The Babylon Bee Presents: A Back-To-School Shopping List For Your Liberal Child
August 9th, 2021 - BabylonBee.com
The day you have dreaded is finally here! It's time to send your progressive kids into that COVID-infected world of white supremacy known as public school. Will a bully misgender them? Will they meet enough sexual partners? It can be a scary time, but it's slightly less scary if you're prepared. Here's what you should have on your shopping list:
-Extra kleenex in case there are no conservative students nearby to drink their tears: Conservatives are usually walking around with special tumblers for catching delicious liberal tears, but your child should be prepared-- just in case they aren't around.
-Ziplock baggies of Kale: Every good liberal keeps at least a few of these on hand to fuel their rage at heteronormative white supremacy. Be sure to stock up on extra kombucha as well.
-A brown paper bag: This should be used to cover your child's head if they're white.
-Bricks and Molotovs for the anti-school-choice protest their teacher is organizing: Make sure your kid is prepared for the most important life skill: protesting!
-A coffin, since they will probably die of COVID: If your liberal kid is going to school, they will definitely get COVID and die. Be sure and have their last will and testament ready to go as well.
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