Author Topic: SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: February 14, 2021 Edition  (Read 567 times)

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Offline John Semmens

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SEMI-NEWS/SEMI-SATIRE: February 14, 2021 Edition
« on: February 13, 2021, 02:11:01 AM »
Cuomo Expects to 'Skate' for Nursing Home Deaths

The recent admission by Melissa DeRosa, secretary to Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D-NY), that the management of the COVID pandemic was bungled and then covered up, has brought demands that Cuomo be impeached and prosecuted. The admission was contained in a phone conversation with the state's leading Democrats in which DeRosa apologized for causing political difficulties for the Party.

Rep. Elise Stefanik (R-NY) said "a tragic error in judgment followed by intentional deception cannot be swept into the 'memory hole.' Nine thousand people needlessly died because of this error. Honesty in the early stages of the pandemic could have led to a life-saving change of course. The decision to brazen it out in order not to dim the political aspirations of the Governor was criminal obstruction of justice. The perpetrators of these crimes must be held accountable."

DeRosa pointed out that "Stefanik's acknowledgment that this was a 'tragic error in judgment' admits that there was no criminal intent. The decision to mislead the general public was not done just to protect the Governor's future political viability. It was done out of patriotic concern that the tragedy would be used to reflect badly on Democrats in general and aid in the reelection of the most dangerous man to ever hold the office of President of the United States."

Cuomo himself has argued that "no permanent damage was done. All of the nursing home victims were old folks near the end of their lives. It was only a matter of time—and not much time at that—before they all would've died anyway. By hushing up news about what happened we did the nation a much greater service by focusing the blame for COVID on Trump and inducing voters to deny him reelection, thereby, prevented an extension of his tyranny over America."

DeRosa brushed aside the potential threat of impeachment and prosecution, saying "with Democrat majorities in both the New York Assembly and Senate, a Democrat State Attorney General, and total Democrat control of the federal government I don't see how anyone could expect either of these punitive outcomes to transpire. On top of this, if worst comes to worst the Governor can pardon himself for any crimes successfully prosecuted at the state level and President Biden can pardon him for any alleged federal offenses. Luckily, our friends in the major media are not giving much coverage to this over-hyped controversy."

In other COVID news, the Biden White House leaked former President Trump's medical records to the media. These records showed that Trump's COVID case was more serious than he let on last October. Press Secretary Jen Psaki called Trump's effort to downplay the extent of his illness "a shameful attempt to mislead voters heading into the November election. Clearly it was done for political reasons. A big part of Trump's campaign focused on the supposed infirmities of Joe Biden. While this deception didn't fool enough voters to change the outcome, nevertheless it was a dirty trick of the sort that Republicans routinely deploy during elections."

Dems Use Forged "Evidence" in Impeachment Case

Though many in the media have called the case against Trump put forth by House Democrats "impressive" and "persuasive," careful attention to detail has revealed repeated misleading editing of the video presentations and the alteration of content in some tweets to make it appear that people were saying something other than what they actually posted.

In the splicing of shots from Trump's address to the Jan. 6th rally with shots of the riot at the Capitol, the President's request that his supporters walk over to the Capitol and "peacefully and patriotically" make their voices heard was edited out. His urging that they "fight for our country"--a phrase used by many Democrats in many speeches both before and after election day—was cast as an incitement to physically fight members of Congress.

Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-Calif), one of the impeachment prosecutors, showed a doctored version of a tweet posted by Trump supporter Jennifer Lawrence. Her original tweet used the word "Calvary." Swalwell changed this to "cavalry" to imply that she was bringing an armed contingent to the Capitol. Calvary is the place where Jesus was crucified. Swalwell defended his editing, saying that "the ill-educated deplorables that make up the bulk of Trump's supporters don't know the difference between these two similar sounding words. It is my contention that 'Calvary' was a 'dog whistle' to these ignorant people urging them to attack their rulers."

Rep Jamie Raskin (D-Md) charged that Trump's supporters burned a Washington DC church the month before the riot at the Capitol. Actually, the historic St John's Church in Washington, DC was set on fire in May of 2020 during a protest over the death of George Flyod while in the custody of Minneapolis police. Raskin insisted that "the point is that it is the racist environment nurtured by Trump that has been the cause of all the violence we've seen since he took office. So, even if Trump's supporters didn't actually set fire to a church, they are part of a culture that could easily stoop to such a heinous criminal act."

Son Barred from Swearing-in Ceremony

Newly reelected Rep. Claudia Tenney's (R-NY) request that her son be allowed to attend her swearing-in ceremony was denied by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif). "All I wanted was for him to be allowed a seat in the gallery that overlooks the floor of the House," Tenney said.

Pelosi claimed that "allowing this person into the Capitol wasn't worth the risk. Her son is a Marine and a graduate of the US Naval Academy. As we all know, about half of the members of our armed forces are likely supporters of Trump. In this particular case, we know that her son--Wayne "Trey" Ralph Cleary III—not only has a suspiciously different last name, he also received a personal phone call from Trump when he was deployed to Iraq in 2017. As a US Marine, this man is a trained killer. Given how close we all came to death at the hands of a Trump mob just a month ago I didn't think we should put such a dangerous person within striking distance of so many defenseless members of Congress."

In other news, the Speaker is facing accusations of illegal insider-trading after her husband made a timely purchase of a million dollars worth of stock in electric car manufacturing companies just days before the Biden admiration announced that it will replace the federal government's fleet with all electric vehicles. Pelosi defended herself by saying "my husband makes all the investment decisions in our household. We may from time discuss what's happening in each other's lives, but I never tell him how to invest our money. Even if I did tell him, everyone knows that the salaries we get from our government jobs are inadequate compensation for all we do for this country. Profits from investments are a much needed and deserved supplement that doesn't cost taxpayers a dime."

