« Reply #2702 on: April 10, 2020, 05:10:14 pm »
Stolen from Bookface this morning:
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From an anonymous FedEx delivery driver...
5 types of customers since the “Ronaâ€:
1) Steve:
He has been waiting for this moment his whole life. He has been drinking boilermakers since 10:00 am in his recliner and his AR is within arms reach. He has 6 months provisions in the basement and a bug out bag due west buried in the woods. Steve demands a handshake as I give him his package. He’s sizing me up as I deliver his ammo.
Steve will survive this, and he will kill you if he needs to.
2) Brad:
He is standing at his window wearing skinny jeans and a Patagonia t-shirt. He is mad because there were no organic tomatoes at Whole Foods today. He points at the ground where he has taped a 6 ft "no go zone" line from his porch. I leave his case of Fuji water, organic granola bites, and his new “Bernie Bro†hat at the tape.
Brad will not survive.
Steve will probably eat him.
3) Nancy:
She has sprayed everything with Thieves oil. Bought all the Clorox wipes, hand sanitizer, toilet paper, meat, and bread from the local grocery chain. She has quarantined her kids and sprays them with a mixture of thieves, lavender, & mint essential oils daily. She has posted every link known to man about “The Rona†on her social media. She will spray you if you break the 6 ft rule. I will leave her yet another case of toilet paper.
She will last longer than Brad, but not Steve.
4) Karen:
She has called everybody and read them the latest news on “The Ronaâ€. She asked for the manager at Albertsons, Walmart, Costco, McDonalds, Walgreens, and Rosaures all before noon demanding more toilet paper. Karen’s kids are currently faking “The Rona†to avoid her. I’m delivering “Hello Fresh†to her.
Karen will not survive longer than Brad.
5) Mary:
Is sitting in the swing watching her kids have a water balloon fight in the front yard as she is on her fourth glass of wine. She went to the store and bought 2 cases of pop tarts, 6 boxes of cereal, 8 bags of pizza rolls, and a 30 roll pack of toilet paper. There is a playlist of Bob Marley, Pink Floyd, and Post Malone playing in the background. I’m bringing her second shipment of 15 bottles of wine in 3 days.
Mary will survive and marry Steve.
Together they will repopulate the earth.
Peace!
Steve is my little brother. I taught him well!
Logged
"I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."
- J. R. R. Tolkien
