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Today's Toons 2/21/11
pookie18:
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In Case You Missed It Dept.:
During an interview on the Today Show, Michelle Obama denied that the President dyed his hair to hide the gray. I believe her. Obama usually leaves the covering-up to Eric Holder.
Bill Maher called Bill O'Reilly "unpatriotic" for interrupting President Obama during his interview. Uh-huh. 3 years ago, he would've called it "speaking truth to power".
Vice President Joe Biden says spending $53 billion on high-speed trains is necessary if we want to "seize the future." Yeah, just like you'd drain all the oil out of a car if you wanted to seize the engine.
During his speech at CPAC, Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels described the federal government's debt as "the new red menace". That's a good name for it, since the left sees the damage it's done in Europe, but still insists it's not a threat to America.
In order to appear bipartisan, President Obama has been quietly inviting Republican Congressmen to White House social events. He'll probably quit that soon, because all they seem to want to do while they're there is measure the drapes.
During a speech in Kentucky, Vice President Joe Biden said the Iranian government should let its people march in the streets like in Egypt. Oops. Obama forgot to tell Joe that this administration only says things like that about our allies.
The UN's Climate Change Panel said that recent heavy snowfalls are NOT the result of global warming, directly contradicting Al Gore's recent statement. Well, the important thing here is that the science is settled.
MSNBC's Chris Matthews said that "it took Obama" for the revolution in Egypt to happen. Yeah, because the key ingredient in any revolution is the guy on the sidelines asking "what's going on?"
In Portland, Oregon, a man ended up in jail after he filmed his speedometer while driving 140 mph. Not too smart. You shouldn't violate a law when there are cameras around. Why do you think the Obamacare debates weren't on C-SPAN?
During his first day on the job, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney chose not to address the White House Press Corps at all. It's being hailed as the most honest White House press briefing of this administration.
DHS Assistant Secretary Juliette Kayyem is urging cable companies to carry the Al-Jazeera network, even though it's full of anti-American propaganda. Guess they figure it'll restore balance if NPR gets defunded.
In England, property owners are being warned not to put wire mesh over their shed windows, because burglars might injure themselves on it while breaking in. Good point. I suggest installing bear traps to keep them away from the dangerous windows.
During his first 2 days on the job, the new White House Press Secretary, Jay Carney, didn't hold a press briefing. Not surprising. Janet Napolitano has been head of Homeland Security for 2 years, and she still hasn't secured anything.
The IRS is hiring 1000 new auditors to "encourage compliance" with Obamacare's crazyquilt of new tax laws. The real question is, how many court rulings against Obamacare will it take to encourage compliance with the Constitution?
Two TSA agents at JFK airport were arrested after it was discovered that they'd stolen $160,000 in cash from passengers' checked bags. Guys, you're supposed to be looking for things that explode, not things that inflate.
Federal Communications Commission chairman Julius Genachowski claims that the government's "net neutrality" policy would create jobs. Unbelievable. Ya know, the only thing these jokers DON'T think creates jobs are the things that actually DO create jobs.
In Wisconsin, 1100 teachers called in "sick" to protest the governor's new budget. I didn't know a lack of pork could cause swine flu.
Democrat lawmakers in Wisconsin left the state to avoid having to vote (and lose) on the governor's austere new budget. Guys, that's not quite what "when the going gets tough, the tough get going" is supposed to mean.
House Republicans voted to get rid of 9 of Obama's "Czars". Obama will probably fix the problem with a little word-shuffle like he always does: hire 'em back and call 'em "El Presidentes"
White House Press Secretary Jay Carney said that the goals of Obama's stimulus package "have been met". Personally, I've always thought of 9% unemployment as more of a national tragedy than a goal.
President Obama said "Abraham Lincoln helped to build the intercontinental railroad in the middle of the Civil War". That must've been before the transcontinental railroad was finished in 1869.
On Twitter, Michael Moore called Madison, Wisconsin the "new Cairo". Huh. I didn't know Iran had thrown its support behind the teachers' unions.
Democrat Congressman Emanuel Cleaver said that what this country needs is a "watchdog group" that would "rank us on our civility". Congressman, in the real world, those are called "voters".
-- Fred Thompson
Hosni Mubarak stepped down as president of Egypt on Friday after eighteen days of massive protests against his rule. He refused to resign until he'd won a list-minute legal victory. The Illinois Supreme Court just ruled he's eligible to run for mayor of Chicago.
CIA Director Leon Panetta guessed wrong Thursday telling Congress that Mubarak would resign that day. He vowed to improve the intelligence-gathering capacity at CIA headquarters. The next day, he told the General Services Administration that every office at the CIA must have cable television no matter what it costs.
Intelligence Director Jim Clapper conceded that the Muslim Brotherhood killed Egypt's last 2 leaders, invented suicide vests and founded al-Qaeda. However, now he says they are a mature secular group. It just proves that the coke was much better back in the Seventies.
Cairo went wild Friday when Egypt's vice president announced that Hosni Mubarak was resigning. He's replaced by a military council headed by the former secret police chief. Argentina is demanding to know why Egypt gets democracy points with this roster and all Argentina ever gets are people noticing the number of German names in their phone book.
