Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: April 10, 2022 Edition  (Read 372 times)

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Offline John Semmens

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: April 10, 2022 Edition
« on: April 09, 2022, 01:44:01 am »
Dems to Make $30 Million Pitch for Black Votes

Amidst polls showing that Black voter support for the Democratic Party has fallen from 87% to 60% since Biden took office, the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee is planning to invest $30 million to boost Black turnout and support for its candidates in the Fall elections. The theme of the campaign is "we did that."

DCCC national press secretary Chris Taylor admitted that "we've been taking these votes for granted for too long. We need to send message reminding Black folks of how much progress our Party has made since the days of slavery and Jim Crow. Granted, 99% of slave holders were Democrats and it was southern Democrats who launched a war out of fear that President Lincoln, candidate of the abolitionist Republican Party, would destroy a way of life that had persisted for 200 years. Beaten into submission by Union troops we were able to achieve some semblance of the old ways for another century."

"Over time, though, the old life gradually was dismantled," Taylor observed. "We needed to find new ways to show that we cared about Black folks. FDR correctly predicted that if we built a welfare system to serve as an in loco parentis role we could make amends for the Party's ancient sins. This system has been a tremendous success. Right now Blacks comprise 39% of the persons on welfare. This is higher than the percentage of whites and three times Blacks' percentage of the population. Most Blacks are unaware of this achievement. Our 'we did that' campaign will change that. Public housing, food stamps, aid for unwed mothers, Medicaid, no-bail release those accused of a crime—all were Democrat initiatives. As our loud, intentional, and thoughtful message sinks in we believe Blacks will return to the bosom of the Party that takes care of them."

Psaki Insists "the President Knows Nothing"

As more of the content from Hunter Biden's lost laptop becomes public knowledge the contention that President Biden was intimately involved in his son's dubious business dealings seems hard to refute. The references to "the big guy's cut" of the profits and the numerous photos of Joe's beaming smile while standing next to Hunter and his business partners would seem to demolish the notion that his claim that "I've never talked to my son about his business dealings, not once" cannot be true. Then there's the millions of dollars in income reported in his latest filing with the IRS. How do we account for all this evidence of potential corruption?

Well, Presidential Press Secretary Jen Psaki made a valiant effort "to straighten out all the misinformation being promulgated by his political enemies. First of all, the President is a very friendly guy who readily agrees to requests for a photo with nearly everyone who asks for one, no questions asked. Is it possible that some of Hunter's business associates snuck into a few of the photos found on the laptop? Of course. Unless they announced that they were Hunter's business associates there would've been no way for Joe to know. Even if they had, he forgets a lot of what he is told. So, his contention that he knows nothing of those business dealings could literally be true."

"An overlooked alibi that refutes the allegations being made by Republicans is the fact that Joe was driving a long-haul semi-trailer truck for most of the time after he left the vice-presidency," Psaki pointed out. "Being on the road for long stretches of time, his contact with family members was infrequent and brief—probably along the lines of 'how have you been?' or 'how's it going son?' Such snippets cannot convey much information about his son's business activities. His active truck driving is also a plausible explanation for the millions of dollars he earned during recent years. He's a hard-working guy who took all the overtime he could get. That adds up to a lot of money over the course of a year."

"I think the worst that can be said about the President is that he is excessively trusting of others," she argued. "As former President Obama has said 'Joe is not the sharpest tool in the box.' It is easy to see how people would try to exploit that. Clearly, if there was any wrongdoing the President is among the victims, not the perpetrators."

In related news, Democrats on the US House Government Oversight Committee rebuffed a GOP request to have Hunter Biden testify about his laptop on some of its contents. Chairwoman Rep. Carolyn Maloney (D-NY) called the request "an attempt to compel Mr. Biden to incriminate himself. It's already bad enough that his laptop, a place that he thought was private and confidential, is now being used to incriminate him. Bringing him before the Committee and putting him under oath is cruel and unusual punishment for a President's son. Unless he confesses of his own free will I see no need to further disturb him with politically-motivated queries. I wish the President would put and end the harassment by immediately pardoning his son, his brother James and anyone else implicated by the laptop."

Obama Calls for Gov't Control of Speech

Contending that "there is too much crazy" on the Internet and social media, former President Obama said "government has to filter out misinformation before it seriously damages the country's unity."

He offered examples of content that should not be allowed to be spread via electronic media. "Right now about 40% of Americans appear convinced that the current president was elected fraudulently and that the election was rigged. This is nuts. It has to be stopped. While we have no viable means of totally silencing the spread of this insanity by word-of-mouth we can and should prevent it from being spread via blogs and tweets."

"Another example is that about a third of the population refuse to get the covid vaccination," he said. "This endangers their health and that of every person they come into contact with. The vaccines are a medical miracle. The public health requires that everyone be vaccinated. The Internet and social media must not be used to undermine this truth."

"I and all rational people deserve to be protected from the spread of erroneous ideas," Obama insisted. "Up until now Twitter and Facebook have been doing an admirable job of scrubbing their platforms of dangerously wrong ideas. However, now that Elon Musk has inserted his unwanted and unnecessary personality into the equation I fear this nation will be even more vulnerable to the risk of false consciousness of individual freedom that Marx warned us against."

"I reject the idea that freedom of speech prohibits the government from providing protection against wrong speech," Obama said. "I believe in freedom of speech as a principle, but this freedom does not include the freedom to lie or foster rebellion against government programs designed to help people. I feel confident that the majority of Americans agree with me on this and will sensibly be made to appear to have elected Democrat majorities in both the Senate and House this November."

Bill Expands Opportunity to Terminate Unwanted Babies

While a majority of people support limitations on the practice of killing unwanted babies, California Assemblywoman Buffy Wicks (D-Oakland) wants to extend legal abortion to the perinatal stage of life, a period than spans the last 14 weeks of pregnancy to the end of the  first week of life. If passed, the bill would immunize any person involved from both criminal and civil liability for the death of the child.

Wicks explained the post birth option to terminate the life of the child as "basic consumer protection. No one should be forced to keep an unwanted child. Infringing on the freedom to rid oneself of an unsatisfactory burden is the worst sort of oppression."

She rebuffed "the false solution of adoption once the birth has occurred" calling it "a formula for future disaster. As we all know, adopted children suffer the hurt of feeling rejected by their birth parents. My bill would spare them this pain. Likewise, it would alleviate the fear of a birth parent of being stalked and confronted by the child they abandoned decades before. Persons who don't want to be parents need the quick and final solution my legislation would provide."

Meanwhile at the federal level, the Biden Administration Department of Justice warned states that any laws enacted to prevent parents from having a child sexually mutilated "are unconstitutional." As Kristen Clarke, the assistant attorney general for civil rights, put it "the right of a parent to have a child of a sex they prefer must not be infringed by state laws. Since intercourse only gives a 50/50 chance of meeting that preference, the option for a post-birth adjustment is their basic human right." Clarke concluded by oddly referring to the mutilations as "gender-affirming care."