The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread

[sneakypete]

Florida man winds up in ICU after eating pufferfish and snorting cocaine
[font=serif
Hospital staff learned the man had eaten the liver of a puffer fish four hours before arriving at the hospital. Three days prior, he had also consumed canned food and cocaine.[/font]

 

@jmyrlefuller

They have canned cocaine in Fla????

Don't they damage their teeth trying to bite into the can?

[mountaineer]

Bush's beans 'n' blow.

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man arrested after hiding meth in container of 'hot, fresh potato wedges,' police say
A Florida man’s order was up after deputies discovered a bag of meth inside a styrofoam container of “hot, fresh potato wedges,” authorities said.

James Simpson, 48, was arrested Saturday afternoon after police conducted a traffic stop, the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office said.

https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-man-meth-hot-fresh-potato-wedges

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man, naked, performs ‘strange dance’ at McDonald’s before ‘trying to have relations with a railing’
"I was dispatched to McDonald's in reference to a white male wearing white shorts taking their clothes off and doing a strange dance," said Morgan's arrest report, written by Officer D. Grossklass.

"The caller stated that they believed the male to be possibly on drugs. The male was doing this near the front door of the McDonald's.

"While I was on my way to McDonald's it [was] also stated that the male pulled his pants down, but put them back on. Lastly, the caller stated that it looked as though the male was trying to have relations with a railing."

https://www.newsweek.com/florida-man-naked-strange-dance-mcdonalds-sex-railing-1443522

[Sanguine]

No way drugs were involved:

[thackney]

https://www.newsweek.com/florida-man-naked-strange-dance-mcdonalds-sex-railing-1443522

A couple of buried jems in that article:

...Earlier in June, Florida man Peter Wagman, 37, from Pinellas Park, was charged with domestic battery for pouring tomato sauce all over his sleeping girlfriend following an argument about infidelity.

Wagman, who pleaded not guilty, was allegedly heard at around 4:45 a.m. yelling "that's what you get, b****h" as he covered her in the red condiment. The couple reportedly had a history of police callouts for domestic incidents.

Last Tuesday, Escambia County deputies arrested Keriah Renea Giomi, 25, of Cantonment after she allegedly tried to stab a man in the stomach with a hunting knife while she was naked and yelling "Jehovah" at him. Giomi faces felony charges of aggravated battery.

[mountaineer]

The railing was heard sadly singing, "Will you still love me tomorrow? "

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man brought an assistant to his crime spree, deputies say. She was 4 years old.
Around 8 a.m. Thursday, deputies responded to the 100 block of Charles Street to a witness reporting a suspicious person carrying around large bags on a neighbor’s property along the river, according to a sheriff’s office Facebook post.

The witness mentioned the suspect walking with a little girl who was carrying a bag, too.

https://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article231560903.html

[verga]

Florida man brought an assistant to his crime spree, deputies say. She was 4 years old.
Around 8 a.m. Thursday, deputies responded to the 100 block of Charles Street to a witness reporting a suspicious person carrying around large bags on a neighbor’s property along the river, according to a sheriff’s office Facebook post.

The witness mentioned the suspect walking with a little girl who was carrying a bag, too.

https://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article231560903.html

Sounds like the Damon Runyon story Butch Minds the Baby.

[Smokin Joe]

Nude Florida man accused of flinging his urine at cops
“There’s a man out here butt naked!” exclaimed a woman speaking to a 911 operator after witnessing a man wearing nothing but his birthday suit attempt to enter a convenience store several days ago.

When the 911 technician asked if the man was sporting any weapons, the caller stated, “No, he is like nude. Nude. He’s very nude!”

https://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/ny-nude-florida-man-charged-with-tossing-urine-at-cops-20190609-zykwswy7izckvdyr54bywde3cq-story.html

No shirt, no shoes, no service...

[sneakypete]

No shirt, no shoes, no service...

@Smokin Joe

"flung his urine at the cops....."

Sounds to me like this goober WANTED to be beaten for free.

Ok,who here would blame the cops for beating the snot out of him while arresting him?

Don't get me wrong. I am NOT  a fan of police brutality,and almost always question violent arrests,but there are limits to everything.

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man asked cops for help starting motorcycle he’d stolen
Raymond Millwater is just 30 years old but he's been jailed nearly two dozen times.

His latest trip to the slammer came after someone reported seeing a possibly intoxicated man pushing a motorcycle down a road in Clearwater.

Police responded and said they found Millwater standing unsteady near the bike. He told them he borrowed it from a man named Chad, but he couldn’t get it to turn on.

Not deterred, Millwater asked officers if he could borrow a screwdriver to get the motor running.

https://www.wkyt.com/content/news/Florida-man-asked-cops-for-help-starting-motorcycle-hed-stolen-police-say-511329372.html

[Right_in_Virginia]

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man confesses to string of pool float thefts, says he uses them for impure intents
According to officials, in the past seven months, the city of Palm Bay has been plagued with burglaries in which the suspect cuts the screen and enters a victim's back pool area, stealing only pool floats.

