January 7
Gore Says Bitter Cold Confirms Global Warming
Former Vice-President Al Gore confidently brushed aside the possibility that this past week's bitter cold across much of North America might indicate that the global warming he has profitably been hyping for the last 15+ years could be mistaken.
"The theory of global warming, or climate crisis as I now like to call it, postulates that any change in the weather merely confirms the global warming hypothesis," Gore declared. "The most important action anyone can take at this time is to continue to buy copies of my books and movies explaining how it all fits together."
Meanwhile, observations of solar output show a pattern of decreasing heat reaching Earth from the sun. Many climate scientists are predicting that a global cooling trend for the next several decades seems more likely than a continuation of the warming trend Gore has been warning must be addressed by massive government regulations aimed at "lowering the excessively indulgent lifestyles enjoyed by Americans." Strangely, despite railing against the general public's bad behavior, Gore's own lifestyle is far more indulgent than that of average American consumers who possess neither energy-guzzling palatial estates nor their own personal jet aircraft.
In another holier-than-thou incident, England's Prince William urged commoners "to reduce the number of children they bear in order to save the Earth from an excess of surplus population." That the Prince's wife is currently pregnant with their third child has led some to call the Prince a hypocrite. The Prince rebuffed the accusation by pointing out that "my children are assured the means to have fruitful and meaningful lives. The same cannot be said for the common run of mankind who must despoil the planet just to make a living."
January 14
Trump Named Top Enemy of Press
The Committee to Protect Journalists (CPJ) named Donald Trump the "top global press oppressor." The award was considered an upset win. Regimes like China where journalists are jailed for criticizing the government, Turkey, which has surpassed China as the world's biggest jailer of journalists, and Russia where reporters frequently are murdered are expected to lodge protests.
Turkish Prime Minister Tayyip Erdogan complained "we have worked very hard to be the best oppressors. We have more reporters in prison than any other country. I could understand being edged out by Russia or China with their lengthy pedigrees for dealing with nettlesome journalists, but the United States? The biggest accomplishment I'm aware of was Obama's spying on journalists. That's NOTHING! The Committee is showing unfair favoritism."
CPJ Executive Director Joel Simon defended the organization's selection of Trump, arguing that "no other tyrant has done more to undermine our credibility. In fact, it could be argued that jailing or killing reporters martyrs them and enhances the media's credibility. But Trump's tagging us with the 'fake news' label has caused more damage than any other regime has ever achieved."
A recent study from the Pew Research Center seems to bear out Simon's contention. According to the study the US ranks first in the perception of media bias. Only 21% of Trump supporters think the media treats political issues fairly. Fifty-five percent of Trump opponents see the media as fairly dealing with political issues. The 34% spread is the largest in the world.
January 21
Administration to Allow Doctors to Refuse to Perform Abortions
The Trump Administration is crafting new regulations that would reverse Obama Administration rules compelling doctors to perform abortions. The Department of Health and Human Services will establish a division of "conscience and religious freedom protections" within its Office for Civil Rights. Under the new rules, medical personnel could refuse to participate in procedures that violate their faith or conscience.
Adora Slaughter, spokesperson for Planned Parenthood Federation of America, called the reversal "a betrayal of the rights granted to women by the Supreme Court's Roe vs. Wade decision and actualized by President Obama's Affordable Care Act. A woman who wants to terminate her pregnancy should not be forced to find a doctor willing to carry out the procedure. All doctors are licensed by the state. The government has a right and an obligation to require them to perform every kind of medical procedure approved by the AMA. To say that a doctor or nurse can refuse supplants the socially determined judgment of the state with the idiosyncratic judgment of selfish individuals. It's a step backward toward barbarism."
"The right to terminate an unwanted child is the most fundamental civil right," Slaughter added. "That Health and Human Services would crush this right via an agency within the Office for Civil Rights stands justice on its head. It will condemn millions of women to unwanted motherhood—effectively reintroducing the involuntary servitude that was abolished by the Civil War and the Constitution's 13th Amendment."
