Author Topic: The Official TBR Silliness Thread: 2013-2016  (Read 124083 times)

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Offline Cincinnatus

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #75 on: October 12, 2013, 04:03:38 am »
Senior Sex

 The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

 Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

 OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

 "Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

 A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

 The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

 The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

 After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

 So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

 Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,

 "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
 
We shall never be abandoned by Heaven while we act worthy of its aid ~~ Samuel Adams

Offline ABX

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #76 on: October 12, 2013, 05:47:38 pm »

Offline ABX

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #77 on: October 14, 2013, 04:04:36 am »
The shutdown has to end.


Offline Cincinnatus

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #78 on: October 17, 2013, 09:18:21 pm »
I suppose this is not "silly" since it is an actual CraigsList ad but where could it possibly go?



Quote
1997 Jeep Cherokee  (XJ)
 220K Miles
 4.0 L in-line 6
 4WD
 AUTOMATIC Transmission
 Bright Red
 Straight Stock
 Crank Windows, no cruise, no tilt, no delay wiper, no nonsense
 POWER MIRRORS!  Woo Hoo!

 $1750

 Here's the deal, kids:
 This is a Jeep Cherokee.  This is not a luxury SUV, or a maintenance-free disposable import.  It has solid front axles, wind noise, and character.
 It's a Jeep.  It rides like a Jeep.  It drives like a Jeep.  All of these are GOOD things.
 It is not new, it is not pristine, it is used.  This will be apparent in the pictures.


 If you do not own a toolbox, have never changed your own oil, and are scared of firearms: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
 If you have been posting on facebook all about how excited you are for pumpkin latte season: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
 If you get offended easy and often, whine to your co-workers, and bitch a lot: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
 If you feel you are owed anything in the world & have a bullshit job where you fail to produce: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
 If you own a bieber album, white oakleys, affliction t-shirts, or those candy-assed stitched-pocket jeans: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
 If you consider the 2nd Amendment an anachronistic relic and have never owned a firearm: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.


 If, however, you have BALLS OF STEEL and consider adverse weather an excuse to do stupid shit: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.
 Do you laugh at danger, and tempt fate? 
 Have you ever uttered the words, "Hold my beer and watch this ..."?
 While bored at work do you pick targets at random and think, "I could hit that from here with the .22 ..."?
 Have any of your friends quit hanging out because you were too much fun?
 Do you have the number of a friend with cash memorized for bail?
 When you pass an abandoned flatbed farm truck along a fenceline do you consider taking on another project?
 Is your ol' lady really sick of the random piles of parts, greasy footprints, and empty beer bottles in the garage?
     -could you not care less?
 Do you have Jalopnik saved on your laptop AND smartphone?
 Do you own a service manual for every vehicle you ever owned?
 Do you still miss your first ride?
 Can you carry on a two hour conversation discussing tools, scars, and hi-lift jacks?
 Remember when tool companies had the balls to put half-naked beauty queens on their calendars?
 Do you consider the Prius an abominable affront to the Gods of displacement, torque, and All Mighty Internal Combustion?


 If you answered in the affirmative to the preceding: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.

 DETAILS:
-I am the second owner.  First owner barely got it dirty and engaged the front axles once.
 -I have remedied this excessive caretaking with muddy roads and a pile of fun.
-The motor uses a little oil.  How much?  I don't know, I'm not collecting statistical analysis points. 
     I check the oil, I fill the oil, I drive.  Not enough to bother me. 
-It leaks a little oil.  How much?  Not enough for me to care.  It has 220,000 miles, Poindexter!
     If you have a vehicle with 220K NOT leaking or burning oil, it's empty!
-Rear bumper has a big-ass crease in it.  I dented it backing into a concrete pole.  Sober.
     We drove away giggling, for the record.  Haven't fixed it.
 -Driver's side door was caught by the wind, whipped forward, got into the LF quarter panel.
-Radiator has a small leak.  Pinhole.  I can replace the radiator or you can.  Really doesn't matter
     A new radiator and hoses will run $145.  If you don't want to replace them I will. 
     Add $250 to the price of vehicle.  This includes radiator, hoses, and labor (beer).  A freaking bargain.
 -The badass little 4.0L bullet-proof in-line six starts and runs like the proverbial champ.
 -Tranny and 4WD operate perfectly
-Tires will need replaced in a couple thousand miles.  I haven't upgraded because I had plans:
     Had planned a small lift, upgrade to 17" Wrangler wheels, and more aggressive tires.
     Life got in the way - it ain't happening. 
-Zombie stickers on the right rear window stay.  My daughter's idea, take it up with her.
-Flogging Molly sticker stays as well.  They kick ass, so there. 

