Are You White? Then You, Sir, Are A Douchebag!
V. Saxena
December 23, 2015
Michael Mark Cohen, an Associate Teaching Professor of American Studies and African American Studies at the University of California, Berkeley, wrote a nearly 3000-world essay last year explaining why douchebag is the perfect “white racial slur” for all those pesky rich white men who build corporations, run countries and date all the hot blondes.
“The douchebag is someone — overwhelmingly white, rich, heterosexual males — who insists upon, nay, demands his white male privilege in every possible set and setting,” he wrote for Gawker, because writing for actual academic journals is just so passe, man.
“The douchebag is equally douchey (that’s the adjectival version of the term) in public and in private. He is a douchebag waiting in line for coffee as well as in the bedroom.”
This man, who by the way fails at both brevity and intelligence, which of course in turn explains why he teaches at a university, went on to explain the difference between assholes and douchebags:
While anyone can be an bleep, though, the douchebag is always a white guy — and so much more than that. The douchebag is the demanding 1 percent, and the far more numerous class of white, heterosexist men who ape and aspire to be them. Wall Street guys are douchebags to be sure, but so is anyone looking to cash in on his own white male privilege.
This narrowness of categorization — perhaps unique in the history of America’s rich history of racial and sexual slurs — is what makes the word douchebag such a potentially useful political tool.
Are you taking notes, Obama? How about you, Sharpton? Like Cohen pointed out, calling someone a douchebag is a very “useful political tool” indeed.
Cohen then provided us with a list of the country’s biggest douchebags — Mitt Romney, Paul Ryan and everyone who works at Fox News, but not Joe Biden and Bill de Blasio — before he concluded his piece with the following:
The term douchebag, again used as we already use it, has the power to name white ruling class power and white sexist privilege as noxious, selfish, toxic, foolish, and above all, dangerous.
Since the coming of colorblindness as the official ideology of neoliberal racism, we have needed a precise term with which to recognize and ridicule white privilege when we see it. So we here it is. Use it, and give the douchebags the thing they are always imagining anyways: reverse discrimination.
*applause* *bravo* *encore* …
WAIT, something just occurred to me!
Light-Bulb Moment
Could it be possible, ladies and gentleman, that the biggest douchebag (not to mention tool) is in fact Cohen himself, a so-called “professor” so clinically obsessed with identity politics that he spent God knows how many hours writing the dumbest “essay” in human history?
I mean, seriously, I could have written a more insightful and thought-provoking piece while painfully giving birth to a ninja turtle from my ass.
Look, at the end of the day, a douchebag is just a douchebag; it’s a completely subjective term used by people to describe folks whom they dislike.
To me, for instance, President Barack Obama, Attorney General Loretta Lynch, fake scientist Neil deGrasse Tyson and pretty much everyone who works at The Huffington Post, at Salon and at MSNBC are all douchebags.
Others, however, might feel differently, which is why the idea of trying to transform douchebag into a “white racial slur” for political purposes is just plain stupid, not to mention extremely racist.
But all this is for naught, because one thing I think we can ALL agree on is that the biggest douchebag in the entire world is without a doubt Associate Professor Michael Mark Cohen, who, incidentally enough, is himself white … not to mention a racist piece of shit!
http://downtrend.com/vsaxena/you-sir-are-a-douchebag