January 28
Dems Reject President's DACA Proposal
The Trump proposal to extend a path to citizenship for 1.8 illegal immigrants brought to the United States as children was assailed by key Democrats this week.
Senate Minority Whip Dick Durbin (D-Ill) called the proposal "far short of anything I could agree to. What about the other 30 million undocumented persons living in this country? Where's the path to citizenship for them. On top of this, Trump's 'deal' would require us to agree to fund beefed up border security, limit chain migration, and end the visa lottery—blocking millions of future migrants from enjoying the same opportunity that he would selfishly restrict to a relatively few 'worthy' dreamers."
Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) denounced Trump's proposal as "a cynical ploy to place the interests of current citizens ahead of those hoping to become future citizens. He's asking Democrats to accept a mere 1.8 million new voters as the price of us consenting to block 30 million or more new voters. This is far short of 'half-a-loaf.' Polls show that the majority of Americans are with us on this issue. We will use Trump's insulting proposal to win the 2018 elections, take back congress and advance the progress of our efforts to oust the usurper."
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) labeled Trump's proposal "heartless. His plan is to give preference to the competent and productive among the dreamers when it is the incompetent and unproductive who are most in need of the benefits we can afford to provide. The welfare programs south of the border are pitifully inadequate. Trump would target those who seek the better life they can live under the generosity of our government for deportation. This is unconstitutionally both cruel and unusual punishment for the tens of millions who have endured the severe hardships of trekking across the border."
February 4
Fidel Castro Jr. Commits Suicide, Trump Blamed
This week, the 68-year-old son of the late Cuban dictator Fidel Castro committed suicide. Though communism enabled his famous father to amass a billion dollar personal fortune, "Fidelito" was said by friends to have become depressed upon realizing "that Yankee bastard is right. My country is a sh*thole."
Long-time compadre, Vacio Cabeza professed himself "mystified. He wanted for nothing. We lived like kings. Admittedly, life is kind of tough for the average Cuban, but what does that matter to men like us? Why should we care what Trump said about Cuba?"
Reminded that Trump did not explicitly include Cuba in his complaint about "bringing in so many people from these sh*thole countries," Cabeza retorted, "we aren't stupid. Look around you. Why do you think so many Cubans try to paddle their way to America? With Fidelito gone I might have to try the same thing. Who will pick up the tab for me now?"
Fidelito's uncle and current Cuban dictator Raul Castro is reported to have set up "suicide hotlines to assist fellow comrades who may wish to follow my nephew's example. Surely, there are others who have even greater reasons for wanting out than our beloved Fidelito."
Raul lamented that "I partially blame myself for not suppressing Trump's scurrilous remarks, but then what could I do. It's not like the old days when we could just execute people who spread capitalist propaganda. There are just too many of them these days. The imperialists have infiltrated fantastical images of the prosperity that exists outside our island paradise and fomented disloyalty everywhere."
February 11
Dem Explains Why FBI Abuses Not Worse than Watergate
With evidence piling up that the FBI abused the FISA court process to spy on the Trump campaign, comparison to the 1972 Nixon campaign's effort to spy on his Democratic opponent's campaign have been suggested. Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Calif) has labeled the comparison as "absurd."
"Look, the Watergate operation was conducted by burglars," Schiff pointed out. "Those guys had no prior authorization to spy on Sen. McGovern's campaign. The FBI had the FISA court's permission to spy on the Trump campaign. For Republicans to try to compare the two events is totally unwarranted."
Schiff similarly disposed of allegations that the FBI lied to the FISA court, saying that "federal law enforcement personnel have the right and the obligation to lie if that is what is deemed necessary to protect national security or to apprehend criminal suspects. As the unredacted FBI texts and emails reveal, agents working for the FBI honestly believed that the election of Donald Trump posed a dire threat to US national security. Consequently, the agency's actions aimed at thwarting that outcome cannot be used as evidence against them even if they lied to the court and violated the civil rights of any individual."