 QUESTIONS:
 -Why are you selling?
     I can't justify owning it anymore.  Motorsickles, kiddos, work, travel, and beer have consumed my time and money.
     Someone else needs to appreciate the Jeep for what it is:  awesome mechanical artistry.

 -What's wrong with it?
     Radiator.  Small oil leaks.  Driver's side door cosmetic issues. 
     And it's pissed it has been neglected and parked.  It needs rescued.

 -Does the 4WD work?
     Hell yes.  Like a Dickensian Orphan. 

 -Will you sell me the [engine / tranny / rear door / axle / etc.]?
     No.  I'm not in the salvage business.  Buy the Jeep.  Love the Jeep. Give the Jeep a home.

 -Will you take [insert ridiculously stupid low number here]?
     No.  If I wanted [ridiculously low number] I would have asked [ridiculously low number]
     Want a cheap car?  Get your kid that lowered tuner piece of shit honda project down the road. 
     I think I'm plenty cheap for this bad mofo.

 -Why is it still stock?
     Because I bought it for a daily driver with the intention of turning it into a project.
     I haven't had the time to do so.  So I am selling it.

 -Can I put a 6" lift and giant tires on it?
     I don't give a shit.  But be sure to use quality components and for God's sake - get it aligned after a lift!

 -Would this make a good car for my daughter?
     Hell.  Yes.  Not only a good car, a learning experience.  Introduction to vehicular maintenance.
     Additionally, there isn't really enough room in the back for that little bastard she's dating to try anything.

 -Can you deliver?
     Within reason.  I'd drive it a hundred miles or so.  But really, you should come get it.  Look it over.  Have a beer.  Etc.

 -Will you take a check / cashier's check / Western Union Transfer / Nigerian Promissory Note?
     Would you take a ball pein hammer to the forehead?
     No.  I'll take Cash.  Period.  Bring cash or don't show.

 -Will you ship to -?
     No.  See above.

 -No, really, all I have is [lowball dollar amount]?
     That's great, I don't give a shit.  Unicef ain't running this deal, and until they do I want $1750. 
     Why?  Because I don't HAVE to sell this little beauty.  Truth be known, I'd rather keep it.
     But if it's going to a good home - I will sell.  Unless you're an bleep - then no sale.

 -Why are you such a dick?
     Everything is relative; you should see my friends.

 Any other questions, feel free to reply to this email and ask.

     
 •Location: Enid, OK
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
 

Posting ID: 4119280944
 
Posted: 2013-10-09, 11:39AM CDT
 
Updated: 2013-10-09, 3:36PM CDT
 
email to a friend
We shall never be abandoned by Heaven while we act worthy of its aid ~~ Samuel Adams

Offline Cincinnatus

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #79 on: October 18, 2013, 11:50:06 pm »


Obama is thinking: "This proves I am not a Muslim - no Muslim would kiss a pig."
 Pelosi is thinking: "I've had so many face lifts, you are actually kissing my ass."
We shall never be abandoned by Heaven while we act worthy of its aid ~~ Samuel Adams

famousdayandyear

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #80 on: October 18, 2013, 11:59:22 pm »
I suppose this is not "silly" since it is an actual CraigsList ad but where could it possibly go?

This is the best damn thing I have read in months!  Thanks

Oh, by the way, hold my beer.....

Offline ABX

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #81 on: October 19, 2013, 09:47:37 pm »
Infographic- putting Obamacare successful enrollments in context.



« Last Edit: October 19, 2013, 09:47:53 pm by AbaraXas »

Offline ABX

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #82 on: October 19, 2013, 09:53:38 pm »
I suppose this is not "silly" since it is an actual CraigsList ad but where could it possibly go?



LOL, I would buy it. As a Jeep owner, I can appreciate all that.

Offline ABX

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #83 on: October 20, 2013, 04:31:41 am »

Offline aligncare

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #84 on: October 20, 2013, 04:57:11 am »
Guy with laryngitis knocks at the doctor's house. Doctor's wife opens the door.

"Yes?"

"Is the doctor in?" the man whispers.

Wife whispers "No. Come in."

