http://www.dailywire.com/news/4517/breaking-great-leader-donald-trump-bestows-great-ben-shapiro#pq=uXap2kBREAKING: Great Leader Donald Trump Bestows Great Honor On Hero Campaign Manager For Stopping Pen-Assassin ReporterBY: BEN SHAPIRO MARCH 30, 2016
Finally, Donald Trump has told the true tale of just what happened the night that his campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, was caught on tape grabbing a female reporter, Michelle Fields, by the arm, yanking her forcefully back, and bruising her arm.
Lewandowski was earning himself a Medal of Honor.
According to Trump, the event never happened in the first place. It was all just made up. Lewandowski said the same thing. Now Lewandowski’s headed for court – because, as it turns out, it did happen, and it happened just the way Michelle Fields said it happened.
But then we found out the truth.
The real truth.
The honest-to-goodness Trumpy truth.
Michelle Fields is an assassin, a grabby-handed little harasser, an attention whore. Corey Lewandowski is a Normandy commando storming the shores, protecting the Great Leader Donald Trump from her frightening normal-sized human hands.
Yes, yesterday Trump changed his story. Now it turned out that Lewandowski did grab Fields, but only after Fields grabbed him. Not only did she grab him, she was holding an object – was it a pen? Maybe it was a knife! Maybe it was a bomb! I mean, did you see what the Joker did to that mobster in The Dark Knight with a pencil? – that could have posed a threat to The Great Leader.
What about those bruises? Well, as Trump says, Michelle Fields must have faked them. Like the moon landing! That’s just what an attention whore would-be assassin would do. Like John Wilkes Booth!
Scary. Sad!
But then, like an avenging angel from heaven – Trump hires only the very best people because he has a very good brain -- Corey Lewandowski swooped in, past Trump’s apparently incompetent Secret Service detail, and seized the offending 100-lb. assassin by the arm, thrusting her away from The Great Leader. And thus was the Republic preserved.
So three cheers for Corey Lewandowski, defender of the masses, Praetorian Guard for The Great Leader. If Trump says it’s so, I’ve learned from Trump’s followers, it is so. The Great Leader does not lie. Reality lies. Tape lies. But never Trump.
Trump looks forward to seeing you at his unicorn lair, where Lewandowski will be granted sainthood. And if you become a Trump Guardian Angel, you too can earn his esteem – and, perhaps, a spot beside him on the Podium of Yugeness.