Sen. Ron Johnson (R-Wis), chairman of the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee, called Schiff's rationale "disturbing. Its acceptance of the idea that federal police can use deception to obtain court permission to spy on Americans involved in a political campaign acquiesces in the same type of abuse we saw in the Watergate case, but on a much broader scale. For Mr. Schiff to try to excuse it because it was carried out under cover of law essentially endorses official interference in the democratic process of voting. It subverts government of the people and replaces it with the kind of police-state tactics that characterized Communist rule under the former Soviet Union."
February 18
Oprah Says She Won't Run for President
Daytime TV personality Oprah Winfrey's assertion that she will not run for president in 2020 "because if God actually wanted me to run, wouldn't God kinda tell me? And I haven't heard that. I had a lot of wealthy men calling, telling me that they would run my campaign and raise $1 billion for me, but it's just not in my spirit."
Joy Behar, a panelist on ABC's The View talk show, called Oprah's remarks "insane. It's the kind of thing we'd expect to come out of Vice-President Pence's mouth. What can she be thinking putting the imaginary words of some spook in the sky ahead of a billion dollar campaign war chest? I mean, if she were the president she could give everyone a brand new car. To my mind, that would be a winning issue and a great economic program. To take herself out of the running like she has is just plain nuts."
In Congress, Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Calif) charged God with racism. "Why is God telling the greatest black woman in America not to run for president? He let a white woman run." Waters vowed to introduce legislation to remove the phrase "in God we trust" from US currency. "How can any right-thinking American trust God after the horrible message he gave Oprah?"
February 25
Chicago ID Card Will Allow Illegals to Vote
In a bid to "harness the political potential of adding hundreds of thousands of new Democratic voters," the City of Chicago has authorized government-issued photo ID cards for all residents, including "undocumented persons" in the country illegally.
State Board of Elections spokesman Matt Dietrich said "the determination of who will be allowed to vote will be in the hands of local election authorities. There is no state law requiring proof of citizenship in order to register to vote. All you have to do is check a box on the voter registration form that says 'yes, I am a citizen.'"
Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel called the card "an ingenious counter to the Trump Administration's efforts to deny voting rights to immigrants, the homeless and those recently released from prison. There are 109 different local election authorities in Illinois. There's no way his federal goons can keep track of what all of these dispersed centers of election registrations are doing. Between this ID card and our sanctuary city policy I'm hopeful that we will make it impossible for any Republican to win any elective office in the state."
March 4
Guv Disputes "Worst Quality of Life" Finding
This week, a report published by U.S. News on the quality of life in the United States ranked the State of California dead last—behind even the renowned "arm pit" State of New Jersey. "High rents, high taxes, and insufferable inhabitants" were cited as key low points contributing to California's last place finish.
"In many of the cities even cramped and dumpy apartments can cost thousands per month in rent," the report commented. "It should be no surprise that homelessness in Los Angeles County has increased by 75% over the last six years. What is surprising is that public defecation has become the norm in many parts of what were once among the most admired cities in America."
Gov. Jerry Brown (D) disagreed with the U.S. News report's conclusions. "I challenge their frame of reference," he said. "They're mired in a myopic perspective that focuses on how much it costs to live here and have the amenities of a middle class lifestyle. What they overlook is that our state is pioneering the transition toward getting in step with the rest of the world, not keeping up with the Joneses in other states. U.S. News sees a rise in homelessness through a materialistic lens. I see it as regressing to the mean of how the majority of people on this planet live."
"Discomfort and bad sanitation are the norm for most of the world," Brown pointed out. "The easy life to which so many Americans have become accustomed is abnormal. I don't see California as lagging the rest of the states. I see us leading the way toward a mode of living that is more natural and environmentally friendly. Living in a box in a public park or under a bridge has a smaller carbon footprint than busting your butt to be able to afford a mortgage on a house. I foresee an America where nearly everyone except Democrat donors adopts the new California lifestyle. I'm proud to have been able to play a leadership role in paving the way."
March 11
Schools Struggle with Religious Intolerance
Contrasting styles of how to cope with differing religions in schools were demonstrated recently in Massachusetts and Germany.
In Massachusetts librarians at Simmons College in Boston issued The Anti-Oppression Library Guide to promote equality and limit religious persecution. The Guide urges students to "refrain from using trigger words like 'Merry Christmas' or 'God bless you' after someone sneezes because these words constitute microaggressions against Muslims. Muslims don't celebrate Christmas. And the notion that God should bless a non-Muslim is offensive to their faith."
