The Adventures of Florida Man: a running thread

[thackney]

Florida man dies in meth-lab explosion after lighting farts on fire

...The woman plans on suing Chipotle, which failed to address their peppers causing a higher rate of methane in human farts. She offered a statement, “I’m not mad about my husband dying, I just got my eyebrows did and now they’re gone.” Chipotle Mexican Grill has yet to respond....

[Cyber Liberty]

LOL, @thackney!  That was really in the (short) article....

[WalkingLiberty]

I didn't know Frank moved to Florida....

that's a lot of nerve

[Wingnut]

Florida man dies in meth-lab explosion after lighting farts on fire

I see the Onion and the Bee have competition!

[sneakypete]

Florida man dies in meth-lab explosion after lighting farts on fire

@Cyber Liberty

The man’s wife was found lying naked on the couple’s front yard, reportedly still laughing.

Ok,THAT'S funny,I don't care who you are!

[Cyber Liberty]

Florida Man Charged With Manslaughter For Shooting Woman During Foreplay With Gun, Police Say

VALRICO (CBSMiami) – A Florida man is facing manslaughter charges after accidentally shooting a woman during a sex act.

According to the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office, Andrew Shinault, 23, and a woman in her 20s, were “engaging in an act of foreplay involving his registered handgun” on Sunday May 26 in the Tampa suburb of Valrico.

https://miami.cbslocal.com/2019/06/04/florida-man-manslaughter-woman-shot-foreplay-gun/

[mountaineer]

Thank goodness the handgun was registered. 

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man arrested after allegedly pouring ketchup on sleeping girlfriend

Officers responded to a home in Pinellas Park early Sunday where they found a woman “covered in ketchup,” a police report said.

Police said the woman “woke up to ketchup being poured on her by the defendant as the defendant was yelling ‘that’s what you get, b----.”

https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-man-arrested-after-pouring-ketchup-on-sleeping-girlfriend-report

[jmyrlefuller]

Blowtorch-wielding Florida Man Tries to Steal ATM, Welds it Shut Instead

Okaloosa County Sheriff's deputies say the men tried to break into a machine on the second floor of the Boardwalk on Okaloosa Island on Friday morning.

Deputies say the man in black tried to use a blowtorch to melt the hinges and locks on the ATM, while the other had a crow bar and served as a lookout.

But when employees arrived the next morning, they found the ATM, still closed, with the hinges welded shut.

https://www.mynews13.com/fl/orlando/news/2019/06/05/blowtorch-wielding-florida-man-tries-to-steal-atm--welds-it-shut-instead

[jmyrlefuller]

Police And Florida Man Exchange Gunfire Over A Parking Space
parking arguments seem to be a universal language. However, most of those arguments don’t tend to escalate to one party pulling out a gun and shooting wildly into the public.

That’s exactly what happened in Florida when a parking dispute led to an elderly man shooting his blindly before being arrested over the weekend.

https://www.ibtimes.com/florida-police-elderly-man-exchange-gunfire-over-parking-space-2797299

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man caught on camera bathing in a Wendy's sink
https://www.pnj.com/story/news/local/2019/05/22/viral-video-florida-wendys-milton-man-bathing-kitchen-sink/3766235002/

Update: the employee has been fired.
https://www.wivb.com/news/wendy-s-employee-fired-for-taking-a-bath-in-the-sink/2057752926

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man spotted in New York naked in a chicken coop

On Wednesday, June 5, 2019 New York State Police arrested 25-year-old John Mehne after police say a bizarre series of events started when Mehne allegedly burglarized a home in Sarasota and stole a car.

Police say he crashed that car somewhere North of Pennsylvania and caught a ride on the back of a pickup truck, but eventually ran away on foot when multiple law enforcement units joined in on the chase.

https://www.mysuncoast.com/2019/06/06/police-sarasota-man-behind-bars-after-being-found-naked-chicken-coop-new-york/

[sneakypete]

Florida man spotted in New York naked in a chicken coop

On Wednesday, June 5, 2019 New York State Police arrested 25-year-old John Mehne after police say a bizarre series of events started when Mehne allegedly burglarized a home in Sarasota and stole a car.

