The Official TBR Silliness Thread---2022

[240B]

My wife loves Essie, so I learned to say, "The second one from the left!"

Wife: Reeeally? You like Pink Blush gloss? I like Beach Sand matt. Are you sure?
Nowhere to go from there ... because if you agree with her, she'll think you are patronizing her.
You must stand your ground and defend your choice!

[Kamaji]

[DCPatriot]

[240B]

Country Directions

You go down the highway to the big forked oak tree. Look for the dirt road.
Take the dirt road until you come to that place where the old church burned down.
Stay left until you come to that place where Billy-dean kilt that deer last year, that's how you know you are close.
Slow down and look to your right for a honeysuckle bush and a path in, take it. As soon as you can see the house stop.
Blow your horn to let them know you are there. Then straight on in slow.

[sneakypete]

@Kamaji

Finally,a little truth in advertising!

[sneakypete]

@240B

It doesn't matter which one you pick because she is going to disagree with you anyway,so just say "That one!" while sorta vaguely pointing at them all.

Trust me on this one.

[Cyber Liberty]

Wife: Reeeally? You like Pink Blush gloss? I like Beach Sand matt. Are you sure?
Nowhere to go from there ... because if you agree with her, she'll think you are patronizing her.
You must stand your ground and defend your choice!

Easy.  I just move the bottles all around and say "You choose!"

[240B]

Easy.  I just move the bottles all around and say "You choose!"

It is funny that you think shuffling the bottles would make any difference at all.
You are thinking like a man. To a woman it would not matter.

[Cyber Liberty]

It is funny that you think shuffling the bottles would make any difference at all.
You are thinking like a man. To a woman it would not matter.

That is true, but it gets the point across she's asking the wrong person.  Modern problems require innovative solutions. 

[libertybele]

That is true, but it gets the point across she's asking the wrong person.  Modern problems require innovative solutions.

Simple solution: Tell her rather than struggling to paint her own nails and selecting a color, she needs to treat herself with a trip to a nail salon and spa.

[240B]

This is me. only se puedo hablar.

[Smokin Joe]

Left out: Just over yonder, and just up the holler....

[Smokin Joe]

Country Directions

You go down the highway to the big forked oak tree. Look for the dirt road.
Take the dirt road until you come to that place where the old church burned down.
Stay left until you come to that place where Billy-dean kilt that deer last year, that's how you know you are close.
Slow down and look to your right for a honeysuckle bush and a path in, take it. As soon as you can see the house stop.
Blow your horn to let them know you are there. Then straight on in slow.

"Hang a right at the brown cow".
Yes, that was part of an actual set of directions to an oil rig in Wyoming.
(The Brown cow was a ranch sign, and fiberglass, but if it was your first trip in, no one was about to tell you that...)

[240B]

Got my hands on some, "as they say", 130 moonshine. Smooth as owl snot on a glass doorknob.
When I got home I tested it myself. Lit it up and it burns clear/blue. Good sign.
My own hydrometer told the real story. They lied to me.

It's really 135+. Very close to 70%.
Why they would sell this poison to the public is a crying shame. It's a crime.
If you all don't hear from me for a day or two, you'll know why.
Concentrating on not killing myself with it, but you never know.

[240B]

"Hang a right at the brown cow".
Yes, that was part of an actual set of directions to an oil rig in Wyoming.
(The Brown cow was a ranch sign, and fiberglass, but if it was your first trip in, no one was about to tell you that...)

Yep, I know.
I couldn't have made all that stuff up. Those are all real pieces of 'directions' I was given in Louisiana.

[Smokin Joe]

Yep, I know.
I couldn't have made all that stuff up. Those are all real pieces of 'directions' I was given in Louisiana.

The worst I had was "7 miles south and east of Dickinson"...

I towed a portable lab out there, looking for the rig, but there were no derricks anywhere on the horizon.

I got to an intersection (all dirt roads) and paused, and a white f-150 with the spares mounted in the box went blasting past...Oilfield pickup! and he knows where he's going! So I followed... came over a hill and tucked down in a draw is the rig, couldn't see the crown blocks until I crested the hill and was even with them. 