The Guide warns that "even unintentional or inadvertent use of such trigger words could unleash a violent response that Muslims would regard as fully justified. As far as Islam is concerned, unbelievers are subhumans who must submit to Muslim dominance or face extermination. It is best that confrontations on these matters be avoided if at all possible."
In contrast, in the Peter Petersen Elementary School in Neukölln, Germany the Muslim majority students routinely bully non-Muslim classmates for insulting Islam by eating non-halal food like ham sandwiches or Gummy Bears, or for being Jewish. School principal Hildegard Greif-Gross complains that "the rights of native Germans are being abused by these ungrateful immigrants. We are giving them an education that far surpasses what was available to them in the countries they emigrated from. Rather than appreciating what we are doing for them they are importing the barbaric ways of the countries they left behind."
Local Imam Mulhed Ashat condemned the principal's complaint, calling it "an insult to Islam. Kafirs have no right to criticize any Muslim for any reason. Allah gave all the world to his believers. Her life is forfeit to the first righteous Muslim who chooses to slay her."
March 18
Job Openings Hit New Record
This week the US Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that job openings increased to a record 6.3 million. The number of openings now equals the number of currently unemployed Americans.
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) assailed these statistics, saying "this is the economic disaster our Party tried to avert, but the GOP rammed through their tax cut, which as we now see, has created a serious labor shortage. Millions of unemployed Americans will now be pressured into taking jobs they'd rather not do."
Pelosi also contended that "these statistics validate the foolishness of the Administration's determination to throttle immigration. In addition to trying to force unwilling Americans into the workforce, the barriers to immigration will result in rising labor costs for businesses across a wide spectrum as the pool of undocumented workers shrinks due to heightened ICE efforts to deport those in the country illegally."
The Minority Leader cited Trump's proposed 30 foot high border wall as "an obnoxious impediment to the free flow of migrating herds of Mexicans seeking better opportunities in lands forcibly seized from their country by 19th century American aggression. Maybe I could support a 30 inch wall. That would be high enough to block the physically unfit from entering the United States while still allowing the much needed and spry individuals who mow our lawns and make our beds to still get through."
March 25
Progressives Stunned by Firearms Poll Answer
In a poll conducted for NBC and the Wall Street Journal, 58% of respondents agreed that "gun ownership does more to increase safety by allowing law-abiding citizens to protect themselves." On the other side, 38% agreed that "gun ownership reduces safety by giving too many people access to firearms." These results are a significant reversal of responses from 19 years ago when 52% felt that increased gun ownership reduced safety.
Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel called this shift in favor of gun ownership "dismaying. Considering the carnage taking place on our city streets on a daily basis, I think it's clear that the gun controls we have put in place are insufficient. We need sterner measures to ensure that those with bad intent cannot get their hands on firearms."
The Mayor suggested that "we should approach the issue logically. Let's assume that the police are the good guys. Each officer has cleared ethical scrutiny and received extensive training in the use of firearms. While we can't expect everyone to undergo such scrutiny and training we could place our trust in those who have. I say let the police decide whose guns should be confiscated on a real-time basis without having to go through the red tape of court orders or probable cause. If a cop thinks a person is dangerous they should just take his guns away."
"I know some gun nuts will say I'm calling for a police-state," Emanuel added. "But think about it. We didn't see the kind of gun fights we now have in Chicago during Stalin's rule in Russia. Sure, a few people were oppressed and sent to the Gulag, but innocent people weren't being massacred in the streets like they are here in America with our loose gun control policies. Perhaps we should consider giving up a little of our out-dated 'right to bear arms' in exchange for the right not to get shot by our neighbors."
April 1
Dershowitz Criticizes Mueller Probe
Liberal Democrat lawyer Alan Dershowitz likened the Mueller probe into the Trump presidency to the type of legal tactics of the Soviet Union. "First off, 'collusion' is not a crime defined in statute," he observed. "On top of this, the mandate given to Robert Mueller by Rod Rosenstein is unconstrained. Essentially, Mueller has been granted an unlimited budget and an unlimited amount of time to harass Trump in search of something to charge him with. This isn't the way we want our justice system to work. It's the way Stalin's 'justice' system worked."
