Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: March 13, 2022 Edition  (Read 935 times)

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Offline John Semmens

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: March 13, 2022 Edition
« on: March 12, 2022, 07:36:49 am »
Biden Sick of Being Blamed for Inflation

As inflation produces rates of price increases not seen in 40 years, polls now show more than 60% of respondents holding the Biden Administration responsible. President Biden has denounced this opinion of Americans as "simply not true. I'm sick of being made the scapegoat. Putin is the one they should be blaming."

Former Treasury Secretary for Barack Obama Larry Summers disagreed with Biden's effort to blame the war in Ukraine, saying that "government intervention in the economy since Biden took office has to bear most of the blame. Biden's orders shutting down a lot of fossil fuel drilling and transport made gasoline and transportation more scarce and expensive. At the same time dramatic increases in federal spending increased the demand for resources and pushed prices higher. This was the least responsible economic policy implemented in our country in the past 40 years."

Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV) said "budget-busting levels of federal spending are the root cause of the current surge of inflation. When government spends too much it pushes prices higher. This makes the necessities that families must buy more expensive. When this is combined with the impediments to the supply of a key factor of production—energy--that the President has implemented, the consumers' suffering is magnified."

Biden labeled these fellow Democrats "turncoats and deviants. Now is no time for Democrats to be breaking ranks. We must remain unified behind a single explanation like we were during the pandemic. The increased government spending was funded by the creation of new money. This was cash that we put into the hands of favored beneficiaries allowing them to be able to purchase the things they need. This mitigated inflationary pressure. In contrast, the war forced us to sanction Russia by reducing access to their petroleum products. In my mind, that makes Putin the villain. I am calling on our friends at Facebook and Twitter to crackdown on any disinformation that suggests otherwise."

Meanwhile, Vice-President Harris offered advice suggesting that consumers could cut their cost of transportation by buying electric cars or riding public transit. "If you drive a Tesla you don't need gas," she said. "You can just plug in and go. Public transit is even easier. You just wait on a street corner and a bus will pick you up and take you wherever you need to go. For that matter, if you have a smart phone you could call for an Uber or Lyft ride. The idea that gasoline is essential to get around is a myth. All we need is the will power to make the transition away from fossil fuels and initiate the green future the voters elected us to implement."

Former Obama Administration "car czar" Steven Rattner pointed out that "Teslas cost about $75,000 each and the electricity they use is largely produced by burning fossil fuels. Almost all of Uber rides are in vehicles that burn gasoline. And the inconvenience and limited destinations served by public transit are why it accounts for only 1% of urban travel. The VP's glib suggestions are not a viable solution for the inflationary environment we are in. The war could end tomorrow, but American consumers will still be hammered hard by trends made inevitable by actions already taken by President Biden."

Biden Energy Policy Explained

With many in Congress urging a u-turn from President Biden's extraordinarily costly energy policy, the Administration has opted for seeking foreign sources to diminish the impact of boycotting Russian petroleum supplies. The heaviest efforts are focused on Venezuela and Iran as the favored options.

Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla) lambasted the idea of looking to Venezuela as a solution to America's energy needs, pointing out that "relying on the cruel dictatorship running that country is a mistake. First, Venezuela is ideologically aligned with Russia. The notion that any negotiations with them could produce an acceptable resolution is far-fetched. Even if a deal is reached any money we pay will strengthen Maduro's tyranny. Is aiding tyranny in our hemisphere a rational price to pay for efforts to deter tyranny in Ukraine?"

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Tex) challenged the belief that buying oil from Iran could be a good alternative. "Iran is the world's foremost sponsor of terrorism. It is an implacable enemy of the United States and Western Civilization. We should be starving them of resources that could be used for their evil plans. The best way to do this is to undo the energy suppression actions taken by President Biden during his first month in office. I have introduced legislation to repeal those actions."

Press Secretary Jen Psaki made an effort to rebut these GOP initiated objections to the President's policies, saying "the President is taking a long-term approach to the energy question. Of necessity, this requires pain and sacrifice be endured by every American. It is absolutely essential that the US energy industry be throttled down. It poses the greater long-term threat to the environment that any temporary purchases we may make from Venezuela or Iran. Addressing this threat takes priority over everything else."