There have been 13 reports made at this time. The victims stated that they had been robbed several times by Monnin but only reported the burglary after the second or third time it happened. Officials say there were apporximatly 75 floats inside (Monnin's domicile), including ones that the victims described.

Monnin told authorities that he "sexually gratifies himself" with the pool floats instead of raping women.

https://www.clickorlando.com/news/florida-man-steals-pool-floats-for-sex-instead-of-raping-women-police-say'

(The mugshot on this one is pretty impressive, too.)

[sneakypete]

Florida man asked cops for help starting motorcycle he’d stolen
Raymond Millwater is just 30 years old but he's been jailed nearly two dozen times.

 

@jmyrlefuller

My prediction is he is going to see many more jails and prisons from the inside before it all ends.

Depending on whose motorcycle it was he stole,that is. There ARE some people that take that sort of thing seriously,and they tend to have good friends who are already in prison,and who will be waiting to greet him with open arms. Bad things will then happen to him.

[Smokin Joe]

Florida man confesses to string of pool float thefts, says he uses them for impure intents
According to officials, in the past seven months, the city of Palm Bay has been plagued with burglaries in which the suspect cuts the screen and enters a victim's back pool area, stealing only pool floats.

There have been 13 reports made at this time. The victims stated that they had been robbed several times by Monnin but only reported the burglary after the second or third time it happened. Officials say there were apporximatly 75 floats inside (Monnin's domicile), including ones that the victims described.

Monnin told authorities that he "sexually gratifies himself" with the pool floats instead of raping women.

https://www.clickorlando.com/news/florida-man-steals-pool-floats-for-sex-instead-of-raping-women-police-say'

(The mugshot on this one is pretty impressive, too.)

Tell him just keep it. There is not enough chlorine in the pool....

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man attempts to break into Buddhist temple, flees half-naked when confronted by monks
A Hernando man is behind bars after Kenneth City Police officials say he attempted to break into a Buddha Temple.

The Kenneth City Police Department says Jack Williams, 26, was seen at around 5:15 a.m. on June 19 on the roof of the Kenneth City Buddha Temple striking a glass bedroom window.

Williams was charged with Loitering and Prowling.

https://www.wfla.com/news/pinellas-county/florida-man-flees-buddha-temple-half-naked/2089013839

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man throws feces at judge, says ‘It’s protein. It’s good for you.’ and eats some to demonstrate
... and the best part of the story is: he was acquitted.

https://www.wfla.com/news/pinellas-county/florida-man-flees-buddha-temple-half-naked/2089013839

[Lando Lincoln]

Florida woman who hid stolen Rolexes in vagina beats charge. What happens to the watches?

June 19, 2019
Prosecutors were forced to drop criminal charges against a South Florida woman accused of stealing five Rolex watches — four of which were found inside her vagina during a jail strip search.

Delajurea Brookens, 29, beat the grand-theft charge earlier this month when the victim, an Orlando businessman named Ramon Diaz, stopped cooperating with prosecutors.

Prosecutors were forced to drop criminal charges against a South Florida woman accused of stealing five Rolex watches — four of which were found inside her vagina during a jail strip search.

Delajurea Brookens, 29, beat the grand-theft charge earlier this month when the victim, an Orlando businessman named Ramon Diaz, stopped cooperating with prosecutors.

https://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/crime/article231737783.html

[verga]

Florida woman who hid stolen Rolexes in vagina beats charge. What happens to the watches?

Just the kind of girl you want to take home to mom.

[sneakypete]

Florida woman who hid stolen Rolexes in vagina beats charge. What happens to the watches?

June 19, 2019
Prosecutors were forced to drop criminal charges against a South Florida woman accused of stealing five Rolex watches — four of which were found inside her vagina during a jail strip search.

Delajurea Brookens, 29, beat the grand-theft charge earlier this month when the victim, an Orlando businessman named Ramon Diaz, stopped cooperating with prosecutors.

Prosecutors were forced to drop criminal charges against a South Florida woman accused of stealing five Rolex watches — four of which were found inside her vagina during a jail strip search.

Delajurea Brookens, 29, beat the grand-theft charge earlier this month when the victim, an Orlando businessman named Ramon Diaz, stopped cooperating with prosecutors.

https://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/crime/article231737783.html

Sounds like she stole them from a guy that had stolen them first.

Which means she is probably going to be found in a ditch with a bullet in her head soon,and the watches will go unclaimed. Or at least unclaimed until the cops can figure out a way to get them through a "closed" confiscated seized property sale."

[mountaineer]

Florida Man has his own Twitter account: https://twitter.com/FloridaMan__

Today's offering:

Florida Man   @FloridaMan__

Florida Man tries to Barbecue Child Molesters http://gestyy.com/w2oJV6
5:19 PM - 28 Jun 2019

The story is from May, here's a better link.

[Cyber Liberty]

Florida Man has his own Twitter account: https://twitter.com/FloridaMan__

Today's offering: The story is from May, here's a better link.

You may have hit the Mother-lode with that Twitter link....

[Cyber Liberty]

[Mod1]

I'm going to sticky this, since it's a "running" thread.
It should be easier to find now.