Offline Cincinnatus

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #85 on: October 26, 2013, 09:29:00 pm »
We shall never be abandoned by Heaven while we act worthy of its aid ~~ Samuel Adams

Offline Cincinnatus

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #86 on: October 31, 2013, 07:06:55 am »
We shall never be abandoned by Heaven while we act worthy of its aid ~~ Samuel Adams

Offline Cincinnatus

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #87 on: November 08, 2013, 10:01:25 pm »
We shall never be abandoned by Heaven while we act worthy of its aid ~~ Samuel Adams

Offline Cincinnatus

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #88 on: November 12, 2013, 11:39:55 pm »
Quote
Artist Shows What Disney Princesses’ Happily-Ever-Afters Really Look Like

Some of these are quite funny but I am not quite so sure about a couple, especially #3. The artist has a clever imagination accompanied by an occasionally dark attitude.

http://www.demilked.com/fallen-princesses-dina-goldstein/
We shall never be abandoned by Heaven while we act worthy of its aid ~~ Samuel Adams

Offline ABX

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #89 on: November 14, 2013, 03:19:09 am »

Offline Cincinnatus

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #90 on: November 17, 2013, 06:22:33 am »
We shall never be abandoned by Heaven while we act worthy of its aid ~~ Samuel Adams

Offline Cincinnatus

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #91 on: November 18, 2013, 07:13:36 am »
We shall never be abandoned by Heaven while we act worthy of its aid ~~ Samuel Adams

Offline ABX

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #92 on: November 22, 2013, 03:47:00 am »
"Happy Birthday to Joe Biden, who turned 71 years old. Biden wore a party hat, carried balloons, and ate cake for lunch. So he was especially happy when they told him it was his birthday."
–Jimmy Fallon


Offline Chieftain

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #93 on: November 22, 2013, 04:27:47 am »
Hard to believe, but Joe has serious intentions of running for President against the Hildebeest in 2016.

Biden has been Obama's best insurance against impeachment, because nobody wanted to be responsible for handing Joe the keys to the Kingdom.  Hard to see who could possibly give Joe that kind of cover........


Offline Cincinnatus

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #94 on: November 27, 2013, 07:15:08 am »
A poem of passion and devotion meant for all:

I WANT YOU.
I SHALL SEEK AND FIND YOU.
I SHALL TAKE YOU TO BED AND HAVE MY WAY WITH YOU.
I WILL MAKE YOU ACHE, SHAKE AND SWEAT TILL YOU MOAN AND GROAN.
I WILL MAKE YOU BEG FOR MERCY.
I WILL EXHAUST YOU TO THE POINT THAT YOU WILL BE RELIEVED WHEN I’M FINISHED WITH YOU AND YOU WILL BE WEAK FOR DAYS.

ALL MY LOVE,
SWINE FLU
We shall never be abandoned by Heaven while we act worthy of its aid ~~ Samuel Adams

Offline EC

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #95 on: November 27, 2013, 07:39:22 am »
Dang it all, Cincy!

WHAT HAPPENED IN VEGAS STAYS IN VEGAS!

Call me ....
The universe doesn't hate you. Unless your name is Tsutomu Yamaguchi

Avatar courtesy of Oceander

I've got a website now: Smoke and Ink

Offline happyg

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #96 on: November 28, 2013, 06:01:21 pm »

Offline Cincinnatus

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #97 on: November 30, 2013, 10:10:10 pm »
We shall never be abandoned by Heaven while we act worthy of its aid ~~ Samuel Adams

Offline Chieftain

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #98 on: November 30, 2013, 11:10:43 pm »

Offline Chieftain

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Re: The Official TBR Silliness Thread
« Reply #99 on: December 09, 2013, 12:56:53 pm »
From our friends at Iowntheworld.com.....

Last night, my friends and I went to a strip club. One of the guys wanted to impress the rest of us, so he pulled out a $10 bill. When the dancer came over, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to her butt cheek!
 
Not to be outdone, another friend pulled out a $20 bill. He called the girl back, licked the $20 bill, and stuck it to her other butt cheek.
 
Then my third friend called the girl over, licked a $50 bill and slapped it on her ass. The place was going wild.
 
Seeing the way things were going I was hoping she’d just dance away, I had 18 bucks in my wallet, nothing higher than a five.

But no. She looked my way, smiled and danced her way over to me! Now everyone’s whooping it up and clapping and egging me on to up the ante, and the girl bends over and wiggles her butt in my face.
 
My brain was churning, I didn’t know what I was going to do as I was reaching for my wallet.

Then it came to me.

I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of her ass, grabbed the eighty bucks and left.


Read more at http://iowntheworld.com/blog/#DQzRHYovGIOcUYGU.99