"Though providing funds to these unfriendly regimes will have some undesirable consequences, the President deems these consequences as more tolerable than the alternative," the Secretary explained. "Likely as the money flowing to Iran would bankroll terrorist attacks in our country, the thousands of lives that could be lost are dwarfed by the millions or billions of lives that climate change would claim."

"Finally, it will be easier to stop buying oil from foreign sources after the Ukraine crisis is over than it would be to reverse the kind of expansion in domestic production Sen. Cruz is pushing," she added. "An economically robust domestic energy sector would pose a more serious threat to the election of Democrats needed to ensure that the transition to green energy remains on track. Meanwhile, Russia, Iran and Venezuela would be stuck with the obsolete infrastructure of fossil-fueled economies. It is a win-win scenario for America."

Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL) defended Biden's policy by pointing out that "relying on domestic energy production would still let these companies profit from exploiting the consumers' need for their product. Buying oil from Iran and Venezuela circumvents this pernicious practice. Any profiteering that occurs would be at the hands of foreigners. Our hands would be clean."

Maryland Bill Would Legalize Infanticide

Maryland State Senator William Smith (D-Takoma Park) has introduced "the Pregnant Person's Freedom Act of 2022" (Bill 669). The bill would allow "abortions" to be carried out up to 28 days after birth. Smith described his bill as "a counterweight to other states' laws—like the Texas heartbeat law—that shorten the period in which abortions can be performed. My bill would extended the opportunity for a mother to decide whether her child should live or be left to die of starvation or neglect."

Smith contested accusations that abandoning infants to die is barbaric by pointing out that "abandoning unwanted infants was a practice employed by the Romans. Their magnificent civilization lasted for a thousand years. It was the antithesis of barbaric. Its advances in engineering, architecture, science, and art under Roman rule were the envy of the world. Who's to say that weeding out the weak, sickly, and handicapped offspring wasn't a vital contributor to its strength?"

American Center for Law and Justice (ACLJ) attorney Olivia Summers called the proposed legislation "cruel and unnecessary. It's bad enough that Democrats deny the humanity of children still in the womb, but to allow parents to condemn their children to death after birth when there are already options to preserve life by permitting other families to adopt these babies is a crime against humanity. Maryland already has a 'safe haven' law that allows a distressed parent who is unable or unwilling to care for her infant to safely give up custody of the baby, no questions asked."

Was the Jan 6 "Insurrection" Exaggerated?

An undercover Project Veritas video captured the New York Times' Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Matthew Rosenberg admitting that "coverage of the event was overblown. The so-called insurrectionists were not as scary as the dweebs in the Capitol allege. The only people with firearms that day were the Capitol Police. The only person killed was an unarmed woman who was shot by one of the Capitol Police. FBI informants embedded in the crowd encouraged people to enter the Capitol building. It was a disorderly melee. It was not an attempt to seize power or overthrow the government."

Rosenburg said "the insignificance of the event is confirmed by the lack of serious charges being leveled against any of the participants. A real insurrection would be like when John Brown and his gang seized the Harper's Ferry Arsenal. Seventeen men were killed as US troops under the command of Col. Robert E. Lee suppressed the invaders and arrested the survivors. Brown and his six surviving followers were tried, convicted, and hanged for treason. Compare this to the charges of 'trespassing' and 'unauthorized assembly' levied against the Jan 6 invaders of the Capitol. The hyperventilating ninnies on the Jan 6 House Committee are trying to make a mountain out of a molehill."

The editors of the New York Times castigated Veritas' undercover video, calling it "a dangerous interference into the narrative constructed by our paper and others. They plied Mr. Rosenburg with drinks to loosen his tongue. Now they want the general public to believe that his drunken ramblings have more veracity than the voluminous cataract of words carefully devised by many newspapers and television stations to impart a message of the severe threat to democracy posed by the Trump partisans on that day. We say shame on Project Veritas and its underhanded methods. They aren't journalists. They are aiders and abettors of the kind of dissenters who will destroy the nation's unity."