Police say he crashed that car somewhere North of Pennsylvania and caught a ride on the back of a pickup truck, but eventually ran away on foot when multiple law enforcement units joined in on the chase.

https://www.mysuncoast.com/2019/06/06/police-sarasota-man-behind-bars-after-being-found-naked-chicken-coop-new-york/

@jmyrlefuller

The prime question wasn't answered,although it was hinted at in the news report.

Did any chickens lose their virtue,and are they going to sue?

[GtHawk]

@jmyrlefuller

The prime question wasn't answered,although it was hinted at in the news report.

Did any chickens lose their virtue,and are they going to sue?

@sneakypete
The hens were heard to exclaim 'any cockle dooo!"

[Cyber Liberty]

Police: Florida man hid legless fugitive girlfriend in plastic tote

AP
Posted: 6:48 AM, May 11, 2018
Updated: 5:16 AM, May 11, 2018


Photo by: Polk County Sheriff's Office

WINTER HAVEN, Fla. (AP) — A Central Florida man is accused of hiding his legless fugitive girlfriend from police by stuffing her into a plastic storage container.

48-year-old John Robert Carr Jr. of Winter Haven is charged with resisting arrest. News outlets report Carr attempted to hide 39-year-old Krystle Lee Anderson from U.S. marshals and Polk County Sheriff's deputies Tuesday.

https://www.abcactionnews.com/news/state/police-florida-man-hid-legless-fugitive-girlfriend-in-plastic-tote

She's a keeper!

[sneakypete]

@sneakypete
The hens were heard to exclaim 'any cockle dooo!"

@GtHawk

Anybody told Laz? He would hit that.

(old FR joke. If you don't get it,don't worry about it)

[jmyrlefuller]

A legless fugitive, huh? How did she run away? 

[Cyber Liberty]

A legless fugitive, huh? How did she run away? 

Hella tote bag that can hold a 4-foot-tall woman.

[GtHawk]

@GtHawk

Anybody told Laz? He would hit that.

(old FR joke. If you don't get it,don't worry about it)

@sneakypete
Oh I get it, Laz is a legend................in his own mind anyway.

[Sanguine]

This does seem like a Laz story.  Unfortunately...

[Cyber Liberty]

This does seem like a Laz story.  Unfortunately...

He settled down a lot when his cat, Cathy ("CAT-Hates-You") died.  He blames himself, and he's probably right.   

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man disrupts restaurant, tells officers ‘go to Dunkin’ Donuts’
A Florida man was disrupting a Naples restaurant, standing on chairs while sticking out his middle finger and shouting at customers before his arrest, deputies say.

The suspect, John Toddy, 55, faces a Disorderly Intoxication charge.

https://www.winknews.com/2019/06/09/florida-man-disrupts-restaurant-tells-officers-go-to-dunkin-donuts/

[jmyrlefuller]

Nude Florida man accused of flinging his urine at cops
“There’s a man out here butt naked!” exclaimed a woman speaking to a 911 operator after witnessing a man wearing nothing but his birthday suit attempt to enter a convenience store several days ago.

When the 911 technician asked if the man was sporting any weapons, the caller stated, “No, he is like nude. Nude. He’s very nude!”

https://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/ny-nude-florida-man-charged-with-tossing-urine-at-cops-20190609-zykwswy7izckvdyr54bywde3cq-story.html

[jmyrlefuller]

Florida man winds up in ICU after eating pufferfish and snorting cocaine
A Florida man was hospitalized after he and his grandmother ate a potentially lethal puffer fish. The unnamed 43-year-old man visited Aventura Hospital and Medical Center in south Florida, suffering from vomiting and stomach pains.

Both of his legs had gone numb, he felt weak, and he was struggling to speak and stay awake. A pain had erupted in his chest which made it feel as though it was tearing, his doctors wrote in BMJ Case Reports.

Hospital staff learned the man had eaten the liver of a puffer fish four hours before arriving at the hospital. Three days prior, he had also consumed canned food and cocaine.

https://www.newsweek.com/florida-man-took-cocaine-ate-puffer-fish-liver-intensive-care-1443312

[jmyrlefuller]

\

Florida man tells police cocaine powder on nose, ‘not his’
A Florida man who was riding in the passenger-side seat in a vehicle that was pulled over early Sunday told the officer that the cocaine powder on his nose didn’t belong to him, according to investigators.

https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-man-tells-deputy-cocaine-powder-on-noise-not-his-police.print