Dem Bill Mandates "Smarter" Guns

Rep. Carolyn Maloney (D-NY) has introduced legislation—the Handgun Trigger Safety Act—that would require all newly manufactured firearms to be so-called "smart guns." A second mandate is for all firearms in existence to be retrofitted with "smart gun" technology within the next ten years.

"The insurrection at the Capitol has reminded all of us that the hundreds of millions of guns in private hands across America pose a substantial threat against democracy," Maloney asserted. "The police and troops we depend upon to protect the government from hostile opposition could easily be outnumbered and outgunned. If we mandate that all weapons have smart gun technology the police and troops could simply deactivate all these weapons with a remote flick of a switch."

Maloney contrasted her approach to Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee's (D-Tex) "old fashioned gun registry requirement bill. Knowing who has guns is useful, but the task of confiscating them is fraught with danger. My smart gun bill would essentially automate confiscation by enabling government authorities to deactivate all guns in private hands."

Lee contends that "Carolyn misrepresents my bill. In addition to a national registry of gun owners, my bill codifies the rules of engagement President Obama laid down for our troops in Afghanistan. Namely, the purported victim of a crime may not fire first. If he is fired upon he must call the FBI hotline and request permission to return fire. Only if he can persuade the FBI agent who takes his call that returning fire is absolutely necessary will permission be granted. So, as you can see, my bill isn't as 'old fashioned' as Carolyn claims."

Smart guns are currently available in the marketplace, but they are unpopular with gun buyers who fear that the added layer of technology could fail at an inopportune moment. And there have been reports that smart guns can be hacked or jammed via radio waves.

Maloney said "the reluctance of consumers to willingly purchase smart guns is the primary reason we need a law requiring them to. The ability to jam these weapons remotely is a feature, not a flaw of my legislation. If a smart gun fails in the hands of a private citizen the potential consequence is tolerable. An individual gets robbed, raped, or murdered, but the collective society survives. If a privately held weapon can be neutralized by government authorities a rebellion can be quelled and democracy saved. This greater public purpose argues for passing my bill as quickly as possible. I'm hoping that my Republican colleagues will see that, as a matter of unity, it is in all our interests to be able to fend off those who might want to oust those who rule over them."

States With Open Economies "Disunifying the Country"

Concerned that states like Florida, which has relatively few COVID restrictions, are, as the President says, "disunifying the country," the Biden Administration is reportedly weighing whether to implement travel bans for these states.

Press Secretary Jen Psaki explained that "the President believes that strong measures are needed if the country expects to ever emerge from the pandemic. Strong measures he'd like to see are a consistent shutdown of all nonessential activities, around-the-clock mask wearing—preferably more than one mask at a time held in place by a leg of pantyhose pulled over the head, and tattling on non-compliant neighbors. Some states, like New York, have already locked-in these strong measures. Why should sensible states have to endure the risk of travelers arriving from disease havens like Florida, South Dakota and the like?"

Gov. Ron DeSantis (R-Fla) called the proposed ban "unconstitutional, unwise, and unjust. Ensuring the people's liberty is the only legitimate reason for the federal government's existence. Demanding that liberty be infringed in order to comply with a lame 'unity' concept requiring unquestioning obedience is a perversion of basic principles and an abuse of power. It is especially egregious that Biden has decreed that illegal entry into this country will be expanded and expedited by waiving the COVID tests that he says Americans should have to pass before being free to move about the country."

Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla) labeled the potential ban "an outrageous, authoritarian move that has no basis in law or science. Instead, it would only serve to inflict severe and devastating economic pain on an already damaged economy."

"The President has already threatened to withhold vaccine shipments to states if they don't fall in line with his preferences," Psaki warned. "DeSantis' vow not to comply with the President's wishes ventures into dangerous territory. The last guys who defied federal authority provoked a punitive invasion of troops ordered by President Lincoln. In our opinion, the contemplated travel ban is a much milder sanction than these rebellious states deserve."

Biden's Respect for China Applauded

China's Xinhua news agency and the Global Times state newspaper both praised Mr. Biden's "amazing show of respect for China and President Xi Jinping. Even when Xi was eating his lunch Joe was appropriately respectful, though he did mysteriously mumble 'if Oliver Twist can have pudding, then the God Damned President of the United States ought to have pudding.' Xi was puzzled and wanted to know who this privileged Mr. Twist is. This aside, the communication between the two leaders was a dramatic contrast to the disrespect shown to China by Mr. Trump. Trump was repeatedly and inharmoniously pushing his America first agenda. Biden acknowledges the hegemony of China and is willing to work with us to build back a better unity."

Xinhua said "Xi was especially pleased by Mr. Biden's restoration of the Confucius Institutes' indoctrination and propaganda roles that had been previously curtailed by Trump. Mr. Biden understands that cooperation between our countries will be enhanced if both parties are in tune with Chinese wisdom. He recognizes that a country thousands of years old has a lot to teach a country barely over 200 years old."

"Xi was also impressed by Mr. Biden's agreement that China's treatment of the filthy sub-human Uighurs was strictly an internal matter," Xinhua reported. "This clears the path for more fertile progress toward China's global dominance. And killing the Keystone Pipeline means more Canadian oil will flow to us. Meanwhile, Mr. Biden has put America on the road to higher energy prices for less reliable wind and solar power. On top of agreeing to let America bear most of the burden of the fight against global climate change, Mr. Biden has also generously made China eligible for a share of his $1.9 billion COVID bailout stimulus package. His capacity for meeting our needs is unmatched by any previous American president."

Biden did raise what he called "one serious matter of protocol. They should be calling me Mr. President or President Biden, not just Mr. Biden. If I have to draw a line in the sand that's where I'll draw it next time we talk."