Dershowitz maintains that "after a year on the job without finding evidence of any criminal activity by Trump the prosecution ought to drop the case. Signs that Mueller is now seeking to investigate Trump's finances and sexual liaisons from long before the 2016 election are clearly what judges would label a 'fishing expedition.' Not only are the statutes of limitations long expired on any alleged infractions, we're now into the 'manufactured crimes' of obstructing investigations for which there is no warrant for being undertaken."
Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Calif) disagreed with Dershowitz, contending that "sometimes existing law doesn't adequately anticipate the crimes persons may commit. If we know a person is a bad actor we shouldn't automatically preclude even the methods that may have been used by a regime that has been repeatedly sullied as a dictatorship. Remember, that Stalin's 'dictatorship' was instrumental in defeating Hitler. So, clearly, that dictatorship was capable of doing the right thing even if its methods didn't match America's normal standards of justice."
April 8
Putin Complains about Demonization of Stalin
Russian President Vladimir Putin denounced what he labeled "the excessive demonization of former Soviet dictator Josef Stalin. His methods may have been harsh by Western standards, but few can quibble with the results." These "results" included the deaths of 15 million to 30 million Soviet citizens through executions, labor camps, avoidable famines and making the treaty with Nazi Germany that unleashed WW II.
"Few critics take into account the poverty and backwardness of the country Stalin inherited," Putin contended. "Bringing the Soviet Union into the modern era required sacrifices. The millions who died in the Gulag would have died eventually, regardless. Their labors helped make the Soviet Union into a superpower. We should not discount that accomplishment."
Putin even defended Stalin's infamous non-aggression pact with Hitler by pointing out that "the Western powers were trying to get a pact with Germany, but refused to acquiesce to the partition of Poland. Stalin was less squeamish. As a result we got the alliance and it refocused the Nazi's toward attacking France and England rather than attacking Russia, as Hitler vowed to do in Mein Kampf. This likely saved millions of Soviet lives and also netted us additional territories after the war was over."
April 15
Economy Continues to Be Battered by Tax Cut Law
News that US corporations expect the recently completed first quarter of 2018 to be the "best ever" has reignited Democrat promises to repeal the tax cut enacted late last year.
Vermont Socialist Sen. Bernie Sanders called the news "supremely depressing. To think that a democratically elected legislature could take such a heartless action to endorse the heightened expropriation of the surplus value of labor that Marx demonstrated is owed to the working class is shameful. It is essential that voters elect a socialist majority this Fall so Congress can repeal this abomination."
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) pledged "to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with my good friend Bernie in the fight for social justice. It's bad enough that corporations are gorging on the money that rightfully belongs to the working class. Worse, the tax cut has pushed even more Americans into the workforce against their will. The Department of Labor has just reported that the number of people receiving unemployment benefits is at a 44-year low. In November, voters will have a stark and clear cut choice between the Republican scheme to put everyone into wage slavery for the profit of big business or the Democratic promise of freedom from toil. It's as simple as that."
April 22
Tech Rivals Tout Surveillance Visions
Facebook Deputy Chief Privacy Officer Rob Sherman boasted that his firm "will force users to accept being tracked everywhere they go. That's just the way it is. This decision was not made in the interest of the users of Facebook, but explicitly to ensure maximum profits for the company. Our business model is based on inducing our users to freely provide us detailed personal information, which we then sell to the highest bidders. It's a virtual license to print money. Why should we stop?"
Sherman dismissed the possibility that customers would be turned off by FaceBook's pervasive invasion of privacy. "Privacy is an antisocial concept," he maintained. "It may have had its uses in an earlier era, but today everyone wants to be someone. Putting all their personal data on the web is a convenient and inexpensive way to do that. The lure of being a social media celebrity is too tempting for the modern generation to resist. The fact that we have over two billion active FaceBook users proves that."
