The Branch Covidians
The Branch Covidian cult only differs from typical cults in one way: its leaders are remarkably uncharismatic.
By Peter D'Abrosca
March 21, 2021
It’s the largest cult that’s ever existed.
One year ago, the entire non-thinking population of the planet—the people who walk through life without questioning much, viewing reality through a warped prism distorted by unimpressive cable news anchors of average intellect—banded together to do what they do best: take orders.
They’re called the Branch Covidians, and as with all other cultists, it doesn’t matter how many false prophecies are spewed by their leaders. In their own minds, they still manage to justify following the directions of the people in charge.
As with any other cult, it’s not that its members can’t see the writing on the wall. They recognize the outright lies of their leaders as those lies are exposed in real time, but they’ve so invested themselves in the cause that they can’t bear to part ways with the lifestyle.
Last week, the Branch Covidians learned that the whole “six feet for social distancing†thing was fabricated out of thin air. You know, that guideline that every single business, school, place of worship, or other indoor structure in the entire country that managed to remain open during the pandemic annoyingly forced its occupants to uphold? Indeed, “six feet for social distancing†was one of the four pillars of the Branch Covidians, alongside lockdowns, mask mandates, and scrubbing your hands until your skin falls off.
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