Ongoing Prayer Request for Battered Wife with Homicidal Hubby

[Quix]

FWIW,

The wife says hubby is home, now . . . his sister was there . . . their relationship is also extremely troubled. No big surprise there.

Wife realizes at purportedly deeper, more broad levels that hubby has not changed and will not change even from the near death experience--which--in typical fashion, he blames on the wife.

Therefore what . . as always . . . remains to be seen.

Thanks for the caring and the prayers. These, after all, are people . . . conflicted, troubled, mangled, people . . . with more  pains {self--and other--inflicted} than one individual 'ought' to  have to deal with, imho. Yet, we can trace it all the way back to Adam. Doesn't solve it.

Changed experience requires changed behavior . . . and all of us have learned in this or that area how difficult that can be--whether it's resisting another piece of cake, another smoke, another 3 hours at the office, another $1,000, another perverse romp in the hay or whatever.

But for some, the mangled mess they've always lived in from childhood to present has never been free of pain and suffering and tortured as well as torturing relationships. I hate seeing such suffering.

Yet, I can only do what I can do. And I certainly can't save the world, sometimes even doing better myself is a challenge.

[Sanguine]

Quix, as you well know, when you care more than the person actually involved in the situation does, something is wrong. 

[Quix]

Quix, as you well know, when you care more than the person actually involved in the situation does, something is wrong. 

Yeah.

I remind myself of that  periodically.

Thanks for the reminder.

She recognizes I'm pulling back and the ball is very fully in her court to put up or shut up, so to speak.

Thanks.

[Smokin Joe]

Quix, as you well know, when you care more than the person actually involved in the situation does, something is wrong.

@Quix @Sanguine
Just from observation, people in those (for want of a better term) sick relationships are willfully blind to the self-destruction and dysfunction so readily apparent from the outside.
Even worse, I can't count the times when those given an 'out' from such situations refuse it or return to the mayhem they understand and are comfortable around instead of opt for a more productive or less dysfunctional life.
I'm no psychologist, just an observer of people, but I can't count the number of times I have seen someone continue in such a relationship until that break point, that 'bottom' is reached, and some don't survive that.

Quix, my prayers continue for all caught in such situations, whatever their circumstance may be. They won't quit until they choose they have had enough (sounds like an alcoholic or addict, but I have always thought that was as much or more the behaviour and/or the thinking behind it as the substance abused). When people let their adverse experiences define them, instead of define those as adverse experiences and seek better, whey get caught in all sorts of miseries, and some never recover from that.

[Quix]

Of course, you are quite right. Thanks for your perceptive observations.

LUB,

@Quix @Sanguine
Just from observation, people in those (for want of a better term) sick relationships are willfully blind to the self-destruction and dysfunction so readily apparent from the outside.
Even worse, I can't count the times when those given an 'out' from such situations refuse it or return to the mayhem they understand and are comfortable around instead of opt for a more productive or less dysfunctional life.
I'm no psychologist, just an observer of people, but I can't count the number of times I have seen someone continue in such a relationship until that break point, that 'bottom' is reached, and some don't survive that.

Quix, my prayers continue for all caught in such situations, whatever their circumstance may be. They won't quit until they choose they have had enough (sounds like an alcoholic or addict, but I have always thought that was as much or more the behaviour and/or the thinking behind it as the substance abused). When people let their adverse experiences define them, instead of define those as adverse experiences and seek better, whey get caught in all sorts of miseries, and some never recover from that.

[Quix]

UPDATE

G had some sort of court date today.

She expected the No Contact Order to be made explicit and firm one way or another.

She sounded ready to leave again--depending. LOL.

She's evidently firmly accepted that hubby has NOT learned anything at all from his ordeal and is taking absolutely no responsibility for his poo. Actually, as usual, he's blaming everything on her and others. Was in a big fight with his sister several days ago.

About all I have at the moment.

Thx.

[sneakypete]

UPDATE


She's evidently firmly accepted that hubby has NOT learned anything at all from his ordeal and is taking absolutely no responsibility for his poo.

Thx.

@Quix  What SHE has to learn is to accept that SHE needs to face her own responsibility for allowing herself to be put in that position over and over. To hell with him,she needs to focus on herself. It's really hard to change yourself once you are an adult,but it's damn near impossible to change someone else. All you can do is walk away and leave no forwarding address or number. Husbands AND wives that are physically abusive will ALWAYS be physically abusive. That's who they are. You can NOT change them and the courts can not change them. All you can do is change you ,and you do that by leaving them. Period. Anything else is just a temporary time-out between the beatings.

No,life ain't fair. It is what it is though,and as an adult you have to learn to deal with it to protect yourself.

[Quix]

@Quix  What SHE has to learn is to accept that SHE needs to face her own responsibility for allowing herself to be put in that position over and over. To hell with him,she needs to focus on herself. It's really hard to change yourself once you are an adult,but it's damn near impossible to change someone else. All you can do is walk away and leave no forwarding address or number. Husbands AND wives that are physically abusive will ALWAYS be physically abusive. That's who they are. You can NOT change them and the courts can not change them. All you can do is change you ,and you do that by leaving them. Period. Anything else is just a temporary time-out between the beatings.

No,life ain't fair. It is what it is though,and as an adult you have to learn to deal with it to protect yourself.

True. True.

She "knows" all that in her head.

Getting her to apply it is a different issue.

Thanks.

[sneakypete]

True. True.

She "knows" all that in her head.

Getting her to apply it is a different issue.

Thanks.

@Quix

Yeah,and ain't we ALL been "there" over one issue or another in our lives?

[Quix]

@Quix

Yeah,and ain't we ALL been "there" over one issue or another in our lives?

Absolutely, indeed.

--per Walt Kelly

"We have met the enemy and he is us."

I have seen slow, tiny incremental growth, in a variety of areas, however--over the 12 years or so I've been in dialogue with her. PTL for that.