President Obama proposed a budget of almost four trillion dollars Monday, pleasing no one. It adds a seven dollar tax on airline tickets to pay for airport screeners. That comes out to three dollars and fifty cents a breast, the same rate Colonel Sanders charges.
The Conservative Political Action Conference heard speeches from GOP candidates Friday as the Mideast roiled. The news outside confused the conservatives at first. When they heard a Muslim president was stepping down, the speakers said nice things about Obama out of chivalry.
Pope Benedict approved a new app that allows Roman Catholics to make confessions over their iPhones Friday. What a rotten trick. It's the sneakiest way ever devised for the FBI to eavesdrop on Chicago politicians and find out where the voters are buried.
The Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt announced plans to form a political party once democracy is established. Just imagine the debates in that party caucus. One faction of the Muslim Brotherhood calls for the destruction of Israel, and that's the pacifist wing.
Hillary Clinton gave bloggers twenty-five million dollars to get around Iran's social network block and encourage freedom. She wants Twitter feeds in Farsi. Hillary's a big fan of Twitter ever since a little birdie told her that Obama doesn't have a birth certificate.
President Obama demanded that Pakistan release a U.S. diplomat who's being held in prison even though he has diplomatic immunity from arrest. The crisis gives Obama a flush. According to Hoyle, you must have a recession, inflation, a cocaine epidemic, the overthrow of an ally in the Middle East and a hostage crisis in order to achieve Carterhood.
House Oversight Chairman Darrell Issa was targeted by a Democratic front group Monday. They created a website to probe his past for any skeletons. Republicans don't have any skeletons in their closet, that's just Alan Simpson looking for his umbrella.
Donald Trump said Wednesday he may run for president as a fiscal conservative. He added he's not a fan of George W. Bush because Bush gave us Obama. That deserves the Oscar for Best Original Angle, because not even Obama ever thought of blaming Obama on Bush.
CBS News covered up the gang rape of CBS reporter Lara Logan in Cairo's Tahrir Square last week. They didn't want to rock the boat until the protesters won. Cairo's Tourism Bureau is already promising visitors that what happens in Egypt stays in Egypt.
Speaker John Boehner and Senate Majority leader Harry Reid argued Thursday over whether Democrats or Republicans should get the blame for a U.S. government shutdown. Both guys have misread the public mood. They should be arguing over who gets the credit.
-- Argus Hamilton
Keith Olbermann has a new job on Al Gore’s Current TV as an investigative reporter. His job will be to find anyone that watches Current TV.
First lady Michelle Obama told “Regis & Kelly” she was expecting jewelry on Valentine's Day. She said it wouldn't be anything extravagant because Barack tends to be responsible when he's spending his own money.
It’s the 40th anniversary of the War on Drugs. Today, California surrendered.
-- Leno
President Obama presented his budget for 2012, though they probably won’t get to it, as they still haven’t passed the budget for 2011.
-- Jimmy Kimmel
Ark. Congressman Steve Womack has proposed getting rid of funding for President Obama’s teleprompter. When Obama finds out, he’s going to be speechless.
-- Jimmy Fallon
The military is now running Egypt. Well, that never goes wrong, does it?
I was at the dog show. I haven’t seen that much tail-chasing since Eliot Spitzer.
-- Letterman
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Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily in Starkville, MS and bought a mule for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.
The next morning the farmer drove up and said,"Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."
Curtis & Leroy replied,"Well, then just give us our money back."
The farmer said,"Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."
The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?"
Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"
Leroy said, "We sure can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"
A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked, "What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"
They said,"We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do."
Leroy said,"Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898."
The farmer said,"My Lord, didn't anyone complain?"
Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset, so we gave him his two dollars back."
Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.
They're overseeing the Bailout Program.
(Thank you, TheOldLady)
Davidfxs:
Good Morning Pookie, Thank you for the Tunes, have a great week.
pookie18:
--- Quote from: Davidfxs on February 21, 2011, 11:44:18 am ---Good Morning Pookie, Thank you for the Tunes, have a great week.
--- End quote ---
Mornin', my pleasure & the same to you, David! Looks like "Indian Spring" is over...
Oceander:
Yeah pookie!
Man, two good points up today:
1) Vice President Joe Biden says spending $53 billion on high-speed trains is necessary if we want to "seize the future." Yeah, just like you'd drain all the oil out of a car if you wanted to seize the engine.
2) In England, property owners are being warned not to put wire mesh over their shed windows, because burglars might injure themselves on it while breaking in. Good point. I suggest installing bear traps to keep them away from the dangerous windows.
To the second one: wha.....?
Sure enough, there it is, in black and white. My favorite bit:
--- Quote ---Some have been warned by police that using wire mesh to reinforce shed windows was ''dangerous’’ and could lead to criminals claiming compensation if they ''hurt themselves’’.
--- End quote ---
pookie18:
--- Quote from: Oceander on February 21, 2011, 01:19:19 pm ---Yeah pookie!
--- End quote ---
Mornin', Oceander!
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