Why Criminal Aliens Must Be Set Free Inside the US
Department of Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas defended the Biden Administration's policy of releasing illegal immigrants with criminal records inside the US, calling it "a key fundamental principle of implementing alternatives to incarceration."
"Look, here's the deal," Mayorkas said. "Throughout history criminals have been a part of every society. It would be abnormal and inequitable for us to try to impede their necessary migration toward habitats that can better support their needs. Of necessity, this means that wealthier societies must expect to bear a fairer share of the burdens of dealing with them. Insisting that our borders be closed to them forces them to prey upon the much poorer inhabitants of Mexico. We aim to stop this injustice."
Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-Fla) wondered "whether the Secretary's equity concerns have prompted him to remove the locks on the doors to his home so as not to impede the migration of criminals into a place that might better support their needs? Or is it sufficient that other American citizens bear the burdens of being victimized by importing criminals into our society?"
In related news, Mayorkas confirmed that "we are also looking at shifting some of the resources we have been spending on health care for veterans in order to provide better health care for immigrants. One of the reasons these people are coming here is to get better health services. This is also a matter of equity. If we don't meet this demand the number of immigrants who will come is likely to diminish. That would impair our long-term goal of fundamentally transforming this country."
Schumer: "Fight Inflation By Raising Taxes"
Claiming that "the inflation we are seeing now is due to the unwarranted prosperity inflicted on the country by former President Trump's tax cuts," Sen. Charles Schumer (D-NY) called for "the repeal of those cuts and the implementation of additional levies as needed."
"Inflation occurs when too much money is in the hands of consumers," the Senator contended. "Flush with cash they have little incentive to economize. They feel free to indulge their whims and selfish desires. Taking this money away from them via higher taxes will stifle these anti-social spending habits. With more money safely in the hands of the government more socially beneficial uses can be funded."
Schumer was vague about the specifics on how the government would spend the higher taxes, but confidently asserted that "whatever spending the government does is better researched, analyzed, and implemented than the frivolous spending done by most private consumers." He rejected objections contending that consumers will have a harder time putting food on the table if their taxes are increased, saying "too many Americans are already overweight or obese. Spending on food is one of the frivolous outlays we need to cutback on."
Dems Horrified by Sale of Twitter
The unexpectedly rapid acquisition of Twitter by multi-billionaire Tesla entrepreneur Elon Musk was roundly denounced by Democrat partisans.
Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) called the transfer of ownership "dangerous for democracy. Musk's vow to open Twitter to uncensored speech will expose innocent people to the unfiltered opinions of unqualified critics of government-approved points of view. The protections previously provided by the Twitter platform will be eliminated. People won't know what to think."
Commerce Committee Chair Sen. Maria Cantwell (D-Wash) wants to call Musk before her committee "to see if he is really qualified to take over what had been a reliable source of vetted content and turn it into an unconstrained free-for-all where just anyone or any idea can be posted."
Sen. Ed Markey (D-Mass) asserted that "everyone was comfortable with the progressive values that guided the previous owners' decisions on what to allow and what to ban. From what Musk has said, there is no guarantee that the American people will be spared from the ravings of right-wing opponents of progressive values. We need to ensure that Musk maintains the algorithmic justice that was the hallmark of the previous owners."
The Biden Administration has announced the creation of a new "Disinformation Governance Board" to "monitor and discipline persons and organizations that stray too far from government endorsed truths." Nina Jankowicz has been appointed to lead this Board and vowed "to nip free speech absolutism in the bud. The complexities of our modern society make the naive notion of a public square where everyone is entitled to speak his own mind impractical. We need unity of thought and action. My role will be to see that no disunifying content interferes with our unity."
Rep. Jim Jordan (R-Ohio) suggested that "a search for disinformation should start with Dr. Anthony Fauci whose pronouncements about covid provoked panic, idiotic, coercive, and ineffective so-called countermeasures." However, his suggestion was immediately rebuffed by Jankowicz as "exactly the type of disinformation the Board was created to combat. Dr. Fauci is an American hero whose guidance enabled the vaccination of over 100 million Americans at no cost to themselves—a miracle that merits our reverence, not the criticism of Neanderthals like Mr. Jordan. Online mockery of great men like Dr. Fauci or great women like Vice-President Kamala Harris will be key targets in our crackdown on disinformation."
Pelosi Says Obama Is Jealous of Biden
While insisting that "I don't want to denigrate the accomplishments of former President Obama, I have to say that right now he is terribly jealous of what President Biden has done," House Speaker Nancy Pelosi told a close friend. "Some of the things that Barrack couldn't get done in eight years have come to pass in less than two years of the Biden Administration."
"It's an impressive list," she boasted. "First, the borders are open. While Barrack was concerned that the president lacked the constitutional authority to just ignore existing law, Joe plowed straight ahead and did everything by executive orders. Tens of millions of new citizens will be created within a decade. These citizens will vote Democrat."
"Second, Joe has pretty much crippled our domestic fossil fuel industry," the Speaker gleefully pointed out. "We'll have no choice but to go green. There will be trillions of federal funds to hand out to wind and solar energy businesses. A lot of this money will come back to the Party by way of campaign cash. Democrats will be well-funded in the battle for votes."
"Third, by skillfully using fear of covid, Joe was able to get Congress to pass massive appropriations," she said. "The federal buying spree ignited the most powerful surge of price inflation in 40 years. This will devalue the outstanding national debt and enable the government to payback pennies on the dollar for much of the money it has borrowed over the years."
"Finally, Joe has exchanged an unpopular war in Afghanistan for a much more attractive war in Eastern Europe," Pelosi added. "Joe looks like a modern day FDR. We've already passed a $30 billion Lend Lease program to help fund Ukraine's battle against Russia. Russia is threatening nuclear strikes on countries that aid Ukraine. A huge global war is in the works. We can be this century's greatest generation. And we owe it all to Joe. I can see why Barrack is so bummed out—a demented man has outdone a Nobel Prize winner in leadership."
In related news, according to a Harris poll, a majority of voters expressed doubt about Biden's mental fitness for office. Nevertheless, he still leads other Democrats as the Party's preferred 2024 presidential candidate with 37% support to 14% for VP Kamala Harris, 9% for Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT), and 7% for former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.
"Green" US Military Touted
Press Secretary Jen Psaki defended President Biden's plan to phase out fossil fuels in the US military, saying "there are a lot of overlooked advantages of an all green army and navy. One of the key vulnerabilities of the modern fighting force is its fuel supplies. As we have seen in the Ukraine-Russia war fuel storage facilities can be bombed by drones. If tanks can't get fuel they're immobilized."
"Then there's the problem of onboard fuel exploding after being hit by incoming rockets and bullets," Psaki pointed out. "If these vehicles were solar powered this risk could be significantly diminished. Naval vessels that need fossil fuels are similarly disadvantaged. Fuel supplies could be destroyed or serve as an accelerant to any incoming shells or rockets. If ships were wind-powered the 'fuel' would be in the air, could not be bombed, and wouldn't be a significant accelerant to strikes on the vessels. The fact that the wind is freely available should also lower the cost for sending ships to different parts of the world."
"Right now the plans are conceptual in nature," the Press Secretary noted. "There are a lot of practical problems to work out. Doubtless, it will be a long road before our forces can go totally green, but if we never start the journey we can never hope to arrive. The President believes that future wars must be as pollution-free as possible. He is determined to do everything in his power to make that happen."
