Edition
« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2022, 06:56:53 am »
mystery-ak, Cyber Liberty,

thx

John