Why Men Are Remaining Single

[DB]

Of course a women's column would call men lazy.

The fact is, when a man makes a huge emotional investment in a woman only to basically be given the friend zone treatment (or worse), over and over again, it makes a man feel subhuman and not want to do it anymore. Women of my generation are cruel.

Plus, when you get over a certain age—and that age is much younger than most people realize, try 22—the best women are already off the market. If you're 30 and still looking, you're going to have to either settle for less than you deserve (and even then you'll need a lot of luck to find that) or be alone for the rest of your life.

I have grown to totally hate the romantic process. I'm sick of the excuses I get for getting rejected. The outright lies (a woman once told me she planned on being alone the rest of her life, only to bring her new boyfriend into my place of work for her first date). The utter lack of respect for a man's needs, even when I strain and strive to meet my potential partners. The constant insinuation that I'm sexually harassing a woman when I try, and lazy when I don't.

I want desperately to be loved in return and to have a basic companionship. I pray to God daily for it. I've tried every person in a 10-mile radius, every one either didn't meet my relatively low standards or rejected me. I tried online dating, got no responses, and when I made the first move I repeatedly got ignored or got the excuse that "you live too far away" even when it was less than 100 miles and I was willing to do all the traveling.

I've basically come to the conclusion that I'm never going to have it. I beg of someone to prove me wrong on this.

I'm confident you are a good guy. I married at age 32. She is much more than I deserve. I knew her in high school when I was 14 or so... She was two grades higher. It took 17 years, some of which were SERIOUSLY frustrating and made me an emotional wreck, to finally get there...

And I wouldn't trade any of it for the result. I've been happily married for 22 years and have two lovely young adult daughters.

Be yourself, you are worthy as you are. Don't give up.

[DB]

To tell the truth, there's nothing inherently bad about being single—other than what I mentioned before about not being able to have a family and the whole issue of economics of scale; a couple sharing an apartment can split the rent check, for example—but it's more personal. In case you couldn't tell, I've struggled in this department for as long as I've been interested in girls (and this goes back to middle school). This is kind of embarrassing, but I've never even been on a date, let alone had a real girlfriend. It's more this nagging sense of inferiority and embarrassment, this feeling like I haven't been able to achieve something I should have achieved by now.

I was always a pretty high achiever as a kid; not valedictorian or anything like that, but when I put effort into something I wanted, I almost always succeeded, or at least came close. So this, coupled with my choice of career not working out and my frustrations trying to get a driver's license (it took me eight years and four tries, and I only got that earlier this year), is kind of overwhelming to me.

That, and as you can tell, I get emotional sometimes. I've listened to a lot of music, and perhaps that gave me unrealistic expectations that the man eventually finds someone who is able to put up with his ups and downs. That, and I've always been somewhat introverted; I've always kind of wanted that kind of close personal bond with one person where I could just be myself.

@jmyrlefuller

May I ask how old you are? Many of your words echo mine from the past. And just so you know, I'm not "somewhat" of an introvert, I am an introvert... I'm also strongly melancholy and love music, particularly melancholy music. Melancholy music makes me happy and gives me strength deep in my soul. I was also quiet trouble on wheels before I was 18... And that is truthfully an understatement - the statue of limitations is my friend...

Use your frustration/energy to drive a career. If you're they guy you sound like, the rest will work itself out. It really will.

Just my 2 cents...

[DB]

Why are there no politically conservative men who want a successful, career woman?

I know that there are. I'd guess they tend to not be "available" in their mid 40's unless widowed.

[Weird Tolkienish Figure]

I know that there are. I'd guess they tend to not be "available" in their mid 40's unless widowed.

Yes, or maybe they don't want marriage. What's the point?

[thackney]

There are already at least three people on this thread who are over 40 and are still single, which tells me that none of this is sure to work. That's not acceptable to me.

If you you need life guarantees to be acceptable situations, you are in for a lifetime of disappointment.

There are plenty of examples of people on this thread with their life-long spouses.  If you chose to focus on those that don't reach your goals, that is you making that choice.