It was the right rig.

Some days, God has your back in the strangest ways.

[240B]

Was in Virginia out in the boonies and found myself going in circles lost before GPS. Couldn't find a way back to the city, civilization. Stopped at a place on the road and asked, how do I get to Virginia Beach? He said, and I quote, you have to go 'back around'. Another circle and asked another guy. He said, 'you have to go back around'. True story. Asked another person he said, you have to go back around. I don't know what the F**K BACK AROUND is!

My wife at the time was with me. She was laughing her head off. She said, 'Well ... I guess we have to go 'back around' laughing her ass off'. Eventually, just through luck, we found our way out.

Years later whenever anything went wrong she would say, I guess we have to go back around. That is a laugh we had in common. I appreciated her for that.

[roamer_1]

That is true, but it gets the point across she's asking the wrong person.  Modern problems require innovative solutions.

My technique is to never be worthy of color or style choices at all in her mind, from the get-go. Take the hits early in the relationship and she will never ask you again. You know you're in the slot when she dresses you up to go out, or to any social function. That's alright. Let her (within reason). Several times with that sort of reinforcement, and the questions about color and style dry right up.

Feigning a slight sort of color blindness can help too.

[roamer_1]

Funny, but I never have any problem with country directions. It's directions in town that baffle me... Often I am hopelessly lost till I find a redneck that knows his way around.

[Slide Rule]

[Slide Rule]

[Smokin Joe]

Funny, but I never have any problem with country directions. It's directions in town that baffle me... Often I am hopelessly lost till I find a redneck that knows his way around.

Smaller towns aren't too bad. Give me a map, let me sort out which are the main drags (every town has them) and how the grid fits around that, and I can usually find an address. It works best in western style towns with avenues numbered east and west of main street and streets numbered north and south of some central street...

If they all have names, though, all bets might be off.

[roamer_1]

Smaller towns aren't too bad. Give me a map, let me sort out which are the main drags (every town has them) and how the grid fits around that, and I can usually find an address. It works best in western style towns with avenues numbered east and west of main street and streets numbered north and south of some central street...

If they all have names, though, all bets might be off.

That's right - But even out here, that natural gridwork is becoming bastardized by streets that meander along some insane architectural 'feeling' with the result looking more like an organism than a town. I am sure it eventually makes some sort of sense to those that live there, but it often tosses any sort of sense right out the window for those that are uninitiated.

Missoula is like that in its more modern sections. You might as well forget trying to get around in that monkey knot. Oddly enough, Spokane has mostly retained it's gridwork, and I can normally get around better in Spokane than I can in Missoula - And I have been to Missoula many more times.

But you've bypassed the question in hauling out your map... The point was the directions received, city vs. rural... And I can nearly always follow rural directions and/or directions in a city given by a rural-oriented person. Someone city raised will usually be of no use to me in giving directions in a city... And certainly so in the country.

[Smokin Joe]

That's right - But even out here, that natural gridwork is becoming bastardized by streets that meander along some insane architectural 'feeling' with the result looking more like an organism than a town. I am sure it eventually makes some sort of sense to those that live there, but it often tosses any sort of sense right out the window for those that are uninitiated.

Missoula is like that in its more modern sections. You might as well forget trying to get around in that monkey knot. Oddly enough, Spokane has mostly retained it's gridwork, and I can normally get around better in Spokane than I can in Missoula - And I have been to Missoula many more times.

But you've bypassed the question in hauling out your map... The point was the directions received, city vs. rural... And I can nearly always follow rural directions and/or directions in a city given by a rural-oriented person. Someone city raised will usually be of no use to me in giving directions in a city... And certainly so in the country.

Most towns I 'get' the grid, I can find where I'm going with just the address. But I know what you're saying about the monkey knots. Google Earth the town, and you can see episodes of expansion in the street layouts, from the initial grid, to the add-on sections, to the monkey knot clusters further out, the history of the town is laid out there.

Locally, You can see the add-ons from at least two oil booms.

[Slide Rule]