Not to be outdone, Microsoft's Bill Gates touted his EarthNow initiative as a more powerful surveillance tool by pointing out "unlike FaceBook, it doesn't require anyone to opt in before we can begin tracking them. Our network of orbiting satellites can track anyone anywhere on the planet. We will know where you are. Who you're with. We can track your movements 24/7. No one will escape our scrutiny."
"I see a day when society can monitor the globe to instantaneously identify unacceptable behaviors, words, and attitudes and dispatch intervention teams to rescue people from deviancy," Gates envisioned. "People could be treated, therapies and medications administered as needed to prevent social isolation and nonconformity. Loneliness would become one of the afflictions that could finally be cured."
April 29
Dems Insist Social Media Not Mistreating Conservatives
Despite the appearance of numerous witnesses and statistics indicating that FaceBook, Google, and Twitter use algorithms that have diverted traffic away from conservative voices, Democrats at the House Judiciary Committee hearing examining the "Filtering Practices of Social Media Platforms" asserted that it's a "hoax" and that "it is a legitimate business practice to prevent unauthorized use of the media for politically unacceptable purposes."
Rep. Jerrold Nadler (D-NY) argued that "hiding the posts and texts of persons expressing incorrect views is not censorship. The posts are still in the system. Conservatives have not been blocked from having their say. For Republicans to raise this non-issue is a hoax to distract from the very real crimes committed by Donald Trump—first to collude with Russia to seize power from the eminently more qualified Democratic candidate and second, his refusal to resign after his nefarious scheme was exposed by the heroic actions of FBI Director James Comey, Deputy Director Andrew McCabe, and now special counsel Robert Mueller."
Rep. Ted Lieu (D-Calif) called the Republican complaints "stupid and ridiculous. The First Amendment guarantees these media outlets the right to censor the content as they see fit. The government has no legitimate cause to pry into why or how they do this. In fact, even publicly raising the issue, as is being done in this hearing, is an attempt at intimidation. Exposing this completely legal censorship to open scrutiny could reduce traffic on these sites and cut into their profits. That is an abuse that should not be tolerated."
Rep. Hank Johnson (D-GA) mocked witnesses "Diamond" and "Silk," two pro-Trump posters, for "your gall in saying you've been treated unfair. Before social media existed no one ever would have heard of you two nobodies. Now, just because FaceBook tried to limit your abuse of their platform you've got a beef? You say that Black Lives Matter gets a better deal. Well, maybe they have a message that needs to be heard. Trump's a billionaire, why don't you get him to pay you to push his agenda?"
Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R-Tenn), herself a victim of Twitter blocking her pro-life campaign tweet last year, challenged the notion that "censorship of one side of political debates is okay. These businesses advertise themselves as a way for all people to communicate. For them to subsequently, and often covertly, impede access for views the corporate honchos dislike is a deceptive business practice. The hypocrisy of my Democratic colleagues who have no qualms about having the government forcibly take money from taxpayers in order to fund abortions they oppose for moral and religious reasons as a defense of these deceptive businesses is stunning."
Mayor Blames Street Violence on Businesses
Baltimore Mayor Catherine Pugh blamed the City's surging murder rate on local businesses. "First of all, most of this City's retail businesses are open too late," she lamented. "Keeping your doors open after dark is asking for trouble. This is a time when people should be at home with their families and not be forced to go out to buy things."
"Second, their prices are too high," she continued. "If merchandise didn't cost so much people wouldn't be forced to commit crimes just to be able to afford groceries and liquor. It shouldn't surprise us that people would use the cover of darkness to rob the businesses or kill customers who come out late to shop."
"In an ideal world all property would be collectively produced and owned," the Pugh envisioned. "Then there would be such a surplus of goods and services that stealing would no longer be necessary to survive. Most people wouldn't have to work and could pick up whatever they needed from government distribution centers during daylight hours."
The Mayor regretted that "I don't have an answer yet on how we get from here to that ideal world. I did hear that California is experimenting with the decriminalization of theft. Maybe if just taking whatever you want from whoever has it is legal then there would be a fairer distribution and less fighting over it."
