So many on the run and going nowhere and likely to be canceled by summer.In Major League Baseball, teams are limited to 25 players. (The number increases next year to 26.) To keep track of the athletes for the fans watching the game, the players wear uniforms with numbers. Babe Ruth famously wore number 3, Lou Gehrig 4, Joe DiMaggio 5, and Mickey Mantle 7. Others who grew up outside New York similarly never will forget the numbers their heroes wore: Hank Greenberg 5, Stan Musial 6, Ted Williams 9, Willie Mays 24, Sandy Koufax 32, Hank Aaron 44. Nowadays, thanks to public education, both the players and the fans have difficulty with numbers once they reach double digits, so the players’ names now also are sewn on the uniforms. Given the reading scores of this generation and the further deleterious impact of texting (OMG!), tweeting (LOL), and other social media — WT[ph] — soon the players will have to be identified instead by their social media avatars or twitter handles.
1. Can’t Tell 23 Players Without a Scorecard, So Need to Assign Them Numbers
The Democrats’ Presidential field now has reached baseball proportions, with 23 Kids and Counting. It is time for them to wear uniforms with numbers. Listing the team alphabetically:
Joe Biden —10, for apologizing (so far) for: (i) previously supporting a decent crime prevention bill, (ii) once insisting that Clarence Thomas be treated fairly amid the Anita Hill Circus, (iii) previously abiding a “White man’s culture,†(iv) once plagiarizing a Neil Kinnock speech, (v) often putting his nose into women’s hair to smell it, (vi) previously calling Mike Pence a “decent guy,†(vii) urging a border fence to protect America from “corrupt Mexico,†(viii) previously opposing busing to desegregate schools, (ix) claiming that Iowa schools are better than D.C. schools because Iowa has fewer Black students and that Black mothers, from the time their children are born, do not talk to them; and eventually apologizing for (x) coercing the Ukraine government to fire a prosecutor who was looking into massive corruption that saw millions of dollars going to Biden’s son, Hunter, and millions more to his associates.
Cory Booker — 3, for the base he never reached after rounding second when taking advantage of a drunk female acquaintance and groping her private parts in an incident he wrote about.
Steve Bullock — 2, for the number of utterly unknown governors, including him, seeking the nomination after he announced.
Pete Buttigieg — 0, for his polling support among African Americans in South Carolina.
Julian Castro — 39, for the year that Congress passed the Hatch Act, which the Office of Special Counsel found that Castro violated while serving in the Obama cabinet.
Bill de Blasio — 32, for the millions he has proposed spending on curtailing his city’s rat population that has taken root during his tenure (alternatively: 23, for the 23-minute subway delay he personally encountered on the one time he rode the subway with media accompaniment to see whether the frequency and extent of daily subway delays is as bad as all media report).
John Delaney — 6, for the Maryland Congressional District he stopped representing last year so that he could devote all his time exclusively to becoming nationally known and famous.
Kirsten Gillibrand — 4, for the number of her staffers who reported or confirmed that the #MeToo Senator’s personal chauffeur, Abbas Malik, whom Gillibrand repeatedly failed to fire or even discipline until the story broke inPolitico, regularly made misogynistic comments, rape jokes, and otherwise sexually harassed women in Gillibrand’s office.
Kamala #MeTooAlso Harris — 69, for sleeping her way into public life with the married Willie Brown, shamelessly humiliating his wife during the public affair that was reported openly in the media at the time.
John Hickenlooper — 52, for the percent increase in marijuana-related emergency department visits since Colorado legalized pot.
Jay Inslee — 1, for the number of utterly unknown governors, including him, seeking the nomination after he announced.
Amy Klobuchar — 24, for the number of teeth in a Hairmax Professional 12 comb, like the one she used to eat salads and then forced her aides to hand- wash and sterilize.
Robert “Play-Doh†O’Rourke — 71, for the number of millions he raised and blew in losing his one significant election race (alternatively: 8, for the number of ear hairs that even his most stubborn die-hards could bear watching cut from his lobes before needing to heave, hurl, retch, and puke).
Bernie Sanders — 17, for the year of the Bolshevik Revolution (alternatively: 20, for the millions murdered by Stalin).
Elizabeth Warren — 10, for the number of Indians in the song and the Agatha Christie novel.
While other uniform numbers still are being sorted out for Andrew Yang, Tulsi Gabbard, Michael Bennet, Seth Moulton, Eric Swalwell, Tim Ryan, Wayne Messam, and Marianne Williamson — and with West Virginia State Senator Richard Ojeda having returned his jersey, barely worn — the question arises: Why are so many mediocrities and drones seeking an office they cannot possibly handle, much less win?
https://spectator.org/23-kids-and-counting-the-game-of-drones/