[thackney]

To tell the truth, there's nothing inherently bad about being single—other than what I mentioned before about not being able to have a family and the whole issue of economics of scale; a couple sharing an apartment can split the rent check

As a man reasonably successful in my work, I can assure you getting married and having kids is not a "better economics" choice!  Greatly rewarding certainly, but not from the financial side.

[Jazzhead]

Why are there no politically conservative men who want a successful, career woman?

The best thing I ever did was marry a woman smarter and more career-oriented than me.   

[Bunny Watson]

The best thing I ever did was marry a woman smarter and more career-oriented than me.

Always happy to find that all conservative men aren't looking for the southern housewife type. :) My experience has been different, but one can't judge just by my experience, I suppose!

[Sanguine]

As a man reasonably successful in my work, I can assure you getting married and having kids is not a "better economics" choice!  Greatly rewarding certainly, but not from the financial side.

LOL, I missed that!  Yes, having kids is not a good economic plan!

[Cripplecreek]

As a man reasonably successful in my work, I can assure you getting married and having kids is not a "better economics" choice!  Greatly rewarding certainly, but not from the financial side.

As my uncle told me yesterday, my world has been thrown wide open since I'm no longer tied to taking care of my mother. I'm 52 years old, single, own my home, have no debts, and have multiple career choices open to me now.

He's willing to invest 6 figures in upgrading my garage/pole building into a small warehouse, getting me trained for logistics and shipping so I can run the shipping and distribution end of his next business. (Basically, learn the latest UPS/FedEx software, print labels, repackage and ship from home)

[Jazzhead]

Always happy to find that all conservative men aren't looking for the southern housewife type. :) My experience has been different, but one can't judge just by my experience, I suppose!

There's nothing wrong with a spouse that can cook and crochet (mine can!),  but what lasts a lifetime is the intellectual stimulation and challenge that a smart woman provides.   I say always find a mate that's smarter than you!

[roamer_1]

My mother is well-rounded in all things female. Her focus was the home and the kids, and primarily my father...
She always had a garden, and we ate real food almost all the time. Canning season was a 'thing' for all of us. She has always loved flowers, and the yard blooms all summer long.

She knows how to cook better than anyone I know - she has often been hired to cook for large hunting parties - Marvelous fare. I grew up on scratch-built bread - The kitchen always emanated the most wonderful smells. Turn her loose at Christmas and thanksgiving, and the house will be chocked-full of confections, cookies, pies and such - and she can prepare a feast with 12'-16' of tables overflowing with the most wonderful things.

Her house has always been clean and well ordered, decorated for the season, and terrifically well appointed. She is a woman with very good taste.

She knows how to sew - she made clothes for me my whole life... Darning socks, crocheting, nearly anything you could think of. Anything cloth, from the most delicate and beautiful doilies, all the way to patching tarps.

She was stone-dead bulletproof with shopping.

She was almost always at home, in the house or around the barnyard. Certainly so on the weekends and after school, and all summer long. We never wanted for her company.

She is very active in the Church and always has been. organizing and participating in Bible studies and charities.
She was always very active with our schools and PTA.

But she also owned and operated a cleaning business with 25 employees for more than twenty years. She kept the books for my old man's businesses and my own.

Now, I know there ain't many women at all that can keep up with my mother - I know I have been blessed with her, and she raises the bar to the highest notch - But I resent the implication on this thread that such a woman as would keep a home as her priority would somehow be of lesser intellect or ability. Y'all are damn-well, stone-dead wrong, and I can prove it.

[Idaho_Cowboy]

As a man reasonably successful in my work, I can assure you getting married and having kids is not a "better economics" choice!  Greatly rewarding certainly, but not from the financial side.

LOL. You go from thinking you don't have any money to spare; to understanding that you don't have any money to spare. But it's sure worth it.

[Weird Tolkienish Figure]

Always happy to find that all conservative men aren't looking for the southern housewife type. :) My experience has been different, but one can't judge just by my experience, I suppose!

They may, they just may not want one as a wife.

