Author Topic: Humor/Jokes  (Read 12802 times)

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Offline verga

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #575 on: January 05, 2024, 12:29:21 pm »
Nailed it.  Women are wired by details, men-big pic stuff, no details.
With my engineering background and machinist training I have to be wired for both the big pictures and the tiny details. Sometimes that makes Vergette a little crazy. 
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Offline sneakypete

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #576 on: January 05, 2024, 12:52:59 pm »
That is hilarious.  But i recently did an Alanis Morrissette album review that I discussed how men and women are wired beyond the age old "toilet seat up or down" debate......

It took me 6 months of dating my wife to understand that it is understood that when we order our food, that we share with each other, so we can get a variety.  Man did that ever piss me off.  When she finally broke the news of that expectation, I snapped back that if I wanted that, I'd order that, and bug off. 

Well, we all know how those things go.   :thud:    How many of you have dealt with the same.?

@catfish1957

Yeah.

How did THAT work out for you?
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Offline bigheadfred

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #577 on: March 07, 2024, 08:37:38 pm »
I sat next to a baby for a 10 hour flight.
I didn't think it was possible for someone to scream for 10 hours straight.

Even the baby was impressed I pulled it off.
She asked me name my foe then. I said the need within some men to fight and kill their brothers without thought of Love or God. Ken Hensley

Offline Smokin Joe

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #578 on: March 07, 2024, 08:39:49 pm »
I sat next to a baby for a 10 hour flight.
I didn't think it was possible for someone to scream for 10 hours straight.

Even the baby was impressed I pulled it off.
:silly:
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Offline Cyber Liberty

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #579 on: March 07, 2024, 09:03:08 pm »
I sat next to a baby for a 10 hour flight.
I didn't think it was possible for someone to scream for 10 hours straight.

Even the baby was impressed I pulled it off.

:happyhappy:
For unvaccinated, we are looking at a winter of severe illness and death — if you’re unvaccinated — for themselves, their families, and the hospitals they’ll soon overwhelm. Sloe Joe Biteme 12/16
I will NOT comply.
 
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Offline rustynail

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #580 on: March 28, 2024, 06:14:06 pm »

Offline sneakypete

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #581 on: March 28, 2024, 10:50:35 pm »
She is higher than a  Georgia  pine.
Anyone who isn't paranoid in 2021 just isn't thinking clearly!

Offline Smokin Joe

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #582 on: March 29, 2024, 02:34:20 am »
She is higher than a  Georgia  pine.
Either that, or she's been hitting the firewater...
How God must weep at humans' folly! Stand fast! God knows what he is doing!
Seventeen Techniques for Truth Suppression

Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.

C S Lewis

Offline berdie

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #583 on: March 29, 2024, 08:32:33 pm »
What tree has the best kind of bark?

A dogwood

(Dad joke, lol)

Offline 240B

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #584 on: March 29, 2024, 08:49:59 pm »
You cannot "COEXIST" with people who want to kill you.
If they kill their own with no conscience, there is nothing to stop them from killing you.
Rational fear and anger at vicious murderous Islamic terrorists is the same as irrational antisemitism, according to the Leftists.

Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #585 on: March 30, 2024, 05:31:39 pm »
    If yall are gonna make @sneakypete a Category Moderator, My time in here won't be for long.  Can he BAN me?       :rolling:

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Offline Sighlass

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #586 on: March 30, 2024, 05:45:02 pm »
I sat next to a baby for a 10 hour flight.
I didn't think it was possible for someone to scream for 10 hours straight.

Even the baby was impressed I pulled it off.

Such a simple joke that even a week later still has me laughing... I tried telling it to my boy, but he didn't get it fast enough and it was just awkward. Uggg....
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Offline Hoodat

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #587 on: April 07, 2024, 02:28:41 am »
If a political party does not have its foundation in the determination to advance a cause that is right and that is moral, then it is not a political party; it is merely a conspiracy to seize power.

-Dwight Eisenhower-


"The [U.S.] Constitution is a limitation on the government, not on private individuals ... it does not prescribe the conduct of private individuals, only the conduct of the government ... it is not a charter for government power, but a charter of the citizen's protection against the government."

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Offline rustynail

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #588 on: May 07, 2024, 12:45:44 am »
Laugh or cry?

Blade-Less Swiss Army Knife Debuts As Weapon Laws Tighten

In a world that is fracturing into a multipolar state, with risks of world war erupting in either Eastern Europe or the Middle East, continued threats of conflict in the Pacific, and the migrant invasion across Western countries, the company behind the iconic half-century-old fold-up tool, the Swiss Army Knife, will soon debut a blade-less version because of regulations.

Victorinox Chief Executive Officer Carl Eisner told Swiss paper Blick on Monday that its Swiss Army Knife will soon be available without a blade due to mounting regulations in European and Asian countries amid a surge in violence.

https://www.zerohedge.com/political/how-ridiculous-blade-less-swiss-army-knife-debuts-weapon-laws-tighten

Offline Cyber Liberty

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #589 on: May 07, 2024, 12:52:32 am »
This is a crime against humanity.

For unvaccinated, we are looking at a winter of severe illness and death — if you’re unvaccinated — for themselves, their families, and the hospitals they’ll soon overwhelm. Sloe Joe Biteme 12/16
I will NOT comply.
 
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Offline ChemEngrMBA

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #590 on: May 07, 2024, 01:03:14 am »
Humorous, silly, crazy and useless are window stickers on automobiles that read:


BABY ON BOARD


as if we intended to plow into that particular car, but now since we see it has a "baby on board,"
we have to swerve and hit ANOTHER car instead.

Next time you see that stupid sticker, you will remember my ass toot observation.


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Offline corbe

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #591 on: May 07, 2024, 02:04:47 pm »
Quote
John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of my life between the legs of my wife!”
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night. He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the best toast of the night”
She said, “Oh, that’s great! And what was your toast?”
John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of my life sitting in church beside my wife.”
“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”
She nodded and said, “Yes, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”
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Offline mountaineer

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Re: Humor/Jokes
« Reply #592 on: May 07, 2024, 02:39:53 pm »
This is a crime against humanity.
The TSA morons still  will seize the knifeless Swiss Army non-knife. Those tiny little scissors are a weapon,  y'know. TSA seized my then-80 y/o mother's nail scissors when we were en route to Mayo Clinic for her cancer checkup.  She seemed dangerous to them.
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