NYS Ponders Ammo Tax

In a bid to slow the surging crime rate in their state, Sen. Andrew Gounardes (D-Brooklyn) and Assemblywoman Pat Fahy (D-Albany) have proposed a tax of 2 to 5 cents per round of ammunition.

Calling the traditional approach of increasing funding for police and imposing severe punishment of criminals "racist," Gounardes believes "using economic incentives will have a greater impact. If every bullet fired costs more, fewer bullets will be fired. Instead of letting loose with a hundred bullet barrage, shooters will be more frugal in their firefights with rival gangs. Robbers will be incentivized to merely threaten to shoot rather than actually shoot shopkeepers they are stealing from."

Fahy pointed out that "taxes, unlike police officers, never sleep. Perps who evade detection by police will still be hit with the ammo tax. The relentless toll of taxes on the operating budgets of criminal enterprises will be more effective in combating crime than the often befuddled and error prone cops. A side benefit of making ammunition more expensive is that so-called law-abiding citizens may also be discouraged from buying guns. This will eliminate many many accidental shootings and suicides—a benefit totally overlooked by Second Amendment fanatics."

Mask Fascists Raid Pre-School

This week, California child care licensing investigators made a surprise raid on three Aspen Leaf Preschools in the San Diego area. During a routine visit in December state health inspectors discovered that most of the students were not wearing masks. During the surprise raid teams of investigators terrorized the youngsters for hours alleging that their teachers were trying to make them sick by not making them wear masks.

Parents were furious when they learned of the raid from their frightened children later on the day of the raid. "The school was very open about its decision not to require the children to wear masks," said Rosita Lopez, mother of a four-year old son at the school. "He hates wearing a mask. He's never gotten sick during the whole pandemic. From what I've read, young children are at very little risk from covid. Besides, the masking requirement was within days of expiration when the raid was conducted."

Kevin Gaines, deputy director of child care licensing, said "it doesn't matter whether parents are okay with their kids not masking up. Nor does it matter that the mask requirement was already scheduled to end on March 11. Neither does it matter that the latest research indicates that the kind of masks required are ineffective against covid. A rule is a rule and it is our duty to enforce it. How else can we train people to obey rules if we don't enforce them? Inducing fear in the school, among the children, or among the parents is a good thing if it inspires compliance, no matter how egregious or unnecessary the rules may turn out to be."

NYC Mayor Calls for 50/50 Male/Female MLB

New York City Mayor Eric Adams has called for Major League Baseball to achieve a proportional representation of female players on each team. "It is a disgrace that baseball hasn't accorded women a fair share of the roster slots," Adams exclaimed. "It took them more than half a century to allow blacks to play in their leagues. Now it's time they allowed women to play."

The Mayor dismissed objections that women cannot compete on the same field as men. "This is simply not true," he insisted. "Right now, our city softball leagues have coed teams. With a few similar modifications of the rules, MLB could easily achieve a similar result." The most noticeable modification would be to install pop-up outfield fences that are 100 feet closer than the regular fences when females are batting.

Adams admitted that he can't force other cities to adopt the same roster proportions of male and female players or the modifications that would make mixed gender play feasible, but asserted that "I can and will order the Yankees and Mets to do the right thing for games played in New York City. So, starting next year at least 50% of their players in home games must be female. Our City will blaze a new path toward equity in this great sport and inspire a nation to follow suit."

Offline Smokin Joe

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Re: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: March 13, 2022 Edition
« Reply #1 on: March 13, 2022, 04:21:30 pm »
Thanks, John! It has to be hard to stay even half a step ahead of the lunacy!
How God must weep at humans' folly! Stand fast! God knows what he is doing!
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Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.

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Re: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: March 13, 2022 Edition
« Reply #2 on: March 13, 2022, 10:57:47 pm »
You had a lot of news last week to work with....great job bump!
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Offline John Semmens

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Re: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: March 13, 2022 Edition
« Reply #3 on: March 15, 2022, 06:03:18 am »
Smokin Joe, mystery-ak,

Thx for your kind words.

John