[Bunny Watson]

They may, they just may not want one as a wife.

Why are you so weirdly obsessed about this? I believe people have explained the "why get married" to you above.

[mirraflake]

What's the point in getting married without kids?

Neither my wife nor I ever wanted kids. Live together? No way  just not the same as married.

@Weird Tolkienish Figure

[dfwgator]

LOL, I missed that!  Yes, having kids is not a good economic plan!

Not necessarily.  I told my kids that we'll pay for their education so that they can get good, high-paying jobs so that we can mooch of off them in our later years.

[Weird Tolkienish Figure]

Why are you so weirdly obsessed about this? I believe people have explained the "why get married" to you above.

I'm married but were I not that would be my pov.

[mirraflake]

. Why are there no politically conservative men who want a successful, career woman?

I know plenty.

My wife has advanced degrees, runs her own business and the last few years has made more than me because the family business I inherited is dying(not my fault) .a buggy whip type business.  I still take a nice salary from it but it will die with me.

@Bunny Watson

[jmyrlefuller]

This woman apparently doesn't do "what women do" and her dad never taught her to settle for that. Why are there no politically conservative men who want a successful, career woman?

Perhaps this is because I came from a working-class household where "stay at home" was never much of an option, but I've never had any real qualms about dating a woman who is successful at her career. If anything, that takes pressure off a man. Just my two cents.

[Free Vulcan]

I'll say this though for any guy looking for a woman today, make sure she has these qualities:

1. She's got your back - too many women today want a lifestyle, not a man. If she can't be there for you when you're down, dump her and now. That also means if times get tough, she's got real world skills to make it. You don't need any pampered princesses.

2. She can be content - Alot of women today are looking for the best deal they can get. You don't want to be a step ladder. Women who are never, ever happy and always looking around for the next thing to occupy them need not be on your short list of dating and marrying.

3. She needs to dump her BOS - That would be the Bag Of S***. Everyone goes through hard times,  hard relationships, and bad personal experiences. In our narcissistic emotive society, feminism teaches women to hold on to and resent every last real or perceived bad thing men have done to them for eternity. If she can't move on, you should move on.

4. She can be an individual - Alot of women pick their men to impress their girlfriends. In fact about everything they do is to impress their girlfriends. If her gaggle of friends seem to consume her world, stay out of her world.

5. Children aren't human shields - Alot of women, especially single moms, use the kids as leverage over you to rule the roost. This is a tough one because you won't know after the kids happen, but look at her close female relatives. If the women are kid obsessed and helicopter parents, you might want to rethink things.

6. She holds herself to the same standard - Too many women today listen to this passive-aggressive feminist crap. Basically I can do as I please, and no man can tell me nothing, but I will tell my man exactly what he needs to be doing and make sure he tows the line. Zero tolerance for sexist hypocrisy.

7. No passive-aggressive and narcissistic emoting - Again, feminism teaches women to be these creatures of self-absorbed, feral, superstitious voodoo priestesses, full of feelings and perceptions and intuition, 24/7. Those same women will always be ambushing and lashing out at you with sarcasm and other P-A tactics for no good reason every time she perceives you've disappointed her. If she can't be logical and objective at least half the time, tell her to go make pottery or a peace collage or something. That and buy some cats. Someone who is completely subjective in their world view will never be a stable person to be with.

8. She can back down - Today's feminism teaches women are never wrong no matter what. If she can't check herself and her behavior, drop it like it's hot. Conversely, too many women have this 'you need to accept me for who I am and live with my crazy'. No sweetie, you need to grow up, up your game, and quit being lazy.

Beyond that, my advice is don't give a crap. Be into your family, friends, and career. If women come along, be nice, but don't be a nice guy. Make sure they understand you got your crap together, and you have standards, and they will meet them or hit the road. Women do that crap to guys all the time, it's time turn the tables.

Women need to know you're serious and you ain't there to be their prince charming.  They have gotten lazy because guys have become pushovers who will do anything for them, but don't ask that they hold up their side of the bargain. If you die single, so be it, better than being with a miserable witch, or getting cheated on.

