http://www.nationalreview.com/node/437640/print Selfishness, Not Incompetence, Explains Hillary’s E-mail Scandal
The country’s interests took a backseat to her own.
By Jonah Goldberg — July 9, 2016
excerpted
The Adventures of Super Hillary
Now onto something a bit more amusing: The Adventures of Super Hillary.
“There has never been any man or woman more qualified for this office than Hillary Clinton,” President Obama declared this week. Take that Jefferson! Sit your mansplaining ass down, Ike ! Hillary’s here.
There’s a reason she wears those smocks that make her look like the United Federation of Planets’ ambassador to Rigel 7: She’s just light years ahead of the rest of us.
Read the “112 reasons (and counting!) Hillary Clinton should be our next president” on her website and you’ll see what I mean (but don’t blame me if you vomit on the keyboard). Of course, you have to wade through an enormous amount of pandering. Free tuition for these people, free health care for those. Look under your seats, everybody! You get a subsidy! And you get a subsidy! Everybody gets a subsidy!
What was it Mencken said about Truman? “If there had been any formidable body of cannibals in the country he would have promised to provide them with free missionaries, fattened at the taxpayers’ expense.”
By the time her list gets to 200, she’ll be raffling off the chance for some under-privileged LBGT preschoolers to push a Koch brother into a volcano.
RELATED: No Charges But Plenty of Blame for Hillary
But even the pandering is part of her larger sales pitch. There’s just nothing she can’t accomplish because she’s “One Tough Mother” (That’s Reason No. 55). “She knows what’s going on in Laos” (No, really, that’s No. 69). “She’s a progressive—and she’s a progressive who gets things done” (That’s Reason 51).
And, here’s the kicker. Madeleine Albright, that’s right little people, Madeleine effin’ Albright, says, “I’ve never met anyone more prepared to be president.” That’s Reason number 76. But it might as well be Reason No. 1, am I right? Because, if Madeleine Albright hasn’t met you, you might as well be jointed and used for dog food.
So you get it now? Hillary Clinton can do it all. She can make twelve-minute brownies in seven minutes. She can eat barbecue ribs with her hands without getting her white gloves dirty. She brings home the bacon (or cattle futures) and she fries it up in the pan. If there’s a crisis on her plane, not only can she take the throttle, she can speak jive to the passengers in need. She’s more prepared than a Tennessee survivalist and an Eagle Scout combined, and she’s more qualified than George Washington, the guy the Founders thought of when they wrote the job description of the president into the Constitution. She’s a human Swiss Army knife, a Ninja, a, general, a CPA, and a soccer mom all rolled into one. As Reason 46 says, “Hillary is prepared to tackle all challenges, including national security — because presidents don’t get to choose which issues come to their desks.”
But not if the issue arrives via e-mail!
Again, she can do it all . . . except for one thing. She can’t handle the Internet. It’s her kryptonite. She’s helpless against its foreign ways.
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