[Weird Tolkienish Figure]

I'll say this though for any guy looking for a woman today, make sure she has these qualities:

1. She's got your back - too many women today want a lifestyle, not a man. If she can't be there for you when you're down, dump her and now. That also means if times get tough, she's got real world skills to make it. You don't need any pampered princesses.

2. She can be content - Alot of women today are looking for the best deal they can get. You don't want to be a step ladder. Women who are never, ever happy and always looking around for the next thing to occupy them need not be on your short list of dating and marrying.

3. She needs to dump her BOS - That would be the Bag Of S***. Everyone goes through hard times,  hard relationships, and bad personal experiences. In our narcissistic emotive society, feminism teaches women to hold on to and resent every last real or perceived bad thing men have done to them for eternity. If she can't move on, you should move on.

4. She can be an individual - Alot of women pick their men to impress their girlfriends. In fact about everything they do is to impress their girlfriends. If her gaggle of friends seem to consume her world, stay out of her world.

5. Children aren't human shields - Alot of women, especially single moms, use the kids as leverage over you to rule the roost. This is a tough one because you won't know after the kids happen, but look at her close female relatives. If the women are kid obsessed and helicopter parents, you might want to rethink things.

6. She holds herself to the same standard - Too many women today listen to this passive-aggressive feminist crap. Basically I can do as I please, and no man can tell me nothing, but I will tell my man exactly what he needs to be doing and make sure he tows the line. Zero tolerance for sexist hypocrisy.

7. No passive-aggressive and narcissistic emoting - Again, feminism teaches women to be these creatures of self-absorbed, feral, superstitious voodoo priestesses, full of feelings and perceptions and intuition, 24/7. Those same women will always be ambushing and lashing out at you with sarcasm and other P-A tactics for no good reason every time she perceives you've disappointed her. If she can't be logical and objective at least half the time, tell her to go make pottery or a peace collage or something. That and buy some cats. Someone who is completely subjective in their world view will never be a stable person to be with.

8. She can back down - Today's feminism teaches women are never wrong no matter what. If she can't check herself and her behavior, drop it like it's hot. Conversely, too many women have this 'you need to accept me for who I am and live with my crazy'. No sweetie, you need to grow up, up your game, and quit being lazy.

Beyond that, my advice is don't give a crap. Be into your family, friends, and career. If women come along, be nice, but don't be a nice guy. Make sure they understand you got your crap together, and you have standards, and they will meet them or hit the road. Women do that crap to guys all the time, it's time turn the tables.

Women need to know you're serious and you ain't there to be their prince charming.  They have gotten lazy because guys have become pushovers who will do anything for them, but don't ask that they hold up their side of the bargain. If you die single, so be it, better than being with a miserable witch, or getting cheated on.

Awesome advice man!


 


Very on point about "be strong".

[Sanguine]

This looks very interesting:

Why not cohabitate?

Many believe nothing is better for their future marriage than a trial period—cohabitation. It’s the fastest growing family type in the U.S. So how’s that working out? Are people truly happier?

Author Glenn Stanton offers a compelling factual case that nearly every area of health and happiness is increased by marriage and decreased by cohabitation.

With credible data and compassion, Stanton explores the reasons why the cohabitation trend is growing; outlines its negative outcomes for men, women, and children; and makes a case for why marriage is still the best arrangement for the flourishing of couples and society.

This resource is ideal for those who are cohabitating or considering it, as well as pastors and counselors who need to be able to engage this issue.

https://www.amazon.com/Ring-Makes-All-Difference-Consequences/dp/080240216X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1478197867&sr=1-1&keywords=the+ring+makes+all+the+difference

[Bunny Watson]

This looks very interesting:

It does!  To be honest, I've never had any interest at all in cohabitation. I think it's a recipe for disaster (and I've seen the disasters) emotionally and economically.  Something beyond my own anecdotal evidence would be worthwhile reading!

[Oceander]

If cohabitation is such a hobgoblin, the simple solution is reinstating common law marriage.